So yeah...i'm scooping around here on the Internet and feeling rather loathsome (sp?) simply because...well simply because I write and no one seems to really give a crap except for my moms...ok thats enough of that talk...but yeah i went to Tim's website
blog and found a link to this guy I used to know that apparently has fallen off the earth...but why does that happen...I have IM'd him emailed him and even wrote him a personal letter...am I that much of a fucking sucker to allow too many people in because I have some weird "I never had a sibling" void in my stomach...why would I be forgotten in the shuffle of someone else whom I respected and shared actual thoughts with...have I become that expendable in the realm of personal relationships....then I wrote this on AIM and it sort of sounded good...well it confused everyone but me...but I liked it
some people convince themselves of happiness in different arenas that are as of yet unexplored and scary simply because the arena they were in before has crumbled and left them with nothing but doubt...the new arena seems all shiney and new for a while and then all the old manifestation that brought about the frst crumbling return and set the new road a blaze
...hmm it's hard to explain....I guess what I'm trying to say is that...when you need people around you...as I do...or at least the idea of people anyway...then their value goes way up way fast...and maybe I just put too much stock into some of the people I have met as of late...I've been very quick to assign friendship and love...I always am...like I've been here for a year...and I send out big mass emails and personal emails...and I get few if any responses any more...I think when I go back I'm going to reevaluate everyone around me and shake most of them loose..I'm pretty sure I'll see them maybe once when i get back...but if you are reading this and we have a - what you would call- accidental run-in don't be surprised if I spit on you...I'm not too thrilled with the people I know today!