- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Musical Randoms
: Brought to you by
I dig
  • "Jesus etc." By Wilco is so damn hot!
  • "Anything" by 7m3 is really good..."Daddy said she'd marry rich rich...richer than me"
  • "It's Good To Be King" - I say it a lot but Wildflowers is a masterpiece
  • I Believe In You - Neil Young - he may be one of most influential singer songwriters of all time
  • Into The Mystic - Van Morrison....You can have your astral weaks...I take my Moondance anyday
  • Side - Travis...the new Travis is's just the new slower Travis that really bothers me a little...their lyrical ballads went a little downhill
  • Gangstas Make The World go Round - Westside I owned this cd...that's why I throw it a dap...I was such a huge cube fan as a teenager...this song is actually pretty bad...but oh the and the tape deck...going 85 down 95 and watching smoke come out the mofoing hood,....tjjjyeaaaaa
  • Hate To Say I Told You So - The Hives...still gets me awake...this should be included in all alarm clocks
  • It's Been Awhile - Staind...yep...light a cig..think about your ex and pound your fist on the drum rolls...i bought the hype on this is really good
  • Please Come Home For Xmas - Willie Nelson...this is who should sing all xmas almost believe Willie
  • Life's Gonna Suck - Denis Leary...even better than Asshole

    I Don't dig
  • Pine Effect - Mu-Ziq ...I love the xylophone as much as the next man...but not this much
  • Your Southern Can Is Mine - The White Stripes...not their best work
  • The Song Remains The Same - Led Zeppelin...I like me Zep...i do...but I don't like this
  • God Put A Smile Upon Your face - of the weaker songs on the album
  • Distant Lover - Marvin Marvin just doesn't do it for me...I dont know should
  • Anything - Featuring Next - Jaheim...I havent really ever fallen in love with the whole "makin slow sweet love music"

  • Tuesday, December 23, 2003


  • I liked Sunday and Monday this week. It was refreshing to be around people that I didn't want to punch or walk away from.
  • It would have been nice if Tim was around.
  • I'm going to say this for the last time. Jackson Browne is really really really good. Now I am going to give you alist of songs that you should download and then listen to and realize that he is the white Stevie Wonder in a immigrant Mexican from Germany body.
    1. Late For The Sky (the entire album is his masterpiece work but...the title track is the best of it)
    2. Your Bright Baby Blues (good changes and a nice crescendo towards the end...some of his best lyrical writing)
    3. Before the Deluge (one of those songs he wrote for the "No Nukes" show)
    4. Rock Me on the Water (a classic that was co-written by David Crosby and Bonnie Rait)
    5. Something Fine (A personal favorite and written when he was just 18)
    6. Lives in the Balance (the political song that will turn your ear from happy hippy song writer to angry pissed off liberal)
    7. Looking Into You (just beautiful and wonderfully metaphorical)
    8. The Pretender (my favorite famous song of his...written the week after his wife committed suicide)
    9. Cocaine (the Robert Johnson song that has gone through the years and has been covered by the likes of Jimmy Paige, Keith Richards, Muddy Water, and Howlin it's not the clapton version...and out of all those I like his JB's the best)
    10. These Days (Written by JB and Nico when she dated the young 18 year old prodigy. She also sang the song and recorded can hear it on the Royal Tannebuam's's on the scene at the airport.)

  • I'm really pumped fro my interview tomorrow...I'll post here as soon as I hear one way or the other. I feel really optimistic and energetic about the thought of working there and keeping on....
  • Peter Pan has been remade too many times. What is the Peter Pan attraction? I always found it scary and weak. I hate all those kids that Peter goes to visit. Dorks in long night shirts with top hats on. Screw that...and Captain Hook was a punk...especially since he has the body and voice of Dustin Hoffman etched into my head. I like the original cartoon I saw when I was like 7 better...that scared me...
  • I found one of my Dog's old tennis balls yesterday rolled under the couch...I felt really sad for a little while...
  • Gomez "Make no Sound" --- goooooood
  • When I was 12 I thought Dances with Wolves was pretty good...I saw it last night for the first time in a long's not's really shite actually...the white woman in the tribe is always oddly dirtier than everyone else...and KC is just not believable when you hit after the age 15. The Indian actors look like they honeslty own kitchenettes somewhere and go shopping at Macy's in their downtime. I wonder if that movie was on to try to get people to see the Last Samurai rip off many movies are rip-offs of that motif...the outsider becomes an insider after he has been defeated by his enemies. What's the fascination with that...and if there is that fascination, and it's that explains why even though this is my home...I sort of itch every day to leave again and be engulfed back into something that I don't understand.
  • Souljacker - Eels ------ good -----------most anything by the Eels will make you bob a head...
  • I got some gift cards for Books an Media...I'm open to hot suggestions....all winners will be posted and then reviewed under my scrutinizing angry eye

  • Friday, December 19, 2003

    I Don't Really Have Words

    Now I don't want to ruin the movie for you, and to be quite honest I don't think that's possible, but I may have just seen the most horrific thing ever in the lastest installment of Lord Of The Rings. I can't even go into right now I am in so much shock of how brutal it really was. I counted myself leaving or wanting to leave 7 times. The only reason worth going is of course the amazing fight scenes. Everything else may have been some of the most bougs story telling and crescedno-less plot swings of all time. Now I don't take offense to anything because I read the books or because I loved the first two (which I didn't). I took offense to the offensiveness that sagged from the screen like an old woman on a beach putting on sun tan lotion at the beach while wearing a thong and smoking Misty menthol 100's. . Thank God it's over...

    Thursday, December 18, 2003


  • I haven't watched a movie in over a month
  • All my medium possessions are locked away in a storage locker and I don't want to get them. I don't want to gethem because that will make my life, wherever I am, feel more like home. I don't like the feeling of home, never have.
  • "Great, I have a trig midterm tomorrow and I am being chased by Guido the killer pimp."
  • I hit some baseballs yesterday after I went xmas shopping for the only two people I am buying presents for this year (my two cousins). My hands are still good. I could still play.
  • I hope underarmour gives me a job. I could do well there.
  • I think I might like working in Tide point again.
  • My friend Carter is just finishing up law school down here Bmore. That was a weird moment when he told me that, because it put old L1's trials into perspective a little.
  • The next member of my family that tries to give me money is getting a swift kick to the shins.
  • I played go-stop with a bunch of Koreans the other night and it was horrible. Just fascination fades daily.
  • People who think Coldplay is a good live band need to be kicked in the shins. Or go see the Shins...either one...
  • Have you ever seen the pics of Coldplay posing as a band. They are always looking into the camera as if there's a puppy on the other side and it's deformed with open sores and they don't want to pet it.
  • "Cast No Shadow" is no good...nope never was...just not good...damn the slipping of my youthful love for tunes sung by fighting brothers.
  • I had a dream the other night where I wrestled my first grade teacher and she turned into a penguin. After she turned into a penguin we played chess with pieces made of ice and bent forks. No seriously...
  • I want to be good at chess. I want to be good at some board game that's backgammon or even checkers...and not even good just proficient enough not to make excuses when I sit ability to play golden tee just isn't cool anymore...
  • "The only reason you're alive is because I allow it."
  • My Dad and I had a good week together. I may take him to see Lord of the Rings tomorrow.
  • Oh shit! Dinosaur Jr. is playing. You know that song with just one lyric..."I feel the pain of everyone and then I feel nothing....(stereophonics rifts)" seriously they lifted this straight from a stereophonics album...
  • I'm so glad President Bartlett didn't fire CJ for her big screw up....whew~
  • I want to throw some spades with people. i want a bottle of scotch on the table and lots of cigarettes and little talk.
  • I switched to Copenhagen for the week...the Kodiak was getting on my nerves...
  • oh Meg White...why can't you be genetically cloned or at least spliced with Maya Rudolph
  • Some of Bob Dylan's best songs are the one's that sound simply made I shall be free No. 10
  • I feel some sort of pity on people who don't listen to Badly Drawn Boy. I just shake my head and realize that I stopped trying to convince a long time ago.
  • My hair got all banged up by a friend of mine. I wa strying to hrow her some friendly business and she didn't realize that I was not 16 and did not wear gel in my hair.
  • This David Gray is growing on me...not the older stuff...because well that's just damn straight good...but the Midnight's catchier than I thought
  • Thank you Elliott Smith for the best quiet time music ever...I think Beck said something like "You could feel the heart strings in him tear with every breath." that's about right...
  • Fight Test is getting too much's deserved...
  • I need a bar with a good juke box and a caring bartender.
  • I just had a nice long talk with Theresa...she has love
  • I keep fantasizing about girls from the past. I have problems not really being charge of things.
  • The orioles better sign Vlad and Pudge. It would be a nice statement to us fans out here that the team is back and being taken care of.
  • I forgot about Knives Out on's good
  • Back to that phone call. I don't want anymore calls from people complaining about life in NYC. I guess it can be oppressive after a while
  • People who have song ringtones should be taken out in the street and made to watch as their phone is ran over by a car driven by a man with sunglasses on and a flowing greasy mullet.

    Miss Me?

    Well probably not. But, I've been a little busy and running around doing stuff. So let me fill you in. I've been doing charitable work for the Bret Foundation for the last 2 weeks. This includes a little part time work for the directory and also doing a whole bunch of work with acronyms such as PBX and ATA and PPOeP and God knows what else. But, things are looking up...sort of...Haven't made my decision on Korea but it appears as though they are going to make the decision for me by not offering anymore money than they did before, hence making it even more ridiculous for me to leave. Not that it wasn't already ridiculous in the first place...but hey...a guys gotta laugh.

    Hey Baltimore companies...I'm a damn good commodity and I bathe regularly. I don't look at computers and run away slapping my own forehead screaming. So, hire me!

    I keep coming back to the same rational. That rational being, the only reason I stay is because the people I know would be disappointed. (well that and cheese and remembering how I almost went insane for a month)I haven't really figured out if that guilty conscience is good or not.(And don't give me the pipe line canned bullshit answer of "screw what people think...") All I have is my extended family (pretty much) and those worldly items of my affection that I hoped to one day attain under a fountain of gold that is continuously spewing liquid platinum over myself and four women who are all rolling around in bikinis made out of gold bouillon have seemingly gone...what's left...? dunno...what isn't left or what has gone is easy...I have lost the ability to shrug off those I love in the face of what I don't understand or fear...oddly what I fear is them sometimes...oh what a huge conundrum. I know the feeling of unification via guilt or self-reflection is good because the people around you should always be a barometer for how well you're doing. (Not in that way...dick...) If people stop calling you...or not necessarily stop calling you..because face it...your tribe dwindles as you get older...but if your tribe refuses your calls or cuts you short..or doesn't really have time for your need to check the mirror...or even better check the tribe. Luckily my tribe still lets me hold the sacred flame from time to time when it rains because they know if need be I'll go to someone else's hut, kick down the door and take their flame if ours goes out. Now I know I got some love. I have had so many instances of love in the past month that it's just friggin awesome. My life...should I I choose to live it humbly and mannered, could be one of substance(I'm not quitting..I'm just choosing to be the dorky alter-ego for a while...). Unfortunately that may take a full frontal lobe lobotomy...but hey one more episode of West Wing at 10 AM on Bravo every morning and I'm not too far off...I guess what I'm saying is I'm sorta screwy and sometimes I like it. Sometimes I don't like it. Most importantly is that you all know that I always try to do right by you at every turn. That's not what I wanted to say at all and it had no relevance to what I wrote prior...but...I guess that sort of fits into everything anyway.

    Now that I have read this, it looks like a bowl of spaghetti and a seperate bowl of sauce fell on the floor and oddly looked eatable.

    Saturday, December 13, 2003

    David Cross

    "I have to read other country's news papers to get news about my country. Now that's fucked up."

    Thursday, December 11, 2003

    Under the Radar

    Neil Young's "Everybody Knows This is Nowhere" is worth the time. Well worth the time....

    Wednesday, December 10, 2003

    The First Time I Ever Asked About God

    I was 11 and the bridge was swaying back and forth just ahead of us. The entrance to Nags Head was always odd to me. There was the road to Hatteras on the right, "Matlock lives there.". My mother would say every time we came to the fork in the road. But, we always went to Nags Head where there are go-carts and mini-putt-putts everywhere. Going on a vacation as an 11 year old with your Mom can be boring, but she let me swim and I had energy. One time I got worried about her because she went to get ice or lotion from the gas station next to the hotel and I didn't know where she was. I was on vacation running around the hotel in almost tears because I thought, and said out loud in hysteria to the night manager of the hotel, "My mom may have fallen on the floor and split her head and may be bleeding everywhere and nobody can help her." I knew I loved my Mom and would protect her the rest of my life at that very moment. That's pressure where your little.

    As we came up to the split in the road before the birdge there was an extended light that was letting the boats pass through, and not under, the small bridge partition. I looked up to the sky for the first time in my life, and asked "Is there a God?". I caught myself asking it as if it were a big joke. I looked over at my Mom and smiled as I played wth my rubics cube, which was the only present my Great Aunt had ever bought me. I was hopelessly ready to give up when I got the reflection of the light turning green. The warm green light in the rain covered me through the water dashed window. The windshieled whiper cleared the water away just as I peered up, to show me a big white sign that was just about to be torn away by the approaching storm. The words were written in magic marker, traced over several times. It read "Looking for God?". I smiled and got one of the sides on the cube to all orange.


    Has anyone seem the QEFTSG (queer eye...) with the Marine....well look real close towards the will have a Dan Jennings sighting labeled as "co-worker"...I shit you not...cheers Danny

    Monday, December 08, 2003

    She leaned over and patted me on the head. She made the universal motion for "come here". I obliged and set the night a drift on second guesses, awkward moments, and sleepless dreams.

    Wednesday, December 03, 2003


    That's right without the pfunk. And man oh just lose yourself. This is like Phish...only I like it more because it sorta rocks and gets dirty. It sounds like they gave motown the ability to show their freaky side. This is the music Marvin listened to while he watched porn.

    Mr. Lif

    Now I am by no means a "hip hop" knowledge giant. But I like this Mr. Lif. I think you would too.

    Holy crap he has this rhyme about playing Teken 3.

    Thanks for checkin me
    Sit on the couch
    Pick up a controller
    And let's play teken 3
    Whoop that ass 4 times
    Now you wanna switch
    You can use Eddie
    But I'm dr. Boskonivich
    Lay on my back
    Spit in your face
    Bump up the bass
    Kick your shit and sweep the leg
    Your starting to beg
    Stomp your nuts
    Head butt
    Break you arm
    Nigga be ghost
    Oh i forgot your already gone

    For those Teken players out'll stand up and do that closed hand over your mouth "No He didn't" I love Eddie..I would take down Mr. Lif with Eddie....I get down with Eddie.

    Korean Package

    Keith sent me a package today from Korea. Let's see I got:
  • My burned cds that I forget on the way out the door my last morning there (including Peaches, Mr.. Lif, Funkadelic, Big Black, By The Way, Felix Da Housecat, Andy Smith, Tricky, Buffalo Daughter, The Replacements)
  • A cool little sticker of Hello Kitty...but it's black and looks menacing
  • Korean Gum
  • Korean Smokes
  • My whitening cream (It's a cream that makes people's skin's a big deal there trust me...Keith and I used to rag on it all the time)
  • A tennis ball (?)
  • A little hangmen game that his kids drew looks pornographic and very "Keith"
  • And what I have been missing most of dried squid!

    I miss me some Kieth. I miss Brendan too...Keith is off to see Vietnam, China, Thailand, and Laos after getting out of there. Let's all wish him luck as he tries to make up for his lack of umm..."love" there in Korea. Go get 'em Mack.

  • Tuesday, December 02, 2003


  • Tim's Randoms sparked me to start writing Randoms again
  • Usually I write these randoms while I do work and come across something that friggin rules or friggin sucks
  • "All Kinds of Time" may be one of the best stupid songs of all time.
  • Fountains of Wayne are one song away from touring with Tenacious D
  • Would they open for The D?....Yes yes they would
  • People who underate Tenacious D really bother me.
  • I can't possibly go to Mirel's wedding. That would be ugly.
  • And to think I had grown up.
  • You don't outgrow certain things. You simply form new relationships unfortunately our relationship hasn't really moved past total trust and intimacy into the realm of pleasantries and Xmas cards.
  • I almost want that level to happen so I won't get really raging mad and perform arsen.
  • I miss playing baseball
  • I miss Korea
  • I miss being all cut up and in shape
  • I miss the hair I had back in the day
  • I miss giving advice and people heeding it
  • Now I'm just a windbag
  • I miss being asked to solve problems that people couldn't figure out
  • You know what I can't get down with?...Outkast
  • I have noticed lately that I avoid conversations way too often
  • Things can only work themsleves out through change
  • Change is coming
  • It can't be anything but good
  • My attitude toward things is definitely more positive now then it ever was before
  • Noam Chomsky sounds condescending when he speaks to groups as though they were directly responsible and they can only understand monosylabic words. "The actual consequences of terrorism are yet to be determined by..." turns into "What I mean is, 'All the bad things have yet to really happen."
  • Have I expressed love for the Jayhawks...espcially this song "Blue"
  • You know Blue was the name my Mom called me when I was little
  • I have also had the nicknames - Holmes, Sherlock, Holmesy, Stump, Bert, Bart, Treb, Pumpkin Head, Sponge Bob, Scharf...there are others...
  • For those of you who don't know..there is a Japanese version of Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots...sung in Japanese by the Lips...I know I know right
  • It was nice seeing everyone this weekend. It was especially nice to see Danny. Danny brought me a plate of Thanksgiving dinner. Dan has always been one of the best people I know. It was a shame that we were so different growing up. We are starting to talk more now. I don't really know why...but I like Dan and I like what he has to say.
  • All my vices seem to be well under control now.
  • Well not all but I have taken most of them down.
  • I saw Richard Pryor on Comedy Central I had no idea. No idea. Wow! Simply great for the era.
  • The Chapelle Show has two of the greatest skits of all time. "The Real World" and "The Blind Black KKK guy"
  • George Lopez does some good comedy as well. Not his sitcom but his raunchy hispanic stand-up is solid. I love ethnic comedy.
  • "Flying Loose Change"
  • Oh Meg White...where in suburb land does your twin exist
  • My Dylan kick lately was really turned off by the Rolling Stone top 500 albums of all time. They gave him 8 albums in the top 50. 8! That's sad. One Oasis album and it was Morning Glory. There was some seriously odd things in there.
  • Talk Tonight by Oasis gets me every time
  • Ditto for Slide Away, Don't Go Away, and Sad Song
  • Sweety this new Travis album does not suck at all
  • I haven't figured out if I like Smog or not.
  • I know I don't like Kings of Leon
  • Where's Remy Zero these days?

  • Monday, December 01, 2003

    The Last Friday in a Random Month in Korea

    I positioned myself on top of the speaker in a crowded club. I was positioned there because I knew I had legitimacy. Legitimicay lead to bravado which then bread a mutated form of exhibtionism. I stood there, not dancing, just bobbing my head and arms as if i were really that person that could pull it off. I was a part of nothing more than myself. I was asked to come down and dance by many but refused as if to say, "This is my time. Go find your own time." I was taking in what I had been denied for so long. I was taking in me at it's worst and best. I was learning. I was involved in something beautiful and it was beautiful because I was aware of it's beauty. I was aware that this moment was good. I stopped within myself to realize that there was no life but this one. I stopped to look out amongst the faces, some were agreeing, some were jealous, some were agitated. The feeling of that bass running up my legs and my eyes constantly glazing the room surpassed all of their expressions. The feeling never turned. The night simply ended. The seed of youth had been planted in a moment of absolute nothing and everything. I was born again for the 7th time.

    Up and Running

    Sorry for the downtime all. My server took a nose dive due to the support of photosynthetic molecules. But we are all good now with a whole bunch fo new space and administrative wonders. This PHP/MySQL DB needs to happen soon. I figure anyone who wants can play on it...anyone who I know that is. So just shoot me a mail and I'll give you some access so we can all play around and figure out what needs to be done.

    Favorites List
    Pandora Song List
    Amazon Wish List
    Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
    Brian Jones

    Things Making Me Smile
    The City
    Listening - [out of 5]
    Benjy Ferree - 4.8
    The Thermals 3.1
    David Gray 3.8

    Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

    Bands That I Check Schedules For
    Badly Drawn Boy
    Belle and Sebastian
    Benjy Ferree
    The Black Keys
    Drive By Truckers
    The Eels
    Kimya Dawson
    Mark Hopkins Band
    Iron and Wine
    Mates of State
    Ted Leo
    Two if By Sea

    Places I Rock in the Flesh
    9:30 Club
    Black Cat
    Electric Factory
    The Knitting Factory
    The Otto Bar
    Recher Theatre

    Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
    Bishop's Collar
    Cross Street Market
    Hull Street
    Joun Gak
    Mick O'Shea's
    No Way Jose
    The Irish Pub
    The Waterfront Hotel

    My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

    The time I almost killed a child
    July 4th in Korea
    Excerpts from Demian
    Why I screen phone calls
    Bret's Death Metal Report
    A conversation at a cocktail party
    A conversation at breakfast
    So you think you are a Baltimorian
    A conversation about a girl singer
    Observations from a bar
    Observations of strippers
    Tech Language
    Why I love Oasis
    I would go to war
    "You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
    Dance to Your Ocean
    Dream Ranch
    When men become pussies
    Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
    Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
    The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
    The Hatred that is Runts Candy
    Starting corporate line-up
    Google Bio
    Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
    The Night I Burned Philly Down
    So You Want to be a Booze Hound
    She Said it was Free
    Funniest Corporate Story Ever
    Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
    Death Peddle
    Pieces of Morning
    Oasis Album Revew
    The Art of Tipping
    Starting Fires With Grass Stains
    Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
    Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
    Stupid Secrets
    Stupid Secrets the Return

    Contact Me

    Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

    - MUSIC
    Indie Video Archive
    Large Hearted Boy
    Important Records
    Oasis News
    Pitch Fork Media
    Reptilian Records
    Scenestars MP3 Blogs
    Sound Garden Baltimore

    - BUY
    Shotgun Apparel
    Warrior Clothing

    - HUMOR
    Angry Little Girls
    Atom Films
    Eye Envision
    Homestar Runner
    Kill Frog
    Junior Varsity Meat Market

    Baltimore City Paper
    The Baltimore Sun
    Calvert Hall
    Degroen's Brewers
    ESL Cafe
    Fantasy Sports
    Korean Herald
    Villa Julie College Baseball
    W3 Schools

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