All I Want for Xmas is to not be a Dick
All I wanted to be was a good person. All I wanted to be was what I thought I could be if I found someone I could believe in. And even though it wasn't long I knew inherently that I could believe in her. I knew that when I looked into her eyes I could not only see the good in me but the unparalleled life that was in her. I felt at ease. I felt entranced by her way. "What about me do you love?" I still can't answer that because it's like asking, "What specific part about Pizza do you love?" It's as though you asked what does life mean.
I screwed up. I can't blame anyone but me. I can't possibly explain any of my actions because they were all based on the wrong feeling. Every bad thing I have said or done around her has been based on my own insecurity and inflammatory personality which
I thought I could shed if I just found someone I could believe in and love. I was wrong. The state of permanent asshole is becoming a calling card.