At some point I looked down at the floor and without even flinching I dialed her humber. I had listened to enough music and written enough down and paced back and forth long enough that I knew I had to call. I called twice...
"I need to say this"
"I have to get this off of me and I can't play nice anymore"
"I have to be up front here"
"How could you?"
....I have yet to receive a response. And to be honest, I don't think there will be one, and that's ok.
At some point I checked up in the middle of the phone message and knew that she would never call me back. I knew that at this point I had done what can't be undone. I have come clean with what goes through my head. There would be no more fake "How are you?". There would be no more, "What's wrong kiddo?". There won't be any more talk. There won't be any more anything with her. It's what has been going on over the past 4 years. 4 YEARS! But what I have come to realize is that it's just me who feels this way. I'm the one that keeps things alive. I'm the one who can't move on. I'm the one who is fucking insane. Anyway...I burned that bridge because it was becomming apparent that I just couldn't stand in the middle of it and cry any more. I couldn't take the idea of not crossing to either side anymore. So I just stood in the middle and through a torch on both sides of me. I watched it burn and fell.