Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me
People don't even know me but they know how to show me just how boring and painful they really are. How fragile a person's psyche and ego can be is frightening when you think about actually wanting to spend time with someone. That give and take is reserved for dullards. That sort of, "I don't know if he is right or she is right" mentality combined with the desire to gratify when it's convenient, suck dick when it's convenient, love when it's convenient, makes me fucking puke. I don't know how people spend time with each other if they aren't in head over heels love. I have no idea what anything means if it's all tangled up in bullshit. Ask yourself, right now, how many relationships do you envy? How many? I don't envy any? I look around and see slobs fucking. I see people mashed together and fighting and saying horrible things and walking out on each other and blah blah blah. Just bullshit. I don't understand how people can invest in that. I don't understand how you just can't grab someone's face everyday and want to kiss it. I don't get it. But the fact that I don't want to look for that or want that or even really believe that any more isn't the sad part. At least I have come to the conclusion that I won't settle for some medium spicy, semi-warm, Toyota Camry love. I won't do it. I'd say everyone else will. They will settle for what doesn't scare them or for what is familiar. I walk around all the time and I just wonder why.