- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Wonderwall Single (UK)

Holidays: By now you should have realized exactly what it is that you are not supposed to do. The word on the street is that the fire in my heart is out
Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me

Weekends: Round our way the birds are singing. Round our way the birds sing for you because they already know ya....
The game is kicking up in and around the park. Its 25 a side and before its dark theres gonna be a loser and the next goal wins. Counting to the curb and its called a draw. Everybody is knocking at your door once more and no one has spoken since half past 4.

Nights Alone: Sitting on my own chewing on a bone a thousand million miles from home when something hit me somewhere right bewtween the eyes. You took your last chance once again and landed, stranded - you hardly even knew your name. But, I want to talk tonight until the morning light. All your dreams are made with strawbeery lemonade and you make sure I eat today. You take me walking to where you played when you were young. I'll never say I'll never make you cry and this I'll say I dont know why. I know I'm leaving but I'll be back another day. I want to talk tonight about how you saved my life.

Mornings: I'm older than I used to be. This own hold no more for me - all my life I've been looking for the better way. It's hard enough being alone sitting here by the phone. Waiting for my memories to come and play. It's hard enough sitting there - rocking in your rockin chair - its all too much to take when you're not there.

I love the 4 songs on this single - they cover such a wide variety of stuff for me. I've been listening to it all day. Thanks DD for the present.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

To All

Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Santa Scharf is Back

I come with more mp3's as gifts.

- Andrew Bird - Nervous Tick Motion of the Head to the Left
I think once you listen to this Andrew Bird song you will want to hear more. This is his best work but it's also a signature of how uses different instruments to really set the mood. Listen to the violin.

- Billy Bragg - California Stars
If you like the Wilco version. You'll find this one...a tad different but still solid.

- Death Cab For Cutie - Sound of Settling
I'm sure you all know this but didn't know if you had ever heard it live.

- Pinback - Fortress
Many people don't know Pinback but they should. The are alot like enon, radiohead, deerhoof (a little). This song is their catchiest and their most popular.

- Kimya Dawson - The Beer

- Kimya Dawson - Chemistry

YAY KIMYA! She is the most awesomest coolest ever singer super woman ever!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tookie Williams

Well the topic of conversation seems to be Tookie Williams today. Most people aren't very split on the decision. But here are some comments I received:
    Who?....well if he killed anyone..he deserves to die..hands down. I feel that way about anyone
    He killed so many people. But doesn't California have a no-death penalty?"
    i dont really know the story. other than there was a huge ordeal about his execution but they went ahead with it.
    Who? Is he a football guy?
    Yes I hope he dies and I hope he BURNS IN HELL
    don't know who that is
    He was made an example how much violence have the Crips caused since they began
    I'm glad he's dying but I think it should have gotten 0 pub
    What do you think?

Well since you ask...I'm not a smart man but I'm damn sure opinionated. A society can be broadly judged by a few things and one of those is how it deals with it's most ruthless of offenders. The death penalty is a culture's instant decline. When you kill one of your own, no matter their crime, when you end their life by execution it is an instant decline of your own culture's morality. No society is built on the punishment of it's populous. That is a byproduct of a society out of control.

Tookie Williams started the Crips. (The Bloods BTW are much cooler and have a better hand sign - which I can do) He undoubtedly, despite his unwillingness to admit to it, killed numerous people. He apparently righted himself while incarcerated and decided to write children's books and find Jesus. That's all I know. I'm sure he deserved to die for heinous crimes but the society that more than likely created him and his ways is just as at fault.

Any animal when faced with death will take whatever action to escape death. He being imprisoned he didn't have the option of a wild animal, and could not run or strike back at it's attacker. He chose to repent and to do it publicly, which was rather ingenious. The Nobel Prize is a big deal and usually not used for leverage in any realm because it is difficult to dissuade that committee to lean towards moral ambiguity. From what I have seen Nobel Prize people more or less go on the facts as opposed to the best story.

Do I think he should suffer and be punished? Absolutely, do I believe in eye for an eye for this man? No, I think his contribution have bought him a stay of execution and his willingness to repent his ways and contribute to society, despite the obvious reasons that he fears death, are more than enough to merit a stay of execution.

We all try to cheat death by doing the right thing and striking back. If you look at it... we all do the same thing. Whether it be going to work, building a fence around the yard, paying taxes, birthing children, we all try to cheat death at the same denominator. We all attempt to do what Tookie did. We each write children books and pray to God in our own way.

Free Downloads - uh - Merry Christmas

I like to share music. I like to talk about music. Here are some free download links to songs/bands that I talk about all the time. There is no expiremental music here. I vouch for all these tracks.

1. Austin City Limits Festival - The Black Keys - 10 AM Automatic.

2. Austin City Limits Festival - The Black Keys - Stack Shot Billy.

3. Bonaroo - The Drive-By Truckers - Let There Be Rock

4. Baltimore - The Drive-By Truckers - Daddy's Cup

5. Tribeca - Ryan Adams - Magnolia Mountain

More later if you want...

"The Bedouins Always Have the Right of Away"

Last night I went and saw Syriana. I've been wanting to see it for a long time given it's attempt to be the first real dirty main stream movie about the Middle East, it's politics, our interests and our own corruption at home.

Unfortunately, the movie's preview shows cars blowing up and car chases and stern looks but the movie is much more about the dialogue and following the plot. There is a cool torture scene but it's mostly just trying to follow the 5 sub plots. I remember sitting there and saying "this is just like Traffic". Well Stephen Gaghan also wrote the screenplay for Traffic. If you liked Traffic you will more than likely enjoy this movie. The plot is more concentric to theorists that watch CNN for a giggle and then go home to watch Seinfeld in a cynical realization that they have no control.

The plot is easy to follow if you really want to pay attention but the movie itself drags and is not something that you would watch more than once. There were some pretty good diatribes and some poignant things said. It's the only movie that I have really wanted to see in a long time. It lives up to the bill.

Oh and for my Baltimore people - they had a scene in the parking lot of White Marsh mall outside of Ikea. They also had a scene at the Sip n Bite in Canton and - are you ready for this ...they showed the exit sign for Rosedale as he was getting off of 95. LOL

Monday, December 12, 2005


I walked out of the house and December 12th kick me square in the shins. "Fuck it's cold." I mumbled under my breath while looking for my keys to lock the door behind me. It got a little warmer, even with the wind blowing up my nose loosening up the phlegm and making my eyes water a little, when I found a post card from my mother stuck to the front of the mailbox where no one had noticed it clinging.

"SEDONA~~ - We are having a good time blah blah blah.
I love you Mom"

Don't I know someone named Sedona? Why would my mother send me a postcard? The card has those plateau's on it like you see in all pictures of Arizona, New Mexico and any other place red with God's clay and beaten by no more running rivers. The thoughtfulness made me smile. No one had sent me a card despite saying they love me. Not many people had the inclination of buying me a birthday present no matter how many nights or either passion or side splitting fun. The card from my Mother, a post card, was worth more than anything else I have had in a long time.

My walk to work, especially this time of year is not the most fun thing in the world. I tuck my scarf in neatly to my buttoned blue faux Pea Coat. I adjust my headphones as to whether I will read on my way to work. Magazine or City Paper is headphone wearable reading material. A book or novel is not.

Sometimes I wave to Erin as she drives by at about 8:00. Sometimes there is a man that stands at 911 Light st. He is always outside in shorts no matter the weather. He is always smoking a cigar with the little yellow ribbon still on it to let everyone know that it is a Modero from Nicaragua. He sold me some classical music from his sidewalk sale a little while ago and we both shared an affinity for Jackson Browne. He doesn't remember my name but always gives me a smile and a nod of appreciation as he calls me "Mr. Reader". I didn't see either of them this morning.

I always hit the middle school and some high school kids on my walk down Light st. I usually get littered with the sounds of poor children.
"Yo fuck that fucka yo."
"Dat bitch don't know yo. I'll knock that fucker out."

"Fuckin fuck fuck fuck" is all I can now make out of their mouths. The context doesn't even apply. The only thing I hear is ignornace wrapped in youthful confusion and what I at least hope to be angst as opposed to wrath. This morning I looked at a girl walking arm and arm with her boyfriend. I watched her wad up a gob of spit in her mouth and then spit it with impunity, and what looked like malice in her eyes, onto the storefront window of a small market. They then caught eye contact with my confusion and shrugged their shoulders.

I hit the harbor, over key highway and past the Science Center. This segment is what I call "Coats and Scarves". I look to my right and behind me and in front of the financial district of Baltimore, both of them and me, all the employees flocking to the cubicle infested offices. There are sneakers and suit guy and power walking girl. There is designer wool cap guy next to flashy black shoes man. Those shoes must hurt after making this walk. They all walk faster than me because I stroll and read or stroll and listen to the softest of the pop music I have. I like the soft music around the harbor. I look at the pelicans and like the way they dive into the freezing water and stand with one foot on the cold cement barriers. I search to find someone working on one of the clipper ships that are soon to be frozen in place. The wind is the worst at the harbor.

This morning I found an earring. I don't know why I picked it up. It looked like something cheap that had been lost in a lower back hold dip of a middle aged woman and a drunk man. They need to get drunk now to enjoy each other and the earring must have flew off for me to find it. It has 12 tiny red beads equidistantly separated around a crescent moon about the size of my thumb's fingernail. The red beads are cut into the shape of lanterns with cut and angled sides and they are see-through and remind me of a cherry life savor. The clasp is missing of course but the stem that goes into the clasp was not produced as much as it was bent to a hook. The copper wiring holding it all together feels too light for my fingers and gives it a taudry feeling. I put it into my pocket so I can write about it later.

I get to Pratt st. I cross after the long traffic lights. 103 steps to Lombard and 36 seconds until I miss the cross signal and have to wait 49 seconds for the next one. I look down Lombard about 11 blocks and sigh. The couple that is always outside with their coffee are once again outside. It's comforting seeing them. They are either madly in love and inseparable or crying and holding each other. They go to the elvator. One goes up and one goes down. I wonder if they know that people laugh at them. They laugh at how silly they look.

I walk into the building and slightly dread the "hello" that I have to extend to the security guards. Hundreds of times a day "Good morning / evenin'" A hundred times a day people just plastically saying "to you as well / good morning / night" I walk into the Korean deli. My knowledge of Korean is so rusty at this point that we no longer have chats about how my head feels or if I slept well. It has lost it's luster. I grab a vitamin water and a bag of cashews. $4.96 for that is a crime.

To the elevator lobby where I pray that no one else comes in but by the time I arrive there are 30 people. I choose a secluded corner and lean waiting for a double elevator arrival or a lull in the lift patrons. It rarely works and I'm forced into a box over a shaft with women that smell like musk and fat lawyers that wheeze and cough. There is a girl in front of me checking her hair in the askewed yet mirrored door and the woman next to me is scrolling through her blackberry. My floor is near the last and I watch one by one as they get out. It's always the same hunched sigh and a levelheaded reassurance to themselves. They exhale, straighten their back, swallow their pride, and start the routine.

All the time I rub the crescent earring with the red beads. I rub it in my pocket and think of Morocco or a plane. I dream of soft hair and breakfast. I close my eyes but only for a second. I don't want anyone in the elevator to see me fantasizing. A warm feeling comes over me.

"DING*! 15th floor."

I sigh, straighten my back, wipe whatever cold is still on my lips and turn my head and body simultaneously to the right like a soldier marching. I look for the keys to my routine the red crescent earring is entangled with them.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Smoke Jumper

"So what do you do?"
"I'm a janitor"
"Oh yeah, I'm a teacher."
"Obviously you didn't catch the fact that I don't care about what you do. Out of curiosity what do you teach?"
"Do you read?"
"I'm a teacher"
"That doesn't mean shit. What do you read?"
"Well my favorite is The Awakening"
"A little dramatic don't you think?"

Going to Fells in some Little Mexico town house and being around random strange people for hours was not high on my list for the evening. Worse than that was this twit of a woman who would not leave me alone. I think she used the word "megaopus" to define a Hesse book and then rambled on about how she lived in Japan or Somalia or Sweden. The bottom line was that her benality and inability to read my lack of desire to pay attention to her made her more and more annoying. She followed me outside. "Go away!" I eventually I told her as she wanted to talk about writers in the Atlantic or New Yorker. "Lord lady - get a life."

I don't know what it was that made me so salty about this poor girl but it wasn't the first time this weekend. A friend's roommate came out and took some sort of weird liking to me after she herself was inebriated. She touched the under side of my arm and as usual I pulled away. "I don't like to be touched.", I said with complete sincerity. For some reason this enticed her more and she wouldn't leave me alone for another 30 minutes. I moved seats and so did she. I went to the juke box "Can you play Dave?" To which I laughed out loud and insisted on telling her life story which must have been full of bong hits, colored condoms, beer guzzling and endless games of quarters on a sticky counter in some place called Wyndahm Hall.

I found people not necessarily appalling as much as I doubted where I fit in this weekend. I didn't see any common bond with them. Their slovenly actions followed up by insincere boorish conversation based around nothing that interested me caused me to go into cold mode. I like when I get cold. Things become hilarious to me and I have no need for anyone's company that I don't know. It's not being a snob as much as it is weeding out all the bullshit.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Secret New Artist Society (SNAS) Top Albums of 2005

We here at SNAS like to piss on everyone's year who isn't a cordoroy wearing pot smoking, semi-guitar playing, guy who drives a shit car and complains about his life as a waiter. Because those people much like my own sell-out self make the world go round musically. We'll tell you what you should like...

13. Andrew Bird
The Mysterious Production of Eggs

Although I missed him at the Funk Box / 8x10 I adore this album. Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left is a brilliant song and the whole album comes off in his genuine, earthy, and rather refreshing in a coffee shop BOBO way.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!

Oh the hype. They will be crushed from the hype. They were the opening acts on their last tour and people left before the main act went on. Talk about ballsy. They are good and the tracks remind you of an anti- high school football pep rally.

Coco Rosie
Noah's Ark

Under the radar winner of the year is Coco Rosie. It hasn't been out long enough and falls in the same vein as the Dresden Dolls mixed with John Vanderslice. Right? Yeah - got all that - didn't think so. It really is a precious album and worth a mention. Even if it is sort of bringing up the rear.

10. Oasis
Don't Believe the Truth

Their best effort since What the Story Morning Glory. Personally I just love whatever they do. The last album was pretty much trash but this was great to see live and great to hear while fans flocked them back to the b-side of the fold. Let There Be Love will hopefully be played on the radio here as it makes it's single debut this week in the UK. More than likely not though - but it's really good and you should listen.

9. The Eels
Blinking Lights

Oh Mr. E how I looked forward to this album since Shootenanny that let me down oh so much in the wake of SoulJacker (your best work). This was a really well put together double album that does much better in Europe, because well, they have better taste than we do and they don't have Nebraska. It's light and airy but it has that bad thing that you do every once in a while - oh - where you get really arrogant and think people WANT to listen to static endings that last 2 minutes. Dick!

8. M.I.A.

You know I don't buy a lot of dancy stuff. But not only is MIA some hot Brazenglish woman but she is a nice mixer and lifter of other people's shit. She brought back Latin beats with Prodigy alertness and Hip Hop guff.

7. LCD Soundsystem
LCD Soundsystem

Zorba the Greek made them viable enough to buy their own equipment (see My Big Fat Greek Wedding soundtrack). But - Daft Punk is Playing at My House caused me to run home one night from a local pub while someone was DJ'ing to get this album. It was right when it was released. The DJ winked at me and i handed him the vinyl. He then proceeded to queue it but not play it. Well fuck him! He just doesn't understand the beauty.

6. Ryan Adam & the Cardinals
Cold Roses

Even though I walked out on the concert I still think this is much better than Rock n Roll and Demolition (minus - cry on demand). It's not so much of a return as it is a rebirth of what he has always stood for. I always imagine him in front of a magic music blender taking a piss while playing a guitar and then hitting the mix button and saying "Fuck it - that'll rock their asses. Or at least make 'em cry in front of another guy."

5.White Stripes
Get Behind Me Satan

When my kids ask me what was the most influential band of my generation I won't be saying Nirvana, The Strokes, or Oasis. I'll be explaining the magic that is Meg and Jack White. Real men wear spandex.

4. Spoon
Gimme Fiction

The go to college kid album of the year was Spoon and it's head bobby hit Turn My Camera On. A very well done album by the future throne taker to Wilco. This is a damn fucking good album and should be purchased immediately.

3. Danger Doom
The Mouse & The Mask

The go-to - we smoke too much pot and watch too much ATHS on the Cartoon network album. So wonderfully put together that you almost forget that you first heard of the MOUSE on the Grey album and Dangerdoom played the Ottobar like 50 times before the line "Shakezula the Mic Rula" came out of his mouth.

"Meat wad get the honey's G" - had to be said.

2. Rilo Kiley
Take Offs And Landings

The female version of the killers had the female version of Mr. Brightside with their Portions for Foxes. It's a shame they are on a small label because that song would have blown the panties off of anyone listening. Even if you don't wear panties the one's at home in the drawer would have been on the floor soaking wet when you got there.

1. Sons & Daughters
The Repulsion Box

Do you like the Black Keys? Do you like the White Stripes? Do you like really awesome music? If you love the blues and want to be the first one on your block to be rocking the British version of the White Stripes than you need to go out, no fuck that, run out of your house right now - hurdle an old lady while yelling something in middle English like "Dar be me Mead in jervin Mervin". After that lower your shoulder into the nearest record store. Grab the pecculi smelling guy behind the counter. Smack him thrice. And say with unabashed will in your best British accent, "Give me the fookin Sons and Daughters mate or I'll slit your jacobs off."

Best NOT-So-New cd found this year: Give It Back by The Brian Jonestown Massacre. This is one of those CD's that hipsters will see next to your collection of Captain Beefheart and Can and say "Goddamn are you cool". If that's the attention you want - -then buy it - - if you just want a kick ass album. It is!

Best NOT-So-New group found this year: Drive-by Truckers - I went and saw them for the first time with Doug at the Baltimore Art Festival thinger and it was unbelievable and country fresh. I also owe a lot of looking this band up to Large Hearted Boy whose blog you should read every day if you love music.

Best NOT-So-New book read this year: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy writer of All the Pretty Horses precedes this with a gruesome masterpiece set in the mid 1800's west expansion towns. Tales of scalping and dust riding are told like you have never read. I had to read the first chapter 3 times just to take it all in.

Monday, December 05, 2005

New Strokes Album Leaked

First Impressions of Earth. Download here while you can.

For those of you who read....

Both of you...

The short story entries to the City Paper, for it's yearly writing competition, were really great.

The first place winner was a really good short story called "The 7-Year-Old Lush" The story has a little twist at the end so I won't go through the details but it's a nice quick read and chocked full of over the top - eh - descriptive passages like this:
    A heavy-bottomed glass thudded on top of the thick oak of the bar. The kid turned around. It was his father. He liked watching his father work. Every drink started with the ice. In drove the scoop, the ice shrieking and then chuckling as it tumbled, dinging squarely into the glass. He smiled at the kid and demanded, "What's it?"

    "Gin and tonic," said the kid.

The second place finisher was much better in my opinion. I think the story is a little too morose and strange but it's definitely more my speed. It probably got second because it was a little loose and odd. But, it was written much better:

    Solids are all of the extremes of human emotion and human condition manifested as humanoids. They usually act and react like the emotions they represent. If you were to meet one of them, you’d think they were just a really temperamental person

It has a really great subject matter revolving around personifying human emotion and reactions. It's really fun to read and I recommend it highly. It's called "The Janitor". I hope you enjoy them.

Kudos to the City Paper for releasing this edition and sorting through the mounds of drivel to find these really nice pieces of work.

Oh No

Mr. Gallagher isn't looking real good there. All that blow seems to have taken its toll on the 30 year old. Learn from it boys and girls.

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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