- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Gnarles Barkley

I know I know I know I know - I'm late. I know. I KNOW! SHUT UP! But - better late than never. DJ Dangermouse has just moved his wave into legendary status - as if doing DangerDoom and the Grey album weren't enough... but this Gnarles Barkley joint is fucking... man... it's fucking amazing.

They have some samples on their myspace page. I know - I'm late. Oh well... man...

How popular is this -- out in the world?

Lists...from an old draft.

I have 44K songs on my little (big) Creative Zen Player Ipod thingy. I put them all on my super duper work computer that has close to a terabyte of space. I put them in winamp and then hit "random". These are the 10 songs that played, some links to the cd that they come from, and what I think about them:

1. I'm Bad like Jesse James .-. John Lee Hooker - I am so glad this song came up first. What a hard ass tune. I used to sing this for my mom when I was little. All he really does is talk about killing a man who lied about cheating his wife. I used to listen to the "Best of John Lee Hooker" tirelessly in high school. It was one of my favorite albums and I recommend Crawling King Snake, Hucklebub, Boogie Woogie and countless others for people to listen to.

2. Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground .-. The White Stripes - Whoa I'm getting lucky as all hell here. I thought I was going to have to explain why there are 4 version of puff the magic dragon on my computer. Instead I get another one of my favorite songs. The lyrics to this on some of Jas's favorite although she doesn't like that it's played, well, you know, White Stripes hard - - - but I do. I love the Stripes music and rarely find a song that I don't adore.

3. Tied to the 90's .-. Travis - Aren't we all just a little tied to the 90's? Shit soon we'll be tied of the 00's. Wow - what a sad thought almost but we all have to get old. This is a filler piece by Travis but don't let it overshadow their amazing catalog of very upbeat yet emotional songs that can really grab you and become engaging the more you listen to them. "Remember the 80's...well they were worse then the 90's."

4. Today Was a Good Day .-. Ice Cube - God I love this song but only the version off of Bootlegs and B-sides. In the original he takes the Ghetto Boys background beats from My Mind's Playing Tricks on Me. In the bootlegs and B-sides version it sounds like something from an episode of Good Times and he sort of mixes it up but it sounds much smoother than the original version off of...Lethal Injection I believe. I used to love Ice Cube. Craig and I used to roll around in his Dad's blue truck with a bass tube in the back listening to "2 in mornin'", "Bop Gun" and "Down fo Whateva". He's cheesy now that he's in all these movies and stuff and you sort of know he's just an entertainer instead of someone with an "AK" but - the songs are still pretty "dope".

5. Myoxamotosis .-. Radiohead - If I'm not mistaken the name of the song is a disease that effects rabbits (ahh it is) and the song is pretty rough in some parts. It's off the hail to the Thief album and is one of the weaker tracks until you get to the first change. "I don't know why I feel so tongue tied." That lyric and the way it's delivered is worth sitting through the distortion made to sound like chords.

6. Bright Lights .-.Razorlight - This is one of the better British bands that no one really knows. They became sort of noticed with their single "Golden Touch". That was one of my fave songs until I heard it on some fucking make-up commercial and then it all just went away from there. But, Razorlight has little control over that stuff so I don't blame them and I certainly wouldn't slight the music. It's poppy and punky. It's PONK. This song is still a demo though. But - tight...NTL

7. Everybody Ready .-. Action Figure Party - Uh oh - UH OH. This would be one of my favorite albums to put on at a house party where the music is not part of the party. It doesn't have lyrics but only sound bites and it's pretty hippytastic. It's like Trey Anastacio DJing. It's so damn smooth and chill but at the same time you still want to dance like a jelly fish a little bit. I recommend Action Figure party to everyone. It's the coolest CD you'll own...if you aren't already cool.

8. LLoyd Williams(Otis Day and the Knights) .-. Shamma Lamma Ding Dong - Oh you remember this tune. It's pretty much the title track from Animal House. It's the song that is played in the bar when they take the girls from the nearby women's college to the bar. "You put the oom mow mow ohohohoho back into my smile child." Just the name alone and the sounds are retarded but the song always seems to make me smile.

9. Shake Your Tailfeathers .-. Ray Charles - It looks as though we have been inundated with movie tunes. This one is taken, well in memory, from the Blues Brothers. This is the scene where half of Chicago is dancing outside doing the different dances of the 50's and early 60's and using the city as their own personal dance floor. Ray Charles is convincing Jake and Elwood (Belushi and Akroyd) that the piano has plenty of life in it. And damned if he doesn't bring it to life...the only way Ray really can. It's pretty easy to feel love for music when someone like Ray Charles sings it to you. "And a...what about the froog?...the Pony maroni...."

10. Steady, As She Goes .-. The Raconteurs - Hey lucky us - I haven't talked alot about new music lately because well...I haven't been buying much and haven't been researching. I've been lazy. But one cd that I think everyone knew I was going to get was the Raconteurs. JW's new band is pretty liquid and has no real boundaries. I like them (GHASP!) more then the Stripes I think. But...maybe not. I love this album and I love that Jack is finding an outlet aside from his pinned up drummer that he must be tired of outgrowing. I just hope he gets a WHOLE LOT WEIRDER so I can forgive him for that fucking coke commercial he did in Australia. God - I would give a nut to see them live. The tickets sold out in 2 minutes for all shows.

Next 10 just in case you were wondering:
Hey Good Looking .-. Hank Williams Sr.
Don't Stop Moving .-. Starsailor
A Dreamy Day of Dreaming of You .-. Of Montreal
Stand By Me .-. Ben E King
Easy Like Sunday Morning .-. The Commodores
Oh Bla Di Oh Bla Da .-. The Beatles
In the Backseat .-. The Arcade Fire
Buckets of Rain .-. Bob Dylan
Nobody Move .-. Eazy E
Madness in a Cup .-. Mr. Lif

5 more because it is just too much fun:
Hello .-. Lionel Richie
Jesus the Mexican Boy .-. Iron and Wine
Grace .-. Jeff Buckley
The Shining – Badly Drawn Boy
For Everyman – Jackson Browne

Last one:
Thick as a Brick .-. Jethro Tull

Happy Birthday Noel

It's Noel's birthday. Fuck yeah!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


"And it seems to me perfectly in the cards that there will be within the next generation or so a pharmacological method of making people love their servitude, and producing … a kind of painless concentration camp for entire societies, so that people will in fact have their liberties taken away from them but will rather enjoy it, because they will be distracted from any desire to rebel by propaganda, brainwashing, or brainwashing enhanced by pharmacological methods."

Holy Shit

This is seriously just unreal. Everytime you think that Europe is cool, and especially places like the Netherlands where their language is different but accent is similar, they go and do something like this.

Dutch pedophiles to launch political party

Friday, May 26, 2006

Time to Fuckin Party Apparently today we are supposed to be killed by a giant tsunami. So let's all just get naked and get it on. And by get it on I mean - you know - get. it. on. I'm loopy today.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Don't Ever Write Me

Anniversaries that are no longer active are for suckers. People shouldn't write each other emails saying how much they still wish they were together or that they read what you write. They should just let the past be the past. Because honestly, I don't want to be nasty to anyone, and I don't want to ruin anyone's memory but I have to say that I have attempted to turn to you many a time in years previous to this last one and not once did I get a sympathetic gesture or a word of advice or compassion that I could take with me. So, when people write people emails about anniversaries and wanting to rekindle parts of your life and that they miss you, I can only laugh and with every fiber of my being say "Go fuck yourself." And then I can put on this song.

Sorry boss but I have to play this song for the memory of you. Please don't ever contact me again.

Clumsy - OLP

Throw away the radio
Suitcase...Keeps you awake
Hide the telephone, the telephone
Telephone in case...You realize that
Sometimes your just not OK
You level out, level out, level out
It's not alright now...You need to understand
There's nothing strange about this
You need to know your friends...You need to know that

I'll be waving my hand
Watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud
And maybe you should sleep
And maybe you just need...A friend
As clumsy as you've been there's no one laughing
You will be safe in here, you will be safe in here

Throw away this very old...shoe lace
Tripped you again
Try to shrug it off, shrug it off, shrug it off
Sow the skin now
You need to understand...there's nothing fake about this
You need to let me in...watching you and

I'll be waving my hand
Watching you drown, watching you scream, no one's around
And maybe you should sleep
And maybe you just need...A friend
As clumsy has you've been, there's no one laughing
You will be safe in here, you will be safe in...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

You Tube

Youtube is keeping me way too busy today. It's a great little invention /technology. Anyway - here is another example of how they can show you what I can only describe - well actually two of them - both of which I have spoken about a good deal.

Here is footage of the Oasis show that Craig, Blake, and I went to in NYC last summer. Many of you won't know the song but you get an idea for the stage presense and just how nuts people really are for Oasis, despite what most people think people think of them.

The next one is Kimya Dawson and Adam Green and their band the Moldy Peaches singing their famous song "Whose got the crack?"

I have a feeling you'll be seeing me put in a ton more of these. They are GREAT!

Song of the Day

Actually it's probably my song of the year. I never really get tired of hearing it and it's really long.

It's Neil Young's - Down by the River off of his best album (IMO) Everybody Knows this is Nowhere.

Neil Young - Down By The River Lyrics
Be on my side,
I'll be on your side,
There is no reason
for you to hide
It's so hard for me
staying here all alone
When you could be
taking me for a ride.

Yeah, she could drag me
over the rainbow,
send me away
Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river,
Dead, oh, shot her dead.

You take my hand,
I'll take your hand
Together we may get away
This much madness
is too much sorrow
It's impossible
to make it today.

Yeah, she could drag me
over the rainbow,
send me away
Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river,
Dead, oh, shot her dead.

Be on my side,
I'll be on your side,
There is no reason
for you to hide
It's so hard for me
staying here all alone
When you could be
taking me for a ride.

Yeah, she could drag me
over the rainbow,
send me away
Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river,
Dead, oh, shot her dead.

I'd Love to Booze with Mark Twain
    The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

    ~Mark Twain


Do you know why they put down racing horses with broken legs? They shoot them in the head with a hexagon bolt because a race horse will never stop running; even after a leg break. His whole life he will try to run and trot and every time he does he will break the leg or tear the tendon and be in pain forever. So the humane thing to do is put him down.

A sprinter walks up to the starting line and even with a limp he starts out as strong as he can. He is conditioned to take the first step just as hard as he always has. The next ten or so are in pain but still taken hard and with the idea of overcoming pain. Then the hand grab on the back of the leg happens. Then the face makes the look as if a hot poker had stung his back side. He goes down as if shot by a bullet. If you put him back in the blocks again, he would do the exact same thing. It's how he is conditioned. He runs. He grimaces. He clutches. He falls. He does it again even after the idea of racing should be gone from his head.

Some say love can change any mentality. You can fall in love and stop running through pain and killing yourself. You can be in love and not want to die. I can firmly tell you that you can be in love and still attempt to kill yourself every time you try to sprint out of the blocks. You run. You grimace. You clutch. You fall. Over and over again you do these things until one day someone or something puts you out of your misery and you no longer have to feel the pain of false starts and you don't have to look at hurdles that you never even got the chance to leap over.

The horse that suffered the leg break on Saturday would be lucky to just be put down. Every time he smells a mare near by or feels the need to stretch his legs he will try to sprint and run. One day, the leg he broke, will break again and we'll all wonder if the mending process is worth the trouble. Or by that time we won't even remember or care what the horse's name was anyway.

Bright sides come in from all cracks in the box you lay under. You can see the dayllight calling your name and you want to lift up one corner of the box to see what goes on in the light. But, when you do, the light comes in an blinds you. Your natural reaction is to flinch backwards and let down the box on the floor to not allow any more light in. Eventually, you'll try it again and again until the glare isn't so foreign and your reaction isn't to be scared but instead to be curious and seek health.

In the pines, the pines, the sun that shines, I'll shiver the whole night through.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


I have a serious urge to go home and watch The Royal Tannenbaums.

Preakness (I think that's how I'm going to start saying "Hello" or "Goodbye" = Preakness)

Friday, May 12, 2006

Quote of the Day

    A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world.
    - John le Carre

I don't know about the word "dangerous" though. I may fill that in with "Soul Crushing Impotent Sad Fucking Waste of Time Inhumane Disparaging Make you want to rip the skin off your face" --- place from which to watch the world.

Here's to the hikers!

I wonder what I would do if I didn't play with computers. Despite what some may think I really enjoy manual labor. I find it fulfilling in a spiritually tiring sort of way. I think I would have liked to run a logging company or mining company if I had to you know - get a real craft - instead of just moving fucking data from one place to another.

3 Things of Interest
1. For those whom I have been screaming my praises about the Colbert speech to : here is a link so you can watch it. No more excuses.

2. This is the creepiest fuckin awful Orwellian thing I have seen in - well from this administration - weeks. But it's awful none-the-less.

3. Ray Parker makes everyone happy. LOL

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Forbes Old Buddy Old Pal

This is in the harbor this morning. I walked passed it. It's friggin wild looking.

On another side note I did some of my best writing last night. I may post it later - but for the first time in a while I really think I have something I want to work with.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Dry

Tumbled down amongst the base of the hill lay I wiggling still. I had no idea it would be that far of a fall in that short of a time. There is nothing but the dry dirt to caress my head. The lion's tail weeds don't fondle my fall as much as they tickle and tease my face. There is nothing but the wind to take all moisture from flapless sails.

I tried to pick up a penny once. It was heavier than the finger's ability. I had no idea why. It was as if I were high. It was as if I didn't want the copper toy to begin with. I wrinkled my nose and turned back to the sky. They were falling from heaven and I ran for cover.

I am a simpleton of inept ability. When home feels like a hotel and your life feels as if it is on rails leading to some place you don't want to go, well then you have a problem. You have a blessing really. You now have an excuse. I'm sorry I'm not what was intended. I can only apologize and then spit at God and watch it land back down on my face with a surprisingly dry thud. I have no more patience. I have no more patience. I have none at all.

I can climb still. I can feel wetness when I want. I prefer it to find me and search out my face as if it knew what I wanted. I'd prefer it, but I would end up shunning it's generosity in place of my complacency. I would tell it to "Fuck right the fuck off! I didn't ask for you to come and quench. I asked for nothing." And as it left I would sulk in knowing that it was exactly what I needed.

Pennies are funny. Lion's tail weeds have a windy beauty about them when they sway in unison. They sway to the idea of God. Somehow, God's ideas are in those weeds where the pennies have fallen and I still lay with covered head and all the wetness I'll ever need.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Broken Heart 2

My similar looking cousin will not be taking part in the World Cup. The world is going to miss a great talent this year.

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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