- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Monday, January 29, 2007

In Case Anyone Forgot...

But I know...and I know because of KRS-one. Rehash it all up. You'll thank me later.


Science dropping history - = - = -

Because we don't want to pay no money to hear the same ole sound (that's why you don't see the heavy coats on a saturday)


And I know because of KRS-one...oohhh and I know.

Vegas and Back Cross Country
In case I have nothing else to write on here for a few days...and likely I won't...I just wanted to let you know that i'll be on hiatus from the 2nd to the 11th helping my family move cross country from Vegas. I'll be getting a new phone before then with a camera feature so - if I see something that reminds me of you - I'll send you a picture. It'll be nice to be away from everything for a week.

Take care

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Line of the Day(s)

"My "C" button is stiky" (while talking online)
"If I look like a cop then what on God's green Earth do these jackoffs look like?" (Actually pointing at cops)
"Bret crumbs has returned and he has...apparently...brought a bag of tricks. Interesting."(Said after I made a rediculous pool shot.)
"It is Zorn's bachelor party. You have to have a beer poured over you." -> "It's who's what now?" (Me accidentaly spilling a beer and Zorn responding to my excuse.)

BTW - the TIBS show last night was kinda...well...not all that great but I got the new CD so I'll give it a listen and absorb some more tunes.

Also, I know how I have denounced Ruth Chris my whole life, but I have to say that the steak I had last night was maybe the greatest steak ever made by a mortal. I had a steak by God once and that was just INSANE. I also learned some things about steak. If given the choice between a steak with a bon and steak with out, get the boned steak. Searing of the steak is the most key part to it's flaor. Also, why is Ruth Chris the mafia sports athlete hang out of the world? Jesus, I felt like I was in an episode of Goodfellas.

This Evening

I'm throwing a State-of-the-Union party this evening. And by party I mean my 2 plants and I. Anyway, if you have any sort of patriotic identity and just want to almost throw shit at your TV and scream "You fucking lying sack of shit" then I suggest you watch our beloved President's speech this evening. It should be a fucking show. Maybe, he'll mention steroids in baseball again.

*Rolls eyes and cries a little*

Monday, January 22, 2007


Do you find that when a lineman scores a TD in the NFL that it is simply the best feeling you can have if you are impartial to the game? I do.

PS - Fletchers this evening for the Two if By Sea show....I think...I'm in training for work all this week and I have to be in at the ass crack of morn' so - if I go i'll just be going for them and to have A A beer and A whiskey.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Good Boy Benjee

For those who don't know - and that would be - oh well everyone I guess in this damn town. Benjy Ferree is playing the Ottobar tom. He's from DC and I've seen him before ( but honestly he's got some serious legitimacy now as he is signed to Domino Record (Franz Ferdinand, Sons and Daughters, Artctic Monkeys, Psapp....yeah I fucking know). So anyway he'll be there but don't expect him to sound like them. He sounds like the cutting room floor of a Beatles and Iron and Wine session. He sounds like something I have to see about.


Today's Fun Time Videos

The New Pono's (as I like to call them) almost got hot with this single and could almost now open up for Belle and Sebastian. A damn good band off of one of the best albums of 2004. I have just listened to it like 10 times today.

The Dresden Dolls - Good Ol'e Coin Operated Boy - I love this song. I never really get tired of it. Hope you enjoy it.

Yeah I don't know what to tell you. This is just the greatest song to me in the last 5 years. I just am so pissed I have never seen it live. I would rip out my own brain.

I pity the fool that don't be hearing this!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


If you get a chance to see Koyaanisqatsi (Life out of Balance) I recommend it deeply. It is the 25th anniversary of the release and there should be showings if you live in a metropolis with any sort of soul - which means Baltimore barely got it. But it got it none-the-less and I can't wait to go and see it again.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


You feel like a De'ville. When the jersey sheet touches your skin you squirm and just need to slide out of your bed like butter running down stairs. You have no spine. You have no feet. There is a walking stick that has your face on the handle and as the old take you for a ride you simply smile and suckle at the palms of wisdom.

There is hollow. There is dark. There is the sound of a running toilet and the hum of the dryer. You put the dryer on just so you can hear something in the background that feels like life. You just want furry paws to paw at you and the stir of a soul. There isn't anything that can make you sleep except the pills. There isn't much to make you wake except for what you are.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Top Music of 2006

Well overall I have to say that 2006 was not a banner year for music, or at least, for me listening to music. As I trolled the online community for more and more all I was left with were dried up onion skins of 2003 and 2004. If it weren't for Sons and Daughters (for your own soul play Johnny Cash real fuckin loud and dance around), Rilo Kiley, and my finding of the Drive-By Truckers last year I probably would have said the same.

Unfortunately this year the pickins were rather slim and while the Internet community turns many people on to new music, it also muddies the water for those of us who like to take as much in as possible. It's as if 2 years ago we had a steady trickle of new music everyday from 20 or 30 sources. It was easy to coil around a new artist and ingest what they were playing. I could take a new 30 song playlist everyday. But Jesus is everyone Pitchfork now? Does everyone aspire to be the next rock critic for their favorite college band? Well more power to you if you do but you are making my fucking ears hurt. I mean how many more myspace guys do I need sending me 2 new songs a day? And around every corner, there is every band with a new .flac, or a new cd and all of them sound pretty much the same (save for the lyrics just absolutely being atrocious). That would be my word of advice to new bands - the sounds are going to be rooted in what you listen to so trying to expound on that can be a shot to the foot so instead of playing pots and pans really try to focus on lyrics from time to time, and for fuck's sake don't rhyme love with dove.

So first we'll start off with local new best band of the year. I have to say that Among Wolves, from what I've heard, is somewhat original if not in its own way sort of Basquiat in it's music. It sounds like hot trash, but, if you are really hungry for anything, well then, hot trash can smell pretty tasty. Overall they have a sound that more than likely won't develop but has that twinge of talent mixed into it. Sort of like watching a kid throw a 90 MPH fast ball against a barn door, you know it's 90 MPH but more than likely you'll never see it in a major league stadium. Also, the name, given the plethora of "wolf" bands that just came out - lacks any sort of separation. But, alas this is Baltimore and good music coming from Baltimore, well, if it ain't named Animal Collective or Cex, then it's probably just a kid with a boring day job. I know this sounds like an underhanded compliment but in all seriousness - this band is from Baltimore, they sound about 2 years too late but it's the best i've heard.

Also on this list for new bands (again don't know how "new" they are but this is what i've found): Caleb Stine and the Break Men, The Lawnchairs meh...I haven't gotten out enough ENOUGH to really SAY ANYTHING about new Baltimore bands. But, from what I see there are some new labels and new open mic nights around. So we'll have to see what that breeds.

For those who don't know, The Waterfront Hotel tends do have a pretty good click of NEW new artists that are beyond open mic but not ready for a label. So, go check it out if you live around here.

So on to the top 10 -

10. The Blow - Paper Television :: This just sneaks in here at the end thanks to Doug's listing on his website. But, I have to give original credit to Mr. Oliver who introduced me to "How Naked" by The Blow a year or so ago. The Blow is simple and pretty and all things that make up New York sex scenes, quiet girls in mittens and wool hats that carry knives, and lord knows what else. This music just reminds me of a cocktail party gone lesbian. If it needed a genre I would say it was Girl Promise March.

9. Ima Robot - Monument to the Masses :: This was my most anticipated release of the year and I have to say it let me down. Their self-titled debut had so much energy that the cd case should have come filled with bouncy balls and ecstasy instead of a cd. I'm sure it was made while the stove was on and the water was boiling over. This CD took 2 years and it sounds like it. The energy is bottled up and the elastic sideburns and neon pants have been replaced with bad LA shit like old converse, and rat tails. This is still the best pop punk I could recommend.

8. The Black Keys - Magic Potion :: The title of the album alone is indicative of the Black Keys themselves. Take 4 parts blues, 1 part 2 goofy white guys, 1 part loud, and 1 part pain and heartache lyrics and you have the Black Keys. Each album from Thickfreakness and the Big Come Up to this one drips of the same soul. Sorry to them though, this is not Rubber Factory quality though. It is good and I do love it but it's not the junior album I was hoping for, it was actually the junior album that you normally get (think Coldplay, Oasis, Blur, really any band...)

7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs' - Show Your Bones :: I love this album. I absolutely adore it. I adore it so much that I started to really listen to it and then I started to not like it. I'll tell you why... Karen O. Karen O is like a rich man's Hedwig. It's kinda edgy and kinda Peaches in her own way but then you start to realize that she's not that edgy and her lyrics aren't that amazing. If she had never released Maps we would not know her. As a matter of fact if it weren't for her whats-her-faces-band mates she would probably be an Egyptian dancer for the Bangles reunion tour. "walk like a girl who wears too much make-up and oddly looks like Marilyn Manson".

6. I'm From Barcelona - Let Me Introduce My Friends :: Like The Polyphonic Spree but without the cult-like tendencies, this album sounds like a cross between pure joy and Weezer. I love joy and I love Weezer, so this album worked wonders for me this year. That's right, I love Weezer. But again this is just another cross breed album. A damn good one though.

5. Arctic Monkeys' - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not :: Yep I went there. It's fucking good. We all know it's good. But the question is, what is it good in comparison to? It was the fastest selling album in British history but are they Zeppelin? Are they the Smiths or even Oasis/Blur? They are cheeky and fun and remind me a lot of the jovial Oasis days but are these guys anything more than a new marshmallow inside of the Lucky Charms box? Me thinks me sees a Christmas tree in that there pot of gold. Me thinks me sees a one album wonder ala BabyShambles and Pete Doherty.

4. The Raconteurs - Broken Boy Soldiers :: Call me a bandwaggoner or whatever it is you want but I've been waiting for the Jables solo side band project for a long time and this is about as good as I could have hoped for. The songs are all short, to the point, unassuming, semi-quirky rock bombs and I appreciate this album for its ill-poshed stance and White Stripes void that it filled. Steady as She Goes is just a great song.

3.Wolfmother's - Wolfmother :: Oh Ye of Sirius Satellite fame and fortune. Let me count the ways that you are good. One you are thus still rockin undergroundish and two you have not changed your sound since your amalgamation from that other band by a lesser cubs name (you'll have to do your own work for that). This is a concrete album taken from the depths of the like of Early Pearl Jam (more in feel then in semblance). This album reminds of a time when popular music could still be fucking good and teenage girls did not worry the left side of the rock stance where Nirvana and Mudhoney lived. It smells like 1994 in here.

2. J. Tillman - Minor Works :: I know whatever Elliott Smith had, but it's all gone now and whatever Elliott Smith had, J. Tillman has it, too. This album is both soft and raw at the same time, and if you aren’t paying attention, it could crush your soul. You know you weren't going to see this list without my one sad bastard album of the year. Well this is it. Love it and cry to it. It'll smoke your toes.

1. Tapes n' Tapes - The Loon :: Easily the most creative, fresh sounding, and catchy Indie rock alt-ass band to come about this year. I haven't heard anyone that has the stretch that these guys do while still keeping it melodic and tight. There is a difference between exploring yourself as an artist and just sounding like fucking shit. Most people who test the bounds of Radioheadesque Banhardt land come back with a black eye and an apologetic bowed head as they ask for their job at the sub shop back. Tapes n Tapes pushed the walls of Minnesota and got back a fucking great Super Bowl half time commercial. You'll be talking about it for a week or so but will soon find that it is fading on you. I think Tapes n Tapes is one of those bands that unfortunately won't be around for a while (see Hot Snakes) but will inspire other bands to tighten up and fly right. Either way, this is one of those "albums" that you should own, like a Dave Eggers coffee table book.

Honorable Mentions - I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass ~ Yo La Tengo
Boys and Girls in America ~ The Hold Steady
Return to Cookie Mountain (with Bonus Tracks) ~ TV on the Radio

Honorable Mentions I didn't listen to -
That new Dylan album -

Largest disappointments -
Thom Yorke - Eraser
Flaming Lips - At War with the Mystics
Magic Numbers - Those the Brokes

Thanks. Please bring back better music in 2007.

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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