- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Friday, March 30, 2007

Ace of Cakes Guy

I went to Banana Republic yesterday and ran into Duff from Ace of Cakes. I had no idea his bakery was in Bmore and that he lives 2 blocks from me. It was a pretty fun conversation.

I love how he is the "bad boy of cakes". He's just seems like a stoner who makes cakes.

This is how it went down:

Me (to BR guy): Dude where are the fat guy pants in here? Dude?
BR Guy (with gel in his hair): What?
Me: What are you looking at?
BR Guy: That's Duff from ace of cakes.
Me (no idea who the hell that is): Great...fat guy pants...where?

So I finally left the BR guy and walked around looking for clothes in pure Bret fashion (10 minutes in and out - no trying on - dont care).

Duff (at the same shirt table as me): *Whistling the tune to the Jeffersons*
Me: *Whistled it with him*
(man it almost seems like we're flirting)
Me: I hate this place
Duff: Yeah they should burn this place down
Me: Uh we're the one's shoppin here.
Duff: True.

So then we went up the register at the same time and I was like "BR guy said you were on TV." and he came back with "Yeah man...reality show on basic cable. Killer!"

We laughed and stood there for a hot minute and then talked about best cakes in the city. He said he used to do the ones at Brewers and I said I lived right there and he confirmed that he lives on top of there. It was...uhh...I guess worth writing a blog about. So yay Duff - apparently it's filmed in Bmore too - so I might watch it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Mickey Cucchiella Taping

Baltimore's best comic is playing the attic above Burke's on Saturday and apparently it's going to be taped into 3 pieces. Why? I don't know. Because that place is just a brick background and a spotlight. But apparently it's apart of some "small time" comics on tour kinda thing.

Thanks worm for the tix.

Here are some Mickey excerpts. God is he from Baltimore....

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Badly Drawn Boy

It's just one of those days when you listen to one artist's entire catalog. Today we have Mr. Damon Gough AKA Badly Drawn Boy - Enjoy some pretty great songs with some equally cool videos - -

Disillusion -

This is my fave song - You Were Right

Old School - - Once Around the Block - man the memories to this album are great - -

Silent Sigh - Featured on About a Boy

Year of the Rat

Pissing in the wind - changed for some dumb reason to Spittin in the Wind - -

The song that got played on the Radio in America about 6 years ago -

Someone made a tribute - - - Hellz yeah!

Random Work Day

The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive.
- Thomas Jefferson

Check out this hooker - - -

My friend Peter (from the old school days) has an alternative music podcasting site called musicnerve. I think it's pretty good. Check it out.

New Wilco album - I waited long enough to give it out.

I am calling it right now that this will be one of the most interesting years in Oriole baseball history, and WE will be at the front of the charge. I joined the "free the birds" local the summer of last year and plan on being a part of every function.

In case you were interested - -

1)Straight Wager 03/27/07 09:10 ET
500.00/450.00 Result: Pending
AirForce 03/27/07 (21:25 ET)
Clemson +1

2)Straight Wager 03/27/07 09:10 ET
500.00/450.00 Result: Pending
MississippiSt 03/27/07 (19:05 ET)
Over 146.5

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Black Lips

Friday night I decided to go to a show all by my lonesome. Well - I just can't sit in that apartment by myself forever, none of my friends seem to remember me on their call list, when my days of driving around town to get smashed for no reason have come to a close, and I didn't have Jas to pal around with. Ok self pity all over.

I had heard that the Black Lips were one of the best live bands around, and holy shit did that not disappoint as a review. And the Pony's playing before them were amazing as well.

These are the Ponytails. They weren't playing, but were there, and are interesting as all hell.

Unfortunately the Ottobar has taken a rather stiff dive as a member of the fraternity of musical venues. And to be honest I think it's because if you don't play hip hop (Mr. Lif, BossMan), aren't death metal (Pterodactyl, FMyGun), don't have a large record deal (deerhoof, enon) , or aren't from the tri-state area (two if by sea, oranges band) then you don't stand a shot of really having a great show with the fans. Baltimore just doesn't come out, esp. to the Ottobar which is becoming more of an actual "bar" than a venue these days. Baltimore chooses to go upstairs and play pool, or have a drink and bullshit in the part of the venue where you can smoke rather than watch a band.

But, this show was just sweaty and dirty. You know the kind of show where it's so fucking hot in there that your forearms start sweating and the hairs starts to stick to your face and neck and it's almost like having some sort of weird sex on a crowded floor. I mean you don't touch anyone in a weird way and I didn't "dance" with anyone. But it's that weird heat of the club that sorta just makes everything come down to a base level so that the clothes, the makeup, the cologne just don't matter.

Not totally like this - but this always comes to mind with sweaty dancing (BTW - easily the worst scene in the Matrix trilogy)

Here are two clips of the Black Lips performing. It was fuckin intense. I'd recommend checking them out.

And just for shits and giggles I have included the greatest song ever recorded by any man ever - - I of course speak of Paul Stanley's - Live to Win!!!

Friday, March 23, 2007

The Nickelback Conversation

BizzleJr: did you hear the lineup for the virgin festival?
bretbliam: i heard it was at pimlico
BizzleJr: yeah
bretbliam: and then i blurred the rest out
BizzleJr: only 3 bands announced
BizzleJr: the police
BizzleJr: pumpkins
BizzleJr: beasties
bretbliam: yeah
BizzleJr: what is this 94?
bretbliam: none of my real faves there
BizzleJr: I love the police and beasties
BizzleJr: Man
BizzleJr: I hope nickelback goes
BizzleJr: firebomb the stage
bretbliam: now that would be a clincher for me
bretbliam: that way I could finally grab my nickelback t-shirt
BizzleJr: come up with the next great nickelback song title
bretbliam: In Your Arms
BizzleJr: Shattered love
bretbliam: Stay With Me
bretbliam: Flying Ground
BizzleJr: Clinching for a moment
bretbliam: Only the Brave
BizzleJr: Soliloquey of the soul
BizzleJr: lol
bretbliam: Time of our Life
bretbliam: The New Eyes of Love
bretbliam: lol
bretbliam: man what are the titles?
bretbliam: i'm going to look them up...
BizzleJr: haha
bretbliam: Follow You Home
BizzleJr: ha
bretbliam: Savin' Me
bretbliam: If Everyone Cared
bretbliam: Far Away
bretbliam: Because Of You
bretbliam: Believe It Or Not
bretbliam: Do This Anymore
bretbliam: Throw Yourself Away
bretbliam: OH MY FUCKING GOD
bretbliam: wow - i cant believe how close we were
BizzleJr: i KNOW
BizzleJr: awesome
BizzleJr: we should start a band
BizzleJr: Gurglin slurpies......
bretbliam: We could call it "Pay Me" - and claim we are from Kansas or Oklahoma
bretbliam: and write about losing love and drinking budweiser with Jesus undertones
bretbliam: we'd make a fortune
bretbliam: we'd have to get an ab roller though and some leather vests
bretbliam: God I hate America - and I know some of my friends own a Nickelback CD -
bretbliam: I mean I just can't take that shit.
bretbliam: Like this poor bastard at open Mic last night at O'sheas was just
bretbliam: the saddest man ever. And then I found out it wasn't open Mic
bretbliam: and this guy got paid as he attempted to sing Sublime covers.
bretbliam: We did have the same t-shirt from threadless though
BizzleJr: shit
BizzleJr: I say we do it
bretbliam: Do what?
BizzleJr: Sing open mic at O'sheas and cover nickelback songs.
bretbliam: and there is my dream....holy shit I would firebomb myself.

Thursday, March 22, 2007


I have lived downtown in this city for nearly 5 years now. And not once in that time have I stumbled upon a decent Chinese food place; and I have looked. I have searched, begged, and polled for years. I have found nothing. I have found oversalted lo mein, fried chicken wings as a staple to the menu, dumplings that are frozen, and only dark greasy meat making up any sort of chicken dish. I have cried over this thing simply because growing up I had amazing Chinese food in the wonderful nook of love known as Rosedale. It was called Ming Ming's and while it may have looked like a greasy spoon from the outside, inside everything was made fresh every day and the food was impecable. It nourished me with wholesome fried foods throughout my early adult life. And if asked on my birthday "Where would you like to eat?". The answer certainly came back "Ming Ming's".

Now Baltimore can do Thai, Korean, Greek, Afghan, and Ethiopian carry adequately (and by adequat I mean - sad), but it's Chinese (and please someone tell me if I am wrong or you have your own corner great Chinese food store) has suffered at some cruel hand of God.

I am not one for retail food. I loathe and despise most chain and high end chain restaurants, not for their quality of food mind you (well the TGIF's and Sizzlers of the world can go fuck themselves - but Ruth Chris and Mortens are tasty) but for their inherited culture. Their desire to take a prefabricated environment and have it somehow seem local and unique disturbs me. Their desire to blend into a community like Baltimore with a Santa Chicky style decor matched with a San Francisco style wine list, paired with an air of snobbish aristocracy that has deemed them new lords of the fine dining block, irks me. At the same time these places have their merited moments. It is always lovely to cheaply vacation at an exotic restaurants. However, I still have no inner love for them. I find their corporate dining culture rather uncomfortable and extremely impersonable. I find their mistreatment of local town staff and promotion of "x" trained employees at some small business park "x college" to be not just annoying but insulting. There are numerous other reason for the anger but for that you would have to accompany me to one of those establishments.

Unfortunately for me I feel this opinion about to change over one brand new restaurant opening downtown.

Speaking earlier of the lack of Chinese food in our wonderfully seasoned town, I am now about to embark on a new Chinese food journey. I am about to partake once again in Chinese food amazement. I am about to order take out from PF Changs. I am about to merrily skip home awash in ginger and sesame oils. I will douse my stomach with the sweet nectars of friend ingredients that only great Chinese food can breed. I shall become your greatest patron. I shall hug someone in there before leaving and I will thank them for my new higher cholestoral and increased pant size. I shall ignore the slave wages and farced atmosphere. I shall shuffle in with eyes on the register and shuffle out.

If you live in the Baltimore area; rejoice! Rejoice and sing out to the heavens. Praise thee for thouest Changs. Praise THEE!

Welcomed Dashes

...[]Oh, the feel of the wolftail on the silk,
the strength, the tense
precision in the wrist.
I painted them hundreds of times
eyes closed. These I painted blind.
Some things never leave a person:
scent of the hair of one you love,
the texture of persimmons,
in your palm, the ripe weight.

~ Lee Young Lee

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

1st Day of Spring

Let's do this!

"It's spring fever.... You don't quite know what it is you DO want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!"
~ Mark Twain

"Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again."
~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Monday, March 19, 2007

The most hideous thing ever put on TV

Holy shit can't be real.

Posthumously Early

A year in the life
Of the man who (mosted) me
Has passed again
Without his son
And with questions from
My side

In his son's life
(To be fair to uplift him) this year
I failed repeatedly.
Involved with a false love.
Hated by thus love.
Hated by friends.
And caste into some place
Much like him and
Much like what he knows
And where he is.

I hope it does not make him angry
To hear that his son is losing;
To hear that his son has failed him.
But what is failure to the failed?
What is pain to the pained?

I wish he could have seen her.
I wish he could have seen me.
I wish things were much different.
They aren't.
They never will be.

The things I thought mattered didn't.
In both directions;
and after. Neither of the groups mattered.
One would leave me be for any reason.
A limp wolf limps alone.
The other would leave me for the moving on
of the one she loved the most, that was never moved on.
And the balance of the past far exceeded
the efforts of the present.

Happy birthday won't be sung anymore
for either of us. We were never the kind
that wanted it.

We would drive down the road when I was little
Maybe 7.
"L" seats is what they called them.
He would jerk the wheel left and right.
And I would roll and roll with laughter.

I wonder if anyone will care enough to
Either of
Us. Or even try. Because
We aren't one's to be

So another year Dad. I don't even know
how old you are. I don't know if i'll see you
before you die.
I hope so.
I wish you could have seen her.
I wish you could have seen me.
I wish things were different.

I love you.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Worst Post Ever Written

I have to tell you right now that - I had an amazing dream last night. I arrived at the gates of heaven and the only thing in the dream was the fact that I stood at what seemed like gates and this song was playing the whole time. I walked through the "cloud paths" with the fiercest walk of all time as if I had Jim Beam running through my vains and Marlboro reds lit by my own ass. I then had sex on top of a horse while riding through a prairie of flame and jumping flame-like fish. It was intense - Nothing happened after that - but the song just came on my Yahoo iTunes things and it had to be written about -

It's anime - which completely seals this deal as the worst post ever written. I'm so proud.

The Last

It's nice to want to be again...I've written 71 pages - this is just what I wanted to write while listening to music...

It was a crime at the time but the laws we have changed them. The hero for hire has forever the same face to me. Introducing for the first time this Pharaoh of the hall of love. Sing all hail!. What will be revealed today when we peer into the great unknown, from the line to the throne?

Awakened to cheers after years on the faultline, we are shocked to be here in the face of the meantime. It's almost like the lemon parade came to town and sat down to touch, what was once mine. It will all fail, feeling what I feel today, when we peer into the great unknown, from the line to the throne.

Alone on the chain, it remains to be seen how well you can play when the pawn takes a queen. If you make way from puddle pickups to thrown champage glasses you find that everyone was wrong and the throne that was at the end of the line is now seated with you.

The name "truth" was given to a girl that was a liar. She held her heart all day long but she would never be satisfied. When you have everything, you have everything to lose. When the throne is covered in foil and not silver you had no need for all those lions that you thought were tamed.

I want to be forgotten and I don't want to be reminded.

Nation Building - and weekend recap

As the great Lawrence Lessig once said "A time is marked not so much by ideas that are argued about as by ideas that are taken for granted. The character of an era hangs upon what needs no defense." Which has nothing to do with the following but is a great quote in it's own right - and we as Americans - and since it's getting to be my generation's turn - need to start owning up to what we were given and what we can do as a people.

On a lighter note - nation building at is a pretty sweet site. You get to build a nation based on, what for the most part are pretty outlandish issues that arise from your constituents.

I am currently running an inoffensive centrist democracy:

    The People's Republic of Scharfton It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 66%, and even higher for the wealthy. A small private sector is dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry.

    Expensive lawyers are hired to defend citizens in court for public urination charges against their pets, political parties are banned from advertising and receiving private donations, citizens must pay to enjoy Scharfton's pristine beaches, and bicyclists are banned from major roads. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Scharfton's national animal is the dragon, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the durrek.

    Scharfton is ranked 1990th in the region and 42,044th in the world for Largest Welfare Programs (per capita).

My 4 day weekend carried over because, well, fun is fun. Hanging out with this guy and 3 other guys from The Wire staff and Steve Boone from the Lovin Spoonful (yeah...what?) was just a fun friggin night. I was destined to get the cast members back to my house - and after a while they accepted - and we ended up playing friggin Scrabble. Hilarious night! And the Patty's Day Parade festivites were just a little too much and anyone with pictures will have to reliquish such pictures immediately.

I would also like to thank those that chilled and treated me with care and love and made me laugh. It has been so long since I just laughed and relaxed with that care for me for a day.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

La Mesa es Abieto

Off tomorrow - Doctor and then ACC basketball. Someone come play with me. I'll be in this whole weekend doing some stuff for my new project so this will be your only chance to see me until Patty's day. And even one sees me on Patty's day they just see Bret St. Green Shoe and his magic band of whiskey players.

I was going to post the SP skit from last night but I just can't do it. Let's say - that it was some of the ballsiest first 5 minutes of TV I have ever seen. But as always South Park keeps their tongue in cheek and nothing is off limits. See it if you want to do a double take.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

A simpler day

When days get bad - it's always very refreshing to hear something that was innocent in all it's experienced time.

D: Naw, Bona Drag, baby
R: no, no, it's Viva Hate

D: No, I looked!
R: It's on Bona Drag, cause it was a single!

D: Two... off..
R: But it's, it's the sixth track on Viva Hate

D: It's on Viva Hate too?
R: Mm hmm! Suede head yeah...

D: Cause I looked for it the other day...
R: Yeah, it's on there
R: But it's on Bona Drag cause Bona Drag is a collection of all his singles
after the first couple of...

D: I dont think it's on Viva Hate man, we'll have to look when I get home
R: Uhhh... Betcha five bucks. I'd swear it

D: I'll take that bet
R: Okay, it's on there!

R: 1, 2... Oh! Soda...

R: *in hilarious British accent* Eth, Eth's go' a mouf full o' cookies!

B: Bum licker!
Someone: Eth got beat up by fascists and left for dead

Monday, March 05, 2007

The English Premier League (a definition in a game)

Sunday morning at 11 am I started to watch what happened to be the best Soccer game I have seen this year. It was between West Ham and Tottenham, two east ender teams that would most likely be considered Darby game but, in fact it's just a bitter rivalry.

First we need to talk about the best thing in Euro sports; "relegation". Relegation is a great thing. If your team finishes in the bottom 3 teams of a 20 team league in the premier league then the next year you don't get to play in the league. The top 3 teams from the league below, the First Division, replace you and you are forced to earn your way back into big time money and television football.

West Ham, is a strongly supported team who just last year finished second in the FA cup, losing on penalties to Liverpool in what was another amazing game. but this year West Ham, despite signing two amazing Argentines in Teves and Maschereno (since let go) they have failed to put any polish on their play and need to win or point in at least 7 of their final 10 games to move out of relegation. Though that seems difficult, for a team with this much talent, it is very possible.

Tottenham has of late been a favorite football team due to their high priced signings and maturation efforts of local England favorites such as Lennon, Jenas, and Robinson as well as huge international stars in Defoe, Berbatov, Lee, and Keane. Tottenham should be a top 5 or 6 squad but have underachieved this year thus far but should still be playing in higher Euro Football next year.

Tottenham and West Ham hate each other. The pace and effort for the first 20 minutes was rare. In EPL play you find what you don't find in other Euro football, pain, pace, blood, and professional production only rivaled by the American NFL. The Spanish, German, Portuguese, and Italian leagues may produce some great games but they just don't measure with the drama that is manifested by the EPL.

The game below in the video had me on the edge of my seat the entire of Sunday morning. If you aren't a fan of sports or think soccer is a sissy game then I would implore you to watch an EPL game (preferably a Darby game) and then tell me at the end of that game that you didn't find yourself immersed in the beautiful game.

Enjoy this:

Goal 1: Watch Tevez bring the ball down via his chest to Nobel's right. Just amazing work.
Goal 2: Tevez with the magic free kick. This was Teves' first goal and at the 30 minute mark this was the decided thus far. It's amazing he makes it out of the crowd of Green Streeters after leaping in.
Goal 3: Lennon acting job followed by Defoe's free kick. Defoe used to play for West Ham watch his trot and stare.
Goal 4: This won't be mentioned in the goal of the year breath but should - watch the back heel by Lennon. Simply amazing!
Goal 5: Zamora came on 15 seconds before he scores this goal.
Goal 6: Berbatov may be one of the most underrated creators in the game.
Goal 7: Just listen to the call and how heartbroken the announcer is for the home team.

So now West Ham will face almost certain relegation unless they manage to get points off of Arsenal, United, Chelsea and Liverpool in the next six weeks....that was the sound of me laughing. The heart break that must follow after being up 2-0 in a game you need to keep your team in the league against one of your most hated rivals (Milwall sp? is their most hated) has to be unreal. Tiny Bubbles West Ham - Tiny Bubbles lads (they sing Tiny Bubbles at their home games...yeah I know...fuckin English people)

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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