Happiness Is a Choice
I used to be unhappy all the time. Like the feeling of insane depression for no reason other than I couldn't choose to be happy. I think all people that are strange artists, Introverts (I capatalized it too nah nah nah), or creative thinkers get manicly depressed if they don't understand things. And you would think with some of the things happening to my family and myself at the moment that I would again turn to manic unhappiness. But, I tell you my friends. Happiness is a choice! Repeat: Happiness is a choice! Ok now really
reapeat it , trust me "HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE"! I never understood that until I got here. (You know some days I wake up and just crush my skull with all the strange ways I have changed since last August.)
Keith and I say it everyday when we go to meet Korean girls or go out with people we don't like. Happiness is a choice. (It's odd how Keith and I have become really good friends lately)
Take last night for example. Bret, sweaty, club, korean girls, western guys, more sweat, bad music, possible fights. But, I took my credo (sp?) (ooohh no, wait! "monacher"(sp?)...oh wait is that a monacher...maybe not) and I repeated it in my head. "Happiness is a choice". How can it not be? No matter where you are you can find beauty in everything around you. I'm not saying that to be another one of those people that say that. Because if you are reading this than you more than likely know me and would understand that I am deep down still angry and can lash at any time, so for me to say things are beautiful is somewhat revolutionary. But, back to the point. With all this negative energy being exuded by the club lions (army, big Iranian men) around me and their bulging muscles, shaved heads, and sick weird desire to look way too untouchable, I crammed away my bi-product negativity towards them and focused on the love that was around me. I focused on the people that were with me, the smiling faces of dancers, Keith's goofy dancing, the music, the lights that danced on the lions bald heads making them semi-clown like and funny.
This was my choice. I chose correctly. I chose to be happy. It was a wonderful choice that I made. I can make the choice in everything I do all the time, I can choose happiness, and I can make things happen in a different way. Instead of going home with a cute little Korean girl and laughing naked on my floor all night, I could have picked a fight, lost, gone to jail, etc... It was a choice.
But it was more than last night. It's true in all aspects of anything social and it has changed me in some weird way to simply think that way. And the more I think that way the more I don't have to think and then the more it becomes routine and the happier things really are.
I used to think that being unhappy was the wine of life. Really, I used to think that being salty and getting angry with people or picking them apart (which I can still do...so don't think you can run rampart over my ass) was a great way to live. I used to feel alive when I was bitter. I used to climb inside myself and crouch there and think that I was really smart or special in some way. But, it wasn't life that I was feeling. It was my soul battling against death that made that energy. It was something inside me saying, "You're a fucking jackass!" I haven't heard that voice in a while, and I am happy to choose never to hear it again.