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I Kan't Spell



Friday, June 27, 2003

 
Topic: Male - Femal Relationships (Korean/Western)

I personally love Asian women. I don't know why, but they just seem so much more attractive than most other women. Maybe it's the surliness, or the inner anger that never comes out because they have this weird sense of refinement. Maybe, it's the passiveness in which they approach anything intimate. There are many reasons.

While I have been here I have dated a few native Koreans and slept with a few more but for the most part they could not satisfy me on a major relationship scale. First, there is the language barrier. Obviously, not being able to tell anybody about what really happened in your day or about any real idea you may have about something without drawing a diagram can be taxing. There are also cultural barriers to cross. Having a Korean actually introduce you as her boyfriend to her parents is a rare if not unheard of thing. You are more or less in the "Look Who's Coming to Dinner" relationship if you decide on dating a Korean girl. You also have to win over her entire family and this is no small feat given the hatred and jealousy that most Korean men carry for Westerners. They envy everything from penis size to wallet size and they hold that grudge close. Meaning, they will allow you to entertain them and drink with them but when you want to date a member of their family or a close friend you and the girl are automatically thought of as crazy.

The relationship itself is different from a western relationship in many ways. First, Korean women are more family and pleasure oriented. Their main goal is to make sure you get everything you want from food to sex. They also make sure they get everything they want, thus is the trade. It is a little bit more clear cut here than in America but the idea still resembles the patriarchal foundationsof our forefathers, everybodies forefathers. They always put themselves last on most affairs. They will often not eat until you are finished, not sleep until you first sleep, they always go last. It is also rare to find one that does not fall instantly in love after or just before you having sex. They attribute most acts of intimacy with love, and the strong Christian found oddly in the innercity also helps this "love for sex" cause. The love issue is a large concern. It may take months for a western couple to relay their love for each other, each one needding a solid foundation in which to branch out that first real intimate step. Korean girls will tell you immediately that they love you and this immediately causes an awkward conversation unless you are heartless and simply lie to her and tell her that you love her back. Two of the three relationships I have had here have ended because I would not say that I loved them. Another major difference is their infancy in sex education. Most women here under the age of 24 are virgins and it is rare to have found a woman with more then 4 sexual partners in their past. They are often taught to hate sex and treat it as a mere tool to please the man. Most of the sex I have had here has been, well let's say, on a learning curve. They are however, astute (sp?) students and dedicated to improvement. Yet another difference is the need to please. With western women you have to keep them entertained and may feel the need to be witty and artful in all of your daily interactions with them until a certain amount of time has passed and you have reached the level of compfortable intimacy. Even at this level you find most relationships dying because of the loss of the "spark". With a Korean girl you can just be quiet and sit and do nothing and she is perfectly happy. You can look at each other for hours and not expect her to say or ask for anything, and if she does ask it is with only cute or passive intent, as if she were telling a joke.

The attraction to Western men for Korean women is hard to explain since I am not a woman, but alas I will make an attempt. If you are Western, not bald, not really fat, and can play nice, you could spend every day in Korea with a girlfriend. You are an instant celebrity. You are considered non-conservative, outgoing, sexual, up front, and rich even if they don't know you. For example, in a club in Korea, you have no need, if you are western, to adorn anything more then a white t-shirt and jeans. While Korean men are clamouring around in 1000 dollar Armani suits you are attracting more women than them and are more apt to take women home. Everything attractive about the male species comes out because you are close to the opposite of everything male here. Your taste, personality, image, and lifetsyle is better perceived. It is admired and thus causes the easy flight to find Korean girls. For example, if you look at Korean family portraits, the men never smile. They look on sternly and gravely into the camera. When you look at photos of Western families they are smiling with an air of optimism and enthusiasm towards life. If you were a Korean girl and your culture was just now being introduced to American movie stars, music, and Nike would you still look into the eyes of your stern staring father and want his life. Would you be attracted to that. If what your foundation was based on was now being shaken and disturbed by something shinier, not necessarily real, but shiney, like a small bauble on the ocean floor.

I haven't found one western woman attractive since I have been here and I doubt that will change when I return home. There is just something rediculously appealing about them that makes all others look slovenly.

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