I'm getting really angry lately and I don't know why. I think I know I'm just close to the end of my stay here and that everything I have made my life for the last eleven months is now about to change. I know really don't have anything to return back home to and that combined with the impotent existence and treasures collected from the first reason makes this kind of a tough time. I mean what do I say to the people I am going to say goodbye too and might never see again. That makes everything seem so horrible. Like my stomach turns when I think about my last night here. I hope it won't be too sad.
Keith is grating on me and I don't really even want to go to Thailand with him because he has the weird idea of doing things alone and blah blah blah...it just makes it seem like we are sharing a plane and then when I get there I'll juts roll on my own. I;m a pretty social person most of the time especially when it comes to entertainment so it's tough for me to imagine traveling there and then being all by myself. I guess it will be ok because that's what it was like when I got here and sort of what it's been like for a while.
Keith said yesterday that I was bi-polar and this really hurt me in some weird way. We were on the subway and he was explaining his uncanny ability to read peope, so me, who likes nothing better than to talk about myself or hear people talk about me, asks, "So what about me?" I mean I think I am bi-polar in a lot of ways but you never really want to be told anything like that. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing because I think everyone has a multitude of personas it just means that I can't hide mine as well as other people. Like, I am starting to realize that I flip out and get all crazy and just do dumb spaced out shit more than I would like to. I don't know what to really do about it because I generally love myself. Like I think I'm a cool cat and most people who hang out with me have a good time and I have never really fought anyone I love, except my Dad. I don't know. I guess if being bi-polar is bad or whatever it is, then I don't care because I'm good.