Bretholmes.com - Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

    Investment News   |    DON'T   |    WORK   |    STOP   |    CRYING!   |    GUESTBOOK   |

I Kan't Spell



Saturday, July 05, 2003

 
I Tae Wan a Go

(That was sort of clever and it almost worked as a title(I may be the first man to ever put parentheses inside of parentheses to open up a post (oh this could go on and on and on(I was thinking of other titles))))

  • I'll Let You See It if You Want to Before You Go
  • And Then the Cigarette Hit His Face
  • You Have No Pause!
  • Outmaneuvered by the Irish Man
  • Being Nice is the Only Means to So Many Ends
  • Thai Girls Shine Bright Under Neon


As we all know it was July 4th yesterday and I was dying for some Americana and besides the TGIF in Changno the only other option was to hit up Itaewon. It was hot out last night. Damn stinky city hot. The kind of hot that drapes on you and reminds you that you live in filth and nastiness.

I invited Brendan (have I mentioned Brendan? Irish, big, jokes for days, strapping lad, likes a beverage, can't handle the beverages, seems to get naked and violent when entering the too far realm...that's it...ladies and gentlemen...da da da da Brendan) to go with us down to Itaewon and Brendan showed up at the small cafe we were to meet at with Thomas (Thomas...smells, skinny, gaunt, just a real wet towel...). I wasn't happy to see Thomas. He's no fun and that's what I wanted, fun. Good old imported American fun.

So we left the 7-11 at 10 after pounding some soju and Cass (that's their wonderful beer here). I called Su Yeon (she will be referred by her pagan name here considering she would have known whom I called at 10 and then figured out that the other spy name now means her and then the whole jig would be up...understand? Are you seeing my train of thought?) in the cab ride and explained I was heading down to Itaewon. She was eating dinner with her sister and seemed pleased so I didn't force the option of invitation. Plus, you don't bring sand to the beach.

Keith had firecrackers in his bag and would light them and let them hang out the window as we rode along until they almost went pop. But, before they did he would drop them and all our heads would be on a swivel as it would bounce and jostle onto the sidewalk dancing in between the people. And the pop! pop! pop! spark, it was great to watch people do the "Holy shit it's a mouse dance!" as the friecracker went past their feet.

We arrived at Itaewon at around 11 and saw that it was semi-empty. I was expecting wall to wall chaos. I was expecting uncle sam on stilts and parades and little kids eating cotton candy waving flags, you know John Cougar Melloncamp playing on a big stage in the middle of the street. But, alas it was just another normal looking night in Itaewon.

But, it was nice to be around Americans. They just seem a different breed. More oblivous and self enclosed. But, at the same time very aware of everything. It just seems to bounce off of them as if they were ignorant to everything. The Africans, Arabs, French, and Moroccan guys, whom you can decipher by their dress of accent, all seem to be very jittery and intense about everything. They are always trying to look cool and that just makes them that much more uncool.

Shots, beers, pool, jokes, shots, tequilla off a breast, fat women, fatter women, and two pretty Thai girls. This was the first bar in a nutshell, except for the guy I met in the bathroom who was from Baltimore. Now American's are one thing but a tride and true Baltmorian! I almost peed myself before I started peeing. He was in the military so it was easy for him not to be amazed because he probably knows ten Baltimore guys on the base but I was thrilled! We talked about the Orioles, the Ravens, you know general rediculous meaningless things but it was wonderful. It was soooo beautifully wonderful.

Then I envisioned the bars I would frequent at home and the warmth I could feel returning and saying "Hello, you look great" all over again to so many people. Being able to give a long deserved and desired hello to someone and having it really be sincere is momentous it swells me with a very warm, I just ate a pecan chicken breast from that place across the street from Radio City Music Hall, feeling.

Keith looked tired and it was getting on 3 when I became all alpha male and decided to lead us into the fun. Up to this point I was the only one having fun. I was talking to (need a code word here...we'll use phillies...ooh that's good) phillies and taking body shots and enjoying myself. It was what I hoped for, it was what I semi-envisioned and I was getting it, I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from enjoying myself on this evening. I looked back at the table and saw Keith(tired), Brendan (bored), and Thomas (Thomasy). Then Brendan perked up as I insisted we go to the giant club across the street. It's name was limelight and it was where I would make my "scene". Keith didn't want to go but I dragged and dragged him. Thomas is so much of a pussy that it didn't matter if he wanted to go or not, he was going. (Title!)

The two Thai phillies were being escorted by Brendan and I and Keith finally gave in and went into the club. Brendan had the cute girl that spoke English. I don't speak Thai so I played cute games with fingers and pokes to the ribs and the phillie did the same. We pointed at stuff and laughed at each other as we walked. It was ok. But Brendan's girl had a half sleeve tatto and her nipples were poking out of her shirt.

We went into Limelight and it was packed. They were the playing the worst music I had ever heard but it didn't matter because I was workin, in my jeans, old man skipper hat, and hysterix shirt, and killer shoes (i'm such a girl). But, we danced and (hmm need another code word...smooched) smooched as the night went on. Brendan was pawing his girl and Keith looked miserable. Thomas might have been abducted, who cares. But when I saw Keith I had to drop my Philly and go rescue my friend. I brought him in, introduced him to my horse, and he rode like he had never gotten off. He was dancing and all was right with the world. I wasn't going anywhere with it so I let Keith have it and she seem to accept quite well.

Now I was back on the sidelines looking for another 3 year old mare. I was eyeballing and eyeballing but all I could see was this big pretty boy in front of me with his big flowing curly black hair dancing with 5 American models. They get paid to come into the club and dance. Damn beautiful people. But, one of the girls was doing her job by making sure I had someone to dance with and she came over and grinded on me. I was not amused so I pushed her away and try to scream in her ear, "I don't like whores!" She went away after that. The guy came over a little later and said he wanted to have a chat with me. Being about as imposing as a puppy I agreed to speak in the bathroom as I pissed. He explained to me that what I said was rude, and then Keith pulled a great line on him as he walked into the bathroom in the midst of our conversation, Keith looked at him and said "You have no pause". The guy didn't understand and neither did I at first and probably neither do you, but you'll get it the more you think about it. So I walked out after spitting on the floor between his legs. It was kinda cute.

Back on the floor I was getting ready to roll. I was then entrapped by previous philly and really wanted nothing to do with the thing. So I shoved her onto Keith told him to play nice and that I would be back in a hot minute. I heard the White Strips Ball and A Bisuit playing on the floor and I had to be a part of it. Now I am envisioning how stupid I actually looked mouthing the words on an elevated stage pointing at people. But people seemed to dig it, they were all looking at me as if I were a semi-rock star. I loved it and they did becuase I knew all the words and played it up, I was doing well, and then I got challenged by one of the paid dancers she came up and started shaking her ass as I sang. I didn't want a repeat of the whore comment so I let her roll with it...I pointed at her while I sang and she grinded on my leg in combination with that hard blues rhythm. It was kinda smoking

Big pretty boy wasn' having it. After the song he got her off the stage and decided to do some "You're my ass!" dance ritual with her. He was dancing with her deeply and passionately. Keith and I watched him together and Keith yelled in one of the song low points where people could hear him, "YOU HAVE NO PAUSE!" I laughed and and pretty boy looked over flipped me the bird and I flicked my cigarette and hit him right in the face. I think he went to bathroom and cried or fixed his hair. I don't know I never saw him again.

After that we left, Brendan went home and tagged the sleeve girl, his first sex since being here, we're all very proud of Brendan. I think he's in love, I don't think he gets laid too often, he seems like one of those guys who falls in love after sex.

That's it...ill write more in a second...hope you enjoyed that...I know I did!

Comments: Post a Comment



Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Reading
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Newness
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Quote(S)
Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Deerhoof
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Enon
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Oasis
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Travis
Two if By Sea
Ween

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
Fletcher's
8x10
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre
Sonar

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Aldo's
Bishop's Collar
Boccacio's
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
Porter's
The Irish Pub
Turner's
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
NEW!!!
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return


Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

- MUSIC
Donewaiting.com
hive3.com
Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

- BUY
Aloud.com
Pre-Shrunk
Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

- HUMOR
Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

- PERSONAL
Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools



Archives
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
01/01/2012 - 02/01/2012
07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013
10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014
08/01/2014 - 09/01/2014
10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014
11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014
12/01/2014 - 01/01/2015
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
02/01/2015 - 03/01/2015
03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015
04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015
05/01/2015 - 06/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
07/01/2015 - 08/01/2015
08/01/2015 - 09/01/2015
10/01/2015 - 11/01/2015
11/01/2015 - 12/01/2015
12/01/2015 - 01/01/2016
01/01/2016 - 02/01/2016
03/01/2016 - 04/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016
08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016
10/01/2016 - 11/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
02/01/2017 - 03/01/2017
03/01/2017 - 04/01/2017
04/01/2017 - 05/01/2017
05/01/2017 - 06/01/2017
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
08/01/2017 - 09/01/2017