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I Kan't Spell

Saturday, July 05, 2003

I Tae Wan a Go

(That was sort of clever and it almost worked as a title(I may be the first man to ever put parentheses inside of parentheses to open up a post (oh this could go on and on and on(I was thinking of other titles))))

  • I'll Let You See It if You Want to Before You Go
  • And Then the Cigarette Hit His Face
  • You Have No Pause!
  • Outmaneuvered by the Irish Man
  • Being Nice is the Only Means to So Many Ends
  • Thai Girls Shine Bright Under Neon

As we all know it was July 4th yesterday and I was dying for some Americana and besides the TGIF in Changno the only other option was to hit up Itaewon. It was hot out last night. Damn stinky city hot. The kind of hot that drapes on you and reminds you that you live in filth and nastiness.

I invited Brendan (have I mentioned Brendan? Irish, big, jokes for days, strapping lad, likes a beverage, can't handle the beverages, seems to get naked and violent when entering the too far realm...that's it...ladies and gentlemen...da da da da Brendan) to go with us down to Itaewon and Brendan showed up at the small cafe we were to meet at with Thomas (Thomas...smells, skinny, gaunt, just a real wet towel...). I wasn't happy to see Thomas. He's no fun and that's what I wanted, fun. Good old imported American fun.

So we left the 7-11 at 10 after pounding some soju and Cass (that's their wonderful beer here). I called Su Yeon (she will be referred by her pagan name here considering she would have known whom I called at 10 and then figured out that the other spy name now means her and then the whole jig would be up...understand? Are you seeing my train of thought?) in the cab ride and explained I was heading down to Itaewon. She was eating dinner with her sister and seemed pleased so I didn't force the option of invitation. Plus, you don't bring sand to the beach.

Keith had firecrackers in his bag and would light them and let them hang out the window as we rode along until they almost went pop. But, before they did he would drop them and all our heads would be on a swivel as it would bounce and jostle onto the sidewalk dancing in between the people. And the pop! pop! pop! spark, it was great to watch people do the "Holy shit it's a mouse dance!" as the friecracker went past their feet.

We arrived at Itaewon at around 11 and saw that it was semi-empty. I was expecting wall to wall chaos. I was expecting uncle sam on stilts and parades and little kids eating cotton candy waving flags, you know John Cougar Melloncamp playing on a big stage in the middle of the street. But, alas it was just another normal looking night in Itaewon.

But, it was nice to be around Americans. They just seem a different breed. More oblivous and self enclosed. But, at the same time very aware of everything. It just seems to bounce off of them as if they were ignorant to everything. The Africans, Arabs, French, and Moroccan guys, whom you can decipher by their dress of accent, all seem to be very jittery and intense about everything. They are always trying to look cool and that just makes them that much more uncool.

Shots, beers, pool, jokes, shots, tequilla off a breast, fat women, fatter women, and two pretty Thai girls. This was the first bar in a nutshell, except for the guy I met in the bathroom who was from Baltimore. Now American's are one thing but a tride and true Baltmorian! I almost peed myself before I started peeing. He was in the military so it was easy for him not to be amazed because he probably knows ten Baltimore guys on the base but I was thrilled! We talked about the Orioles, the Ravens, you know general rediculous meaningless things but it was wonderful. It was soooo beautifully wonderful.

Then I envisioned the bars I would frequent at home and the warmth I could feel returning and saying "Hello, you look great" all over again to so many people. Being able to give a long deserved and desired hello to someone and having it really be sincere is momentous it swells me with a very warm, I just ate a pecan chicken breast from that place across the street from Radio City Music Hall, feeling.

Keith looked tired and it was getting on 3 when I became all alpha male and decided to lead us into the fun. Up to this point I was the only one having fun. I was talking to (need a code word here...we'll use phillies...ooh that's good) phillies and taking body shots and enjoying myself. It was what I hoped for, it was what I semi-envisioned and I was getting it, I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from enjoying myself on this evening. I looked back at the table and saw Keith(tired), Brendan (bored), and Thomas (Thomasy). Then Brendan perked up as I insisted we go to the giant club across the street. It's name was limelight and it was where I would make my "scene". Keith didn't want to go but I dragged and dragged him. Thomas is so much of a pussy that it didn't matter if he wanted to go or not, he was going. (Title!)

The two Thai phillies were being escorted by Brendan and I and Keith finally gave in and went into the club. Brendan had the cute girl that spoke English. I don't speak Thai so I played cute games with fingers and pokes to the ribs and the phillie did the same. We pointed at stuff and laughed at each other as we walked. It was ok. But Brendan's girl had a half sleeve tatto and her nipples were poking out of her shirt.

We went into Limelight and it was packed. They were the playing the worst music I had ever heard but it didn't matter because I was workin, in my jeans, old man skipper hat, and hysterix shirt, and killer shoes (i'm such a girl). But, we danced and (hmm need another code word...smooched) smooched as the night went on. Brendan was pawing his girl and Keith looked miserable. Thomas might have been abducted, who cares. But when I saw Keith I had to drop my Philly and go rescue my friend. I brought him in, introduced him to my horse, and he rode like he had never gotten off. He was dancing and all was right with the world. I wasn't going anywhere with it so I let Keith have it and she seem to accept quite well.

Now I was back on the sidelines looking for another 3 year old mare. I was eyeballing and eyeballing but all I could see was this big pretty boy in front of me with his big flowing curly black hair dancing with 5 American models. They get paid to come into the club and dance. Damn beautiful people. But, one of the girls was doing her job by making sure I had someone to dance with and she came over and grinded on me. I was not amused so I pushed her away and try to scream in her ear, "I don't like whores!" She went away after that. The guy came over a little later and said he wanted to have a chat with me. Being about as imposing as a puppy I agreed to speak in the bathroom as I pissed. He explained to me that what I said was rude, and then Keith pulled a great line on him as he walked into the bathroom in the midst of our conversation, Keith looked at him and said "You have no pause". The guy didn't understand and neither did I at first and probably neither do you, but you'll get it the more you think about it. So I walked out after spitting on the floor between his legs. It was kinda cute.

Back on the floor I was getting ready to roll. I was then entrapped by previous philly and really wanted nothing to do with the thing. So I shoved her onto Keith told him to play nice and that I would be back in a hot minute. I heard the White Strips Ball and A Bisuit playing on the floor and I had to be a part of it. Now I am envisioning how stupid I actually looked mouthing the words on an elevated stage pointing at people. But people seemed to dig it, they were all looking at me as if I were a semi-rock star. I loved it and they did becuase I knew all the words and played it up, I was doing well, and then I got challenged by one of the paid dancers she came up and started shaking her ass as I sang. I didn't want a repeat of the whore comment so I let her roll with it...I pointed at her while I sang and she grinded on my leg in combination with that hard blues rhythm. It was kinda smoking

Big pretty boy wasn' having it. After the song he got her off the stage and decided to do some "You're my ass!" dance ritual with her. He was dancing with her deeply and passionately. Keith and I watched him together and Keith yelled in one of the song low points where people could hear him, "YOU HAVE NO PAUSE!" I laughed and and pretty boy looked over flipped me the bird and I flicked my cigarette and hit him right in the face. I think he went to bathroom and cried or fixed his hair. I don't know I never saw him again.

After that we left, Brendan went home and tagged the sleeve girl, his first sex since being here, we're all very proud of Brendan. I think he's in love, I don't think he gets laid too often, he seems like one of those guys who falls in love after sex.

That's it...ill write more in a second...hope you enjoyed that...I know I did!

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