Metaphors for Sex and People I don't like But Whom I am Forced to Interact With
God Damnit! Well now I'm pissed and writing. There happy! I was just thinking about all that I sacrifice in the face of embarrasment or shame. All that I should write about but I won't because I'm afraid of what people will think. Now some, may be laughing knowing that I say and do what I want in their presence, while others may be nodding knowing I am sometimes reserved and shy when I am outclassed or think I am, it all depends on the relationship we had in my past life (I say past because I'm a different Bret boy!). But, I don't want to sacrifice moments anymore because they might be embarrasing or they may be detrimental to a relationship. Do I really want to love or associate freely anyone who can't reflect or take what I say with a grain of salt or reverance. No! I don't...I don't want to know people who would judge me negatively for the truth that I write in a trite journal. But, if it's a trite journal than why squander emotions left for self, in it. It's all a big paradox and I struggle with it every day. I struggled with Apache Chief, I struggle with people here finding my chapters and giving me shit, I struggle with putting these poems of my youth together and realizing how much they are going to piss people off. But, wait why should I write negatively, I mean some things are negative let's all accept that but can it not be written objectively. But, doesnt that give it some sort of weird unintimate light if it is objective. Doesn't that destroy the fabric to save the quilt. It's all very difficult and please understand I'm not bitching but there are so many things I want to say and am just too gutless to really say them. I think I may try another blog under an alias somewhere in outerspace where I can just write for me and use real names and talk about hard sweaty sex and how much I really
drink or how f'd up my head really
is...because i'm holding back here...i'm pulling reigns and I don't like it......Sometimes I feel like I write just to see what certain people have to say or to know that people are reading it and that makes it all worth while like a small taste of weird celebrity but it's not like that while I'm writing. It's only like that when I sit down and know that I want to communicate and get feedback. I'm straying off course now.