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I Kan't Spell



Monday, October 06, 2003

 
Random Sprinkles on an Otherwise Shitty Ass Weekend

  • I brought my dad home for the weekend to get him out of that place. It was so heavy that I almost cracked. It was heavy. Like I was sitting there just thinking that I am now responsible for him. The way a teenage father is responsible for an unwanted baby. But that will all get worked out. It has to or it will end badly. He knows that him and I are entering survival mode. I just hate to see him scared you know. I don't think I ever felt sadder then when I was watching my father in a gas station becoming disoriented at the soda machine. I actually cried there in my car watching him fumble with the lid to go on the drink and then watching him swig out a little only to open the lid again and fill it back up. He had this distant gaze and a glaze of him that made him seem so fragile. So fragile...I sat there in my car as a ton of bricks slammed through my windshield and hit me in the mouth.

      Things making me smile
    1. Wake up Time - Tom Petty (I've said it once and I'll say it again. Wildflowers is just a brilliant album. And Tom Petty is extremely underrated at times. Well maybe not but when he burned his house down in the 80's because he was stoned and he admitted it...that was great...)
    2. This great Korean book of short stories. I just read this one short story "Three Days in Autumn". It's about this woman who gets her revenge on the world by becomming a gyno and then treating sexual diseases and performing abortions to keep the sex industry alive. It's so koreanly twisted.
    3. Stand By Me - Oasis (Over-indulgent awesome rock with guitar solos and lines of coke on the mic! Liam sounds awesome in this song.)
    4. My New DKNY socks. They make me feel so solid and pointless. And that's so why I bought them.
    5. Main Offender - The Hives (I would like to openly say Thank You to the last band of the genre that I liked. My love for that music is so dead. The Strokes new song is just a huge turd. I have to find the new hotness...)
    6. Grape Gatorade - With all these flavors like Glacier and Red Cool and Fierce coming out in the gatorade family...it's nice to see the traditional, yet also very untraditional, and often forgotten flavor of Grape make it's stand without the need to be called like "Staminafique" or "Great Grape"
    7. MTV cribs - Never in my life have I been more sad and entertained at the same time. It's like watching yourself be tortured and that was so much fun because you're like assualting your senses to find what you hate. I can't beleive people watch that and enjoy it. Sitting there saying, "Ooh look at all the shit I'll never have but I'm gonna torture myself into thinking I need" And then I totally did a mock cribs and walked around my house and imagined myself in front of the camera ripping open a bag of grandma utz and sitting on the couch to watch football. Introducing them to my Daewoo TV. I have to admit that I do like it when they go to the Po' peoples crib. Redman was hilarious. Like Puck's house wast just like my house. You also feel really sorry for their houses; the rich ones. Like what kid wants to live in such a strerile environment. My mom did a damn good job of making my house cozy.
    8. Hey Hey My My - Neil Young (it's just so unstoppable...and...so is Neil Young...i have to listen to that new album)
    9. Jeans - Dude I fucking own jeans! And that's like all I wear...i'm such a pendulum of a human being...you know if there is ever a revolution or cause I believe in...I am so totally there...and leading and like bleeding for it...)
    10. My Passport photo is just rediculous...I have this huge smile as if I were trying out for Wheel of Fortune.
    11. Pipe Dreams - Travis (Awesome song, Awesome band...but 45$ for a ticket...ya'll aint that cool now...)
    12. Blogger's of people I know - Is there anything better than pulling up with people you know and not pulling up with them. It's so awesome to read the blogs of people I know. It's so weirdly odd that that is how we relate, but after being in NYC and around Tim (and honestly we talked more while I was away via blgging and stuff then we ever did when I was in Bmore) and like it was awesome...it totally made me feel better...Everyday I anticipate and hope to just pop on there and read a funny story excerpt from doug or an observation or some sort of list of rules from Mike or one of Tim's analyzed dreams and his love for Snapple and delivered lunch sitting right next to his weird obsession with news about odd crap...like these things make the day better...
    13. Better Man - Pearl Jam (I remember Mirel telling me that she thought this song was "Butter Man" and I think that came up because we were singing it one day and she totally said "Butter man". I miss that girl. It's good to know she's still around...and oddly uncomfortable without me...nah nah nah...)
    14. My toenails and fingernails look really healthy
    15. Commercials My favorites today were the football ones...always the best for any aging athlete who enjoys light beer and arm wrestling in public...they had "Must be football season" and "True", and the United way ones are always awesome.
    16. Stevie Ray Vaughan
    17. Candles that don't warp and seem to last forever
    18. Having ugly girls think I'm cute
    19. My shitty ass poetry. I'm so happy I tried.
    20. My childhood friends. It just feels natural and so safe. Like a club that no one can ever ever join. No matter what happens to you in your life. There is always werid love there with my original kids. It's not always good and we have all definately gone our own ways. But it just folds so wonderful some times as long as you don't do it too often.
    21. Running into girls you slept with that now have real boyfriends but still want you to throw it to them one more time. And if their boyfriends are dicks and know who you are and get jealous or they have that bathroom talk with you, "You need to stay away from Michelle." that makes it all the more fun to flirt with them. Because once you feel a Baltimore girls ass freely...you can always feel it.
    22. I had a great analogy of emotional involvement with sports and how dumb it was. It was the only convo my father and I had the whole weekend that wasn't about how fucked we are. Getting upset or involved about sports is like waking up and throwing a hissy becuase it's cold out. It was better than that I assure you...but I remember my father and I went from that to Huxley, to DH Lawrence...it was a small ray of hope.
    23. Private rooms and other VIP things. I was given a private room this weekend and it was hot to walk past everybody and you know be taken care of. And then I felt all posh and jackassy so I gave it to a bunch of college kids knowing they would like it more.
    24. Mirel memories
    25. Charity - of any kind! Just being helpful in anyway. I think stuff like that rules. I love helping people...I have no idea why...even if it's some bullshit like helping someone move, bailing them out of jail, picking them up from the airport...stuff like that
    26. Solid craps
    27. Beverages that take you by surprise
    28. Having your own pretensiousness and arrogance go undetected and being aware of it the whole time.
    29. Spanish music

    So yeah the weekend sucked a little and I got totally salty on saturday night. But it's gonna get better. I have to believe that.

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