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I Kan't Spell



Thursday, May 20, 2004

 
Only in Baltimore

I just got this email from Baltimore Magazine about the 101 things to do in Baltimore that will put you on your way to being a Baltimorean. It got me thinking about how much I love this city. I used to really not enjoy being here, as I had never lived anywhere else. But upon returning I came to the realization that my home is my home. And you always love it because it's familiar and comforting to feel knowledgeable about a place. This is my abbreviated list (in no particular order) of things to do in the greater Baltimore area.

  1. Have you ever played soccer at Patterson Park with a whole bunch of guys who look like they should be in the Hells Angels and speak no English?
  2. Have you ever bailed your friend out of the drunk tank at the Maximum security prison?
  3. Have you ever chilled with a bum in Fells Point?
  4. Have you ever eaten on Corned Beef Row?
  5. Have you ever eaten at the Sip n' Bite at 5 am?
  6. Have you ever eaten inside of a big ship on Boston St.?
  7. Have you ever shuddered at the site of tourists at the Inner Harbor?
  8. Do you never eat at the Cheesecake factory or McCormick and Schmicks because you know they are rip-offs?
  9. Do you, in your mid 20's, shy away from, if not detest Fells Point, Federal Hill, and Canton?
  10. Do you have hopes of showing your children the lighting of the Monument on Dec 1st, and then feeling comfortable enough to take them to Mid-town Yacht Club to let them de-shell peanuts and throw them on the floor?
  11. Do you pride yourself on knowing where 1722 and Plush are, and when it used to be cool to go there?
  12. Have you ever been to the Ottobar to see a band just because of the name?
  13. Have you put old bay in your beer?
  14. Do you know the difference between an "exacta" and an "exacta box"?
  15. Do you not eat crabs in other states in fear that your relatives may disown you?
  16. Do you cringe when a nationally televised sporting event hosted in Baltimore has announcers that only talk about Crabcakes and the Innerharbor?
  17. Do you remember when the Orioles were good and the fans were rowdy?
  18. Do you own a ravens jersey?
  19. Have you eaten at Sabatino's at 2 am?
  20. Do you know to never to eat at Sabatino's before 2 am?
  21. Do you know how to order Pit Beef on Pulaski highway?
  22. Have you ever been approached by a hooker on Pulaski Highway?
  23. Do you know where the dividing line between pasties and all nude is?
  24. Have you ever made a joke about Dundalk?
  25. Have you ever had a drink with anyone from the Kirk, Mark or Lopez show?
  26. Have you purposely turned around when you hit North Ave. coming from the Harbor?
  27. Do you know who Stan Stoval and Mary Beth Marsden are?
  28. Have you seen O'Malley's March live at Mic O'shea's?
  29. Have you ever been west of Martin Luther King Blvd.?
  30. Do you know what's on the corner of Light and Cross St.?
  31. Have you eaten at Zorba's or any Greek joint on Eastern Ave.?
  32. Have you gotten money out of the ATM at the Hippo?
  33. Do you know 5 colleges in the Metro area?
  34. Have you ever chanted "Show Your Tits" at Preakness?
  35. Do you think Nati boh tastes just like any other beer?
  36. Do you know Johnny Unitas' number?
  37. Have you been to the state fair and played either the "roll the ball in the hole" game or the "4 pool balls in 4 shots game?"
  38. Have you been to a Boys Latin lacrosse game?
  39. Do you know what Turkey Bowl is?
  40. Can you name 3 players of yore from the Baltimore Blast?
  41. Have you been to Rox Stats park?
  42. Did you play any sport in the Baltimore Metro League?
  43. Have you seen the Degas exhibit (seems like 20 years running) at the Walthers Art Gallery?
  44. Do you know what restaurant serves rosemary fries in a cellar?
  45. Have you ever played Chess on Gay St.?
  46. Have you ever walked down the "block" and been handed a flyer? *Bonus points for excepting the offer.
  47. Have you ever been on top of a box inside a club at Powerplant Live?
  48. Do you remember what the original Powerplant live, used to be?
  49. Do you own a brick from Memorial Stadium? *Bonus points for a chair...
  50. Can you name 10 private high schools in the Baltimore area?
  51. Can you name 10 public schools in Baltimore city?
  52. Have you ridden the Metro to Camden Yards?
  53. Do you know where Squires is?
  54. Do you have a "HON" bumper sticker?
  55. Have the people from the Paper Moon Diner tried to get you to join a cult?
  56. Have you watched a John Waters movie outside in Little Italy?
  57. Have you played kickball in the BCSC?
  58. Have you ever ordered a resurrection in any other bar besides Brewer's Art?
  59. Have you bought a CD from Soundgarden?
  60. Have you sold a CD or DVD back to Soundgarden?
  61. Have you played baseball at Herring Run Park?
  62. Have you played golf at Druid hill park?
  63. Do you find yourself vacationing in Ocean City?
  64. Have you drank booze outside of a Jiffy Lube in Rosedale? *Rosedale yeah!
  65. Have you bought beer from a bodega in North Baltimore when you were underage?
  66. Have you seen a film in the Science Center at the Imax?
  67. Have you played with the sea lions outside of the Aquarium?
  68. Have you ever gone rowing in the bay?
  69. Have you gone hiking along the Loch Raven Reservoir?
  70. Have you been in one of those paddle boats they have at the harbor?
  71. Do you prefer a softshelled crab sandwich over roast beef?
  72. Have you seen a hip hop/rap concert at the Baltimore Arena?
  73. Do you think Lacrosse is a great sport?
  74. Can you indetify on a map where Hampden, Little Korea, Little Italy, Pig Town, and Little Mexico are?
  75. Do you know why the call it Pig Town?
  76. Do you know who owns H&S bakery?
  77. Can you name 3 tattoo parlors?
  78. Have you played trivia in each of the three drinking boroughs (canton, fells, fed hill)?
  79. Do you find the MICA kids snotty and annoying?
  80. Do you stop and look at the screen paintings on O'Donnell St.?
  81. Have you tailgated at Pickles or Sliders?
  82. Have you bought a car from Jerry's?
  83. Are you related to a McMullen or Xavier?
    ~~~~I stopped here before I realized I was only 17 away..I'm doing it!
  84. Do you know what the term digital harbor refers to?
  85. Do you hate the sports writers for the Baltimore Sun?
  86. Do you know what the Legg Mason Building used to be called?
  87. Do you know what it says on the big clock tower in downtown Baltimore?
  88. Have you taken the subway in Baltimore? All 15 blocks of it...
  89. Do you know where Duburns indoor arena is?
  90. Have you gone swimming in any of the following rivers? Back, Middle, Chinqoteague, Potomac. *Bonus points and diseases if you have swam in the first two.
  91. Do you pronounces "water" as "wooder" and "wash" as "warsh"?
  92. Have you been inside, despite your denomination, the "Mary Our Queen" Cathedral?
  93. Do you have a book overdue at the Enoch Pratt Library?
  94. Have you taken your dog into a local bar?
  95. Do you know who Detour Dave, Ron Smith, or Les Consulving are? *Bonus can you name where they work?
  96. Have you ever been on the USS Constellation?
  97. Have you ever been to Edgar Allen Poe's grave?
  98. Do you know the year Baltimore became an official city?
  99. Do you know who J. Thomas Scharf is? lol...
  100. Have you been ice skating behind the Harbor?
  101. And finally have you been to the top of our illustrious 32 floor, the only still standing one in the US, World Trade Center!



0-10 - Where the fuck are you from and why are you reading this?
11-30 - Go back to Virgina or one of the surrounding states
31-50 - You've lived here a while aye? But you're ass wasnt born here.
51-70 - Born and raised....in the County
71-90 - Born and rasied in the city or the outskirts and had a father who liked to gamble and drink!
91-101 - You should be in a Waters flick you freak!

There are more...just can't think of them now...wow alot of these just have to do with sports, booze, and food? lol...

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