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I Kan't Spell



Thursday, May 13, 2004

 
To Unwind

So the first 3 days of this week have been pretty taxing. Work has been tough. People have been tough. Roommates should peril in a tragic freak roof collapsing accident. So I did what any born and bread Baltimore man does when he feels stressed. I went to see naked women dance. It's been such a long time since I've been to a strip club. And I'm not getting nearly as much sex as I need in my life. So going to a strip club at 6:30 on a Wednesday seemed like a great idea. Oh what I miss by dating strippers and partying late night with girls who could talk about themselves for hours even while laying on a bar completely naked doing tricks with their orifices.

Anyway...I went over there with my new sidekick as of late, Jenkfest. Jenkfest is my roommate and I kinda like living with him. So he looks at me while we are there and he wants to leave after about an hour. I simply looked over and said,
    "I didn't get 300 dollars out of the ATM for nothing. I'm not leaving until I see 10 different girls and thank them all personally for showing me their birth canal. Here's 50 bucks, pick one, and go have a lap dance."

Now I don't really watch the girls. I mean I do. But I don't get off like most guys at a strip club who tilt their head and try to see up to someone's kidney's. I don't do that. As a matter of fact I usually look them in the eyes and try to find any spark of life. It's not really the organs that I'm attracted to, it's the "milkshake". It's any glowing aspect of them. It's whatever they are most proud of...now I know we're talking about strippers here but everyone ends up somehwere for a reason. And you are just as close to being homeless as you are to living in the penthouse. Most of them are just women who are confused or in a tough spot.

So in that vein I have come to the conclusion that here are three kinds of strippers.
  1. "The dumb girl". This girl had an abusive boyfriend that probably sold a whole bunch of weed or coke at some point and she started hanging out with his trashy friends, probably banged a few...and from there it's a short backslide into dancing naked for dollars. You can spot her by her willingness to talk to you and her actual enjoyment while dancing. She's usually an ass smacker and probably has at least one nipple or womanly organ pierced. She's in it for the drugs or another man to come and treat her the same way her last one did. 60% of the girls are part of the "dumb" genre.
  2. "The money grubber". "You know I'm in law school and I need the money. But I was thinking last week I also want to be a doctor, or maybe just own a Porsche.". You can usually find her by her slow movements. She's a grinder and a singer of her own song. The money grubber will make eye contact with you because she knows that's where the tips come from. She's usually the hottest one in there...and you'll know her because she doesn't look like she's been blowing cocaine off guy's grundals for 5 years. She looks stripper hot. She will also say things like "Hey handsome." or "You're such a cutie pie." You will also see her flirting it up with the ugliest men there because she's in it for the money and she can detach herself from being openly judgmental. She knows the bald dwarfs and fat greasy guys tip the best and that shower at the end of the night takes it all away, especially when it's a thousand dollars in bills. 10% of the girls are money grubbers.
  3. The daddies girl. This girl probably left home at 18 or something tragic happened. She may have been kicked out of school or had a parent die. The point is that she feels kind of alone and confused. She may have had a boyfriend that left her and she found herself, jobless and schoolless with a circle of friends that brought her into the fold. She's usually cool and collected and there isn't much that separates her from the "money grubber" girl. The main separation is that she doesn't look like a stripper. She looks like the girl in highschool that always had good skin and smelled like vanilla. She has an air of normalcy. You can see the soccer mom in there somewhere.The "daddies girl" usually stays in the stripping industry for no more than 6 months to a year. They either clean up their act or find a sugar daddy. You can usually spot her by her natural assets and her inability to look customers in the eyes. She'll do her tricks for you but she won't look into the windows of the soul while she does them. 30% of the girls are daddies girls.

I also realized even more that I'm not attracted to northern European women. If women were cuts of meat in front of me in a butcher shop, I instinctively know that I always go for the tenderloin. It's the same way I always go for the dark haired girl with hips and dark eyes. Nordic blondes, and southern belles, or dye jobbed polish girl just don't turn me on in any physical way. It's always the Italians, Greeks, Jews, Turks, etc....oh and don't forget Asian women. I was sort of bummed they didn't have any Asian girls working there. Now just because I find a certain breed of women more attractive doesn't mean I don't hold personality to a high level. I just hold physical beauty and the ability to be completely sexual as the clincher. Actually the real clincher is the Sunday morning conversation. But either way...

Anyway...I left at about 9. I felt much better.

Comments:
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