And Thankfully Ladies and Gentlemen the End is Here
We can now all breathe in a huge sigh of relief knowing that the most two pointless of all pointless sports has come to an end. Let us bid a fond farewell to Hockey and Basketball until November 1st.
With the passing of time we have learned that only true sports live up to lack of a superstar. I used to watch basketball back in the early to mid 90's. I was thankfully a child of the Jordan era and relished every Bulls game shown on primetime TV. I was also a child of the Gretzky (for the Kings) era. This was marked by the surging of the Great One bringing the frozen yawn to national attention.
And who do we have to thank for the emergence of these two sports during that decade, besides those two mentioned players? Well we can all thank ESPN for bringing us non-stop coverage of the most ridiculous "news" known to man.
I hold ESPN personally accountable for their whoring media production keeping fat white men in chairs at 11:30 PM to watch sports center to see if Radiklov Rackmonovich will be starting between the pipes on Thursday. I blame them for making it seem all so important. They treat a basketball game between the Hornets and Hawks more importantly then Dan Rather approached the war in the middle east.
I only become agitated about sports when I think of Basketball and Hockey. I love Baseball. I love football just a tad less then I love sex. Why?
Baseball is timeless and situational. It's spacial and the game itself calls for situations of patience that lead to greatness. It's like watching a chess match between athletic people. It's as though Robert Frost (also a huge fan) were composing a poem during the entire game and at the end he placed it down on his desk and it read, "Twins 7 Tigers 6".
Football is technological and violent all-be-it maybe not as violent as Hockey. But I tell you what, you give me Ray Lewis and whomever the NHL has as a bruiser to go toe to toe...I know whom I'm taking. And that would be big bad Ray. Football is analytical and situational. It’s 3rd and goal from the 4. They have a 48 yard field goal to win. It's sudden and instantly gratifying to watch football. You can call plays from home and start to understand the game without having ever played it. Its sports entertainment at it's best. It has graphs and charts and numbers that could go on for days. It is, in the fabric of time, right in line with what we as a society are experiencing.
So goodbye you boring yawnfest of games; hockey and basketball. Go lay dormant until the Olympics when we'll lose to Yugoslavia. Go bring back short shorts and no helmets. Where's Al Iafraite when you need him? Where's my Jordan? Will it be Lebron? I don't think so. Lebron will always be "the next" Jordan. But Michael will always be "the only" Jordan. Some guy with a trophy over his head with people around the world praying that he'll fall will always be "the next" Gretzky. Whereas Gretzky will always be "the great one".
Oh how I rejoice at the sight of two pointless trophies hoisted over falling TV ratings and a dwindling fan base. Tears of joy enter my eyes when I hear them say there might be a strike or another team is leaving town in the NBA. Oh to see both of them disappear would be glorious.
