Weddings and Mood Swings
When you live life strongly and vibrantly you tend to have huge swings in your emotional center. I embrace these swings. I find them cleansing, reflective and helpful but to others they may be seen in a negative light. Well, to me, their mild blood temperature and self-paced emotions of a constant mild sickness is seen in a negative light so I don't really care.
These swings usually come when around other people. It's as if a tuning fork is always in the mind, constantly being struck and when it resonates horrible it is difficult to regain it's soothing balance unless it is accompanied by socially accepted drugs.
I was around a big group this weekend and as usual I reverted into a judgmental state of quiet reflection.
I went to a wedding on Sunday. I learned a couple things:
I don't really respect too many of my friends.
People should know when they aren't meant to be with someone. Why date someone that you don't like. Is fucking that important? Is a warm body more important than a chance at perfection?
I want to be married and have a family.
I don't believe that most of my friends are my family any more.
My selection of people to respect and love grows shorter. However, the criteria become more and more vague. Odd...
I'm learning to be fake with my emotions.
I still have good people around me that I do love. It seemed more average though.
Sometimes I'm just a flat out coward.
I want to be in love again. I want to feel as though I'm being a better person for a reason other than me. I want a little pair of eyes to look back at me like mirrors and allow me to realize the person I can become.
People are horrible and so unbelievably wonderful.
Poor breeding is causing the world to suffer.
I won't have sex with anyone again unless I am in love.
I won't be giving any chances to anybody unless I feel absurdly attracted to them. I refuse to waste time on anything that I wouldn't kill or die for. (sidenote - what's easier to do, kill or die?)
People are really weak. America is a woman's culture of simps. A whole bunch of little boys raised by their mother's. Sad little fuckers that like to have pissing contests but would never stand up for anything that wasn't already safe or determined.
Fake emotion is maybe one of the coldest tricks you can pull on someone.
