Liz
Last night I got to speak with the only girl I would consider dating. Hell, I'm already half-in-love with her and I barely know her. But, me, I've seen enough people in my life to know exactly what I want. I see her all the time around Federal Hill and even knew her from my days at college. I was rather rude to her during those days but last night I came absolutely clean and she cried. The only bad thing I may have said is that she looks and acts like Mirel used to act. I say "used" because I really have no idea anymore. Other than that, I let out all my feeling onto the floor. And since, I'm a rather emotional and sensitive person, when it comes to my own domain, it was honest but at the same time, probably a little overwhelming to both parties. But, life's entirely too short and fast to not say what you mean and give yourself a shot to mean what you say.
It was wonderful being honest. You see, I fall in infatuation very quickly. I get so wrapped up and passionate about things that I cast aside prudence in the wake of instant gratification. I hide no intention or feeling and have no problem telling someone that, "I am absolutely enthralled by you. I watch every movement you make when you are around me and everything I do is only for the audience of you." Eww... that rhymed, but that's about how it came out last night.
The good part about that swift moving passion is that I can be massaged into situations and given my propensity to not be impressed or bewildered I am merely content to pass time in that mode. I say pass time, but I pass that time in blind bliss. I am a better man for it, and as I grow, I can stay passionate and still be dedicated. I fall in love with simple things, I guess the most simple thing is the ability to love me back. Anybody who shows me attention gets my full self. If you show me attention you get anything you ask for.
Hell, I dated someone who once cheated on me. I was with her for three years. And looking back on it, we didn't really have that much in common and it was a poor move to have an older girlfriend with no direction other than the pursuit of marriage at 20 years old. I should have been out sewing oats instead of slowly becoming scarred for life. But we've been on that topic for years so we'll just move back to Liz. The point is that Mirel showed me love, and even though I'm pretty whimsical and flaky, I have the ability to retain focus on one thing and make it my life. Even if that thing isn't amazing, I have the ability to keep moving on without the need for anything more than a goal.
I'm not saying that's Liz. Hell I don't even really know her and we only talked in sobriety for about 45 minutes. But I know, that when she's around all I do is think about her. And on average I run into 2 girls a night that I have already slept with, and I could care less about them.
Her name isn't Liz, but I used to call her Liz simply because she looks like Liz Taylor looked when she played Cleopatra. It's obviously not a dead on match, but as far as physicality is concerned, those who know me know exactly what I'm attracted to, and that's pretty much her. But that's not what sums up Liz, not by a long shot. Liz....is one of those special creatures that absolutely crush men. They are friendly beyond all compare; they tend to be absurdly vivacious and large consumers of vices. They are life in a nutshell. They are what a woman should be. They are given the ability to be bold, assertive, passionate, and decisive.
A woman, to me, is your final asset.
A woman is the last thing you ever buy.
Men don't shop well. And after a few years of either no steady sex, or a life that is dull and friendless they choose any old woman. They choose what they find to be dependable, breedable, and manageable. It's a shame really.
Women are even worse, for they have the final decision in the mating ritual. It is the man who courts the woman and asks her permission. All too often women simply throw themselves onto the "sale" rack and are willing to allow any old customer to come in and purchase them. But, some women, women like Liz, aren't even on the display floor. They are in a backroom somewhere and you have to know the owner and bring only cash to buy her. You have to be on point. You have to be sharp and you have to know that this will be the last purchase you ever make.
The only thing bad about Liz is that she doesn't know how special she is. No one has ever really told her. She dates some sorry sod of a man and allows a putz like me to make her cry because I told she is the most alluring thing I have ever seen. If Liz were stronger she would be out of my league. If I was smart I wouldn't pursue her.
Will I ever see Liz again? Absolutely. Will I pursue Liz beyond this point? I really don't think I can help it. I have to find out. I haven't felt this way about a person in God knows how long. And I have to find out why. I mean I haven't even been mildly infatuated in years. YEARS! I've been sexually infatuated but nothing even close to actually wanting to know someone. As a matter of fact if Liz tried to instigate sex I wouldn't even come close to accepting. Anyway....
THIS HAS BEEN REMOVED. I feel pretty good today. I feel infatuated. I feel like I want to be a better person simply because I may see her again.
