Beat Out My Blood
I am venom. I am put into veins to cause the same look of me to come into you. I have taken fingers of finest porcelain and turned them to yellow nubs scored with permanent cigarette ash. I touch. I wither. I call upon all things known to me to allow for nothing more than awe. A gaping hole is all that I have to understand about the world.
I watched them dance. They swung from each other like monkeys attempting to wear neckties. They threw hair back and looked around. They made posturing approaches to show that the time was in front of them. MY BRAIN BURNS FROM YOU! I screamed across the room and it fell off into an echo. The music stopped. A girl walked by, touched my arm and said, "Come with me."
When did you come into my life and allow poison to be my name? When did I slouch into a chair? Always. Always I did. You can dream bigger and you can laugh louder but you will always be the little boy that didnt want to be called on. You will always be the man that was good in the barracks but dead in the courtroom. You will die here.
Stomach turns a little as I make up another story. Stomach boils as I decide between women and directions and versions of my life. Head takes a wicked turn towards sobriety in the face of clouded lives. I have no want for anything around me. I am not moved by anyone I talk to. I have not laughed in months. I have not seen anything worth wanting. I will fool all of you because I can. I fool people to allow myself room to breathe. I trick them and run my own entertainment up their flagpole. I can make anyone love me. I can bring back all the planets into alignment. I am venom.
