Cougars!
You know what I love sometimes? I love cougars. Old women in bars are the most likeable things in the world sometimes. I don't mean old like 50, I mean old like boring and depressed and unwed or divorced sitting at home on a Friday night with their vibrators. And when I say "their vibrator" I of course mean assortment. They are so confident and willing to degrate themselves in social settings. I believe that's what I like most about getting older. The lack of bullshit seems to diminish. Some people will say that the amount of bullshit gets even higher. Either those people don't know me or they themselves are waiting in line to kiss someone's ass. As you get older you stop being intimidated by people. You stop laying down your guns. There are no more dorks or jocks or cool kids. There's only crazy motherfuckers who lose in shuffleboard and then start throwing things. Anyway...back to cougars.
Cougars have that attitude towards young men. They think they can impress us with how sexually liberated they are. They think they can boss us around and pinch asses and say shit like, "I would fuck your brains out." I mean...I've slain a couple cougars in my day. But, to be honest there are always a ton, A TON, of problems that come with older women. I mean for one you have to assume that anyone over 30 has been permanently scarred by at least one lover or husband. You also have to assume that since they are single at 30, and I don't give a shit how many episodes of Friends you have watched, and how "totally awesome" you think Pheobe is, those women are slightly disturbed and in need of baby like care.
I guess the point I'm getting at is that watching 30+ women in bars after they get crushed is like watching porn. They start doing things that they haven't done in years and since they are older they no longer feel the need to inhibit themselves with reflections of other people's judgments. Hence, I guarantee you, if you ever hear at a full bar "Holy shit that girls showing her tits." Chances are "that girl" is a cougar.
Cheers to cougars!
