You are very confusing, though. There are a lot of aspects about your personality that I don't understand. You are obviously distraught that this woman played you for a fool, yet you went and dived into the relationship knowing what the outcome would be. You whine (very beautifully, however) how miserable you are, yet you claim the exact opposite in half of your posts. You say that you would prefer to be alone, yet you are obviously longing for love. You say that you don't need anyone, but you are dying for some sort of humanly contact. You use sex to compensate...and, I really don't know where I am going with this. Basically, who are you and what do you want? I would be interested to see a post of who you are versus what you want to be, and what you hope to achieve from your own self-mutilation.
Well, Anonymous, umm...who am I? I guess I'm screwy. I guess I'm a little lost. I'm a pretty passionate person and that sort of makes me flip flop all the time on what I want and what I don't want. I long for things, covet them, and then when I lose them or don't get them, I become attached to them. I become attached to them like Ahab and the white whale. I don't really know if I can answer you. I guess, since I am really bipolar within my approach to most things you can just say that I'm really strange, passionate, moody, oddly intelligent, and enjoy a damn good time. Yep...there you go.