24 = Violence = Always Has Been There
Ali and I were sitting around watching 24 last night. Why do I watch 24 you ask? Well first off it's the only real steady social engagement I have every week. Ali comes over, Eric comes over, Jenkfest comes down stairs, and even John comes down to the living room and while John, Eric and I make fun of this ridiculous show the other two just sit there going "Shhh", "Bret seriously! Shhhh!". I laugh and then throw out my guy in a mexican voice saying:
"Hey Homey, weren't you in fucking Lost Boys? I love that movie Holmes. I fucking loved it. Me and my Homey's used to hang from railroad tracks just like you? Hey man how come you got a gun now? Don't TBS pay you enough for them Lost Boy reruns?"
What was I getting at with Ali and 24? Oh yeah - this guy comes to the door and peeks his head in. He doesn't knock or anything and I'm thinking man we are going to rumble. I didn't catch a full face so I figured it was either someone's boyfriend coming to make issues or maybe some guy that we pissed off at a bar or who knows. The point is I jumped off the couch and ran to the door ready to rock someone in the teeth. Sadly enough it was our neighbor stopping by to get a package. I was really looking forward to a fight or a confrontation.
Then I tried to explain it to Ali, as it was only her and I watching last night and everyone else was at their parents house for Birthday, surgery recovery, booze...whatever...but I tried to explain to her that killing someone is a fantasy I have always had. It's crazy I know but I am really sure I would be a great hit man. Tim has always said that he would be a good hit man and I think that's true but I think him and I share the same kind of moral ambiguity when it comes to people. I would tend to be a little more passionate about kills but at the same time just as separated emotionally. The difference might be that I would torture someone if he eye balled me instead of just shooting him in the head, dropping the gun and then boarding a fast moving southbound car with suicide doors.
Anyway - Ali found it despicable. I found it interesting because I was serious. I think if there was a war I would be really excited to go. I think if someone ever hurt my Mom or wife I would not be hesitant to cause serious and irreparable pain to his person. I wrote this poem a while ago while I was in Korea - it was the day after I got into a fight with some guys who didn't like that I was American and dating a Korean girl -
Ditto
Maybe you didn't notice
My hand rising
To meet your face
The slap will wake you up
When you denounced my God
You slept with my wife
And cursed my mother
This is the rage in me
As I feel your flesh tear
Under the weight of my light knuckles
I stand hurdled over you
Screaming my beliefs into blank blood
Explaining the actions to your possible carcass
As the sweat mixes with blood
Such a sweet cool taste
As if I were running tirelessly
With perspiration on my back in the early fall
The potion drips down off my dangling fist
I pick you up by the collar
Scream and breathe in the night
Born again as a child to the wolf
