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I Kan't Spell



Tuesday, January 25, 2005

 
I see your 81 and raise you.

I think I could do these forever. Why? Hell, I never get tired of talking about me. I'm the most interesting thing in my life.

1. I have had over 200 stitches and 15 broken bones in my body.
2. I have easily EASILY lost as many fights as I have won.
3. My first fight was with Mitch Bowers when I was 11. It was over this girl..umm..Jamie Cree and everyone loved Mitch and hated me. The odds in Band Class were at least 2 to 1 against me. Little did they know that fat kids who played athletics could whip the shit out of nerdy punk skate boarders?
4. I was a massive klepto when I was in high school.
5. I have a fake tooth. It was knocked out because I was hanging from a lacrosse goal and picker my feet up. The back end swung up and smoked me right in the teeth.
6. I almost died when I was 12 because my temple swelled to the size of a tennis ball. (yet another lost fight - hey I was on a role)
7. My uncle was my favorite family member because he was most the most fun (he had a bathroom decorated with porn - what 9 year old doesn't love porn?)
8. I am a mutt by nature but these are my nationalities in order of predominance (German, English, Irish, Italian, American Indian - yeah I know)
9. I didn't start being cool until after I lost my first girlfriend. Dating strippers gives you some sort of mental legitimacy.
10. I bruise very easily.
11. When I drink I tend to exude a smell that faintly resembles Taco Bell
12. I think about sex at least 50 times a day.
13. Every man, no matter who he is, at some point, in some way, has thought about what it would be like to have sex with every woman that they see. i think women do the same.
14. I like to watch golf on TV in the summer with the air conditioner on full blast.
15. I can't sleep if I think about sleeping.
16. I take a nap every day.
17. My biggest fear when it comes to dying is burning to death or being in a position of helplessness like having to dodge a shark.
18. I would however like to die because of a dare.
19. The older I get the more I want to fight. I feel very alive when I fight.
20. I don't like having sex as much as I think I do. Mainly because I don't think I'm very good at it.
21. That took a few minutes to write and reword but then I finally just said "fuck it".
22. I would hang out with Doug, Tim and Mike every night if I could. And I don't really think I would get tired of it - they would get reaaaaaalll tired of me though. I'm the annoying one of the group. I bring color! lol
23. When I was little I would show my Mom my poop if it was really big.
24. I would also lather up my entire body with soap, get out of the bathtub, run into my Moms bedroom and show her that I was not completely lathered and could rinse.
25. I used to have dandruff so bad when I was 11 because of my over excessive use of the product LA Looks.
26. My mother sacrificed her entire life to give me a better one.
27. I once kicked a cop in the chest and did not go to jail. Thanks Zorn!
28. I once broke a kid's eye socket with a punch. He went into some sort of seizure and I don't think I was ever more scared in my life.
29. My friends are going to hate me when I disappear in about a year.
30. I am going to be really good at Tennis again.
31. I have very soft feet.
32. Girls in my middle school with show me their private parts. I still don't know why.
33. I did not go to one dance in High School. Not even my prom.
34. Playing high level competitive baseball has been the best thing that ever happened to me.
35. I used to have a rat tail that was fully encourage by my mother.
36. This was my haircut for 15 years "1 faded into a 2 on the sides and short enough on the top so I can just barely comb it over." I must have said that hundreds of times.
37. That all changed when one day Mike Oliver said, "Nah man. You gotta let it keep growing." I did, and I’m glad I got to bond with my hair before it started to fall out.
38. I used to masturbate all the time to Gina from Martin and the Mom from Home Improvement.
39. I have not spoken to my father in almost 9 months.
40. I avoid people's phone calls like the plague, including my own mother. If I see you, I see you. If not, don't worry about it.
41. I have a problem saying "no".
42. If I had 3 wishes they would be: 1) 50 billion dollars 2) A 10 inch penis 3) For all of my friends that I love (and the genie will know who they are) to have 3 wishes as well. I figured someone will take care of world peace or whatever.
43. My blog has changed my life.
44. I still have not wrote about Mandy's present because I don't know what to write.
45. When I was 5 I went to sea world on my birthday and was told to come down to feed the dolphins. I peed my pants, cried, and ran back to my seat.
46. I was once quoted in the Baltimore Sun as saying, "They didn't have shit on us today." Thanks Lem.
47. I don't like hotel rooms. But I really like hotel bars.
48. I have been blessed with good teeth.
49. I think 50 cents' new Vitamin Water drink is fuckin great.
50. My favorite choice of any candy is always the blue one, followed close by clear and then distantly by orange.
51. I don't have a favorite color.
52. I don't like old people who aren't active.
53. I don't like people who talk about grown up things that won't change the world one little bit.
54. I am good at math and logic.
55. I am not good at writing well thought out ideas.
56. You can always tell when I am making up a story or embellishing because the story tends to suck or fadeeeeee off.
57. I just pissed Jas off by not talking on the phone.
58. I constantly shake my leg all day long and am a jitter bug all the time.
59. I am extremely jumpy. If you call my name and I don't know you are there I will jump out of my chair.
60. I stick my tongue out of my mouth when I concentrate.
61. I am never buying anyone a birthday\xmas\valentine's day present again. Except for my Mom and my future wife and I guess my kids.
62. I hate holidays. Except for St Patrick's day and all the other pointless days that we have so we can get off of work or school. But Xmas, Easter, Birthdays, I could care less about - oh especially Halloween. I despise Halloween.
63. I would like to talk to Tim, Mike, and Doug more. But they never say anything. lol. Probably because they at least partially try to mean what they say where as I'll flip flop on something in a hot second just because I'm bored with it.
63a. These lists tend to be less about someone than they are just lists about stuff in general.
64. I don't know if I have an accent or not. I'd like to think I sound like Tom Arnold.
65. I used to have a huge collection of GI Joe when I was little.
66. My baseball card collection could have been much better but I'll be damned if I didn't make it as good as it could have been.
67. I am really good at making people cry, laugh, and angry. I am not good at making them feel good.
68. I'm distracted right now by furball. I can't focus on this anymore. Don't worry there will be another one soon.

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