What to do about St Patty's Day
And it's not just St. Patty's Day. What I decide to do tonight will be echoed throughout my other decisions in the near future. No one is going out. No one (and don't take offense because this is a highly male bonding night.) "I'm tired.", "It's Thursday", "I want to save money.", "I'm having dinner with family.". Well, that puts me at a cross roads. Do I go out and drink alone? Hmm. While I do like to drink alone I also find that when I do I think way too much about horrible shit and end up even sadder than I was before. So... can I take these awesome green suede shows and my bright green polo shirt and walk it home without a head glance at a bar? Can I resist the tingle of Jameson and O'sheas while loud music blares over the speakers? Can I do these things? More importantly do I want to? See...I don't believe in masochistic conviction to cleanse the soul. I am an instant gratification person and to deprive myself of anything would be like an assault on my soul. To honestly give up what I WANT TO DO in replacement for what I SHOULD DO is about as much me as John Wayne driving a Mini Cooper. But to be honest - I don't know if going out is what I want to do. I guess I'll figure it out as the day comes further circle but right now I'm sitting at 70% no and 30% yes. And this decision will echo for a while because if I can give up this or not feel this than I am less likely to not feel tomorrow or Saturday or any other day that just involves going out to go out. But it isn't that sad. That feeling of numb is so sad and pathetic when you have life in your body. Oh I don't want that. Back to 60% - 40%
