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I Kan't Spell



Thursday, July 14, 2005

 
Sexcapades and Your Picture on the Internet

So when I started the JVMM I applied to all the these weird dating services. I started to get emails to my junk account kiss_brets_ass@hotmail.com. Part of being me, is well, being.. umm sexually enticed at nearly all hours of the day. I'm a sexually charged person for the most part. So I signed up for adultfriendfinder in addition to these other sites. What I find on a daily email basis is both horrifying and intimidating.

Today I received the following tag lines from local singles in the Baltimore area looking to meet me (or anyone not in a decaying state):

    Wanting someone who is looking for just one woman to fill needs not being met. As well as filling my pussy.

    HEY MY NAME IS SWEETZ AND I SINGLE IM 18 YEARS OLD AND LIVE IN MARYLAND. I LIKE TO HANG OUT AND FUCK. PLZ APPLY IF 8" +

    25 y.o sexual, black grad student looking for intimate chat and possibly more...I love sex and know hot to use my ass

    hey everybody! i'm a total hottie with the best body you've seen. i have awesome cup d's and love big cocks

    BLACK MEN ONLY WITH BIG DICKS!!!!!- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS!

    im just a girl lookin for a man who is also interested in havin me as a fuckbuddy

The crazy thing is that these sentences are often accompanied by a picture of a girl on a bed with a black line over her eyes (just in case her daddy or boss may stumble upon to the site) spread eagle with two fingers showing you where her pee comes from.

Now, while I completely endorse free love and the idea of consensual, safe, guilt free sex. I also find these things to be completely and utterly intimidating and awful. Every time I read them I don't find myself wanting to ever in a million lives of the sun want to email or call or even be in the same zip code as these people. Why? Call it evolution. Call it the idea of romance. Call it anything other than not having an 8 inch cock and not wanting to wonder what kind of warts are going to be growing on my thighs in the morning.

More than that, and why I felt compelled to write, is what man - in all seriousness and not in bar room "I'll bang her talk" - would really engage in this sort of thing? What prototype of a human being looks at a woman on a public internet site showing her birth canal, wanting giant crushing cocks, and thinks to himself - ya know - - I could use some side poot? Do they really think to themselves , "I can handle that ass?" I don't know what kind of man that is. What I do know is that I never really imagine that people are like this. Now I am far from a prude but I don't ever look around and imagine that people ARE swingers or ARE out on the Internet looking for someone to throw them the high hard one in the parking lot of a Denny's. I imagine that all people go out to dinner, go home, turn on the evening local news and have sex through a sheet. Is that so wrong? Am I off base there?

I guess I am more turned off by the idea that I may not be able to fulfill the sexual desires of almost 98% of the women in the world, and to be honest, guys - - give up on simply trying to satisfy a woman for an extended period of time. Realize that most of us aren't studs. Most of us aren't the sexual beasts that we imagine after 9 beers. It's nice to have an ego and that is attractive, but at some point you are going to have to come to grips with the idea that you aren't really rocking the piss out of anyone's world. Then again - maybe you are - and I just lag behind. It's very rare that you ever find someone so attracted to you that your standard moves of ass tickling or nipple petting can storm the weather of a long relationship. Also, women tend to be more attracted to aesthetics (not as much as we are). So the next time you are picking your toes, farting, belching, and scratching yourself while watching SportCenter think about whether or not that can get them off for an extended period of time.

I guess the idea here is that these 'hook up', casual sex, sexcapade on batteries festivals that go on online are not for me. There are certain things in life that I just couldn't do. Things like this:

"Hey are you CutiePie188?"
"Yea..."
"So uhh - where uhhh.,... you know.... do you wanna fuck?"
"You got 8 inches like you said?"
"Uhh - I got some toys and a mule in the trunk."
"Yea...I guess thats cool. Over there by the dumpster is fine with me."
"Sweet, I'll be right back. I have to go put on my leather mask."

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