Call My Boat When You Know How
I mean sure you can control your actions but you can't control that snarl you get in your lip or that heated feeling you get in your stomach. All it takes is one thought of someone else's head on someone else's chest.
AND WHY DO WE HURT EACH OTHER - - on purpose - i mean on fucking purpose? If she tossed me aside and failed to show me the way to love I wouldn't mind because jealousy is something I won't stand for. I would never mind after jealousy came to visit. Drive me to drink and pour sand over my head while I punch at the ocean. I can sit around and turn all the tricks known to man but no trick wins a heart flush and no heart flush goes running for a spade draw.
There is so much venom around me and all I have is a little boat to row across a river of lies. A little boat with broken oars and a shameful flag that whimpers when the wind blows through it. Is it time to curdle back up into anger? Is it that time of the year to forget everyone except those don't make me jealous? It's an impotent fucking feeling. It's one that carries with it the worst metallic taste God ever created into the elements. It tastes like rotten bananas eaten off the cement sidewalks of hell. And all that from reading third party bullshit venom put there to make me mad. All that is put there to make me mad, just makes me hate everyone involved. It won't draw me closer to anyone; it will just allow me to be me.
You should understand that my gravity is greater than yours. You can throw your little stones at a planet and either it will envelope them and allow them to live in harmony or it will burn them up or bounce them off. I just want to leave orbit. This orbit is not allowing me enough sun and surely isn't allowing me enough room for my axis to tilt just enough to splash water on any other planet.
I'm sure something was seen and right now there is make-up love and tears and I'll be out of the loop to wonder. I'll be callous and no one will understand. I'll just hate everyone involved. If that's the reaction you want - that's the reaction I will eventually give. I can despise anyone a thousand times more than the light they can even live their life by. In fact my hatred can define you more than you can define yourself. Torment me and watch.
Jealousy: what a waste of time. What a complete waste of human emotion. But as much of a waste as it is, it is perhaps the one uncontrollable feeling that comes when a sentence is read, a phone rings, a song is played, someone is late or an image pops in your head. Rising up out of your face it burns your forehead and you just want to punch something hard enough yet brittle enough to destroy it. You want to be begged for life of whatever makes you jealous. You want to hold the world in your hand long enough to crush it.
Fair enough to it's cause, although jealousy is the most tumutltuous of emotions it is also the quickest lived. I was jealous of things last year that I will never be jealous of again. Jealousy unlike happines or sadness leaves you without reconciliation. Jealousy leaves you when you are filled back up again. I don't care now if my ex-girlfriends are bouncing ping pong balls out of their pussy into old men's mouths. But I will always smile at my Dukes of Hazard lunch box and I will always be sad thinking about my dead loving dog Hunter. It is only those with holes and doubts that carry the green envious bag of hated jealousy with them as they stumble through life hated and pained.
I am not a jealous person. I am however prone to missing and thinking entirely too much. I have no more tolerance for the feelings that have come and gone around my tiny little boat with it's ripped flag and salt warn oars. I have no patience for the dress made out of love that hides your knees. I'd love to hear that I love you only. I'd love to hear anything other than silence. The silence that beats it's tiny waves of venom around me and has no concern for the fact that I am going to leave all of this behind. I won't have a choice.
