I Kan't Spell

 
A Chance Encounter

In December of 1976 the Baltimore Colts played the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship Playoff game in the middle of December. They lost convincingly 40-14.

On this same day, just after the game had ended, a man flew a single-engine plane into the upper deck of Memorial Stadium. No one was injured but the legend of this accident carried on to my generation and what seems to be at least a couple more.


On January 1st, 2006 I walked out of my house at roughly 10:30 pm to join some friends for some wine and conversation up the street from my house. A man with a net-less defenseman's lacrosse stick was walking down the street and just happened to pass me at the moment I finished turning the key in the lock.

"Whoa buddy - where's the game at tonight?" I said while turning back to check my hair line in the reflection of the glass door.
"Fuck off you little prick." He said back to me with a sneer.
But, me being me, I was intrigued by crazy people carrying around lacrosse sticks at night. So I tried make peace and talk to him.
"I didn't mean anything by it. It's just you don't see it every day, now do ya?"

He stood, as old people shrinking do, at about 5'2" tall and was well near obesity. The man's chin was tucked into his chest and his deformed body had disallowed for any appearance of a neck and given him what appeared to be shoulder blades sticking out the front of his chest. He had a light blue plastic rosary hanging from his neck and a hat the read "U.S.S. New Orleans." He was bundled in layers of brown and blue and his eyes had the glassy appearance of a man either abusing substances or one that had been walking around in the brisk Baltimore air all evening.

I trotted the 10 paces in front of me that he was and wanted no ill will to start my new year. I tried pleasantries and they seemed to work. "Happy New Year!" and "Weather sure is shit." were spoken in one form or another as we walked the same direction towards different destinations.

Then a tangent came.

"When I was in Korea and Vietnam they would have never allowed any of this shit to happen."
"What shit?"
"This here. All these peddlers, junkies, and muggers."
"Is that what the lacrosse stick is for? Because to be honest. If I were a mugger that would only invite me to want to fuck you up."
"Yeah YOU TRY IT AND SEE WHAT YOU GET!"
"Whoa easy there. I was just saying it because it was my observation. I mean you no harm in any way. Tell me about Korea."

I spoke a little Korean to him and he remembered the words and raised one of his cloudy eyes to me from out of his chest. With a raspy wince he lowered it again and started to tell me about the fighter Planes he used to fly. It was ZTim this and RJ564 that and the BigHawkNight7's and whatever else he was spewing at me that I could not keep up with.

I then asked him his name.

"My name is Donald Kroner."
"I've heard that name." And I wasn't just patronizing him. I had honestly, and recently, either read or heard that name.
"Yeah I bet you have..." He said picking up his long white defense shaft and placing it back down in time with his right foot as he waddled along.
"Why would I know that name?"
"I tried to land on the 50 yard line but there were all these fuckin people in the damn way."
"What? I said almost thinking I had lost him to some schizophrenic moment."
"I'm Donald Kroner. The man who flew the plane into Memorial Stadium. Section 1 + 2 December 15th 1976."
"Whoa WHOA WHOA! No fucking way. I mean...are you serious?" I really didn't believe him and I thought he was just nuts. He started talking to me about wind sheer and dead stick and the old Martin Marrietta airport and explaining the number on the side of the planes and what they meant. While I was partially listening to that I was trying to sort out the validity of his claim in my mind.

"Let's see..1976 - check! Plane in section 1 + 2 - Check! Maybe he's a crazy old fucker. I don't remember the guy's name who did it. Maybe he's just a guy who knows about it and is assuming an identity...?...?" The only reason I know to do this validity check is because every child growing up near or in Baltimore city hears the story of the guy who flew the plane into Memorial Stadium.

"Here I'll show you my Veterans card."
He pulled the card and sure enough "Donald Kroner - retired"

I walked with him a little more and he told me about how he served 3 years in jail for the mishap. He had been tugging on a little bit of Grandpa's cough medicine when a stiff wind off the Chesapeake blew him well off course and somehow had him trying to land at Memorial Stadium.

I listened. My mouth was open and my head was shaking. I was talking to a living legend. A ghost in the shadows of Baltimore history. A faceless, nameless story book character that had been hiding in your closet or had sold the emperor his new clothes.

I parted ways with him and wished him the happiest of New Years and pleaded with him to not carry the lacrosse stick around.
"That only invites people to fuck with ya Don."
"I'll do what I want ya dumb little prick. Happy New Year to you too though."
"Cheers Donald Kroner. Cheers indeed."

I ran to the bar to tell everyone. I walked in and all the young faces from various parts around the city had no idea who or what I was talking about.

"A plan flew into a stadium? Memorial Stadium? When?"

I rolled my eyes but not for long because the story of Donald Kroner dead sticking that plane into Sections 1 and 2 was priceless even if I hadn't just met him. So I told the story and it seemed like a vague remembrance to them.

My friend Mr. Jenkins then spoke up and said, "Only you. This shit only happens to you."

From Ravensnest.com -

December 19, 1976 The Colts lose to Pittsburgh 40-14 in a playoff game at Memorial Stadium before a crowd of 60,020. Immediately after the game a small plane piloted by Donald Kroner crashed in the upper deck of Memorial Stadium (between sections 1 & 2). Luckily, a vast majority of the fans had already left the stadium.

May God bless and keep your troubled soul this year Donald Kroner, and all the Donald Kroner's of the world, myself included.

Happy New Year everyone. Let's hope it's a good one.


Link posted by JVMM : 10:06 AM