What I struggle With Now
I've always wanted to be successful. No matter how many times I say that it does not mean anything to me, I am lying, and of course it does mean a great deal. As of right now I am not a success by any means. There are many hindrances to this issue but none more so than my own laziness and malaise.
I am also struggling with the middle-age / middle-age dilemma that hits many 26-29 year olds. You see at this age some people are doing really well for themselves and some people are just getting their lives back together from whatever they lost or squandered. Some people are buying homes and getting married while a big day for me is grocery shopping and not drinking. It's a very strange thing and it cause a good bit of jealousy for me but I guess it can be motivating.
Today I am calling about apartments in a different part of the city. It won't be anything flashy or nice. Hell, it may even be downright impoverished. But, the point of doing it is to break the cycle that currently has me shackled to the person I don't like.
I guess what mostly brings these thoughts into perspective is the idea of love. My roommates, whom I love, and who are also in love with their girlfriend, start to feel the slow change. It's the slow change of recognizing your lack of giving love its full attention. What this does to you is it makes you want to change who you are sometimes. It makes you want to harness all that wasted energy and means and put it towards something wholesome, even if the idea of that wholesome something was sold to you by not so wholesome people. Hopefully love can help me be the person I owe to it.
Anyway, I don't enjoy being a semi-failure at 26. I don't like any of my bad habits and I think a change of scenery would be beneficial at this point. It's just an update. Thought some people out there would care to know.