Old Friends
Old friends are useless unless there is a mutual respect. What I fail to find most of the time is the lack of mutual respect either on my part or theirs. I had friends and then I lost them. I have friends now that I had once lost. I don't understand why it hurts so much or why I take it so personal but I do. It's some sort of strange insecurity in me that I need someone to need me as a friend. I sort of want them to care that I exist. For some reason though, they don't need me, they don't care if I exist, and I play no role in pretty much every life that I know. As a matter of fact the only role I play in most people's live is the role of pest or something similar. I can see why, now that I sort of type it out, that there is really 0 desire to keep in touch with me. I can see that. It bothers me but it is time for me to move on. It is time for me just not to really care about those who fail to care about me. Because believe it or not, I don't want to be a pest, and I don't want anything from anyone. I actually do just want to help or be there if needed. Either way - I have no desire to know about 98% of the people I've known. It's about time to move on because where I am is nowhere that I wanted to ever be.
Old friends are great because when you see them 10 years from now you'll still be able to exchange stories, invite them into your home without thought, and they can root around your fridge and pick up your baby without even asking. There will always be that. But still believing that old friends are your "now" friends is pathetic. People move on and grow up. They find new friends and new things to do. Throwing up on the steps of the city or listening to crappy music just doesn't have the same clear ring it used to.
