I am back in Baltimore. While i was away I didn't write. I didn't cry. I didn't really feel anything but numb (and a tad sick for a couple days.) The trip in no way held any spiritual or life changing value over what I am to become. It was neither an awakening or a reckoning of any kind. I slept. I drove. I listened to talk radio. I thought about what I had done wrong and what had been done wrong to me. I wasn't really moved by much. I cared little about anything.
Somewhere around Arkansas though I came up with a plan for the future that involved a plan I had abandoned about 4 years ago. It starts on March 3rd. Hopefully I won't have to fill you in to what it is - because those who care will know anyway. It's not meant to be mysterious or undervalued, it's just - just - something new.
Either way it's good to be back. The old "us" day is tom. and that means alone time for me. It's ok, I never really put much stock in to holidays like that one, or any of them, at all. Life is what you make it day in and day out. It's not what you extend as a grand gesture one or two days per year. I haven't been very good at giving love or caring for anything for quite a while. I'm not saying that will change because there still isn't much that I'm not cynical about but being dead is dead, and i've been a walking dead person for a little over 4 or maybe even 5 years.
Also remember that ToB plays Fraziers next Saturday and Deerhoof is on Sunday at the Ottobar. Be there or be lame.