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Baltimore: Mount Vernon Restaurant and Food Guide

Bret's Mount Vernon Food Review

Afternoon all - I have been working on this little document for quite a while. I have seen how many people come to the Federal Hill Food Review section and poke around so I figured I would write about my new little borough's eating establishments. Mount Vernon, as far as eating, per square block, is the Mecca of Baltimore. Little Italy is great and Fells and Canton have their moments but Mount Vernon has hidden gems, hidden menus, and the best palette teasers in town.

Let me explain the grading as well - when I grade the food as an 8, that is taking into account the style of restaurant; whether it be take-out, fine dining, or diner. If it is trying to be a fine dining establishment and it fails and receives a grade of 6 don't confuse that with the fact that the take-out place got an 8. I am not saying one place's food is comparative to the other I am saying that for whatever place it is trying to be - - that is how it will be graded.

Dionysus - The bar/restaurant down the street from me can come off as standoffish but it really isn't. Though the dining areas are often contorted and awkward, the food itself rarely lacks. Their upscale pizzas and burgers are pretty good staples for local upper echelon bar food. Their cheese plate is inconsistent in delivery (never been the same twice) but is always filled with new treats and welcomed surprises. The atmosphere of the "niceness" can be a bit awkward as usually the place is clad with forearm tattoos, tight black pants, Ryokskopp on the ipod, and heavy smokers drinking 4$ natty boh's. While I would not recommend this place for an out of towner, I would however recommend it for a nice change-of-pace mid week dinner or pull-up post work cocktail. This is a tiny hidden gem - but tiny.

Food 7.3
Atmosphere 7.0


Owl Bar - The Owl Bar used to be a Baltimore legend. Kings, Presidents, actors, and athletes have all dined at the Owl Bar. F Scott Fitzgerald held his daughter's cotillion there and preceded to haunt the place years later. It was THE place to be to hear about the great John Eager Howard or to have a fine dining experience in a fine hotel. Unfortunately for the Owl Bar, those fine days of 4 star cuisine and 5 star service have dipped into what feels like a bad night at Tully's. The new ownership and staff have switched what was once a robust yet classy dining room full of well dressed and kept waiters into some sort of cheap Bertucci's-esque show. The drinks are expensive. They are always out of something. They are slow at the bar and pretty unprofessional when it comes to the floor. The kitchen and prep area are viewable to all diners and it is not rare to see the entire wait staff joking, smoking, or lazing around while people wait to be served. The new Owl Bar ain't the old Owl Bar and if the Belvedere Hotel isn't careful they'll be expanding that into Ball Room C for future receptions. The saving grace to the dining experience is the 30-foot ceiling, stained glassed owl montage, and the history. But that's not enough to explain the appalling drop off in class that this place has sustained.

Food 4.4
Atmosphere 6.8

Brewers Art - Once the hipster saving grace of the Mount Vernon community has become just another run-of-the mill restaurant with a kick ass basement bar. I am not going to slam Brewer's Art because the clientele has gone form the Dostoyevsky reading, "what does it all mean?", bike messenger crowd to backwards hats, "Where's the oriole game?", computer nerd crowd. That is not the fault of the bar. They made a good product and like all good products the masses are eventually going to ruin it. However, take away that basement bar and the rosemary fries and you have a restaurant almost on tilt. I ordered something called "Airline Chicken" there a few weeks ago and it was roughly 25$ for a dry piece of chicken breast in alfredo sauce with peas and carrots. It was cute maybe as a joke. But I was pissed. The duck and Crème Bru Le are still staples that I would recommend going for. The dining room is impeccable, spacious, and very Mount Vernony in its presentation.

Food 7.3
Atmosphere 8.8


Viccino's - This new ghost town Italian restaurant boasts of Neo cuisine in a fine dining establishment. Unfortunately, if you don't get there quick it'll be gone or turn into something new. It's been close to over a year and besides the festivals or possible broken down tourist bus, that place attracts the bare minimum. Well - oddly enough - it's not bad. I mean it's not good but it's not bad. It's ruined for me because you can get the carry out from the same kitchen that serves the dining room. The dining room has some fresher garnish or something and more exotic items but their food should more than likely come in a tin receptacle as opposed to a Neapolitan plate. You also can't smoke in there, the bar is two shakes away from being a ba... And the inside looks like it used to be someone's long living room and then they put down fake wood floors and put up shitty Italian art.

Food - 5.1
Atmosphere - Laughable but clean

Viccino's Carry Out - Food from Viccino's going to your house. As far as delivery goes...you won't find anyone to compete with them in Italian deliverable cuisine. Calzones, pizza, and even pastas are more than eatable - they are servable to guests in a jam.
Food (takeout) - 8.5
Atmosphere - n/a

Tapas Teatro - The joint for the joints. This place is pretty great. The food across the board is solid. The food comes out quick and the place is set up pretty well. The only downside to Tapas Teatro might be that it's Tapas. Prepare to order 4 or 5 individual dishes at roughly 8$ per plate in order to satisfy your hunger. I recommend the white sangria and any piece of beef that they serve. The pea fritters and payaya are exceptional. It is located juuuust outside of what is considered Mt Vernon but trust me...it's worth the walk over 83. The place would normally be in trouble in the winter months if it wasn't so closely tied with the Charles theatre and the new "disco" down the street. The crowd tends to be young and hip or old and well-read. The atmosphere inside can be a bit stuffy and the wait staff isn't always the friendliest but the owner is a genuine good soul and the regular clientele's smiles combined with the aromas of the open kithcen make any wait or slight inconvenience palatable.

Food - 8.8
Atmosphere - 6.9

Mic O'shea's - One of the best bars in town. The food at O'shea’s is unassuming and filling. There are no over the top frills or over the top prices. The portions are large and the chef and owner put a lot of time and thought into what they prepare. The menu mainly consists of fried bar food but the specials and portions cannot be ignored. Burger night is almost a staple of any single male in the surrounding area. But the menu is also compiled of traditional Irish fare and a really great steak for about 18$. The sandwiches and appetizers are about par for the course but the standouts for me are the Ploughman's Platter and fried wantons. The atmosphere at O'shea’s is pretty great. They'll more than likely know you, what you drink, and what you eat after your 3rd visit. You'll see bartenders laughing and shaking hands with customers throughout the night. The dining room isn't the most intimate of places but then again you are in an Irish pub, don't be surprised if a band with a fiddle takes the stage while you are in the middle of ordering desert. O'shea's is the warm bed where most people of the area lay their head when they want a meal they can trust and a place they can feel welcomed.

Food - 7.5
Atmosphere - 9


Midtown Yacht Club - Midtown always reminds you of your friend's old car that he has had for 10 years. It smells sometimes, it doesn't work sometimes, but when you are in it, you remember things and feel pretty at ease. That's what Midtown is like to me. The fare at the "yacht club" is oddly... mexi-centric. Although it's not bad food - it ain't exactly real Mexican food. It's a good leap above taco bell but don't look much further past Chi Chi's ..and Don Pablo's is a distant dream when comparing authenticity. Midtown wasn't really made for food, and they sort of know that. The prices are fair and the wait staff is ok. It's a mom and pop kind of bar that for some reason sells tacos...i don't know either. The peanuts are free though...and you can chuck the shells on the ground. Woohoo...

Food - 5.5
Atmosphere - 6.8

Sammy’s Trattoria - Sammy's opened last year in place of Babamex or was it AfganWhig, or maybe Italiano's, or possible was it Cuban Cuisine... who knows. What I do know is that they are the 4th restaurant in that space on the corner of Charles and Biddle in the past 4 years. And it's doesn't really look like it's going to improve. While the food isn't bad..it's heavy. It's real heavy and it's real expensive. 25$ for a bowl of pasta with 26 oz's of cream sauce and olive oil somehow jesusastically seeping through the china is interesting to some, but gross to me. There are some delicate items on the list but for the most part I think we'll be seeing restaurant 5 in a matter of months. The layout of the place is rather elgant and well thought out. The big windows allow walkers-by to see in and the eaters to see out (obviously). There is a small overlooking birds nest table above the kitchen and again they incorporated the open kitchen motif...which I think everyone loves at this point. The staff is friendly...especially his Mom who checks coats. But overall I think I'd give Sammy's a pass on my way up the street...unless it's -10 degrees outside and you haven't eaten all day and have to run a marathon tomorrow.

Food - 6.7
Atmosphere - 6



Akbar Restaurant - The website says "fine Indian cuisine" now if "Fine Indian Cuisine" means eating in a basement off a menu containing 794 items then...I guess yeah. This tiny Indian husk IS located in a basement beneath a sex shop and next to a sub shop in front of a bus station and it is remarkable that Akbar gets people to eat there. They eat there because it's possibly the best Indian grub in the city. But let's not call it "fine". From what I understand there are some really great Indian restaurants in the county but not so much in the city... well this may be the class of the saffron world for Baltimore. Akbar is Akbar - it's Indian and it's pretty authentic. The 8 different kinds of Nan and the plentiful portions and appetizers make the place what it is. The wait staff is kind of rude because well - they are Indian...which despite stereotyping (actually as a stereotype) they actually are very impatient due to the propensity of ill-prepared customers and MICA kids looking for a cheap meal. They often huff and guff at you taking your time trying to decipher between the 800 different styles of lamb Tankannu. I would recommend Akbar if it's 10 pm on a Friday and you are with some friends and want to have something fun and new to eat. This is not a romantic restaurant and it isn't a place I would frequent. They have a pretty good Sunday brunch that I would also recommend if you love Indian food...

Food - 7.1
Atmosphere - 4.8


The Brass Elephant - Known as the elegant "No we aren't an Indian restaurant" place to be. This relic from the 80's is what makes me hate word of mouth when it comes to restaurants. Undoubtedly within Baltimore you have heard the following things said at least once "You HAVE to eat at ------" Well the 3 main culprits of that inflated bullshit sentence are The Rusty Scupper, Sabatinos, and The Brass Elephant. Never in my life have I seen people clamor to pay 20$ for a cheeseburger. This place, much like the other 2 restaurants mentioned, may have been great in their day...but their day has spit the bit and walked the plank and then jumped off and eaten it's own face. The food is above average, the atmosphere is actually pretty nice but seriously if you are going to spend 100$ per person - do it somewhere else.


Food - 8.4
Atmosphere - 8.8


City Café - City Cafe is another tiny jewel outside of the eating world. Why is it outside of the eating world Bret? Well...because everyone seems to think it's a fuckin Donna's or a Barnes and Nobel because of the abundance of laptops on tables instead of food. Oddly enough though these people are missing some pretty decent sandwiches. I'm not saying that you should stop what you are doing and run there - but... if you are in the neighborhood, with your laptop (pre-req), feel like eating a big sandwich and overhearing talk about the latest hardback best sellers than this might be your joint.

Food - 6.5
Atmosphere - 7.2

George's on Mt. Vernon Square - Another small hidden gem inside the Peabody Hotel and now next to my work is quite apt to serve you for lunch, dinner, or a relaxing yet lightly elegant breakfast. Often overlooked because of it's affiliation to the hotel, this 30 top single room establishment churns out some pretty tasty dishes. The locals have been visiting for years and now I think it's your turn to go to the monument and look down at the hotel...walk there... and then have yourself a nice fine-esque dining meal.

Food - 7.9
Atmosphere - 8.2



The Helmand - The Helmand was close to ruins after the building on 9/11 fell and we decided to attack people in mud huts 10k miles away. Luckily for us, and wisely for them, the Helmand stood strong and kept serving under-portioned Afghani cuisine through it all. The Helmand is ok if you want some ethnic food that will undoubtedly not fill your large American stomach without ordering 2 entree's. The environment is pretty ho hum but the bar late night is popping with furry chubby women with accents... and you know... that i'll be cruising that. The food isn't that over priced and the atmosphere is ok. It's nice if you want some Indianish Pakistani food.

Food - 6.5
Atmosphere - 6.5

Cazbar - Turkish food abounds and again ... the furry chicks ooze out and squeeze into this low rent place. Again it's sorta ho hum unless you REALLY want some food on a stick. It's not as good as the Helmand and it's kind of strange in a few ways...namely the lack of the turks in the place. But - if you stay late night you'll be greeted by the local Turk crew. And on Saturday I'll more than likely find my future wife belly dancing and then shaving her toes. Honestly though the kebabs are kinda tasty.

Food - 6.0
Atmosphere - 6.5

Iggies - They were voted "Best Pizza in Town" this year by the City Paper and deservedly so. The pizzas are original and fresh. The toppings are abundant and the atmosphere is really cozy. It's a BYOB and the place almost doesn't look like it's going to last due to their lack of full time help and desire to close on Mondays. I hope it does last though. Overall the fresh made sides and the pizzas are well above par for the neighborhood and the city for that matter. You can also take home pre-made pizzas with you and cook them later. This place comes highly recommended.

Food - 8.4
Atmosphere - 6.0

Never on Sunday - the classic Greek movie becomes the classic Greek take-out sub shop. The Gyros are phenomenal and come old school off the spit instead of out of the bag. Don't get me wrong, this place is a deep friend spoon, but at least it's a deep fried spoon with some personality and a little bit of self accountability. Never on Sunday is obviously not open on Sunday but if you are in the area and need a quick Gyro to soothe your pallet I would recommend it above any other shop within 4 blocks.

Food - 7.0
Atmosphere - 5.0

Prime Rib - This used to be the quintessential deep dark gangster steak house. When Ruth's Chris and Morten's moved in to town the Prime Rib suffered at the hands of them and this is evident as they have become a relic of their former fine dining experience. It's way too dark. It's way too expensive and to be honest... it ain't that good of a piece of meat. The sides are kind of cheesy and to be honest if I wanted to pay 50$ for a piece of meat I can find it better elsewhere. However, if you are interested in impressing a rich girl on a first date then this might be your spot. A jacket is required, there is a cigar room (humidor room), a grand piano with a permanent player, a sitting room etc... I think you get the idea.

Food - 7.0
Atmosphere - 9.4

Sotto Sopra - Some people love the Sotta Snobra - I mean Sopra... but I am not one of them. I find the place arrogant, presumptuous and over hyped. I can't say to have eaten there more than 4 times and not at all with the past 3 years but - the last time I was there I was not impressed and I was even slightly pissed. However, our in house connoisseurs of fine dining; Teri and Doug, have confirmed what I may have dreaded - that this place is actually pretty good. So - if I were you I would trust their opinion and not mine in this regard but I would have to say that it would not be my first choice in dining.

Tio Pepe - Tio Pepe is a tough sell these days. I have some issues because the owner's children were childhood friends and I don't want to bad mouth the place that is responsible for getting me laid numerous times in my broke adolescence. But I can say that as the family has gotten older... the restaurant has started to show it's age as well. It is still a Baltimore favorite for numerous couples who had many an important date or ceremony there. The staff is some of the most professional and long standing in town and the atmosphere is usually crowded but still top notch. If you have not eaten here I would recommend it simply because it is a Baltimore staple. But, don't be too prepared to have a real fine dining experience.

Food - 7.0
Atmosphere - 8.2

Thai Landing - The Thai landing is the best Thai food in town. It is located across from Brewers Art and is now hurting a little in the nights because of the massive construction all around it. The wait staff and cook staff are all Thai and that comes through in their ability to spice up or down your food and even take traditional Thai food requests if you have them. The inside eating is far from luxurious and more resembles a cheap Asian eatery that you would find most anywhere.

Food - 7.6
Atmosphere - 6.2

XS - The quirky, spunky, place where the kids with blue hair, nose piercing, and lesbian habits work is actually quite the find for Sunday morning breakfast, late night mixed fruit drinks, and just overall highly aesthetic food with a purpose. The Sushi, from what I understand isn't much to rave about but it is there. The champion of the place seems to be the hipster clientele bringing in new DJ's and helping to keep foot traffic going from the new places across the bridge up to the Belvedere hotel. I view XS as a stepping stone establishment but one that has a sincere purpose in serving delicious food and bringing a very real flavor to a neighborhood that needs a place exactly like it.

Food - 7.2
Atmosphere - 7.8

Minato - The Sushi joint to end all Sushi joints apparently. At least that's all you hear around Mount Vernon. "Oh you have to go to Minato" yeah well - this ain't your daddy's Minato. It's fucking expensive and it's interestingly snobby and gayish. In a new facility because of the space (rats) they pack them in and charge them steep. The Sushi is apparently really good but I'm not a sushi guy - so... each his own.

Food - ?
Atmosphere - 7.5

La Tijuana Cantina - Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - bring on the cheese! I have eaten here 3 times and each time I have been so amazingly unimpressed at what could be impressive that I have almost walked out. The idea of this restaurant seemed to have escaped everyone except for one mastermind somewhere who has nothing to do with it anymore. Because it's stupid. It's loud. It's uber weird and it's fod is nothing short of meh. The fajitas are pretty good but at 17$ a pop - I can make them at home.

Food - 6.9
Atmosphere - 6.8

BTW - what are we gonna do when we can't smoke anymore... tear...

And also on the corner of Madison and Charles there is a new club (it has no name). And when I mean club I mean awesome. The entire building has been refurbed into a big ball room. They have hipster night one night, big black guy night the next night, dorky 80's night for the cheesy white college chicks, and on the weekend it's just (good...i think atleast) hip hop, dance, and some tastefully chosen rock.
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