- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Friday, December 28, 2007

Holidays at the Office

This is how we roll...

Bret's top lists coming soon... be excited

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Late for the Sky
The words had all been spoken
And somehow the feeling still wasnt right
And still we continued on through the night
Tracing our steps from the beginning
Until they vanished into the air
Trying to understand how our lives had led us there

Looking hard into your eyes
There was nobody Id ever known
Such an empty surprise to feel so alone

Now for me some words come easy
But I know that they dont mean that much
Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch
You never knew what I loved in you
I dont know what you loved in me
Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping I might be

Awake again I cant pretend and I know Im alone
And close to the end of the feeling weve known

How long have I been sleeping?
How long have I been drifting alone through the night?
How long have I been dreaming I could make it right,
If I closed my eyes and tried with all my might,
To be the one you need?

Awake again I cant pretend and I know Im alone
And close to the end of the feeling weve known

How long have I been sleeping?
How long have I been drifting alone through the night?
How long have I been running for that morning flight?
Through the whispered promises and the changing light.
Of the bed where we both lie
Late for the sky.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Craiglist: It's just for Kicks

I swear some days I could spend hours on Craiglist just getting lost in the personals, random hookups, and adult gig seection. It is hilarious...

Some featured items:
    Plinko manufacturing is seeking qualified applicants to work in our Florida-based factory. We manufacture bathing suits and bikinis. We need 10-12 girls willing to train and you must work nude. The heat is on full blast. We lost the key to the box around the thermistat. Send full-nude shots to the above email.

    for champion the One hes number they commit the
    Team members will work in a hip and fun environment with competitive wages and benefits. Applicants must possess energy, enthusiasm; people skills and a passion for fashion. We need personnel to s.h.o.p. in our preferred topbrand retail clothing stores with our store staff. Best of all you will keep everything you buy. Candidates must be able to be detail oriented and report back to us on things such as: customer service, ease of shopping, presentation of product, and overall shopping experience. to check out your observation skills we put X's in our online application l.i.n.k please don't put any X's in it and apply with us;; (XeXasyshXopjobs.coXm)
    and who young the One quicker and the youve for be much all for crack the blown for thats ending guy Time are all for by Los into pretty Angeles maximum exist_

*head shake guy*

    Bored? Got the winter woes? Tired at sitting at a desk? Wondering why work is so unexciting? Holiday bills coming due?

    Make $120/$160 day. Full or part-time available. Flexible schedule.

    Send resume, pic and contact information. Include available starting date.

    Please, no email games. Serious responses. Don't "talk the talk" if you can't "walk the walk" as they say! Let's work and have fun!

    And yes, really need a personal assistant!

    Please Note: Added bonus if you also massage!

For 120$ per day - - jesus - -
    Hello Ladies. Most everyone can use a little help this time of year. This is especially true for students. I remember what it was like having to study non-stop for finals, and then have to worry about the expenses of Christmas. I am looking to find one nice young lady that is interested in building up her Christmas shopping budget. I realize this is a big step for both of us, so lets start slow and hopefully things will turn out great for both of us.

    I look forwad to hearing from you. A picture would be great, but understand if you are a cautious to start.

    Stressed?? Xmas Shopping and preparations driving you crazy?

    I can relax you.
    Feel like a king.

    I would love to come to you!
    Home, Office, Car, Hotel, etc.

    Half hour $80
    Full hour $140
    I am available from 10am-3pm.
    Evening hours Available for you NightOwls! (just ask)!!

Car?!?!?! lol

* Anyway - got a raise today and a new bonus structure. Loving it. Have a great holiday weekend and Christmas.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I don't care what you say...

This song - - still gives me semi-goose bumps. It's the ultimate girl break up song for a guy - but for some reason it resonates with me. Just wait until the 4:30 mark and tell me that Stevie and Lindsay didn't love deeply at some point in their lives... man - what a pair they must have been

    Time cast a spell on you
    But you won't forget me
    I know I could have loved you
    But you would not let me

    I follow you down 'till the sound
    Of my voice will haunt you
    (Give me just a chance)
    You'll never get away from the sound
    Of the woman who loves you
    (Was I just a fool)

Monday, December 17, 2007

Jason Dove and the Magic Whips

First off - notice the man in the Benjee Ferree get up - - ITS TIM in the

Secondly - check out his article that was written about JD in the sun...

He's a genuine guy that makes genuinely damn good music. Go! Go Team go!

BTW - Tim - you look like Benjy Ferree and the handkerchief's catching on.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Sleep Well

Thank you TERI for finding the following!

Great Great GREAT posters! Even some decent Baltimore-centric bands... The Wrens, Animal Collective, and Rogue Wave...

I'll be purchasing for myself for xmas Ted Leo, Mates of States, The Daniel Johnston Project, and Deerhoof... leaning towards that Flaming Lips one as well and it's a shame that they are sold out of the Iron and Wine's...

Check it out and wet yourself!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

In preparation...

For my company's huge Christmas gala at the Engineers club (Tuxedo' I have made it a point to follow the following rules - -

Keep the "workplace" in "workplace party."

There's no need to worry if you keep these things in mind:

The workplace's version of the 100 mile rule doesn't apply (if you're not actually in the office, you can do whatever you want). What happens at the Christmas party never, ever, stays at the Christmas party. Imagine how foolish you'd feel making YouTube's Most Subscribed list.

'Outwardly affectionate' has no place at the workplace party. Don't greet your boss and co-workers with a swift kiss on the mouth. If you're not in the habit of accosting him or her this way each and every workday morning, don't start when there are tens and hundreds of wannabe gossip columnists and TMZ cameras nearby.

'Free drinks' doesn't mean 'all you can drink.' Don't feel justified in 'getting your money's worth' from the deep pockets of the company. 'Cocktail hour' doesn't mean that you need to set a new Guinness record for the number of drinks you can down in an hour. Remember the term moderation and consider what it might sound like to your boss who's in the next stall when the bottom drops out.

Don't use this special occasion to appear sophisticated. If you're accustomed to sipping beer and wine, don't order a Long Island Iced Tea and drink it at the same pace in an effort to gain the reputation as a cultured, upscale, urban metro sexual. You'll leave a lasting impression either way, but better to do so while standing erect.

Be your genuine, professional self. It never helps being labeled the Clark Kent of the firm, being the polished, consummate professional by day and the deranged, hedonist Caligula by night. Desiring to have your finger on the pulse of the company may include becoming a part of the command center, not the center of attention.

Keep your emotions to yourself. Don't feel the need to let that co-worker know, once and for all before you burst from keeping that long-suppressed secret, that you have a crush on him or her, lest it be misinterpreted as sexual harassment. Unrequited love is much better in this situation than becoming known as a stalker.

Don't let your date become the center of attention. If he or she drinks so much that the Chicken Cordon Bleu gets coughed up all over boss's Salvatore Ferragamo loafers, they may suffer from mortification, but you'll pay the ultimate price. You might think you'll both look like Beauty and the Geek in comparison and contrast (where you're the beauty), but having an embarrassingly-amusing companion will more likely make the promos for Girls (or Guys) Gone Wild.

Don't bow to peer pressure. If you possess an overwhelming desire to join the gang at the bar doing Tequila body shots simply because you're trying to fit in, you don't want to be accused of being a prude, or because you work in a competitive environment and want to prove yourself conclusively as a contender, run to the washroom and reconsider. You'll attain greater credibility and less celebrity s a result.

When in doubt, err on the side of introversion instead of exhibitionism. Don't grind on the dance floor when the DJ plays "Love Shack." There's no benefit in showing others the meaning of the rapper Mims' jingle "This is Why I'm Hot." Keep it to yourself.

Avoid Groupthink. Despite what your perception is, alcohol doesn't make you clever, more intelligent, incredibly likable, and a better dancer in others' eyes. Have you ever walked into a party hours after it started? You feel like you've entered the Twilight Zone, don't you? Groupthink kicks in, and decibel levels and animation increase as inhibitions disappear. It's easy to get caught up in this mass hysteria. Assume that you're in a fish bowl where others at the party are looking in from the outside.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Baltimore After Snow
In the black with chips,
And Baltimore never seems clearer than after snow.
That smell of the cigarette you just smoked seems to...
"Exactly." Muttered the man next to me.
Exactly, indeed.

But Mobtown didn't hold it for me this morning.
It let me down like never before today.
It all caved on me this morning in line at the bank.

A grandfather barked at his boy IN the bank.
I stood filling out papers for this move.
I stood.
And even with a sweater a chill shot to me.
"Shut UP! Shut the fuck UP!"
"Grandfather" and "fuck" aren't two words to join.
The boy was 3.
And Baltimore seemed hollow today.
Even in this snow morning with the taste of fluff.
Even with these new black chips.

Maybe it really is the people of this town that get me.
I start to smell the fake on them.
The passive pot smoking loser crew,
The time eating wasted college students,
The common coke snorting county kid,
The fake heel toes whore with no jacket in January,
The dockworkers and the nail painters ring true,
The guitar strummers and the forearm tattoos fall flat,
The art that drips only smells of mockery and not individuals.
The angered blacks and the sad browns,
The pitchfork crews that pick the worms,
The painful needle suckers and the fat cops.
The shit suits stained with New York failure.

They all came out to play this morning.
And more lately they all want to play.
They all want to guff my chin and cheeks.
I'm 28 years old and now I have to listen.
Now 50 and I are the same.
Now old men want to rely on me to bum smokes and buy them drinks.
Baltimore needs 28 year olds with ideas.
Baltimore died for me a little this morning.
A Grandfather by no name would be "Fuck".

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Band of the Day: The Village Green

Other than the usual local suspects I haven't found many national acts that have tweaked my ear lately. This band however...did... Say hello to The Village Green.


There are more songs on their myspace - I would highly SNASLY recommend them - -

Holy Mother of Awful

Now every morning I listen to 98 rock when I get to work. Why? I have no idea. But I do and I have for about 15 years. It's just that I know when the news is, and when the sports is, and when the entertainment news plays.

Well, this morning Kid Rock went on the air on 98Rock, and you'll be glad to know two things: 1. He's coming to town so swoop up those tickets now. 2. His new song "Amen" may be the most amazing song ever created by man. I can only prepare you for the Republican red neck anti-brown people propoganda you are about to see. I can only... stress... that in the world today it is good to know that someone like Kid Rock still carries the torch so low and so dim. My adulation and standing ovation goes out to you.

I'll give you the lyrics -
    It's another night in hell
    Another child won't live to tell
    Can you imagine what it's like to starve to death

    And as we sit free and well
    Another soldier has to yell
    Tell my wife and children I love them in his last breath

    C'mon now amen, amen, amen

    Habitual offenders, scumbag lawyers with agendas
    I'll tell you sometimes people I don't know what's worse
    Natural disasters or these wolves in sheep clothes pastors
    Now damn it I'm scared to send my children to church
    And how can we seek salvation when our nations race relations
    Got me feeling guilty of being white
    But faith in human nature, our creator and our savior, I'm no saint
    But I believe in what is right

    C'mon now amen, amen
    I said amen, amen

    Stop pointing fingers and take some blame,
    Pull your future away from the flame
    Open up your mind and start to live
    Stop short changing your neighbors
    Living off hand outs and favors, and maybe
    Give a little bit more than you got to give

    Simplify, testify, identify, rectify
    And if I get high stop being so uptight
    It's only human nature and I am not a stranger
    So baby won't you stay with me tonight.

Yes... he wrote those lyrics down. He then went to a studio and played his acoustic guitar and sang them out loud and someone put them on a cd. That happened.

= Coming to you in the Senate for 2012.

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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