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I Kan't Spell



Thursday, October 16, 2008

 
Bringing it on back: Super Bio Astronaut Man Wants Diseased Kids with You
Anyone remember these - - someone at work found them and I was looking through them and man... some of them are pretty damn funny...


Prerequisite:
I am a woman seeking a man aged 35 to 45 in the greater Baltimore area.




"Marvelous Marvel the Magical Man"



It's been almost 6 months since my son was born. I think its time to date.



Where the fuck is he, in the fortress of solitude? Nothing says "hot" like premature babies, ceiling mirrors, and a diaper covering said premature baby, while you watch reruns of Simon and Simon.



How may ladies are just wet looking at this photo? Oh man this gets me HOT! And somebody tell him that it's ok to wear a shirt in the hospital for Pete's sake.



Sickly "feel sorry for me" or "I'm a man that can take care of his keeeeds" photo.



Round 5 of shirtless father with tubed baby.

Personal Description:

    I LIVE IN BALTIMORE BUT I AM ORIGINALLY FROM NORTH CAROLINA.I TAKE PERSONAL PRIDE IN MYSELF WITHOUT BEING VAIN,I ONLY ASK THAT YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM AND THE WAY I MAKE YOU FEEL AND NOT BY WHAT OTHERS THINK.I LIKE TO CONSIDER MYSELF AS THE LAST CLASSIC GENTLEMAN AND PROBALLY ONE OF THE FEW ROMANTICS LEFT.I COOK MY OWN MEALS FOR MYSELF AND MY 14 MONTH OLD.I LOVE OLD SCHOOL R&B MUSIC BECAUSE I GREW UP DURING THAT ERA AND I LIKE TO LISTEN TO WHAT LOVE AND LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT NOT CALLING WOMEN SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT AND SONGS ABOUT SHOOTING,KILLING,ROBBING AND VIOLENCE.THE LADY IN MY LIFE SHOULD BE A WOMAN OF THE WORLD BUT NOT BE A PART OF THE WORLD.SHE SHOULD BE A LADY TO HER MATE,A DEDICATED SOUL TO GOD,A GOOD LISTENER,A BEST FRIEND AND SOMEONE WITH WHOM I CAN HAVE STIMULATING CONVERSATIONS WITH NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THE SUBJECT CHANGES SHE CAN KEEP UP AND I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.MY QUEEN SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID TO LET A MAN KNOW IF SHE'S INTERESTED IN HIM. I FEEL FLATTERED WHEN A LADY TELLS ME SHE'S INTERESTED. LIKE THE SONG BY "SUNSHINE ANDERSON" SAYS"LUNCH OR DINNER".IF YOU CAN RELATE TO THIS SONG ,THEN YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT ME THAN YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED.
I ALSO CAN'T FIND THE CAPS BUTTON! OH WAIT! THERE IT is. Whew... now I can really show you what Marvelous Marvel the Magical entertainer is all about. So babies - all my babies - except for my premie diseased baby that is. My babies - my lovely ladies - come hang out with Marvel - we can groove it til the needle breaks off baby..

Peronsally, if you want to pose with your new born baby - that's cool with me. But I don't know too many ladies out there that are going to be clamoring for a chance to jump the bones of a man that not only JUST had a child but also had a child that is obviously shall we say, "Light in the hips." I mean Jesus man. Can't you go without online poontang 'til that sickly child is at least 1. I mean then you can at least do tricks with her or something.

Also, dude, seriously, the CAPS thing. Were you afraid that you may just start doing ThIS aLl OveR thE SCrEEn? Anyway - "MY QUEEN SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID TO LET A MAN KNOW IF SHE'S INTERESTED IN HIM." First off you are taking a photo of you and your new born. I'm going to assume in order to knock this woman you probably used that bullshit "queen" line before. And we all see where that has gotten you: online, bare chested, with a sub-weighted baby, talking about looking for your next piece of HooHoo pie. Look, Marvelous Magical Marvel I understand your addiction to sing Poppa Was a Rolling Stone 7 times a day and walk around with your cockzilla germanating the planet with rodent babies, but my man, keep it offline and out of the sights of the JVMM.


Descriptive Hilarities:
    "I WENT TO SCHOOL IN NORTH CAROLINA AT GOLDSBORO HIGH SCHOOL.I GOT MY G.E.D. FROM LENOIR COMMUNITY CLOOEGE.I HAVE A MASTER'S IN QUAMTUM PHYSICS,A MASTERS IN GENETIC ENGINEERING,A ELECTRONICS DEGREE,AN ART DEGREE,AND A NURSE'S LISCENS"

I swear people, I didn't even see this before I started writing anything else. This changes everything. I had no idea you were on par with some of our great minds. You and Noam Chomsky, maybe Hawking, and Gunter can all get together and play a game of Scrabble. First off, you would have to be about 107 to receive all those degrees "Marvelous" And second off - I believe a prerequisite for most of our Quantum Physics Nurses is to at least be able to master the spelling of the word "College". But, you know, that's just us.
    "Favorite hot spots: harbor,home,park,would love to see the ocean one day for the first time and watch the sunrise and sunset "

It amazes us that a Genetic Nuclear Electronic Artist Nurse would not have the monetary means to have had the justification or leisurely income to possibly procure a trip to what would be 70 percent of the world at some point. I mean, with all your trips abroad to discuss the latest in Nuclear Art, or Genetic Electronics, or even G.E.D. Nursing "CLOOEGE" you would have had the time or the discovery propelled inclination to possibly peruse the ocean. But, I guess not.

Obvious Flaws:
Possibly retarded, Bad genes, Bad hair, strange appeal to all white tuxedos, I have no idea where people like this grew up or how they exist.

Hilarity Rating (1-10):
9

Comments: Post a Comment



Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Reading
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Newness
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Quote(S)
Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Deerhoof
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Enon
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Oasis
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Travis
Two if By Sea
Ween

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
Fletcher's
8x10
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre
Sonar

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Aldo's
Bishop's Collar
Boccacio's
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
Porter's
The Irish Pub
Turner's
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
NEW!!!
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return


Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

- MUSIC
Donewaiting.com
hive3.com
Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

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Aloud.com
Pre-Shrunk
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