Chapter 10 - Friends: The Dream Theater of the Setting Sun
I love male friendships. I really do. I find that they not only have filled a void in my lack of family life but they have also given me rigor, stability, and a code by which to live by.
Unfortunately, most friendships are 100% bullshit.
Most of the time I find that the people you are friends with - are just people that you happened to be in close proximity to and not really anyone that you can call a friend.
I have seen this also in Family. I never bought into the "unconditional love" aspect of Family. It seemed to me that that statement was always used as a ploy by people who kept fucking up their lives and mine. So - there's no real reason for me to take stock in it.
I have great friends - I think. I know I am a very loyal and generous person. That sounds rather boarish to boast - but I feel like I am a pretty genuine, often brash and ignorant but lovable in a tragic and funny way. I feel like I have many qualities that I would like in someone else and thus know that I like me... it's a strange circle.
However, as the ebb and flow of life goes... so go friends. Those who work at it and try to build small bonds of trust and bright memories - stay close. Those who get lost in women, kids, jobs, or their own depression or even self-absortion fade away. It's a shame for someone like me - since those relationship often mean the most to me... having loose ties to any family member and no brother or sisters of my own... I have built a small network of those who I have shared experiences with... and as those die off in your late 20's you tend to feel both more at ease with that being o.k. and also saddened to know that you'll never have friends like that again...