I often ask myself, "What is it to be a man?"
Is it being honest?
Is it fighting for your country?
Is it being able to fix and drive a big rig?
Is it being able to fight?
Is it providing your family?
Is it having a steady set of beliefs and never wavering on them?
I have no idea personally. I can only tell you what it feels like to try. There is no answer in life. There aren't any clear cut paths. You learn that as you get older. You basically get thrown a lot of balls and hopefully you catch some.
Think about it...
How many things have you screwed up?
How many friends have you lost?
How many times have you made someone cry?
Those are balls thrown your way that you dropped. I guess the key is to get really good at juggling. I mean - as you get older you start to realize that certain things don't matter. You become more and less selfish as you continue to develop. You see certain things in certain ways.
For example when I was younger - I though being a man was taking care of your family and having a belief system. As you get older you see that - men you respect - didn't do this. He was thrown a lot of balls and dropped some.
As I was older than I previously stated I thought being man was being able to fight or have a disagreement without backing down. To look someone in the eye was held in high esteem. Also to be able to fix things... but again... at this point in my life those all have different variables. Do I want to go to jail? Do I play this game of chess with this person differently? Do I not have time in my life to learn how to do things that a man should be able to do?
All very confusing...
The reason I write this is because I feel no older or more of a man now than when I first had these thoughts.
I'm just a person trying not to hurt anyone. I'm trying to keep love in my heart, passion in my soul, and people that I love happy. Difficult I know... The next phase, from what I've noticed, is to be selfish... I hope that doesn't happen but like with all things on Earth - there is no epiphany. There is no "ah hah" moment - there are only balls being thrown at you - and as you get older - some times you lose coordination to juggle.