I Kan't Spell

 
Hey girl,

Sorry Daddy was busy this week. I mean really busy. Just to let you know I love to come on here and write you letters. Sometimes, I lose track of time. Sorry if I missed a week or so. I'll try to get better at it... but... not next week.

Because you are going on a lot of firsts. First first is an airplane - yep - 5 months and already a jet setter. 2nd is your first vacation. We are headed to Folley Beach. I have never been there but 3 of your aunts are going and 3 of your uncles as well as cousins Ensley and Emily. So... you'll be a hit.

Also this week you met your uncle Ben for the first time. He's been away for a little bit but he was dying to see you and popped round to have some dinner - 2twice in 1 week actually.  We hope you'll be seeing more of him.

Anyway - I wanted to break away and write you.

I love you - I'll write more soon,
Dad
Link posted by JVMM : 5:26 PM

 
Dearest Girl,

Afternoon.

It was quite the long day at the office. We're doing something interesting here. If you didn't know - your Daddy makes his living on the internet. You may be asking - "well... now that's quite the predicament (actually I hope you are using words like predicament) you seem to be an open book on here and everything else - aren't you scared that people will judge you based on what you put online?" Well - my answer to that is that I refuse to live in fear of any other man. I am who I am. I'm not slandering anyone, spreading hate, or saying anything here that I wouldn't say out loud. So... if I am to be crucified for my words... I'd rather it be for using them than for lack of them.

Anyway - where did we leave off yesterday? Ahh yes - you were just born and we were in a room together.

Ya know what? We'll get to the rest of that story tomorrow. Right now I want to tell you about your Momma.

Interesting creature your Mother. As of right now, we actually had an argument last night, which is dampening the mood around the house. And - the crazy part - and the good part - is when we argue we just tend to ignore each other. Which could be worse or better than most - but that's about what we do these days. Why do I bring up an argument... well I'm gonna tell you about your mother and I didn't want you to think that I was doing it because of some glorious shining moment in my life or the after glow of something spectacular. I wanted to write about how much I love her - even though - we have our problems and to let you know how much she loves you. I don't think she reads these so... I wanted to give some Mommy perspective for you.

Your mother and I don't have any amazing love tale like you might find in the movies. Our story is actually built more on frustration, fortitude, waiting, and bad decisions than it is on anything else. We made some mistakes - well I made some mistakes more so than her - before we were ever actually together making each other happy.

We both found each other and created a world of laughter through many years and in some of those years we weren't even a couple. But... she never ceased to be in my life. And it was all for the best.

Ya see... there are many reasons I love your Mother. The first is that she makes me feel like a person. She makes me feel like the person I want to be. I don't have to be anything more or less when I'm with her. She has an easy beauty to her that is most evident when she's being funny or sarcastic. That's when she really shines. She is also one of the only women on Earth that can make me laugh. And you'll find that I don't laugh too often - although I hear it's good for you. But your Mother's wit and charm are much like mine if not superior on many levels. At least that's what she thinks our friends would say.  She'll probably tell you that Daddy is kind of a slob and a bit annoying. She means it in her own way to be loving.

But - my affections for your Mother is not the only reason why I'm writing to you. I wanted to tell you about how she blossomed even more as a person once you were born. She is a completely new kind of beautiful now. She is a Mother and a wonderful one at that.

Ya know... Your Mother could leave a half eaten sandwich on the edge of the couch with a half drunk glass of juice with 3 pairs of shoes and a sweater that she just took off in the same area. And then she would leave and let that all sit there. But... if you had so much as a hair out of place on your head I've seen her run up stairs - and your Mother doesn't run anywhere - to make sure that hair was back in it's proper place. Other than my own Mother - I've never been so close to that kind of love. It's the love only a Mother can have for her child. And I think she has it especially because it's you. Believe it or not - you currently have a personality and it's one that is quite lovable. And it vibes with Mommies - you're funny, you're adorable, and you're shy and a bit of a ham at the same time. I think you might be the perfect kind of love for Mommy. And I think she needs you as much as you need her.

She's a wonderful person, your Mother. She loves you. I love her. And I most definitely love you as well.

Good night,
Dad



Link posted by JVMM : 6:29 PM

 
Afternoon sweetheart -

Sorry about yesterday. Daddy has to work and sometimes, even though I want to, I can't get to writing this for you. I'll get better at it...

Where did we leave off?

Oh - right - you were just born.

So you come out and you look just like me. Your Mom is all dozy and the doctor just throws you in my arms and shoves me into a room that looks like Doctor Torkemata worked in it.

I mean there was a sink toilet - that's not a typo. There was actually a toilet that doubled as some sort of sink. That and there was all kinds of electronic equipment and it looked very much like a room a baby should not be in. But there we were - just you and I.

Now Mommy had a pretty serious surgery so... I should have been thinking about that but all I kept thinking was "What did I just do?" "What have I done here?" - Not in a bad way... just in a way that was very real all of the sudden. Right then and there - you were alive and in my arms and it was all very very real. It was different from only an hour ago when you were still just a thought or a dream.

I held you like you would hold a porcelain vase in the rain.

I started to cry a little but I didn't want to cry in front of you in our first 5 minutes. You'll find out later that Daddy cries at alot of stuff... mostly sports movies but other things too from time to time.

I didn't know what to say.

So... I introduced myself. I said - seriously - out loud "My name is Bret Matthew Scharf Holmes and I'm your dad. I was born in Rosedale MD. A place you will never really go. It was a good place to grow up though. I had lots of friends and we played and experienced lots of life. We got into trouble. We celebrated. We accomplished some things in our own way and somehow along the way I traveled a lot of the world, met lots of people, fell in love, met your mother, fell in love with her, and then bought a house, got married and now here you are."

It went something very much like that. I was nervous.

You didn't cry at all.

You just kinda stared at me. I've read that babies can't see much after they are born but I could sense that you knew who I was. I was your Daddy. You had this great head of hair - much more so than you have now at almost 5 months old. I mean you had a full head of blonde hair. Your eyes were a steel dark blue. You had a dimple on your right cheek and the only feature on your face that looked like a girl were your lips.

We finally sat down and the nurses came in with Mommy. She wasn't feeling well.

I sat down next to her with you. She held you as best she could but she was under a lot of medicine. I tried to take some pictures, but as you'll find out - and possibly inherit - don't take pictures of Mommy when she's not at her best.

We didn't have a name for you yet.

We had talked about Eleanor... and I can't remember the other one because that's what you are to me now. But there was another one in there - we didn't know what name you looked like so for a day or so there you didn't have a name. But you were pretty magical.

I held Mommy's hand. I was nervous about kissing you because I didn't want you to get germs. All I remember from the rest of that room was that you didn't cry but Daddy finally did when he saw you on your Mother's chest. It was all very real that now there were 3 of us. 3 of us united forever.

Maybe tomorrow I can tell you about your first few days in the hospital - they were pretty cool.
Dad
Link posted by JVMM : 5:42 PM

 
The power of 3
We love you Ella!
Link posted by JVMM : 5:11 PM

 
Dear Ella,

Well - Since you were born I told myself I would keep more of a diary type blog - Honey... if you read this one year - - just ignore all the other shit on here Daddy did. Sorry. But yeah... I'm a human being... you'll be one too - in that way - some day. Anyway...

Eleanor Hanlon Holmes, you were born on March 1st. Something about that day makes me really happy. She could have been a leap year baby - which I kind of wanted but Mom was none too happy with the idea. The news people were even at the hospital. You were born at about 7am - 7:06 I think --- it was a weird delivery. But the day of March 1st just seems to have a clear ring to me. I was already glad your bday was during the school year - that way I could sneak you out of school for an "Ella day". Anyway... the hospital.

We got there and --- you'll find out that Mom doesn't deal too well with pain... and that a c-section - though a major surgery - was dreamed upon by her. The nurses didn't help to ease any sort of anxiety either. They basically said things like "Do you believe this?" - "How can that be?" - "I don't know if this is possible." - to two new parents to-be - not exactly what you wanted to hear from the gallery.

Luckily, the doctor finally came in - and eased our fears. You were a little high up in Mommy's body so they gave us the choice - excruciating pain for another 12-14 hours or we can see you in 30 minutes. We chose the latter. And it was a good idea as you'll come to find out in another story.

So they scrubbed us up and make me put on the gown and we wheel down to the OR and they take Mom in first. She's getting good and gassed up and I'm outside talking to the doctor about taxes.... you'll learn that your old man likes to drum up some drama whenever he can... so we're talking about taxes and property value and how much the City sucks. God knows how old you are when you read this but... we lived in the city - or still might. It was a personal decision that I made unilaterally. Not Mom's fault there.

Anyway - I go in. Your Mom is high as a kite. I mean... she's flying. There is a tarp up separating her from the operation so that she can't see anything. Unfortunately for me, I can see everything. And let me tell you - it was quite the introduction to human anatomy. I saw every inch of your mother's insides - I saw her spine... it was gruesome.

You were so far up inside of her that I could see the doctor's hand moving her breast plate... you really wanted to stay a bit longer. But you were already 10 days over due. Then he finally ripped you out - Mom's first words were (despite what might be in your baby book) "Is she cute?" - Mine were "Well... she's definitely ours. She's beautiful." But in all honesty... you weren't beautiful. You were covered in goop and blood and you were screaming and kind of blue --- but you got much cuter --- so don't sweat it. I just wanted Mommy to feel better so I said you were beautiful. Which you are - but you know - not right then. Take a look at any newborn... rough.

They put you on the table and tortured you for a second or two. They did this to make sure you had all the right parts and your brain worked. Whew - good to go. I was nervous about that. You'll see one day that when you have a baby - you get nervous about everything. Mainly because we know how hard life can be - and... given that information we want you to have the best chance at a highly adjusted, consumer centric, party animal, memory making life - just kidding... sorta...

So then they call me over to cut the chord. And it was like cutting through a tennis ball. It was ok - I didn't freak out or anything. Then they gave you to me to hold - now mind you - I had probably held one baby prior. So it was a big step - but it was pretty natural - you'll find out later that I just carry you around like a football and toss you all over the place....

So i take you over to Mom and she's pretty happy from the anesthesia so - she's just happy you're alive. And man did you look like me. I mean it was scary. I was scared for you... but you've softened up since then. Sorry for the head... you'll get used to it. We're a smart breed but yeah - sunglasses aren't our friend.

Anyway that's the story of the first 5 minutes of your life - maybe tomorrow I'll tell you the story of the next 20 minutes. I love you, Dad.
Link posted by JVMM : 4:56 PM