Happy birthday
To my dad.
He might be dead. I wouldn’t even know.
I don’t think he is - I’m sure someone would tell me or someone would tell someone who would tell someone who would tell me. But to be honest I don’t care.
I hope he reads this - but his brain is probably too far gone to do that.
I did say something nice about him today though - talking to someone who could tell I was a little sad - they asked “who do you miss the most?” After I told them that you’ll eventually lose all your friends and if you have one you really like you have to work at it.
To her question I replied with probably the truest wish I ever wished - I told her “I miss my dad the most - I miss the person I think he would have wanted to be” - and then I cried for a while. Because I’m stupid. Because I’m a sucker. Because... I have a hard time seeing myself most days.
Happy birthday dad - I guess. It’s not like you ever wished me one in the last 20 years.
I also thought it myself that I have now known you for less than half my life - and that made me smile.
