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I Kan't Spell

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Ass Clown Part Deux

Remember the other ass clown that wrote about Baltimore and it's illegitimate sports climate. Well, Jason Whitlock of has written an article claiming that Americans rooting against the NBA all-stars are racist. Lord...sigh...

That's retarded, for me anyway. I'm sure most cornbread white towns are sittin' around throwing around the "n" word like it's nobodies business, just like it always is on any Tuesday night at old Fat Ass Bill's Ribs and Bud Bottle night. I'm almost positive that is happening somewhere. But for me, your standard frattastic white guy, the color of our team captains and how many tattoos they have, has no affect on my desire to root against them.

First off, I never rooted for the other dream teams. Pros in the Olympics, who cares? The Olympics in general are a big yawn. But what has always made it interesting is the underdog factor and the no name factor. You know what I like to watch during the Olympics? I like to watch Volleyball and Swimming and Track and Field (ain't too many whities running the 100m but hell if I wasn't pulling for the red white and blue) You know why I root for those guys? Because they do it out of devotion and dedication and love I guess. Sure they get a pretty sweet half a mil endorsement but it ain't worth four years of "maybe's". The point is they don't make millions. And I won't have to see them again for another 4 years. Most importantly their agents aren't on the other end of the phone saying, "You know Dwayne Wade if you play on the Olympic team you immediately have credibility with white America. Your t-shirt and shoe sales will go up blah blah blah..." That's why they do it. I don't want to hear about American pride and Gold Medals. I'm sure that has a little pull but not much. Not much at all in my opinion. But besides all that, the main point is the underdog factor.

I would rather see any group, any fucking group of people take down Goliath. And since most Americans don't exactly identify with our current level of international representation (political, not racial dick face), I find myself rooting for anyone other than us. I think most American's would rather see our entire team go down in flames if for nothing more than to see George Bush squirm just a little bit. Hell, I know I would.

American's are allowed to think for themselves, and it's your fault, yes, you, ESPN and SI, it's your fault for making the underdog so loved. You make us love the story and not the team. You make us care about Little Bill Bumphry and not the star athlete. Well now deal with the fact that we want Greece to kick our ass in Basketball. We want David to reach into his bag, pick up a stone, and sling that fucker. We want Hoosiers. We want Rudy. We don't need the New York Yankees, on a world stage of brotherly love, kicking the crap out of Germany. How graceful would Ali look taking on a crew of 4 year olds in a boxing match. And imagine for a second if Ali showed up 50 pounds over weight, saying "Ahh fuck these kids.". Imagine that, and that's how I feel about the US basketball team.

It's always been our sport. Even baseball would be something to watch, as the Cuban national squad took it to us. Hockey, hell we never win, and Golf is pretty even too. Basketball has been our international flag ship, and to see it come down, is kind of refreshing. It's a stale sport. It's a stale league. You're a stale writer who needed to sell some papers. Well congrats!

I mean, you want us to swallow a b-rated all star team, that has been turned down by all the real players, going over to Greece to crush Monte Negro Serbia. Oh no. That would be like Charles Bronson and John Wayne turning down the role in a movie and you giving us Sean Claude Van Damn and Steven Segal. No no my dear you won't get my ticket money.

I mean seriously, how can you not root for anyone but us? Our arrogance has gotten so bad that the once beloved and beheld country overseas, where James Dean came from, and Elvis taught men to screw, is now revered and looked at much like Russia in the 80's. We seem clumsy and ugly. We have drug scandals and celebrations that seem infantile and flaccid. Our own ego as a country has turned us against our latest church, sports. Our own ego as a country has alienated it's people into feeling shamed about being good at something. When I see an American win, I'm not thinking, "Wow what a great story. I'm so proud to be an American." I'm thinking, "I wonder how many cycles of roids that fucker stuck in his ass? Oohh what toy will be attached to his name that my kids will want to buy? How many countries did we just offend?"

Leave the Olympics for what they are. It's an amateur showing of good will. It's a time to come together as a world, seemingly lay down our arms, and fucking hug. We shouldn't be prancing around like lions, licking our chops, after we just devoured the lamb that is the Nigerian Softball team.

Some direct rebuttles to ass clown man's quotes
    Americans do not have to support a group of black American millionaires in any endeavor. Despite the hypocritical, rabid patriotism displayed immediately after 9/11, it's perfectly suitable for Americans to despise Team USA Basketball, Allen Iverson and all the other tattooed NBA players representing our country. Yes, these athletes are no more spoiled, whiny and rich than the golfers who fearlessly represent us in the Ryder Cup, but at least Tiger Woods has the good sense not to wear cornrows.
Lord. First off, don't tell me who I should root for and on top of that, if I choose not to root for someone don't throw out the stupid fucking race card. I want that hillbilly fucking gymnast to give back his medal to my Korean brother but shit no one writes about that. The race card is so fucking lame. As a white guy you can't get around it. Have any of you white people out there ever been accused of being racist? What the hell do you say to that? There's nothing you can say. I'm sure it's worse the other way around but it's a lame ass thing to call someone out on. Next...
    There's no reasonable justification for the sheer delight that many red-blooded, patriotic Americans are taking from the USA's struggles.
Yes, there is. I'm ashamed of my country right now. I like the underdog. And I don't care if Lebron James gets a medal. I do care if some weirdo who rows everyday gets one. Go CREW 04'!!! Oh but wait, the crew guy is probably white. I mean, go High Jumpers. Or go crew with cultural diveristy! I love everyone...! Ugh....
    If this team doesn't win the gold medal (they beat Spain Thursday to advance to the semifinals), I half expect Americans to spit on Iverson, Duncan, LeBron James and Carmello Anthony at the airport.
First off someone needs to tell this guy that there is no sport dying faster than basketball. And no one, maybe like 20 people will be at the airport when Team USA comes home.
"Hey look Carmello Anthony."
"Yeah, Great! Come on we're gonna miss the shuttle bus."
    This team is being discussed unfairly in the media and being treated unfairly by American sports fans. There's a lot of convenient denial going on. No one wants to deal with the truth because they're having too much fun blasting a bunch of black millionaires for being lazy, unpatriotic and stupid. With the exception of adding the word "millionaires," this is a very familiar tune.
Oh man! Somebody throw this guy a new tune to play.
    But do they care about the Olympics the way Michael Phelps does? No. And we shouldn't expect them to. American basketball players don't spend their childhoods dreaming about playing in the Olympics. Their goal is the NBA. For swimmers and track athletes and gymnasts, one the other hand, the Olympics is the pinnacle.
Thank you... he's finally making sense. It's like a big fat guy playing goalie in hockey. Who wants to root for someone who never cared about or trained for what they are currently doing? Not I.

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