Bretholmes.com - Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

    Investment News   |    DON'T   |    WORK   |    STOP   |    CRYING!   |    GUESTBOOK   |

I Kan't Spell



Thursday, August 26, 2004

 
Ass Clown Part Deux

Remember the other ass clown that wrote about Baltimore and it's illegitimate sports climate. Well, Jason Whitlock of ESPN.com has written an article claiming that Americans rooting against the NBA all-stars are racist. Lord...sigh...

That's retarded, for me anyway. I'm sure most cornbread white towns are sittin' around throwing around the "n" word like it's nobodies business, just like it always is on any Tuesday night at old Fat Ass Bill's Ribs and Bud Bottle night. I'm almost positive that is happening somewhere. But for me, your standard frattastic white guy, the color of our team captains and how many tattoos they have, has no affect on my desire to root against them.

First off, I never rooted for the other dream teams. Pros in the Olympics, who cares? The Olympics in general are a big yawn. But what has always made it interesting is the underdog factor and the no name factor. You know what I like to watch during the Olympics? I like to watch Volleyball and Swimming and Track and Field (ain't too many whities running the 100m but hell if I wasn't pulling for the red white and blue) You know why I root for those guys? Because they do it out of devotion and dedication and love I guess. Sure they get a pretty sweet half a mil endorsement but it ain't worth four years of "maybe's". The point is they don't make millions. And I won't have to see them again for another 4 years. Most importantly their agents aren't on the other end of the phone saying, "You know Dwayne Wade if you play on the Olympic team you immediately have credibility with white America. Your t-shirt and shoe sales will go up blah blah blah..." That's why they do it. I don't want to hear about American pride and Gold Medals. I'm sure that has a little pull but not much. Not much at all in my opinion. But besides all that, the main point is the underdog factor.


I would rather see any group, any fucking group of people take down Goliath. And since most Americans don't exactly identify with our current level of international representation (political, not racial dick face), I find myself rooting for anyone other than us. I think most American's would rather see our entire team go down in flames if for nothing more than to see George Bush squirm just a little bit. Hell, I know I would.

American's are allowed to think for themselves, and it's your fault, yes, you, ESPN and SI, it's your fault for making the underdog so loved. You make us love the story and not the team. You make us care about Little Bill Bumphry and not the star athlete. Well now deal with the fact that we want Greece to kick our ass in Basketball. We want David to reach into his bag, pick up a stone, and sling that fucker. We want Hoosiers. We want Rudy. We don't need the New York Yankees, on a world stage of brotherly love, kicking the crap out of Germany. How graceful would Ali look taking on a crew of 4 year olds in a boxing match. And imagine for a second if Ali showed up 50 pounds over weight, saying "Ahh fuck these kids.". Imagine that, and that's how I feel about the US basketball team.

It's always been our sport. Even baseball would be something to watch, as the Cuban national squad took it to us. Hockey, hell we never win, and Golf is pretty even too. Basketball has been our international flag ship, and to see it come down, is kind of refreshing. It's a stale sport. It's a stale league. You're a stale writer who needed to sell some papers. Well congrats!

I mean, you want us to swallow a b-rated all star team, that has been turned down by all the real players, going over to Greece to crush Monte Negro Serbia. Oh no. That would be like Charles Bronson and John Wayne turning down the role in a movie and you giving us Sean Claude Van Damn and Steven Segal. No no my dear you won't get my ticket money.

I mean seriously, how can you not root for anyone but us? Our arrogance has gotten so bad that the once beloved and beheld country overseas, where James Dean came from, and Elvis taught men to screw, is now revered and looked at much like Russia in the 80's. We seem clumsy and ugly. We have drug scandals and celebrations that seem infantile and flaccid. Our own ego as a country has turned us against our latest church, sports. Our own ego as a country has alienated it's people into feeling shamed about being good at something. When I see an American win, I'm not thinking, "Wow what a great story. I'm so proud to be an American." I'm thinking, "I wonder how many cycles of roids that fucker stuck in his ass? Oohh what toy will be attached to his name that my kids will want to buy? How many countries did we just offend?"

Leave the Olympics for what they are. It's an amateur showing of good will. It's a time to come together as a world, seemingly lay down our arms, and fucking hug. We shouldn't be prancing around like lions, licking our chops, after we just devoured the lamb that is the Nigerian Softball team.

Some direct rebuttles to ass clown man's quotes
    Americans do not have to support a group of black American millionaires in any endeavor. Despite the hypocritical, rabid patriotism displayed immediately after 9/11, it's perfectly suitable for Americans to despise Team USA Basketball, Allen Iverson and all the other tattooed NBA players representing our country. Yes, these athletes are no more spoiled, whiny and rich than the golfers who fearlessly represent us in the Ryder Cup, but at least Tiger Woods has the good sense not to wear cornrows.
Lord. First off, don't tell me who I should root for and on top of that, if I choose not to root for someone don't throw out the stupid fucking race card. I want that hillbilly fucking gymnast to give back his medal to my Korean brother but shit no one writes about that. The race card is so fucking lame. As a white guy you can't get around it. Have any of you white people out there ever been accused of being racist? What the hell do you say to that? There's nothing you can say. I'm sure it's worse the other way around but it's a lame ass thing to call someone out on. Next...
    There's no reasonable justification for the sheer delight that many red-blooded, patriotic Americans are taking from the USA's struggles.
Yes, there is. I'm ashamed of my country right now. I like the underdog. And I don't care if Lebron James gets a medal. I do care if some weirdo who rows everyday gets one. Go CREW 04'!!! Oh but wait, the crew guy is probably white. I mean, go High Jumpers. Or go crew with cultural diveristy! I love everyone...! Ugh....
    If this team doesn't win the gold medal (they beat Spain Thursday to advance to the semifinals), I half expect Americans to spit on Iverson, Duncan, LeBron James and Carmello Anthony at the airport.
First off someone needs to tell this guy that there is no sport dying faster than basketball. And no one, maybe like 20 people will be at the airport when Team USA comes home.
"Hey look Carmello Anthony."
"Yeah, Great! Come on we're gonna miss the shuttle bus."
    This team is being discussed unfairly in the media and being treated unfairly by American sports fans. There's a lot of convenient denial going on. No one wants to deal with the truth because they're having too much fun blasting a bunch of black millionaires for being lazy, unpatriotic and stupid. With the exception of adding the word "millionaires," this is a very familiar tune.
Oh man! Somebody throw this guy a new tune to play.
    But do they care about the Olympics the way Michael Phelps does? No. And we shouldn't expect them to. American basketball players don't spend their childhoods dreaming about playing in the Olympics. Their goal is the NBA. For swimmers and track athletes and gymnasts, one the other hand, the Olympics is the pinnacle.
Thank you... he's finally making sense. It's like a big fat guy playing goalie in hockey. Who wants to root for someone who never cared about or trained for what they are currently doing? Not I.

Comments:
Great blog you have! I really enjoyed it. I heard of a great site that is giving away a free set of Nike Golf Clubs. I think your readers will enjoy it. Just click the link below and enter your Zip Code to see if you qualify!
Free Nike Golf Clubs!
 
Post a Comment



Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Reading
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Newness
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Quote(S)
Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Deerhoof
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Enon
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Oasis
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Travis
Two if By Sea
Ween

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
Fletcher's
8x10
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre
Sonar

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Aldo's
Bishop's Collar
Boccacio's
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
Porter's
The Irish Pub
Turner's
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
NEW!!!
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return


Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

- MUSIC
Donewaiting.com
hive3.com
Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

- BUY
Aloud.com
Pre-Shrunk
Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

- HUMOR
Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

- PERSONAL
Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools



Archives
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
01/01/2012 - 02/01/2012
07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013
10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014
08/01/2014 - 09/01/2014
10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014
11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014
12/01/2014 - 01/01/2015
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
02/01/2015 - 03/01/2015
03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015
04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015
05/01/2015 - 06/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
07/01/2015 - 08/01/2015
08/01/2015 - 09/01/2015
10/01/2015 - 11/01/2015
11/01/2015 - 12/01/2015
12/01/2015 - 01/01/2016
01/01/2016 - 02/01/2016
03/01/2016 - 04/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016
08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016
10/01/2016 - 11/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
02/01/2017 - 03/01/2017
03/01/2017 - 04/01/2017
04/01/2017 - 05/01/2017
05/01/2017 - 06/01/2017