- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Artist of the Day - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (BRMC)

Most of us who have drooled over the thought of going to see Interpol, Tool, Ween, the Black Keys or any other fringe category band that may seep over into the world of non-offensive, non-risque Wilcoish GoodBoreRock, have come across a band known as the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (BRMC).

When I first started collecting CD's that didn't have the names Jackson Browne, Sublime, Oasis, Neil Young or the Beatles attached to them this was one of my first. I found them the way I would find most of my music; through the recommendation of someone I already respected. Noel gallagher was giving an interview in Spin and I was sitting down one day in Barnes and Noble after I saw his face on the cover and opened to the lead story. He said "(BRMC) is the best rock group on the planet. No one knows it yet, but this is the only thing I currently will listen to from the US of A". And that right there sent me running to SoundGarden to be the first kid on my block with a BRMC cd.

That was 2000 and BRMC still haven't made it but they have carved a niche. They are are still not the Stripes nor the Strokes. They don't have the allure of a Peaches or the softness of an *gasp* Arcade Fire. They are who they are and what they are is really fucking good. Here are some samples:

Whatever Happened to My Rock n Roll: The flagship staple of any fan of that era's genre. Lick it up...god you just want to...

We're All in Love: They just do what they do... Simple post punk pop - they can ease the peddle up or keep it down - here they just put it on cruise control.

Stop: People are hailing Baby81 as the top album of 2007. Well that remains to be seen but I can tell you that - fuck me if they aren't a complete paradox of a band when it comes to WHY YOU DONT KNOW THEM! Must be a cali thing...

Ponytail Gets Dues

I saw her in the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon. She was wearing some sort of old t-shirt, yellow cordoroys and she had her one foot against the wall.
"Molly? From Ponytail?"
And since I mumble she thought I was asking if she worked there,
"Oh I don't work here." -
"No no no, You are in Ponytail. I saw you guys?" She was almost suspicious of why I was saying that. I didn't look like the usualy kind of person that was at Ponytail shows.
"Really? Where?" She said it kinda harsh but also smart. She said it like a lawyer would say it in hopes that you would prove them either right of wrong.
"I saw you open for Benjy Ferree. We actually talked at the merch table about your band and stuff..."
"Ah the hat guy. You had that brown hat. You and him left before the show was over. You missed the closing act."
"Yeah well...I'm pretty sure he was pissed that he wasn't the closing act. He's on Domino for christ sake."

It's nice that something innocent, fun, and pretty good is around.

    Known for their floor-shaking, sugar-fueled live sets, local quartet Ponytail is shockingly melodic on its debut album, Kamehameha, recently released on local art-rock baron Peter Quinn's fledgling Creative Capitalism label. Though usually described as post-art school punk, or pop-punk, or whatever people are calling the undeniably infectious rock that's started multiplying in the depths of the Copy Cat Building, Ponytail nimbly defies classification.

    Similar to fellow Wham City regulars Ecstatic Sunshine, Ponytail trades heavily on the sheer level of noise and number of riffs that can be created with two lead guitarists. That's unsurprising, really, since both outfits include ace ax-man Dustin Wong. Kamehameha finds Ponytail mashing out melodies that alternately evoke spaghetti-western Indian war chants, ska, surf rock, carousel calliopes, and "Momma's Little Baby Loves Shortenin' Bread." On "Dear God Plz Make My 2Eyes N2 One," drummer Jeremy Hyman deftly lifts a drum lick from the Beatles' Abbey Road before guitarists Ken Seeno and Wong launch into a lovely duel of coruscating arpeggios--cribbed directly from Tchaikovsky's Peter and the Wolf--that eventually collapse in a crash of noise.

    But the element that sets Ponytail apart from its contemporaries is vocalist Molly Siegel. Alternately channeling a tortured dolphin and a riot grrl who's swallowed a staple gun, Siegel yowls, squeaks, and growls emphatically, yet unintelligibly, over the band's rambunctious grooves. Her vocal antics, more sonic garnish than main event, add a vaguely sexual element of human frustration to Ponytail's twisted carnival groove, her frenzied squeals reminiscent of Peter Pan's defiant, "I gotta crow!" She and Ponytail speak a language that the right audience will understand all too well.

Ponytail isn't going to be "everyone's bag" but at least they are something new and something smart. It's worth checking out for yourself if you ever get the chance.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Band of the Day: Dandy Warhols

Gotta go back to the greatest album released in 2000 (Thirteen Tales from Urban Bohemia) to really fall back in love with the Dandy's. The one time hipster jewel of the North West didn't make it big until Europe and their place in the heroin revolution spawned by the movie Trainspotting. They managed to escape that facade and move on to making really great music, not only to spite that idea, but in direct contrast to it. The Dandy's are a band I really love because they just basically said "We aren't too thrilled about the people championing us...and we'd like to say that it's time that we just did music and dropped the scene." Since then...the Dandy's have been vacant from any scene but their tunes live on.

Bohemian Like You : Easily my favorite's funny and it's fucking good.

We Used to Be Friends : Again - fuckin great song.

Godless : Probably rivals "Bohemian Like You" in the good song category -

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

2 Things

Happy 40th Birthday Noel.

The Yankees are in last place.


Friday, May 25, 2007

ArtScape Band Update

Friday the 21st of July:

7pm Martin Sexton, rock/blues
8:30pm Los Lonely Boys, Latin rock

I'm excited for Artscape. I won't be throwing a party of anything because well, I have no friends...woohoo! But I hope to see people out there. Just don't pee on my steps.

Martin Sexton is the man BTW _
This is my fave Martin Sexton song - Angeline - I heard it coming home in the car one day and I immediately drove to Annapolis that night to watch him play.

I can't wait to see who else they get. Anyone heard any rumors?

Band of the Day: Starsailor

I'm just dipping back into the old records from the glorious 2000-2002 years and figured I would drop this piece on ya. Now this band isn't for everyone. This is the ultimate sad bastard birt pop - they make Coldplay seem cheery and uplifting. They never made it because the lead singer looks like a fruit and they never really had a song that could cross over from sad bastard into semi-sad bastard. But, don't let that make you think that I don't adore Starsailor. This is exactly the kind of band you just want to listen to sometimes. Trust me - it's good. It just needs to find it's arena.

Tie Up My Hands: My Favorite song by far. It's catchy with huge changes - which by now we all know I love - anytime I can take my fist and drop it like a hammer on a new chorus - I'm pretty much in love with the song. You'll like this - ignore the video though...

Poor Misguided Fool: This was their almost cross over hit. Almost as in - never.

Four to the Floor: This was the single off of their second album (the last album of theirs that I actually own). It is definitely the most poppy stuff they've done. It's catchy, and it's pretty fuckin tastey. It's also been mixed and put into heavy rotation in the british club scene. If you watch the movie Layer Cake with the New Bond Guy you'll hear this song as the undertoned anthem of the whole movie

Alcoholic: Here is the uplifting tune Alcoholic. It's pretty good but unless you really love them - I'd skip it. Good change at the 1 minute mark and then the song picks up.

Way to Fall: Another tear jerker - again wait for the change before you give up on it.

HBO is Genius

I was watching HBO last night and I found the new Mr. Show but - you know - better. IMO

Just adore it. And seriously does anyone have better programming than HBO? I don't even think it's close anymore. What we need is HBO to pick up the West Wing or just hire Sorkin(z?) to like a 6 year deal.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Band of the Day: Supergrass

Supergrass , the Cockneys from Oxford, go all the way back to the blow up (up-chuck) of Brit Pop during the mid 90's. Bands like Supergrass immediately sprung up and developed cheeky, poppy, pogo sounds that were infectious and made it's name by celebrating life instead of, as American music at the time was doing, telling you to hate life. Gaz and the boys bring it and they are worth knowing.

Life on Other Planets is by far my favorite album of theirs.

Here are some songs:

Grace: Is probably my favorite song of theirs. I remember hugging a big fat sweaty guy at the Electric Factory when they played this song live. He seemed oddly enthusiastic about it.

Rush Hour Soul: My second fave by far. This is just the classic textured out Brit Pop song. 3 choruses and each with a huge key change and long drum roll leads. It works...

Late in the Day - ok sorta slow song.

Alright: This is the song you hear in cheeky British movies about drugs. This is what made them popular. It also took some serious cake off of Blur's plate as everyone everywhere was heard saying "Is this Blur?"

Za: Even though this is someone's photo collection - they use the song and I fucking love this song.

Other songs to check out if you get the itch are Za, Brecon Beacons, and Seen the Light

Dreams Are Gay But I HAVE to Share This One

I'll just write it as well as I remember it.

The dream started off with me trying to steal a raft to go rescue Jas from an island. The raft was on the deck of a yacht inside a large floating house which was attached to land only by cable wires. People could only enter the house by army crawling the cable wires. The house had many floors made of wooden planks and there was a cocktail party going on. I was in a tuxedo but I knew I needed this raft. I could see her on the sand bar screaming and crying. I took the raft from the yacht and set out for her. However, on my way there it became dark and the raft hit a reef. I went into the water and the raft seemingly sunk beneath me. I cried out for her but got no response. I treaded water screaming her name but heard nothing. Just then a boat showed up and took me back to the house.

The party was a high-school reunion bull roast. A man named Mr Totor asked to see me when I returned. "Where is my raft?". "Fuck you and your raft. I'll sink your house if you don't go find her." "She has gone. She left you this note. And when she saw you were coming to rescue her. She left."

~~~Then it gets kind of blurry~~

I remember having to go fish out the raft and people I knew kept asking me if I wanted a ride home. I was moving very slow in comparison to other people.

~~This happens a lot in my dreams. For some reason in the middle of situations my body feels like quicksand and then I wake up. But this time I stayed asleep~~

Scott came in with his son and sat down next to me. I played hand clapping games with his little boy and Scott kept throwing all the whiskey and beer from the bar in the house into the trash. He kept saying "Die! Die! Die!" As if he were a child throwing rocks at his army men the way he threw the bottles into the trash.

Then Scott and I were in a car and a man asked for money. I explained to him that I cant give him money because that doesn't help him. He proceeds to stab me. In the middle of the stabbing i grab the knife by the blade and rip it out of his hand. He gets scared and runs away. The knife was like a pen knife. I’m bleeding and Scott takes me home. Apparently we both lived there because he had keys. I called 911 to send an ambulance. On the phone the woman was breaking up saying - "we need your card. Where is your card?" I would just scream back and say "Send a fucking ambulance." I would look at the wounds and wish they were worse as they were just minor cuts. The woman on the phone for 911 kept saying "Is this Bret? We need your card".

When they arrived at the house the woman on the phone showed up. It was my elementary school art teacher Mrs. sun. She had all these old people with her and they were carrying cameras. They bowled in over me and started looking around the house. I was furious that there was no ambulance. And slammed the door behind them and demanded that they tell me what was going on. They scattered through the house as if they were looking for something. The house I was in was all doors and levels. There were no hallways but just doors and steps up to new levels. Everything in the house was made out of old white wood.

Somehow we ended up outside on the patio with a huge open lawn behind us. There were sparse trees as far as the eye could see and people were darting back and forth between the trees. People that were wearing red shirts and black pants were darting from tree to tree but not getting closer. I fired a gun at the tree line. The mob of old people and my art teacher came out and tackled me. "You will wake them and anger them." They said. At that moment a film projector that was on the ground started rolling and playing something against the wall of the house. "ITS THEM!!!" All the people shouted. And then they all fell to their knees as if they were praying.

The wall showed two silhouettes of a couple. The woman had flowing garments streaming from her body and her face was pushed towards the man as if they were on two boats coming close together and would only have seconds to kiss. The man was stalwart and stood with his arms crossed staring at me. "You have my card." He said to me from the wall. "YOU HAVE MY CARD!". "What the fuck are you talking about?" Then I kicked the projector and the figures jumped from the screen and whooshed around our bodies like the scene in Indiana Jones.

Then the men in red from the trees ran out and down the hill. They weren't men though. They were adolescent black males yelling "We're the bloods". And then from the other side of the house the same demographic of people with blue shirts came running.

I didn't run. I was watching the ghostly form in front of me after it had stopped flying around. "CARD!". I tripped backwards and fell. "I WANT MY CARD!". I was panicked now, and blurted out "What card?" and tried to scurry away. Then one of the kids in blue grabbed me and hugged. And a red shirt came down and shot him in the head. "He was gonna suck you dry. Let's go!" He grabbed my hand and was dragging me along and hiding me behind hedges and small walls as if we were in the middle of a war. Then he shot me in the leg and called an ambulance for me. He said "It's better this way. You'll live longer if you die now."

~~~~~~~It was just the most vivid I dream I ever had. I felt like it was almost a religious experience. I was so at peace when it finished.

Congratulations Are In Order

My Alma mater, Calvert Hall College High School finished it's baseball season 33-0. This is the first time in CHC history and Maryland baseball history a team has gone undefeated. They are currently ranked #10 in the country and that should only go up over the next week. A tip of the cap to a proud tradition of excellence that I was proud to have been a part of.

The Sun Article.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Poor Pete

From the Brilliant young artist to - - >


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Your Song of the Day

Travis : Pipe Dreams

Just found out today - because it's hard to keep track - that Travis are releasing a new album: The Boy With No Name. Their single is called "Closer". It follows the Travis formula; high pitched vocals, soft acoustic guitar, about some chick that he wants to hug, and can be used as a lullabye to put your children to sleep. Even though my time with Travis has really run it's course - I still think of them fondly and will definitely go to one more concert before hanging them up for good. Plus Franny and I now have the same hair...yay franny!

Anyone want to tell me why Ben Stiller is in this video...

Two Hilarious Items for You

1. The worst movies ever are broken down into 6 categories. My favorite is the "worst stunt" - a one of a kind piece of awesome.

2. And then there is the cop that ate pot brownies and thought time was going "way too slow" so he must be overdosing and thus have to dial 911.

"I think we're dead."

Benjy Ferree Needs Me...

To be his online fucking manager... You know... You sign with Domino Records as a fucking miracle in and of itself - and then on your website you don't update it with a small local min-tour you are going to do to warm up for...God knows what. UPDATE THE SITE BENJ'...hire me to update it - i'll do it for free - he's the best thing in the tri-state area in like 3 years. Seriously name another labeled artist to make it from around here in 3 years...try...

Anyway - he's playing the Black Cat on the 4th. I'd like to go. I'd like to not walk. If anyone is interested...please apply within.

For those wanting more information - -

An Ode to Hilariousity

I don't laugh very often. As a matter of fact, I was out on Sunday watching the game and listening to music and was laughing with some friends and someone turned to me and said "Jesus, you must really like these people. I never see you laugh." I used to laugh all the time. Maybe it's because I'm so moody/bi-polar that when I do laugh it counteracts the other half of me which is usually surly and some people only remember me as being salty.

Anyway - thanks for this "Awww...this one makes me look sad." You'd have to be there I guess. I almost pissed my pants.

Laughter is something that I really need to take more part in. It's difficult for me to find the lighter side in most things because of what my personality is made up of. I only tend to laugh when I feel like I'm on equal footing with someone or when I'm the center of attention. I rarely laugh if I am playcating someone or feel as though I'm the dumbest one in the room.

What makes you laugh?

Anyone want to go to the game tonight? I have extra tickets.

Friday, May 18, 2007


In case you haven't heard...Pitchfork today released what is unprecedented (well once a month - but the latest Basement Jaxx, AF, or Belle and Sebastian usually don't do it for me) in the Pitchfuck world - - a 9.1 rating. Who did it go to? Battles. And yes... it's that fucking good. Man - it's good. It's like you were listening to Deerhoof rehearse behind a tin wall while throwing stones at it. But there is something there - that makes you want to smoke, dance, and drink - which in my book is a recipe for good...ain't no Tapes n' Tapes though.

Sip of Tea and Skin off Knee Don't Mean Shit to Me

I'll paint you the picture
'Cause I don't think you live round here no more
I've never even seen
The key to the door
We only get what we will settle for

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
- Voltaire

Friday is My Day to Put Up Randoms

The Sheep Killing Movie was good. I'd recommend it, if only for the soundtrack it's worth 90 minutes of your life. The movie revolves around Stan, an employee at a sheep slaughtering house, and his family and what seem to be friends. There isn't so much a plot as there are images of Stan's wanting wife, him rubbing his daughters stomach, children throwing rocks at each other and trains, and one of the most beautiful shots I've seen in a long time; children jumping from rooftop to rooftop like birds or cats. The main undertone of the movie is freedom and the overtone is failure. The era of the late 70's lends itself to some of the more charismatic dialogue found amongst urban blight in what looks to be the ghetto's/lower class of south L.A. One great line that stuck out was:

"I ain't poor. I give things to the salvation Army. You can't give stuff to them if you're poor."

Here is a far more elegant review from Salon:

~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, I don't know if anyone picked up the City Paper this week but you'll notice that it was renamed "WhamCity Paper". A few weeks ago I alerted people to the WhamCity show over on the near West Side. The attendance at this was packed so if you were there - we more than likely did not run into each other. It is so nice to see a music movement in Baltimore that is original, alive, vibrant, and has a following of artists, whackos, new yorkers, thinkers, morons, and everyone else that would have launched the Velvet Underground.

I don't know how "low key" it will be now - but I can guarantee that the scene will be taking off soon. Dan Deacon is your ring leader - and oddly they all live right next to me - in the apartment building, not in the Charles Village hole that is referenced in the article.

    There is a mountain of snow
    Up past the big glen
    We have a castle enclosed
    There is a fountain
    Out of the fountain flows gold
    Into a huge hand
    That hand's a held by a bear
    Who has a sick band
    Of goats and cats and pigs and bats
    With brooms and bats and wings and rats
    And great big dogs like kings and queens
    And everyone plays drums and sings
    Of big sharks, sharp swords
    Beast knees, bees lords
    Sweet cakes, mace lakes
    Oh mamamamamamama

    -- Dan Deacon, "Wham City"

This is one of the first things I ever saw them do - - the Ed Schrader show.

Also it's good to see old friend Jess Harvell back on the horse covering the next best thing in Baltimore music. BTW - the music itself right now isn't all that amazing but the energy of these places, and the ideas that will flow from them will churn out some unrivaled talent.

~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd like to introduce you to my nightly anthem:

Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Airport
I wrote this a while ago and for shits and giggles thought I would finish it off....

At the airport a couple of years ago I noticed some things.

I was sitting reading a Herman Hesse book trying to find the “inner-me” when this fat pimple of a human being started to blather on to his fellow cohorts about his job, his wife, his money, his kids, his ass hair and other various items that he could not possibly keep to himself. He was sitting next to me in the crowded waiting pool of seats that were all occupied with people waiting to get onto the plane. This man talked to the two people next it him, to the air, and to himself so much that it became appallingly evident that he was everything I feared about my life.

Herman Hesse once said, and I’m paraphrasing, “The things we hate about other people are the things that we hate about ourselves.” I somehow saw myself in this man. I saw myself blathering away time after time making people around me feel uncomfortable and agitated. I saw myself acting as though I had something to say but instead simply mouthing the words that no one wanted to hear.

This wretched waste of a human being and his fat equally obnoxious wife had gotten to me. I wanted to punch him in his throat. I wanted to take a potato pancake and shove it up his nose until it took the place of his fucking eyes. I hated this human being more than anything in my entire life. But, the sad truth still remained that what I hated about him was actually in my life. The phoniness was there. The on stage mentality that this man so eagerly let drip from his fat hairy chest was also, at times, evident in me.

I became so enraged that I went to the bathroom to wash my face. Upon entering the bathroom I noticed that my shirt was on inside out. I laughed at myself and thought about keeping it like that all day. I thought about the things people must have thought this morning as they watched me walk through security. I laughed and turned my shirt right side in.

As I walked back out, the plane was boarding for San Antonio. The fat cow assed people and the beauty queens that live in the south never cease to amaze me. They waddle or they strut. Their breed is odd as it allows for total racism yet country charm to boot. It’s a strange lot. On the plane however a new and somewhat disturbing trend had superseded anyone’s cultural make-up. The plane culture immediately takes into effect. The culture that is deemed appropriate in the epic battle of, what I like to call, “Don’t sit next to me Motherfucker!”

First off, people begin lining up for the plane an hour (that’s right an hour) before the boarding begins. It’s usually the business men who fly all the time and would have their entire lives ruined if they didn’t get the first row aisle seat. They stand at the front of the line looking more and more agitated every second. The next thing you will notice are the cell phone yellers that always have to make one last call to the office about a conference call or package to be delivered. It must be imperative that they make this call because they speak loud enough and repeat everything so many times that everyone in the terminal could do the job of the lackey they are calling on the other end. This call also usually ends with their new customized voicemail being set –
“Hi, this is Helen Hoolihan, I won’t be in the office for the next three days so you can reach my lackey at extension 1234gofuckyourself. Have a great week!”

As the loading of the plane starts the real scariness of the plane culture takes over. You see the plane culture overwrites anyone culture. You could be a goat herder from Bangladesh or a Wall Street executive, it makes no difference because if you board the plane before everyone else your job is to immediately stake your territory. You must hurry and place your bag on the seat next to you just in case all 100 people in back of you decide to nicely fill in the remaining seats in back of you like water into a glass. And be careful not to make eye contact for this is the first step to an invitation for someone else to possibly sit down in the magic row. You must have something culturally appropriate and possibly even envying like a Kundera or Rushdie book, or a copy of Fortune or Harvard Business Review. You want people to look at you and go “Wow what a smart guy.” But at the same time know that you need your space and not talk to you.

When walking onto a plane you will notice the eye levels of those already seated. There are two types of eyes looking at you as you shuffle through the swinging door into the oxygenated room. The first sets of eyes are down and into whatever they are reading. They don’t want to know you, and they don’t want to be known. These are the same kind of people that would never talk to a cab driver and find it weird if you say “hello” to them in an elevator. The second kind of person is the glancer. The glancer profiles every person that comes through the door and the returns immediately to the tray diagram, barf bag, or sports magazine they were reading. He wants to get a good beat on who will be sitting next to him. A woman with a kid immediately brings out the head phones. A fat guy will cause the seated to adjust himself for maximum distance and comfort from the possible row mate. The possible hottie will make him reach for his “conversation piece” of media in order to look more interesting than he actually is. What do I do? Well I’m the 3rd set of eyes. I’m already asleep by the time other people get on the plane…or I’m last.

I guess the point of this was to try to explain that within us all we change in certain atmospheres. We become shadows, ghosts, representatives, and enigmas. We can become whoever we want when in an airport or getting on a plane and most of us become the worst part of ourselves. We become very self-aware about missing a flight, or stolen luggage or even something strange like terrorism. Most become guarded and some, like the fat fuck at the beginning, become outwardly motivated to explain to you who they are. They feel compelled, or perhaps they are nervous, and they need to expel their life to you. They need to brag and drop hints about themselves so as to add importance to who they are. It is quite wonderful to watch if you ever get the chance. So the next time you are in the airport, look to see how people change in the air taxi barn as opposed to who they might be in the outside world, or possibly see who they are in the outside world because of the way they are in the airport. I think you’ll find that there are a bunch of clues.

Baltimore Film/TV Premier Tonight - and others

At the Ottobar they are screening the new TV show "DJ's". I heard about this the other week at a friend's house but immediately started to laugh out loud, hysterically, when someone referenced a show that documented an elite DJing 'crew' in Baltimore. I can't find any reference to it As a matter of fact I have been to see a DJ - just a DJ - 3 times in my life and all of those DJ's were from out of state; DJ Dan, Ron D Core, and DJ Shadow. I don't know the name of one DJ in Baltimore, except a friend's boyfriend called DJ Chris and his playlist consists of "chill reggae" I think I heard him once say. So I don't know what "elite" DJ's Baltimore has, and I sure as shit don't know where these DJ's spin, but I am going to see what this is all about. It's like Ace of Cakes for the E generation.

And on a lighter note - - XS - down the street from my house - is now having these local DJ's every night. So I don't know what's going on around here. Time to blow the dust off my Captain Beefheart album and strut my licks. Do the kids not want the Beefheart?...fine... then I'll bring the Burrito Oh well. And did anyone else know that this was a bar...with Art...and TV's on the 3rd flr? I thought it was just an open kitchen and a bunch of high tops with art school kids. I'll have to investigate the space...

I am also going to see Killer of Sheep tonight at the Chablees de North Avenue. I heard it is just amazing. If it comes to your town go and see it - well I'll let you know tomorrow I guess if you should go and see it...

Also blast from the past time - -

MHB / Tribe of Ben / PocketProtector - it's all the same in the long run because they all have sex face man himself - Marco - Penelope and Penelope 2 ...Penelope 3 - just don't sound the same with out cordoroy's and a full head of hair. I remember when we were taking over the world...well Towson...time flies.

The hits...
Head to Toe
Are you happy?
T-Shirt Tune

LOL - Peace and Grease to old Mark for the good times.

Monday, May 14, 2007

My Music is Your Music and It's Our Music

Anyway - I don't know what that meant. Don't buy the hype on Arcade Fire. IMO - well - it's fucking overrated. Still a fierce 6/10 but if one more person jumps on top of me, grabs my shirt and starts wondering why I don't LOVE the Arcade Fire I simply tell them that a band that uses a bag of skittles for an instrument and has 8 year olds on meth writing their lyrics - - I'm totally against. At least I think that's what they are...

My Webster's Definition of them -
Arcade Fire - 1) giving people in NYC something to talk about after the Strokes since 2003. 2) giving rich college kids a chance to relive Radiohead without the Fiery Furnaces or Of Montreal cds in their collection...because can't justify that. 3) A band of 417 people that have never seen Belle and Sebastian but all went to some art school and more than likely smell pretty damn gross.

God When The O's Were a Flagship

Yesterday - was - ... just...sick

Friday, May 11, 2007

Friday Afternoon Whatever

Great Clips from the coolest mother fucker ever to put on shoes - -

A couple tracks for the fookin sack.

Never ceases to make me want to be fun and interesting.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Turn Towards Home

A simple mirrored glare, a guise;
There isn't a shoulder turned
Towards ice that melts
On faces that take away
All that I have kept secret.

Stern chins make the grass grow.
With the motor of nature
Turned towards the sun we make
Our beds in slithering ravines
Forever slipping down to the places
Mother told us not to play.

When the sun turns
Towards the sunflower
It takes a leap of grain-size
A step of solar
And moves our lives like
Watch hands turn.

If the machine of graze
Were to launch it's cancer on me,
I would turn towards your face
And have the pasture etched
With the ebb of you hair
Replacing what God told me was beauty

Between the shepherd and the butcher
How many heads have laid?
With a cupped rigid hand,
A chin grabbed, and then
Turned towards the window
A family takes its supper
With the trust of the day

When there were books in my palm,
Like weighted worlds of waiting,
I was happiest in my turn.
I was blessed with the moon toward my face
And my back to the seas
As if someone had saved the slightest
Verse just for me.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Stuff to Do

This weekend there are these things:

Film Festival
Kentucky Derby at Pimlico

See you Monday.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tunes of the Day

Here's your/my band of the day:

The Verve -

Rolling People

Lucky Man

What might be one of the best songs ever written - -

The Drugs Don't Work - (no...Ben Harper stole it from them)

Does anyone remember when music was a celebration and not a fucking excuse to be misunderstood? I've moved on musically and come full circle.

The Oriole Song of the Day

To the tune of Desperado

Sam Perlozzo...why don't you come to your senses
Your team's been making me tense up for so long now
Oh, you're a calm one and I know that you've got your reasons
But this very young season's fading fast anyhow.

Why hold on to Freddy Bynum, Sam? He's just not very able
And on this team, he isn't a good fit
Now it seems to me that Jon Knott, brings a bit more to the table
But I guess you want the guy, that just can't hit

Sam Perlozzo, oh we ain't getting no younger
Our lone, only hunger's that this team will not stink
And playoffs, oh playoffs, well that seems quite unlikely
But your year, it just might be sooner done than you think.

Don't those bunts get old in the summertime?
The runs don't score time after time, It's hard to tell this season from the last
While we know you love the single run
It just helps to make our rallies done too fast

Sam Perlozzo, we know that you're no Earl Weaver
And even in all our fever, we know you're a good guy
But we're tired of losing, and we just want a contender
Don't want to have to surrender......... least 'till July.

An Actual Conversation with 2 People I know

*Standing in the elevator on the way up to work*

Guy 1: Dude, tom. is the big day. Are you going tonight?
Guy 2: I don't know. I don't think my wife will let me stay out all night.
Bret: Alright, alright...what are you boys talking about?
Guy 1: What are you serious? Spiderman dude.
Bret: What?
Guy 2: Spiderman 3 comes out tom.
Bret: On DVD or something?
Guy 1: Dude, Spiderman is going to be one of the best movies of all time.
Bret: Oh wow... Behind what other movies? Lord of the Rings and fuckin Howard the Duck?
Guy 1: You know on IMDB Spiderman is rated as the best movie over the last 20 years.

*ding at the floor
Bret: I have never seen it. But I really can't be...not even close. It has it's own line of Taco Bell toys. Did On the Waterfront have it's own line of Taco Bell toys?
Guy 2: Did the Waterfront movie have the hotness that is Kirsten Dunst?
Bret: need to stop smoking weed.

If one more person asks me, tells me, or even looks at me with the thought of asking me about whether or not I am going to see, have seen, or will ever see Spiderman 3...I'm going to flip. I don't understand people most days. I'll bring them my Happy Meal toys from McDonalds.

Greatest movie of all time?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Hairspray et al

Shameful and, to Baltimore - painful.

And as a side item - this is minutes of fun. Track all the crimes in Baltimore via this online map. Also I have decided that the next place I live or buy at will be Tuscany-Canterbury.

Divine died of Apnea - you can sort of see why if you look at her breathing. And by the way very few cities have a better embodying ambassador than JW.

They should show this movie every year on the side of a building somewhere in Baltimore. There (and probably is) should be a JW film festival Every EVERY year in Baltimore. True art...

Listen to the Water's early bmore accent. And - that's real poop. So if you don't want to see a large transvestite eating dog shit - don't watch the end.

Also - this always manages to piss me off and confuse me at the Charles.


Money around this part of the woods has been tough to come by lately so I have been looking for a part time job that I could maybe do from my comp at home or when I have downtime at work - the first one I see -

See if you can pass. I officially have been turned down in my first job interview ever. And it's really not a surprise.


My job isn't the sexiest job in the world. I'm not a private detective FBI agent circus performer who noonlights as rock porn star with a license to kill. I work on computers and help to fix and develop functional system that help people learn. I like it because it affords me the following:

1. I am good at it, so it is relatively non-stressful unless the people around me become not good at it and then I have to be doubly good.
2. It affords me the ability to work with smart people, doing smart things, and hopefully becoming a much smarter person one day who develops something really smart and makes smart person money.
3. We get to work with high profile clients like the Army, Navy, DoD, big banks, telecommunication etc... So if you screw up you get hell but when you do well you feel good.

Now I would like to expand on point 3 and try to somehow give guidance to anyone desiring a career change. I have a customer, a public agency; we'll call them Yee Haw Human Resources. This company runs the entire state's (a southern one) human resource facility. Working with them I have to have access to their systems, work closely with their IT people, even be on site to their facility if necessary. I also need them to be competent or at the least, alert. What I have found is that Yee Haw Company isn't equipped to open most doors much less operate a multi-100 tiered environment.

Yee Haw Company is so hilarious that many times I will call other peers over to listen to their DBA's or Admins talk about technology. They are so unbelievably uneducated that I have my doubts on how they operate a car or prepare food. It is shocking that entities today, that depend so heavily on technology, simply hand over the keys to complicated temperamental infrastructures to any dullard that manages to keep his desk clean.

In the past few months I have come to work with them and every day I can't help but think about how people possibly keep their jobs. The level of incompetence that is so stark throughout the IT industry is ghastly. And the amount of money that some of us veterans are paid is also astronomical to the point that we are rarely questioned about what we do. The gap between IT's results and the powers that be have become so stratified that the "Wizard of Oz curtain" that separates them is almost never pulled back to reveal the IT guy with his feet up on his desk taking a nap.

Sidenote: Now, if you just started out of college (and like all new college grads you won't make shit for 4 years - unless you're a lawyer I guess) you won't make anything but you will be depended upon and what I have found is that level of readiness for any college graduate entering the IT field is frightening. It is frighteningly awful.

Even more awful that this are the geographical areas of America and the world that are so under skilled that on a daily basis it becomes nerve-racking to think about how fragile the IT infrastructure of the world is. I don't know if this is considered stereotyping, well I'm sure it is, but I have worked with enough people and in enough places to honestly say that the level of competency in some regions (the southern states of America, England, any dutch-like union) is just horrific. And then in comparison to the America North East, Texas and California some countries annihilate our level of average proficiency (Japan, Russia, India). While we may develop some of the world's best thing in the technology arena, we certainly don't have enough quality people to install, mend, and expound upon such inventions as those stellar regions above do.

So, here's my point. While IT or comp sci may not be the most exciting business in the world I can assure you it isn't going anywhere. The infrastructures currently built have reached such a critical mass that any sort of fear of a "depression" will be swept away by the amassing need to simply keep going. Brick and mortar has been overtly replaced by lights and beeps. And the opportunity for some of our youth to take their abilities and make them viable on a professional scale, while it may seem bland, has never really been more needed. Unfortunately, you didn't get into the game in 95'.

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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