- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Updates and All

So the house has been bought.
Started packing this weekend - 8 boxes for one book shelf. And Erin thinks I'm a nerd for categorizing, and the alphabetizing every record, cd, and book that I own. I find it cathartic.
Heading to Circus de kooz or whatever that amazing thing is that everyone keeps talking about.
Saw Tim on Friday night and went to his play The Cherry Orchard. It was fun and it was even better to hang out afterwards and catch up and see what's moving on.
Opening day next week with Zorn, Erin, and Johnny - Nichols is back home. That will be a solid opening day.
Saw Sicko by Michael Moore over the weekend - I broke down and cried at it - lord... It's a very powerful movie and quite freightening if you do not have health insurance or are just basically sick.
Release my 4th installment of my newsletter about Online Marketing.
I don't really have much to write about as far as - you know - what I normally write. Work is great! Erin is great! House is going to change life a bit until I start moving beyond the Obama bracket. Baseball season is coming up.

Onwards and upwards.

Updates and All

Sunday, March 29, 2009


I want to be forgotten and
I don't want to be reminded.


Thursday, March 26, 2009

I am officially...

...taking requests to help us move. Reservations are limited... time is short. If you want to be a part of this exclusive club of movers from 112 to 3541 please let me know ASAP. The moving date has yet to be solidified but rest assured this is a PREMIUM package with Natty Boh, Miller High Life, and shots of tequila if there is time.

We may even havr you stay around to help wire the entertainment center... you could even find yourself "crashing" in one of our 5 - I repeat 5 lush bedrooms. We could even arrange for you to have your own cat.

So - if all of this sounds too good to be true. It isn't. B+E (or breaking and entering as I like to call us) have signed their life away to a 30 year servitude. Please come assist us in our move.

Spaces are limited so call 443-562-3599 or email right now to reserve your place!!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Random thought today

I am often put off by the inability of art to go after the big picture
Or maybe its the smaller idea that lends itself to the bigger picture
Maybe I can't love the small things
Maybe a poem about something that just almost gets there bothers me more
If you lend yourself to writing about how one eats cereal or the coolnees of plums in the ice box...
I get that
If you want to almost write about something important like the idea of poses or small crime...
I get upset.
There is coward art and there is lazy art.
But what I don't understand is how no one calls people out on it.
Like Rufus Wainwright - I mean seriously.

Random thought. Totally doesn't make sense.

Tomorrow - we close on the house - YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Friday, March 20, 2009


...1st day of spring,
...Birthday Dad.

Can't wait to move. Party on Saturday should be fun. City Sunday night -

Monday, March 09, 2009

Just can't wait

Sherwood gardens alone is reason enough to live there... greatest days of my life are coming soon.

Song of the Day - Never Gonna Change - DBT

Friday, March 06, 2009


Worst unemployment rate in 25 years.

Dow will bottom out at 6k.

Small business will start to cave after and during the summer.

Wal-mart, target, price club, sam’s club - -all good buys. Anyplace that owns real estate - McDonalds, Pepsi Co, etc... cornerstone recession businesses. Poor Mt Vernon and Baltimore in general. They were just hoping to turn the corner and now... all that business that has come in - all those cute dog stores, and bars, and starbucks, and all else are more than likely going to fold. It's a shame.

Unemployment will bottom out at 12% I'm calling. And by that time they will officially call this a depression. I just used all my bonuses to pay off debt - so... I'm part of the problem.

The next horrific story you will hear... the rich moguls and banks buying up foreclosed properties for 1/4 of what they cost and then reselling them. 20/20 already has their expose' cameras looking for that story - also BGE and the other natural resource companies borrowed against their own principle causing them to raise prices... and the shit of that is - - if you can't pay your water bill they can take your house - no running water = condemned building.

And I'll tell you something else about water bills and BGE - when landlords and slumlords can't pay the water bills that's when shit will really hit the fan. These apartment owners bough at premium and are going to still expect people to pay premium rent price over the net 4 years... and shit... that's going to be tough. 1k$ per month ain't what it used to be... the other way.

Anyway - upwards and onwards. In other news - - I just released my first ever newsletter this week on the pros and cons of content aggregators.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Goddamnit America

The lower our culture sinks into some sort of rebellious snort of thunder dome - the more detached I feel towards anything having to do with anything but my family and close friends. I know that's kind of serious - for tattoo Barbie and all - but - the macro lack of quality DNA that is out there only accentuates the fact that I have no interest in pop culture, bad art, people without convictions, and mostly everyone in the world.

lol -

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Why America Loves Bookies

My recent online conversation with - trying to get your money out of them is like trying to paint a moving car.

Please wait for a site operator to respond. You are currently customer 2 in queue. Thank you for your patience.

Hello, my name is Benjamin Boyd. How may I help you today?

Bret Holmes: Hi Benjamin

Bret Holmes: I am trying to get sportsbook all the info they requested but I dont think we are on the same page

Bret Holmes: I have faxed AND sent via email their required documents

Bret Holmes: inlcuding a scanned image of my license

Bret Holmes: i need to confirm that they received it

Benjamin Boyd: How long ago did you send the ID via email Bret?

Bret Holmes: yesterday and Friday

Bret Holmes: wait

Bret Holmes: yesterday

Bret Holmes: but they have already responded that it is too dark --

Bret Holmes: i dont think they are looking at the scanned photo of the license

Benjamin Boyd: I can see that now Bret. Let me go ahead and send this Id to the relevant department. You can rest assured that within the next 1-2 hours all the information will be cleared and you can feel free to request a withdrawal.

Bret Holmes: okie dokie

Bret Holmes: thanks for your help

Bret Holmes: will i receive confirmation of that

Bret Holmes: and to what account can I withdrawn it to?

Benjamin Boyd: You're very welcome.

Bret Holmes: it says debit card but I don't know what card I used to enter the funds and it was so long ago...

Bret Holmes: and that card has been replaced possibly by a new number

Benjamin Boyd: Once the process is done you will receive a confirmation email.

Bret Holmes: ok

Benjamin Boyd: Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Bret Holmes: just the info about which debit card it would go to

Bret Holmes: and how long that might take

Benjamin Boyd: On any withdrawal, we will first attempt to credit back to your card any funds that you have recently charged to that card. The rest of your winnings will be sent using the method of your choice.

Bret Holmes: ok

Bret Holmes: all very confusing

Bret Holmes: ill see how it goes i guess

Benjamin Boyd: Bret. You can feel free to request your withdrawal now.

Benjamin Boyd: The information is now cleared.

Bret Holmes: hmm

Bret Holmes: ok

Bret Holmes: i still dont where the money is going

Bret Holmes: thats my issue

Bret Holmes: what account?

Bret Holmes: and im not super kean on waiting 8 weeks for a check

Benjamin Boyd: Unfortunately at the moment our processing time frame for checks is 4-8 weeks. However usually never take that long.

Bret Holmes: I know

Bret Holmes: i dont understand why this all has to be so difficult

Bret Holmes: it really makes me want to choose another service - this is all so hard to withdraw money

Benjamin Boyd: Since the UIGEA was passed almost 2 years ago, it has had varied success in clamping down on banking transactions involved with online gaming. Unfortunately, the easiest form of transactions to trace and tackle are paper checks sent out to you, our customer. As a result of this, all of our current check processors have found it increasingly difficult to get your checks to you. This is what has caused the delay with your current withdrawal request.

Please remember that 4-8 weeks is our standard time frame for payment processing via check.

So once again, I would like to apologize for this very unfortunate situation. You can expect an email from us within the week to fully update you regarding the situation.

Bret Holmes: I know - thanks for the pasted form information for when someone asks "Why does this take so long

Bret Holmes: and im sorry to give you a hard time

Bret Holmes: do you have any more info on the debit card process?

Bret Holmes: will you only put back in the amount I submitted?

Bret Holmes: or the entire amount etc.. and then I have to wait for a check?

Benjamin Boyd: If you choose the Debit Card option it will go directly to the card. However if it's the first time you will need to wait for a courier to receive your card.

Bret Holmes: receive my card what? WHAT?

Bret Holmes: you guys are sending me a debit card of some sort?

Bret Holmes: lol

Bret Holmes: im all confused now

Benjamin Boyd: Sir at present we only offer checks. Debit card is an option that we have but at the moment is no longer availble.

Bret Holmes: lol

Bret Holmes: ok - you are talking like a crazy person. First it is and now it is not available? Who knows.

Bret Holmes: so you are sending me a check...

Benjamin Boyd: What was the method you selected for your check.

Bret Holmes: i selected debit card

Benjamin Boyd: I meant your payout request.

Bret Holmes: debit card

Bret Holmes: Debit Card ($150 min - $10,000 max)

Bret Holmes: if its a check i guess that's fine

Bret Holmes: but this isn't my first rodeo "Benjamin" - every time I try to cash out with you guys I get some rigamoral about how I have to prove I am who I am by having my doctor call you and then my mother and supplying you with blood samples.

Benjamin Boyd: Have you received money via Debit Card in the past?

Bret Holmes: no

Bret Holmes: I have received a check

Bret Holmes: Fuck it. Just send it by courier pigeon for all I care.

Benjamin Boyd: Sir. I am entitled to end this conversation now.

Bret Holmes: So I guess I'll just wait and see if I get my money. Cool. Thanks buddy.

Benjamin Boyd: Sir are you calm now.

Bret Holmes: Benny. I was never angry. I just want my money.

Benjamin Boyd: Ok in that case the procedure is as follows: If you selected Debit Card. Then you will need to wait for a courier is sent with your debit card. Once you have successfully received our Debit Card the money will be transferred to your debit card within 2-3 days at the latest.

Bret Holmes: lol -

Bret Holmes: they are sending a courier to my address at home?

Bret Holmes: this is insane

Bret Holmes: ill just take a check

Bret Holmes: can i change that

Bret Holmes: can you help me with that... lol - I mean you are sending a courier ... and in this country we just say "mail" ... to my house with a debit card to get another debit card? This is totally fucking nuts.

Benjamin Boyd: What do you want for me to do?

Bret Holmes: well - if you send to a courier to my house i am not going to be there to meet him - because I have to work for a living. So - Ben - if you could possibly process all that info and come up witha solution that doesn't involve me having to go to the US embassy to fax along my DNA that would be awesome.

Bret Holmes: so... I'll just take a check that will be sent to me sometime in May -

Benjamin Boyd: There is no need to sign for that.

Bret Holmes: lets just go with the check

Benjamin Boyd: Check will be the same.

Bret Holmes: the debit card sounds insane

Bret Holmes: thanks for working through this with me

Benjamin Boyd: Ok. I will forward the request to be sent as a check.

Bret Holmes: ok thanks

Bret Holmes: hopefully someone can send me some sort of confirmation of that

Bret Holmes: that would be awesome

Benjamin Boyd: Rest assured we will email you promptly as soon as possible Bret.

Bret Holmes: thanks man

Benjamin Boyd: You're very welcome.

Benjamin Boyd: Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Bret Holmes: not today - but I'm sure if I need the heart workout I'll hit you up again later.

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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