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I Kan't Spell



Saturday, October 31, 2020

 
All these pictures
 I see pictures of friends gathered together. They are celebrating birthdays and restaurant openings. business anniversaries, even church events, or other children’s birthdays. 

I don’t have any pictures like this in the last 10 years. I always rain water on them. I’m just not a happy person that way. I can throw a party. I can bring people together that likely want to see each other - but at no point does anyone want to see me. Or maybe they do and I shut it down. 

But I get sad seeing these photos. I get sad knowing I don’t have these kinds of relationships - maybe I never did - maybe it was my decision all along or... as I always assume - maybe I’m just an asshole. 



Monday, October 26, 2020

 
Ahhh cheee bayyyy
 I never thought
That reading so much 
Would develop as many
Chains
As ships to new lands.

I always assumed that
Being passionate,
Being alive,
Would inspire the world
To open.

Instead it made a cell for me
Where I see nothing 
But nothing
And that nothing
Wants me dead. 

Things fall apart.
Indeed. 



Tuesday, October 20, 2020

 
Take the Time
I’ve never stopped for a sunset 
I once stayed up all night 
And watched the sun rise
On a beach in Maryland
I never even thought about 
It
Until today. 

Take a look
Have a thought
Rest for a second

Take an inhale that 
Can round your day
Clean of the static.
Embrace the bones 
Sticking to your lungs
As your breathe
Feel them heavy and sticky
Rising and falling
In seconds 



Friday, October 16, 2020

 
Don't Take it Personal
Listen
I write these things for me
I write these things for my own window
My own world
My own cathartic moment of lens
So don't take it personal - I'm not worth that. (prelude over)

I have a hard time looking at myself
I have confidence with who I am
I can feel that in my feet
And in my head. 
I don't fear much - I do fear 
though
My own reflection. 

Superficially - no one has ever called me handsome - or hot - barely cute. 
And that's ok - but that wears on you psychologically over the years. 
Like it or not - that's a fact. I don't care who you are. 
Internally - no one that I have known for a long time thinks I'm a good person.
They find me tolerable, or with means, or oddly crazy at best. 
They know something in me is broken. 
They know I lie. 
They know I'm shallow. 
They know I'm mean.
They know I'm not as smart as I think I am. 
And that's on me. I never got to be 
The person I always wanted to be
Mostly because it was too hard
And not enough fun
And it seemed boring. 

But all the people and mirrors I've broke along the way. 
Tell a story that I do take personal - but you shouldn't.
Sometimes - the hero goes away even in his own story. 




Thursday, October 15, 2020

 
Election
 Turning and turning in the widening gyre   
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere   
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst   
Are full of passionate intensity. ~ Yeats 

Truth 

 
There comes a point
Ya know they were right
Do this
Think about that
Consider an option
Change 
Don’t
Wait
As a shark loves a moose
Only so much 
Can be done 
Before there are antlers 
Or fins
Strewn
Poorly 
Weakly
Today was a day
Tomorrow will be another
Hold the circle like 
The falconer 
In a Yeats poem
Centers
Can’t hold 




Wednesday, October 14, 2020

 
Syrup
 Did I ever tell you about the time
The Jack of spades
Jumped out of the deck
To fight 
What was seemingly
The one thing worth fighting for 
In the world of 
Make believe.
Syrup. 

 
Ner


The end of the smile

Is the curl

Left unfurled 

To start your day.

In a way

Unexpected,

Tasteful and smart.

Like a ‘ner

Twinkled to infer.


 
1

 " Let yourself swim alone out where you never go."

Feel the weight of the water under you.
Warm on top and cold down by your toes.
You can feel the deep. 
You can imagine the danger of where you are. 

The ocean is unforgiving. 
You came from it. 
It will take you back. 
No pity. 
No conversation. 
Dark. Deep. Cold.  




Saturday, October 10, 2020

 
Fair span of year
After living out the fairest span of year
Losing her youth to the venom 
She taught the tame to wicked
She became the thing she suffered 
Turning away to pastures before 
She didn’t make the lovers choice - 
but the poets. 
Content in choice is paramount.
Intent understood is an elixir.  
What a fine web.
What a time to be alive. 



 
This Space

 Wcw - preamble as by children.

Outmatched and ill-witted.
The scene told me
What I already knew,
Too much beauty 
Is too much. 


 
Little Lion
You have your first non waking pseudo.
A paper clip
Bent to the angles finely and terse.
Fingers - blood red to the top pointer;
Blow on it - eye level - carefully, purposefully,
Cleanly.

The small of a back.
The tempest foreshadow 
In the haze of Borealis dust.
In the moment first-
Right before you open your hand
To release the day’s prayer. 

An echo with weight that startles.
A pin popping the cool air filled night. 

All you had was selfish. 
All that gave was as well.
Little lions eventually eat and hunt alone.
Each male lion develops its own pride.
It eats unassisted. 

Xaipe.
The swing in the rouge et Noir.
The depths of curled corners mixed with
Fumbling hands on dark chalked walls.
One with light. 
One with negative space. 
The floor. The walls. The ballerina. 
Hunting with little lions to make whole. 
One pride.
One dream for Santiago; 
One dream. 







Tuesday, October 06, 2020

 
Now you say Morocco
 I once had a thing
A thing that I thought was everything

I ran out of my house
My father loused w drugs and prostitution
Hitting me 
“Go to your whore”
I was 18.
She was everything. 

I had never felt that before
That: hot love - molten love 
Freedom in the belief in someone

I felt it.
It came odd.
It came late.
Parallels at nothing.
A slate without lines.
An interaction without traffic.

Alive is alive no matter what. 

But you said Morocco and you made me smile  



Saturday, October 03, 2020

 
Success

 What does success mean?

I love being trite and pedestrian with my questions. 

Is success having money. It doesn’t feel like it.

Is success having a family. It doesn’t feel like it.

Is success being happy. I wouldn’t know what that means - it’s been a while.

Is success being in love. It’s never felt like it.

Do you really want success? Or do you want peace. I think most people are far too scarred to try for peace. It means not coveting. It means loving more than wanting. It means leaving bad things from bad people at their doorstep and not yours. It means putting others first.

Success seems selfish. 

Peace seems like something you can make yours. But very few people are smart and brave enough for peace. Most of them just want things and to be perceived - that’s not peace - that fleeting. That’s pain. I’ll likely die that way - I’m not brave enough to walk away to find peace - because I know what pain lays that wake. 

Success isn’t what I’m after. Peace isn’t going to be attainable. The alternative is what ? 




 
Embers
ive been wanting to 
write a poem 
about embers for some 
long goddamn 
time now 


 snow falls packed 
 heavy to bone stepped on deep mud 
suffocating to time 
 seconds flash years 
black 

fires spread in felt heart 
touch scolds burnt heat to tongue 
scramble - scurry - hurry - 
do something 
 both collide 
nothing is made 
hot steam



Thursday, October 01, 2020

 
Who are you writing for?

 Your kids? You better go back and see the inane nonsense you spew.

For her? She doesn’t care.

For her? You’re doing it wrong. 

For him? He doesn’t care.

For him? He thinks you’re weak. 

For yourself? You’re vapid. Get over yourself.

I think it’s time I found some better meaning to my days. I’m getting near the end of this cycle. I’ll go in stronger - I’ll be hampered. I’ll be lame. I’ll come out better. 





Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Reading
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Newness
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Quote(S)
Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Deerhoof
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Enon
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Oasis
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Travis
Two if By Sea
Ween

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
Fletcher's
8x10
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre
Sonar

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Aldo's
Bishop's Collar
Boccacio's
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
Porter's
The Irish Pub
Turner's
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
NEW!!!
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return


Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

- MUSIC
Donewaiting.com
hive3.com
Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

- BUY
Aloud.com
Pre-Shrunk
Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

- HUMOR
Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

- PERSONAL
Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools



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