Sunday, October 29, 2023
Look at it different
I should go back and look at my linguistic books. I’d like to find something on the deaf, signing, heightened attributes, types of communication, facial gestures.
I wonder how much our ears and our mouths dictate our personality and the subsequent types.
No more take out food
Shop for it
Make it
Get your life in order - now
Thursday, October 26, 2023
I wish i still had friends
I’ve burned every relationship
I have no friends anymore
That’s ok
I’m not 12
Wednesday, October 25, 2023
Like
In the world of marathon
Love
Doesn’t come
The desire or the ability
To love
Choose
Or discern
Separate feelings
From each
Time
They show
Their head.
Take the good,
Leave the bad…
Find yourself with nothing;
Even a good cake
Needs grease
Sunday, October 22, 2023
I took it all for granted
My whole life I pushed everyone away. I don’t know exactly why I did that but that’s what I do. Anyone in my family that tried to show me love I turned them down. And anyone of my friends that tried to help me I turned them down.
I don’t know if that was right or wrong. But I do know I’m alone now. I do know that if I left the earth very few people would care. And I don’t mind that - these are decisions I made. I don’t get sad over my decisions - I get sad over things that happen out of my control.
Maybe sometimes I didn’t think like my family. Maybe sometimes I didn’t feel confident enough or well enough to want to be around people. Maybe sometimes I wanted attention by being a martyr. Maybe sometimes I like superficial new relationships more than old ones because I get a chance to start again instead of knowing how people know me.
Everyone’s life is hard in their minds. You are not their concern after a while. Say no or do nothing long enough - everyone will leave you.
Saturday, October 21, 2023
In fleeting blinks
Come only
The missing solar
Whisp
That draws close
Breath to
The point it becomes
Heat
Mixed with
The undying hope
That all
Opens
Metal
On the tin rusted roof
Sat the time
Of the artist
Singing to the birds
To harken in
A new era
Of color.
In the instant;
A blink
Took the top hat -
Old silk and terse
To the flock
Of seconds
Waiting for it’s
Recital.
Friday, October 20, 2023
Why my kids don’t listen to me
I don’t think they trust me
I think they know I’m a liar
I think my kids don’t respect me because they think I’m a fraud
I watch kids respect their parents and those parents have a few things in common and they all kind of have to line up
1. Evenly nice or evenly stern - consistent
2. Trustworthy - they keep their word
3. They don’t waste time being lazy
4. They don’t question a kids bad habit when they have the same horrible habit themselves. I.e. media, cursing, eating bad food - they see you do it and tell them not to - that breaks the trust. Parents who get respect have consistent good habits their kids emulate.
I am not any of these things. I violate all of them and I have to change. I’m wasting my life being a lazy clown.
Unheralded
Unsung
Depths
To the tune
Of a passing parade
Not thrown for you
But for the
Clowns
You
Hated
Monday, October 16, 2023
Checklist
Meditate
Exercise
No alcohol
Stop the stupid use of nicotine
Love your children
Listen to them
No more tv
Read play games work write read write work output
Realize you’re lucky - not smart -
You’re more thief than you are talent - but you can change
Focus
Work
Focus
Think
Create
Explore
Create
Work
Focus
Smile
Be kind
Be kind….
….Be kind
Want less
Need less
Create more
Grasp more
No yelling
No self pity
One life
Calm
Calmer
Make better choices for them
For them
For you for them
Game is half over
You need a better second half
You’re a guttersnipe
You’re a rat
You’re a scared dog scrapping for scraps
You know it
So use it
Change it
It’s the only real gift you have is self analysis - look at that still can’t write a sentence
You’re cheap trash
But don’t let it make you depressed or paranoid - use it to make your strong somehow
Use it to make them strong
Write down your gifts
No more excuses
No more time
Tomorrow is not tomorrow
Tomorrow needs to be now
Or you won’t make it
And you’ll get smaller and smaller until nothing is left
Sunday, October 15, 2023
Youth
It moves
In a line of growing
Confidence
Met with
Capability
Charging along a short line
Of self-importance
Met with arrogance
Dashed with ignorance
And touched oddly
By righteousness.
But the beauty
Oh - joy the beauty
Of old that is young
And young that is fair;
There is no
Artful illusion that
Competes with the vibrance of life
Wednesday, October 11, 2023
Hope - to the ones I love
Inside every dark night
Is the dawn
And the sun comes
With the magnet
Of love
Towards that which
You believe
Not even a fiction hero
would tell you
That feeling sad is
The way to honor
Your breath
Move forward
With love
Move quickly through
The night
Into the embrace of
The most powerful
Glimpse God gave us -
Love
Tuesday, October 10, 2023
Bye
When you don’t like yourself
Other can’t
Reach
Touch
Console
Love
You are in depression
You are waiting to blow up
People around you care
But you stopped
Long ago
And there’s nothing stopping
The bottom from coming up
Sunday, October 08, 2023
Wish
I wish I still had friends that my kids talk to about anything or be surrounded by a tribe. I’ve lost that. And I have no desire to get it back. I’m losing my touch with the world.
