I Kan't Spell

 Today I’m thankful for reality and honesty and I hope they both serve we well over the next week - no matter what happens. 

 I’ll make this short and sweet / there are about 3 borderline rape scenes with the protagonist as the rapist and a little person is mockingly made sheriff and mayor 

Eastwood is typical Eastwood - but this movie is stupid.

3.6/10 - Eastwood snarl brings in all 3.6

 I learned a great word today: Cairn.

Some use it as a marker or gravestone made of a tower of stacks stones - others who are about to die or die trying something (explorers mostly) built a Cairn and put all their maps and notes in there for the next person to come along and learn from it. Even knowing that they would have to return for it - the value of their job and findings were the most important thing. Well trained men. 

 “I don’t need a knife to tell me to keep my promises - it’s a matter of honor” 

Expressions elude me - I think too much 

 Main and friend wait in line in the morning for a coffee or breakfast sandwich at a local hipster coffee shop. Both men are hungover after the tnight before and in their early 30s. They are not married but character 1 is engaged and looking to move away from their city dwelling into the county soon. 

1: Why is this line so long... do they do different shit with their coffee? 
2. I would imagine because it's the only place open at 7 am - what you got today? 
1: Who cares... working in finance is basically me waiting below someone's asshole for the corn that I feed them in hopes that I can pick it out and keep it for myself. 
2: Nice... I'm glad we're still friends after all these years. 

Steps to counter as it's their turn - 
1: I'll have a Venti half and halg with caramel on top
2: I'll have a beer. Do you have beer? Yeah ya do (points at the heinekens in the case) - I'll take 2 heinekens
Barista: We can't sell beer at 7:25 (checks clock with eye roll)
2: Why? 
Barista: Rules I guess - 

2: Let's break em - and have a great day! LIke a great day! Every great day that I can think of starts with morning beers - well at least the ones that have opened up the opportunity of a great day... 
Barista: Okkkkk - (she hates her job and doesn't want to argue - cracks one beer and hands him the second - 2 opens the second with a lighter)
Guy behind them (40+ puffy jacket): Dude? Beers?
2: Yeah beers... why not? I don't do anything that requires me to be sober - I talk for a living and I talk to idiots. 
Guy Behind: OH yeah what do you do? 
1: Don't ask
2: Yeah don't ask
GB: Why not? 
2: Because it's the dumbest question to ask somone. It's a sizing question. It's a curiosity within a luxury wrapped around judgement and to be honest with you - the person that asks me that question doesn't deserve an answer given their lack of wherewithal of what I just said. 
GB: Ok (obviously agitated and close to saying Fuck You)
2. You want a beer? It'll set you free. 

 This is a scene from a possible movie.

 What’s wrong with you? Why do you keep staring at that  live laugh love sign over our front door. 

Yeah, no, no reason 

you think you’re better than everyone. 

Pause - deep breath - decision to let loose or be polite… ahh fuck it 

No I think I’ve had  either more opportunity than you or availed myself in a different pursuit of gratification. I think I’ve seen more of the world and am probably smarter than you where it counts. Either that or I was born of fully chromosomed pairings. Take your picks 

 why do you hate that so much.  why do you hate when people are happy 

because it’s vapid. It’s an indifference to what you could’ve been. It’s lack of a horizon that you failed to settle upon. you quit and you chose art from bed Bath and beyond. there’s no soul in it. You clipped a magazine article from the grocery store rack and then lathered onto someone found in the annals of qvc. there’s nothing here. there’s loyalty to family because you’re small and children and that stuff - I mean that’s what it says in real life -  which I totally understand and oddly respect in a humble small town whoopsie I farted kinda way  - but you personally sought out those word on a board made in China and hung it over your front door, you’re nothing that’s what that means to me. 

What about you - you’re not so fuckin smart

What about me? I moved onto prints of famous art that I barely understand from all around the world. I actually don’t even really understand art but I’m at least one floor above you and to a poor man, somebody who is destitute in their ignorance and application you can hold airs over them - well that - that makes life tolerable. Welcome to our time together. 

Fuck you

Yes fuck you - see that would have been interesting to hang over the door 

Walks away.. mumbling fuck me in a jovial manner from thr Fourier he hears 

I hope it ends shortly. You’re miserable

He walks and points to the ceiling before entering the kitchen 

I’d reference one of your signs but I’m afraid there is no “bitchin’ in the kitchen” 

 I am thankful for a trait today. What other people do and decide to do doesn’t hurt or phase me. How they feel about me hurts me - I hate when people are mad at me. But their decisions I can always justify. You can’t control another person or wish them to do something because you want it - people are going to do what people will want or need to do without a ton of thought for you. It’s human nature. It comes in a spectrum but it’s there and the pain that I see people feel by trying to control someone is one of the most painful emotions I’ve been privy to. 

Your life is not theirs - it’s great if those lives are in harmony but if they’re not you have to let go and you have to do it with a smile and a thought of  “it wasn’t meant to be”

It’s calming to let go of that pain. It’s balancing to separate yourself  and give yourself over to that idea. It’s as close to freedom as my mind gets sometimes and I need to figure out how to unlock it elsewhere. 

 Ok… I get it… this isn’t serious this is just box office entertainment. Oceans 11, lethal weapon, die hard - Bogart is boring but I get it - he’s super cool much like the leads in the films above. 

The plot is extreme and this isn’t a masterpiece by any means but more of just pop film. It had to inspire every leading man and detective show after the fact. 

Top side it could be closer to something more cutting edge - but I don’t have context to it *read about originality of this film 

Rating 6.1/10 

First Bogart film for me and I get it. He’s the OG of broody masculine charismatic leads - Rhett butler was way different imo. The music and lighting are beyond me for context and creativity because I don’t know the period. 

 I'm going to try something a little different: Positivity. 

In 2024 I am going to be kinder to myself but that also means I have to get a little stronger and wiser. Here are some things to work on for the month of January. 

1. No alcohol
2. We have removed nicotine from our process so I'm happy with that but have to keep going. 
3. Removed all games from my phone. Get screen time down to less than 2 hours per day. 
4. No phone when I'm with the kids
5. No phone use in the car
6. Read instead of searching for random things to watch - especially during the day
7. Exercise 2 times per day
8. Write emails to old friends
9. Have dinner with Mom and Jim once per month
10. No yelling at kids - more reading and projects with them
11. Work hard every day - you're good at what you do - apply yourself and take care of the family. 
12. Pick up a new skill for buying media

That's a good start. Let's bounce back strong in 2024