Tuesday, December 31, 2024
Same
Not one happy new year
No invitations
Made it up
To save face
Made it up
To make my children
Believe I wasn’t alone.
They were great dinner guests though.
I’m excited by me.
I’m excited by the odds.
I’m going to make it.
Struggle
2024 was the worst year of my life.
I struggled in every facet.
My mental health is my responsibility,
My physical health is my responsibility.
The paths others are on or have chosen to diverge from me
Are a direct result of my actions.
I have no issue with saying any of this.
I wake up in a nightmare of horrible images
Of others making love.
I wake up knowing that my skills are fleeting.
I wake up not knowing if I’m loved.
I wake up alone.
I wake up not wanting to wake up most days.
That’s up to me to change.
This is my life.
I know what’s important to me.
And it has nothing to do with the last year.
Nothing.
Sunday, December 29, 2024
I can’t do that
You’re cutting ties
You’re already in
That situation
So many measurecs of
Man
Are made
By just figuring
It out
And you and your pride and your hatred and your self preservance
Can
Go
Fuck
Itself
I’m a good dad
I’m a good man
And you’re someone
Who hated that person
Because you felt
It made you important
But he’s ok
And ready to die for it
Thursday, December 26, 2024
Sunny
I’ve never been
Someone that looks
At the happiness of life.
I like opportunity.
I enjoy rare air.
I seek beauty and a little danger.
But in those things - I see truth.
In rituals or traditions
I often see irony and falsehood.
No - I’m not sunny.
I’m not chipper all the time.
I am not a station wagon
That one takes to the store and the movies.
I am an explorer of life.
And an appreciation of truth.
Because when I do light up.
It’s real.
It’s not mandated.
It’s not a performance.
It’s me.
Simple things are the goal.
I find them more and more
As the peaks I intend to climb
Grow less.
In time - the sun just may
Peak out more to find
The joy in life with love.
The gates of hell
Are open night and day
Smooth is the descent
And easy is the weway
But to return,
and view the cheerful skies,
In this the task
and mighty labor lies
Monday, December 23, 2024
Nice Compliment (I think)
“Out of all them… I never expected you to be the one that turned out the best.”
Triple Down
Can someone
Look at you
Say one thing
And feel another
And chalk it up to
It didn’t matter
It mattered to someone
It mattered to anything
That was left
And is now holding on
It has to rebuild
How
Mirrors
What has happened to me?
My spine
My heart
My self respect
I traded them not for
How I feel about me
But for how others feel about me.
Stay true
And they’ll feel
The way they felt
When they first loved you.
Now you are frail
And pathetic.
Return to rock
And confidence
And progress.
Return now.
I doubt I’ll ever find anyone
That cares more about something
Than themselves
And if I have discovered them
I have shunned them
Apocalypse now redux
As you know the great ford Coppola epic was based on the heart of darkness by Conrad - although I like the secret sharer more (but I digress)
The opening scene with Sheen was said to be real - he really cut his hand - he was really drunk - and he really had a heart attack. It’s beautiful no matter what.
The baptism seen with the shower is obvious and great.
Always fun to see Harrison ford in such a minor role.
To save a little time we might as well pass both ways.
The monologue about god and wanting to be one - is taken right from the book. “The better angels of our nature” is a nice interjection.
Pbr as plastic patrol boat is funny - I also hate internal monologue - it’s fine but it’s cheating
“Wrapped too tight for New Orleans” is bad writing and poor context
Willard’s uniform is great.
Robert Duvall nails Kilgore and the name
Like a monsoon
Returning to the base of the mountain
So does this movie
Remind of a time
When I thought about thinking
More than about living
And the world in front of me
The canteen seen with Kilgore where he loses his touch with humanity to see lance.
And the only way Willard gets traction is through lances celebrity.
The Christian service in front of the napalm is a little much. I want to read a book on this movie - I’m surprised I haven’t - just ordered one
Clean is the weakest character - Willard and chef are the most dynamic until lance takes acid - ford Coppola also seems like a real prick
He does great with military language. Smart.
Air cav as something new could have been explored more
The redux world of this movie is more interesting than the original.
The most important scene so far are the playmate models and the American psyche - and the plastic feel of everything - it also paint Coppola into a leftist hippy wordsmith -
