- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

    Investment News   |    DON'T   |    WORK   |    STOP   |    CRYING!   |    GUESTBOOK   |

I Kan't Spell

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Chapter 13 - Baltimore

I haven't completed it yet - and I also - since it'll only be published on the Internet - want to paid a song with every chapter... I mean - why not use the new medium like it's supposed to be used. Hell, my friend Tim does whole stories with JUST pictures... and they aren't like cartoons - they are just pictures... anyway

I haven't decided how I want to juxtapose this chapter and I want to work it - like really work it...

I'll be using this song -

Throughout my life Baltimore has been a constant - from the lower middle class suburbs where I grew up - to my exploring adult youth - Baltimore has been my muse and mistress and heartbreaker and all around playground. It ain't pretty but it's home - and you don't really get two of them. Even if I moved... Baltimore would always be there and I will always know it.

Chapter 12 - "Good I want to sit outside"

As I get older I look back and see how little I have actually changed. There is a strange part of my persona that ALWAYS feels as though it doesn't belong. Or as though it doesn't deserve what is currently happening. It always feels that it is on the outside while people on the inside are showing that true love and friendship that is echoed in movie. Life tends to always feels like a lie.

It's not a sharp feeling and it doesn't extend to Erin or my Mother. It does however, extend to my friends and other relatives. It always feels like it's just a little off... as though I'm an imposter or phoney just trying to fit in. I don't identify with Holden but... I can see where he comes from... plus he was way cooler than I was... and probably wouldn't hang out with me...

Anyway - this chapter was a bit flat... it's a funny story about me in the 4th grade where I had to sit OUTSIDE the classroom, outside the school in a study carol for a week. And when I was told that this was my punishment I said the Chapter title line.

I tie that into how I've always acted this way... I've always wanted it to be hard. The harder you make it for me - it seems the more I enjoy it once I succeed. I don't like things to be easy. I like them to be hard... it makes the victory twice as sweet and validates my efforts. I always want to be different and known for that. However, what happens is that my efforts there just make me more like everyone else. I often acquiesce to people's opinions of me and have major self-confidence issues in social settings.

Either way - I tried to tie all that into that one story and the path it has beaten to my door today... but it never really go there.

We are headed to Chicago for a few days to hang out with our dear friends... should be a good time. Eating at Rick Bayless' restaurant...and seeing my aunt for the first time in 15 years.

Have a great weekend - hopefully we'll get some renfest in next weekend.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Upcoming "large" shows --

Saturday 7 November
Travis - Joes Pub, New York, NY, US
An Evening with Fran Healy & Andy Dunlop

* a good time to get back up to NYC

Ted Leo
Washington, DC - Thursday - 12/03/2009 @ The Black Cat | Doors: 8PM. $15. All Ages.

*love Ted leo

10/10 Blitzen Trapper and Wye Oak (rightfully voted Baltimore's best band... but... sadly... that doesn't really mean anything... lol - Dan Deacon burned the CITY DOWN - nobody is getting out alive)
10/15 The Raveonettes -
10/16 Doug Stanhope - stand up - HILARIOUS!
10/22 - Dr. Dog
11/14 Art Brut

Sonar -
11/12 - PEACHES W/ MEN (mem of LE TIGRE),
11/16 MATISYAHU (lol just kidding - but... ya never know he could have a strong following)

930 -
10/13 Daniel Johnston
10/15 Lucero
10/17 Built to Spill
11/4 Wolfmother - (everyone should see this band once... it's as close as you get to... well... sorta Led Zeppelin.)

--- BTW - For the first time ever on I did not know one band.

LOL - this list of music would have read pretty cool back in 2004... but now... I can't be arsed most of the time. Hopefully I'll go see Doug Stanhope...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Chapter 11 - 6 Foot Fences Make Good Neighbors

This chapter came out pretty well - it was about my pets as a kid but then it turned into more about how we never had guests at my house growing up. We never had family there or family friends after the time I was 6 or 7. We didn't know our neighbors. I didn't have any friends or go to the same school with people who lived closely around me.

It wasn't until I was 12 or 13 that I developed relationships with other kids in my neighborhood. Up until then - my dog was pretty much my best friend. I think it's why I wanted him... but then I was mean to him... I have always been mean to animals. It's a very scary thing to recollect that you used to hit your dog and smack him for chewing things and ruining furniture... but - I did. I can't deny that. Good thing he was a Rottweiler... he could take it. So the chapter goes a little dark in the middle but... as I got older I became a much more loving pet owner and a more loving person.

As I strayed further and further away from a home where I had no friends or family I found that I was much more accepting, funny, patient, and loving. And that's what made the chapter good... it showed an evolution of kindness with increased contact with people.

Tomorrow is my Mother's birthday. She is my hero and I love her.

Nick's wedding was really great and it was awesome to see everyone for... what may be the last time for a long time for many of those people. It was a special evening and one of my best friends is now married. May blessings rain down on their house.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Chapter 10 - Friends: The Dream Theater of the Setting Sun

I love male friendships. I really do. I find that they not only have filled a void in my lack of family life but they have also given me rigor, stability, and a code by which to live by.

Unfortunately, most friendships are 100% bullshit.

Most of the time I find that the people you are friends with - are just people that you happened to be in close proximity to and not really anyone that you can call a friend.

I have seen this also in Family. I never bought into the "unconditional love" aspect of Family. It seemed to me that that statement was always used as a ploy by people who kept fucking up their lives and mine. So - there's no real reason for me to take stock in it.

I have great friends - I think. I know I am a very loyal and generous person. That sounds rather boarish to boast - but I feel like I am a pretty genuine, often brash and ignorant but lovable in a tragic and funny way. I feel like I have many qualities that I would like in someone else and thus know that I like me... it's a strange circle.

However, as the ebb and flow of life goes... so go friends. Those who work at it and try to build small bonds of trust and bright memories - stay close. Those who get lost in women, kids, jobs, or their own depression or even self-absortion fade away. It's a shame for someone like me - since those relationship often mean the most to me... having loose ties to any family member and no brother or sisters of my own... I have built a small network of those who I have shared experiences with... and as those die off in your late 20's you tend to feel both more at ease with that being o.k. and also saddened to know that you'll never have friends like that again...

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Chapter 9 - Work

Work has always been a large part of my life.

There have been two main paradigms of thought when it came to work...

My Mother a Puritan Quakeresque worker with limited but honest and deep emotions.

My Father with hippiesque wastefulness of talent followed up by a shallow and wide river of constant emotion steeped in knowledge for which to hinder those from seeing the true depths.

Work has been how I have defined myself since I was 14. Before that I really thought I was special... I thought I was my Father in a lot of ways. I thought I was smarter than everyone and that it would all come so very easily. I understood work to be for the "other people" or the "stupid people".

When I reached High School and my special talents were minimal and pigeon holed I realized that sometimes it's more about work than it is about being unique or an individual... maybe if I was TRULY gifted I could have overcome work... but thankfully my Mother's genes kicked in and although it took me through High School and into my early 20's I developed a sense of worth by ALWAYS being employed and by outpacing those my own age.

I always thought to myself "He's 23, and I'm 23 and I make way more money than he does..." that was my narrow definition of success. It wasn't correct then and it still isn't. The definition came to me in my mid 20's and was honed and polished even up until today about what is important. For me - it's my future and a family and being the positive influence on life that I never really got to see from my own Father. It really boils down to being a good man. Eventually it will boil down to a need for something more - but for now... "Good man" is a good goal...especially given who I have always been.

Work has lead me down that path. It's taught me rules - dumb ones, good ones, rules you can break and bend, and rules that you can snub your nose at... but it's taught me the game and it's rules pretty fast. Playing by and taking advantage of the rules is 95A% of getting ahead and not being a "why me?" person.

I know people that don't work all that often or haven't found anything they are good at... they hop from job to job and they cope with drugs or alcohol and pretend they are artists and live vicariously through some sad side show that is only lit by the failed taking advantage of the other failed (encouragement from other failures is hardly encouragement... it's just an excuse to keep going in that direction)... they try to find their place in life and I'm sure at some point it will come but... learning to work is hard for most people.

This chapter was written in 3rd person as I observed the habits of 2 real and 2 fictional characters. 2 of them liked to work and 2 of them didn't. And then I wrote abotu a page on how that shaped their lives... and then we halved them again and had 1 that liked to work and 1 that didn't like it - both succeed while the other 2 didn't. It's a play on the randomness and natural cruelty that goes on in the world... anyway... I mean - just because you work hard doesn't really mean shit... but it definitely makes you feel better when you fail... and the social ring of trust does not go unbroken for those justly screwed...


Wedding planning is insane! But, you know... fun. If anyone knows a band that can cover Otis Redding and the Stones... hit me up -- that's my section of the day/night... we have a date and a place and hope to see all those I love having a good time a little less than a year from now.

Take care - and enjoy the fall!!

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
01/01/2012 - 02/01/2012
07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013
10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014
08/01/2014 - 09/01/2014
10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014
11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014
12/01/2014 - 01/01/2015
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
02/01/2015 - 03/01/2015
03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015
04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015
05/01/2015 - 06/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
07/01/2015 - 08/01/2015
08/01/2015 - 09/01/2015
10/01/2015 - 11/01/2015
11/01/2015 - 12/01/2015
12/01/2015 - 01/01/2016
01/01/2016 - 02/01/2016
03/01/2016 - 04/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016
08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016
10/01/2016 - 11/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
02/01/2017 - 03/01/2017
03/01/2017 - 04/01/2017
04/01/2017 - 05/01/2017
05/01/2017 - 06/01/2017
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
08/01/2017 - 09/01/2017
10/01/2017 - 11/01/2017
01/01/2018 - 02/01/2018
05/01/2018 - 06/01/2018