- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Monday, June 30, 2003

"You Can't Hide from the Witches of the Gun"

Last night I decided to go for a stroll. As it seemed the last oppurtunity to do so since it was mild out and you can almost feel the oppressive nastiness of an Asian summer coming on. So I went down to Dongdaemoon (dong day moon) and decided to take it all in. But, first oddly enough I received a tiny package at my desk at around 5. It was a phone sent to me from the Apache Chief and it was labeled "sungwol", which means present. I was highly suspicious and a tad turned off. I know this has to end soon before I get stabbed or cut into little pieces. Because, like it or not I would trade her up in a hot second and the Indian warrior is in "evol" see the art here...I feel like I spy hiding things from children. But, that's irrelevent to my first avenue. So I left the scariness at my desk and didn't open it and ventured down to the hotness.

Dongadeamoon, (which I'll be writng about in a chapter or two) is the hearttbeat of this joint. It's just dirty, nasty, slithering people everywhere. All the shadiness and badness and filth and anything else that you might consider an adjective for horribly exciting is found there. So needless to say I love it! I love putting my headphones on and playing like hard rock n' roll and punching various signs or walls as I walk along to seem really crazy. Because for me to be a Way Guk (foreigner) (wow that just came's so strange how I just use Korean now as part of my everyday language) and venture down there is a little suicidal. You know all those movies you watch, that have scenes in Asia tracking down mob rings, and there are those scenes with rainy gutters and mob guys in dark glasses guarding doors. Well that's Dongdaemoon. But they have the best Chinese food on earth because that's where all the immigrants from China live, so that's always my excise for heading down. So right, dark, scary, Bret!

So now the meat! I was walking and went down a little alley that was protected by an overhang and all the shops on the left were closing because it was about 10. I had just eaten and was full,(oh Pay Bula!...that means full) and kept walking to maybe find a soju house or some hookers to take photos of, well luckily I found both, and I looked like such a tourist with my bag and headphones on that I was immediately greeted by two hookers standing outside of the soju bar. They grabbed me and kept pulling my hand to go and have sex with them but I knew that wasn't going to happen (let's make one thing clear...Bret has never paid for sex nor is he likely to ever attempt to...many people write me to ask about the hookers...that's not my bag) So I go into the soju house and sit down and order some Bek Se Ju and some chicken and notice the place is relatively empty except for me...well not to spoil a possible later chapter it ended as thus...leather jacket guys, "No I'm going to finish my drink", "Yes she's beautiful but I don't like hookers", "No, that's not what I meant", "Jesus christ go sit down", "Ohhhhh...who are these fucko's", "Nice jackets", walking briskly down stairs, dark alley, distant echo, "You can't hide from the witches of the gun!!!!" that was great...I may go back there later in the week...I love confrontation...especially life threatening confrontation...I love the feeling I get in my stomach where I almost might shit myself or cry or just explode with's all so close that I never know what might come out...the shit hasn't happened yet...wooh!...I don't think I can live properly unless I am living in occasional persuit of that feeling...

My Project for this Week

I'm deciding to start a project this week and pretty much every week as along as I can remain inspired to do thus (I like using words like thus, and per se, afore mentioned...etc...)Well the project was inspired because I saw on this other website that this guy made a personal project of photographing everything he ate...well I decided that personal projects are cool and that I can think of some stuff I I'm going to write down every questions that pops into my head this week and find the answers and post them will probably learn a lot about me just from the obviously I was digging in my ear when I decided to ask myself -+-

  1. Where does ear wax come from?

        It comes from a gland (ceruminous glands) and is much like sweat in it's reactionary functions. I.e. if you sweat you probably get ear wax as well. The color can sometimes give you indications of the toxins in your body. Really yellow is really bad.

  2. Do broken bones cause arthritis?

        "Absolutely!", according to Dr. Leanord Scholl. It is the major cause of arthritis in younger people. The bone once broken, especially joint bones, tend to heal differently and sometimes incorrectly in conjunction with castes and settings. Whoopee! I'm screwed!

  3. Why does hair fall out?

        Well oddly enough, I actually feel better about losing my hair knowing that testosterone causes hair loss. Apparently when your testosterone isn't driving you to fight or get laid it works against you causing the anti-hair nemesis dihydrotestosterone.

  4. Is there a color we haven't seen?

        Well since the colors we see depend on our own rods and cones the answer according to "Wildman" Karl Glazebrook is bunk. He basically states that all the colors are inthe stupid strips you see everywhere. What a piece of crap that is. Damn photoshop communist color huggers. (that was the craziest thing I have written this one has ever said that sentence!) He didn't give me an answer but he does ask the question of "What is the color of the Universe?". His answer, "Cosmic Latte". Kinda gay if you ask me but it looks like off white pink. So his answers were technical and gave me no hope as my question pertains and is confined by our own limits. But it is a dream of mine to see a color no one has ever seen before. A new color! Like if my rods and cones on a different planet reacted in some weird way to the atmosphere and could now pick up rediculous gama rays or something. Wow!

So yeah that was kinda fun and I feel fuller of info. I like that I'm going to write down questions all day. Thanks monosyllabic guy!

I saw adaptation last night for the first time. I was trying to stay away from the movie simply because of my odd hatred for Spike Spiegel Jonze (I read some articles featuring him and he just comes off as a jackass with some sort of gifted approach to things.) But, besides that I have issues with anyone who is succesful artisticly who was born or brought up in the lap of wealth. But, that's another issue for another time. So right back to the movie write-up. I thought the beginning was awesome, like the first hour was unstoppable. *Apachi Chief wasn't having it and I think she fell asleep but I didn't care. It was the first time I had dinner while watching a movie in ten months. We sat and ate chinese food and watched a movie with our feet up on the bed. It felt like 5 years ago.

    General observations of brilliance (well mild genius)
  • Did anyone notice that you stopped thinking Nick Cage was both Charlie and Donald like half way through the movie...I just forgot he was both and focused on the duel peronas
  • The car crashes were just awesome!
  • I really liked the voice overs even the movie made introspective attempt to denounce it self (it's like you can almost see the movie really taking on the peronslaity of Charlie as he's writing it...explanation in next point...well a Bret explanation anyway)
  • The cyclical value. For lack of a better term, the cyclical value was immense. Probably the most beautiful thing about the movie was watchin it unravel within itself. Watching it destruct itself and birth itself and kill itself and torture itself. It was intense. It was so intense I lost feeling for most of it and became a little numb to it. Like watching a spiral inside a spiral.
  • The two different orchid shots. Beginning "ghost", and Streep "ghost"
  • The drugs scenes were brilliant. We've all done stupid things on drugs and can identify with it. I think drugs have really been getting examined well in the last ten years in movies.
  • The alligator eating the guy was awesome too!
  • The river of insecurities within every character was identifiable and touching though oddly perverted

    The badness
  • The swamp
  • The theatre scene with that guy who kept saying "fuck". I mean obviously Charlie would have never stood to ask a question. He didn't appear desperate enough.
  • The Seminoles
  • The hair kept making me sick
  • The last hour of guns, cars, and drugs...what? Why? Who cared?
  • The flowers, Spike was sniffing the same crap and forgot about something that made me lose touch...I don't know what it was he forgot but it wasn't there after a little while.
  • The ending with the daisies

So yeah that was that...I also watched the hours the other week and thought it was brilliant! Meryl is on a roll....

Sunday, June 29, 2003

It's Another Sunday Night and I Just Drank Blood!
So yeah I'm sitting here hung over as hell because Moon took me out last night and we drank all kinds of crazy shit out of bamboo reeds...I drank blood at some point...but we were out til 6 and it's now...wait a second as I lean back to check the' I have to play with children in 20 minutes...oh by the way...Gas the greatest song ever written ever!....well the greatest song by two guys from Manchester and one being named Liam...I just wanted to make everyone aware of my undying and strange homoerotic feelings for may denounce them...say their music is bloated and they are way too cockey and that it's not good...all this is true...but come on..we have no Mick Jagger or Jimmy Paige...Curt Cobain best...a male Janis...but I need rock n' roll in my diet...and well shit...this is what I's fatty and you have to use a lot of gravy to eat it but it's my nutrition...

Oh yeah and I saw Adaptation last night and loved was awesome(well the first hour)...I wrote some notes down at the bar before I went out and got completely and utterly trounced...i'll correspond on to here maybe a little later....



Oh yeah Su Yeon found my posting (I have to change the spelling of her name becuase she was quite irritable about the long "u" that that name implies) well yeah so she goes online and finds my stuff...we are in a taxi and she's like "What does "rules" mean?"(when Koreans say shit like that it's so cute by the way) so I explained that there were two rules and then it dawns on me that she is referring to the "Su Yun rules" comment found in my post....I don't really know how to feel about the whole thing because I want to write in this as much as possible about all kinds of shit but I can't have the occasional object messing with my you know what I mean? Anyway screw it...because it takes her like 2 hours to figue out one sentence anyway so she'll get bored with if anyone sees the "code name" well shit...what's a good code name...umm...hmm...ok lean quiet...*whispering* "apache chief" that means it...ok...

So now that that is straight I can move on to other things...Ooohh...gotta go teach 5 year it...gotta love it...mantra in the head...ready to spill out...

Saturday, June 28, 2003

So jesus...umm it's saturday night...I ate some Chinese food...which I love by the way...the reason that is in bold is because well because Su Yun found my blog and questioned some of the things within it (she thinks I only like chinese food because she does)...she asked me what "rules" meant...and the weird and sureal part is she's reaidng this now and trying to decipher I don't know what to think about that...that puts a huge weight on my head...I mean can I really sit here and right objectively about things when I know the object is reading them...Do I use some sort of psuedonym for I not right about that aspect...? the questions the quesitons....

Well anyway I just left her at the bar and split because I was bored and so unamused by the banter that has taken place their one time that place was a nice little novelty but lately it has become more and more pressurized because...well I have mingled with those whom they hold dear...and have abnadoned the golden rule...don't shit where you eat....enough of that...crap

Well I was thinking today that I am really happy with my hangul I have been listening more to people having conversations and I can understand about 60% of what they say and it's awesome...sometimes it's bad because they say some bad things about me or about other people and it makes them look less enigmatic than they really are...but for the most part it's a trip...I keep having this fantasy about going to Korean restaurants when I get home and speaking in Hangul and courting their daughters who are in the back making Man Du...oh that's a I think it would be really cool to be able to order in Hangul just like rich people do in Italian or French...that really pisses me off when I hear it but I have to admit somewhere deep down inside I respect them for knowing the language that they are my friends...when I return we will be dining Korean and I will be showing off...I can't wait!!!

Let's see what else...I got my hairtcut and noticed that I am really bald hair is falling out at a rate that is unheard of...I attribute it entirely to the times I have walked in the rain here...acid rain and hair don't mix...with my head...i'm so screwed...I better learn to be real sweet

Umm I'm listening to all kinds of music via's actually a pretty sweet thing if you have to rogue on your ocmputers or your company doesn't allow mp3's on your can customize about 80% of what you listen to...I personally love the comedy bits...and I found TB sheets by Van Morrison which is such a great song...I mean it's's my favorite song since I have been rules!

I was also really thinking about Guns Germs and Steel...which is an unstoppable book...thanks mike...since I have been here I have really loved reading about history...both historical philosphy and actual history(sophies world, short history of the world, keirkegaard, jung, freud, etc...)...they bring so many things to light...i can't recommend this book's the idea that the shape of the continents had a major impact on the cultivation of areas and the transformation of civilization...kick ass!

Holy crap have you seen this...I know that Tim put this up and I'm a little late but screw it...(By the way if you want to read interesting stuff go to Tim's blog...or to the site...all these gentlemen are top notch!) but yeah so it's called googlism and it's fun to play with so I typed in the names of some of the people I know and my own name and this is what I it can also be like a wizard check it


  • bret is very happy to see old sis again but his lovely sister is threatening him with a rather blunt biro and she wants to see him very dead
  • bret is awake and aware and his spirits are good
  • bret is a simple man with simple tastes
  • bret is board certified in internal medicine and cardiovascular disease
  • bret is a child of everywhere and everywhen
  • bret is essential listening for anyone who enjoys improvisational music
  • bret is probably a dream of bret's
    ....and my favorite...
  • bret is a tough security agent who definitely doesn't believe in ghosts

Other people -

  • tim is rock & roll's legendary bassist that put the bottom end and drive in bands such as vanilla fudge
  • nick hammonds is running down the ramp
  • mike jenkins is my "mechanic" of sorts
  • craig is god therefore search & destroy
  • craig is a basterd because he likes to screw goats hes the only canadian i know with an ass infection (oh yeah you get two for those!)
  • eric watts is probably through after this weekend
  • mike oliver is a rock 'n' roll animal with a passion for pop songwriting
  • dave holmes is confident that town can play themselves out of trouble
  • mirel is a housewife who has no money of her own (hahahaha...jokes)
  • meghan is shocked that her teenaged sister is pregnant
  • blake miller is also now available to play drums for another band
  • blake is terrified wife's killer may be after his daughters
  • blake is on a planet he'd left a message for the crew he's oh so sorry gan is gone now and no longer sure what he can do (oh you get two too)
  • chris is a slack bunny feedback (so odd I couldn't skip it)
  • chris is seventy he'll be so hot you'll barely be able to stand it
  • paul is the third lady topper to receive honors this season
    ....oh it could go on and on...enjoy it

Holy turds there's a book called Happiness is a Choice...what a lame ass cover!

Happiness Is a Choice

I used to be unhappy all the time. Like the feeling of insane depression for no reason other than I couldn't choose to be happy. I think all people that are strange artists, Introverts (I capatalized it too nah nah nah), or creative thinkers get manicly depressed if they don't understand things. And you would think with some of the things happening to my family and myself at the moment that I would again turn to manic unhappiness. But, I tell you my friends. Happiness is a choice! Repeat: Happiness is a choice! Ok now really reapeat it , trust me "HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE"! I never understood that until I got here. (You know some days I wake up and just crush my skull with all the strange ways I have changed since last August.)

Keith and I say it everyday when we go to meet Korean girls or go out with people we don't like. Happiness is a choice. (It's odd how Keith and I have become really good friends lately)

Take last night for example. Bret, sweaty, club, korean girls, western guys, more sweat, bad music, possible fights. But, I took my credo (sp?) (ooohh no, wait! "monacher"(sp?)...oh wait is that a monacher...maybe not) and I repeated it in my head. "Happiness is a choice". How can it not be? No matter where you are you can find beauty in everything around you. I'm not saying that to be another one of those people that say that. Because if you are reading this than you more than likely know me and would understand that I am deep down still angry and can lash at any time, so for me to say things are beautiful is somewhat revolutionary. But, back to the point. With all this negative energy being exuded by the club lions (army, big Iranian men) around me and their bulging muscles, shaved heads, and sick weird desire to look way too untouchable, I crammed away my bi-product negativity towards them and focused on the love that was around me. I focused on the people that were with me, the smiling faces of dancers, Keith's goofy dancing, the music, the lights that danced on the lions bald heads making them semi-clown like and funny.

This was my choice. I chose correctly. I chose to be happy. It was a wonderful choice that I made. I can make the choice in everything I do all the time, I can choose happiness, and I can make things happen in a different way. Instead of going home with a cute little Korean girl and laughing naked on my floor all night, I could have picked a fight, lost, gone to jail, etc... It was a choice.

But it was more than last night. It's true in all aspects of anything social and it has changed me in some weird way to simply think that way. And the more I think that way the more I don't have to think and then the more it becomes routine and the happier things really are.

I used to think that being unhappy was the wine of life. Really, I used to think that being salty and getting angry with people or picking them apart (which I can still don't think you can run rampart over my ass) was a great way to live. I used to feel alive when I was bitter. I used to climb inside myself and crouch there and think that I was really smart or special in some way. But, it wasn't life that I was feeling. It was my soul battling against death that made that energy. It was something inside me saying, "You're a fucking jackass!" I haven't heard that voice in a while, and I am happy to choose never to hear it again.

Friday, June 27, 2003

Topic: Male - Femal Relationships (Korean/Western)

I personally love Asian women. I don't know why, but they just seem so much more attractive than most other women. Maybe it's the surliness, or the inner anger that never comes out because they have this weird sense of refinement. Maybe, it's the passiveness in which they approach anything intimate. There are many reasons.

While I have been here I have dated a few native Koreans and slept with a few more but for the most part they could not satisfy me on a major relationship scale. First, there is the language barrier. Obviously, not being able to tell anybody about what really happened in your day or about any real idea you may have about something without drawing a diagram can be taxing. There are also cultural barriers to cross. Having a Korean actually introduce you as her boyfriend to her parents is a rare if not unheard of thing. You are more or less in the "Look Who's Coming to Dinner" relationship if you decide on dating a Korean girl. You also have to win over her entire family and this is no small feat given the hatred and jealousy that most Korean men carry for Westerners. They envy everything from penis size to wallet size and they hold that grudge close. Meaning, they will allow you to entertain them and drink with them but when you want to date a member of their family or a close friend you and the girl are automatically thought of as crazy.

The relationship itself is different from a western relationship in many ways. First, Korean women are more family and pleasure oriented. Their main goal is to make sure you get everything you want from food to sex. They also make sure they get everything they want, thus is the trade. It is a little bit more clear cut here than in America but the idea still resembles the patriarchal foundationsof our forefathers, everybodies forefathers. They always put themselves last on most affairs. They will often not eat until you are finished, not sleep until you first sleep, they always go last. It is also rare to find one that does not fall instantly in love after or just before you having sex. They attribute most acts of intimacy with love, and the strong Christian found oddly in the innercity also helps this "love for sex" cause. The love issue is a large concern. It may take months for a western couple to relay their love for each other, each one needding a solid foundation in which to branch out that first real intimate step. Korean girls will tell you immediately that they love you and this immediately causes an awkward conversation unless you are heartless and simply lie to her and tell her that you love her back. Two of the three relationships I have had here have ended because I would not say that I loved them. Another major difference is their infancy in sex education. Most women here under the age of 24 are virgins and it is rare to have found a woman with more then 4 sexual partners in their past. They are often taught to hate sex and treat it as a mere tool to please the man. Most of the sex I have had here has been, well let's say, on a learning curve. They are however, astute (sp?) students and dedicated to improvement. Yet another difference is the need to please. With western women you have to keep them entertained and may feel the need to be witty and artful in all of your daily interactions with them until a certain amount of time has passed and you have reached the level of compfortable intimacy. Even at this level you find most relationships dying because of the loss of the "spark". With a Korean girl you can just be quiet and sit and do nothing and she is perfectly happy. You can look at each other for hours and not expect her to say or ask for anything, and if she does ask it is with only cute or passive intent, as if she were telling a joke.

The attraction to Western men for Korean women is hard to explain since I am not a woman, but alas I will make an attempt. If you are Western, not bald, not really fat, and can play nice, you could spend every day in Korea with a girlfriend. You are an instant celebrity. You are considered non-conservative, outgoing, sexual, up front, and rich even if they don't know you. For example, in a club in Korea, you have no need, if you are western, to adorn anything more then a white t-shirt and jeans. While Korean men are clamouring around in 1000 dollar Armani suits you are attracting more women than them and are more apt to take women home. Everything attractive about the male species comes out because you are close to the opposite of everything male here. Your taste, personality, image, and lifetsyle is better perceived. It is admired and thus causes the easy flight to find Korean girls. For example, if you look at Korean family portraits, the men never smile. They look on sternly and gravely into the camera. When you look at photos of Western families they are smiling with an air of optimism and enthusiasm towards life. If you were a Korean girl and your culture was just now being introduced to American movie stars, music, and Nike would you still look into the eyes of your stern staring father and want his life. Would you be attracted to that. If what your foundation was based on was now being shaken and disturbed by something shinier, not necessarily real, but shiney, like a small bauble on the ocean floor.

I haven't found one western woman attractive since I have been here and I doubt that will change when I return home. There is just something rediculously appealing about them that makes all others look slovenly.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Pee Gu Means Dodge Ball
hahaha...links are fixed I'm off to play with's amazing how much fun they are gonna have because I'm in a good mood...I control the world I tell you..all of it!!!

Freddy Aint Got Nothin' on ME I was sleeping last night and I had this great dream...I remember my dreams when I drink a lot...I think that's awesome by the's such an incentive...sometimes I run home and pass out just to wake up and remember the wonderful dreams I had...but yeah my dreams used to be all falling into crocodile waters, getting eaten by sharks, killing people, going to jail, getting expelled from school, falling (a lot of falling), and watching people I love die...for like 20 years these were my dreams...I never remember having a sexual dream or an exciting one...but since I have been in Korea I have had the greatest dreams...well last night I was playing baseball in my dream...the one pure thing I ever had in my life...and that's all I was doing... just playing know crouching in left field, horsing around before the game, walking with my cleats on the cement (the greatest sound in the world), and digging into the box on a meaty 3-1 count against some schmuck throwing 80 down the pipe...but I was playing with my dad and all these other people who I love in some odd way...not like the people whom I obviously love and share good will with, but like cuff people....not to say my dad is a cuff person...but when I think of my father and baseball I remember him yelling at me and kicking me because I couldn't throw the ball to first (I had some sort of mental block playing third)...anyway it was wonderful...and the most wonderful thing was that I kept waking up and when I would doze back to sleep I was having the same was as if I was controlling my dreams...I think that would be one of the most wonderful tools in the a personal super human power...dream Freddy but in a good I remember it all and it wasn't the frist time since I have been here that I could recollect...I mean when you remember your dreams don't you just jump up and clap because things seem so much better...woohoo!

So yeah I'm gonna write a good bit today...but if I don't..don't get all angry and throw stuff at me like my boss did last yeah we are sitting around having dinner for one of the teacher's that is leaving and we are getting blasted...I mean I'm good at it so why not show it off...oh by the way...when I get will notice that I don't get drunk off an entire bottle of scotch...that's how bad it is...anyway...back to my action...we are eating Kalbi and enjoying each other's general merriment when all of a sudden Su Yun shows up and sits down next to me (she's like bat man with her "Where is Bret" radar...its kinda creepy)...well Mr. Chey,the manager is not happy about something and so late in the evening he decided to just start throwing shot glass and bottles of beer around...well the police showed up and when they did Bret had no shirt his head was bleeding and Mr. Chey was passed out on the can fill in the details for yourself...picture me...arguing...cocking a fist...not throwing it...dodging glasses...shoving a cop...and taking off my shirt that was torn by Mr. why do I keep getting into these situations...oh yeah I know...but anyway...I came in this morning and Mr. Chey greeted me at the door and I was not too happy to see least that it was I pretended in order to get some leverage out of our relationship...because he was out of line this time...not me...but yeah...I was like you are paying for my shirt and necklace that you broke...he spoke some Hangul bowed...and then I said that I wanted to talk to his boss about what happened last night...then he perked his act together...handed me roughly 200 dollars in Korean money and bowed again...that was my evening and morning I guess...I also managed to do other things which I am less proud of...imagine that...that was my moral hi-light of the evening...2 months boy...2 friggin months...I'm lucky I wasn't fired and deported...

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Guns Germs and Actors
I was spending my time wisely in class doing some know old self-serving Bret...and I theorized that Hunters and Gatheres were the earliest forms of actors and entertainment...when people started to cultivate the land and become farmers there was no need for hutners and gatherers any more...Hunters and gatherers were like the actros of their era...why not farm and harvest or diligently collect nuts that would produce twice the weight of a large animal kill....because people love the actor...they love the salt, blood, and tales that come from such a was essential to thier customs...I mean when I think of ancient times and living I think of extreme weights and if we go clam digging then our village may peril due to insuffucient hoeing...if there was that much weights and balances there some day will be...the theatrical jesture, hunter, gatherer...will cease to be...I want to see a return to farms...

Pyramid of Love

OK so I wanted to write about the progression of a relationship as I saw to seeing it this morning as I was walking to catch the bus...(oh BTW I just got an email from this guy John...and he's living in Hawaii teaching my next stop is teaching English in Fiji...they have jobs their...i'm looking into it when I get off of here)...anyway back to topic...when you first start you are just dancing around on egg shells trying to be witty or funny and absoutely in my case non-scary...after a week or so of this playing...or until you have sex...then the next level starts...the level of beginning the sharing of art, movies, or music...and if you can climb that mountain without being abrassive then you can go to the next level which are family and history stories...these can bring a little light of real personal data into if your girl says "My Mom used to beat me"...these are warning signs..but if you have gotten past this and the sex tally is at least in the double digits by week 3 then you are on a steady course...ok after that there are several askewed levels of intimacy to going food...something routine and daily that you can involve the other person in...something that can be picked apart and made fun of...because isn't that the true sign of intimacy...making fun of someone without worrying about them becomming offended....well that's the stage I'm at right now...she's cool...I mean I'm leaving in 2 months and I'll never see her again but it's nice to know that I got to that level again...I was only really at it once before...but it was nice feeling comfortable even if for only a little yeah back to the pyramid...oh and it is a pyramid ladies and gentlemen...because the downslides are coming...after the pinnacle of non-malicous fun making are acquired then you start to regress...all-be-it never gets that good never gets back to that level...because then..well like it or are a start looking around for something figure you are on a figure you got it all figured out and you can act this way with all women...hahahaha!...we fools we!....but then you start noticing things you don't like...petty little idiosyncracies (sp?) or little fights begin over being late...or jealousy starts to arise over alotment of time...and this is the downslide...and we all want to ignore it thinking it will get back to the point when we were cooking eggs over a gas burner in our underwear at 4:00 on a sunday...but it never goes back just goes down and maybe slightly back up form time to time...never really pinnacling again...just a long plateau of what you can withstand... so lets recap...
The Relationship

  1. Egg shells
  2. Sex
  3. Beginning substance (movies, art, music)
  4. Personal stories
  5. Double digit sex tally
  6. Dialy routine involvement
  7. Naked egg cooking

Yep that's pretty much it...there is no real time alotment here...I mean everyone goes at their own pace based on religous guilt, availability of hygenic partners, some sort of odd disease, or they may actually be in love and none of that crap actually matters...and what the hell do I know...I've only been in love once...this is what hit me when I was walking today...that's all

Yes yes yes some of the links at the top don't work...just go home then...stupid XML base tag...that I didn't see...why would blogger have a dumb base tag...weirdos!

Monday, June 23, 2003

So I'm sitting here listening to the new Radiohead...which may never leave my cd player before it gets worn through to the other side...and I decided to see how my new activated resume is doing on i'm like "kick ass!"...I was expecting a holocaust bomb shelter fall out when I get the way people are talking about jobs...and I got 7 personal emails...not just those hippy monster mass mailers...things are optimistic today...too bad I don't get back for a while...and september isn't exactly the hiring months...but oh well...this gets my chin up...woohoo...i'm headed home...Su Yun's cooking again...she rules!

I'm reading these blogs and have decided that I don't like I have outlined...some issues that i would like to address within the next week...God I love the rigor...give me rigor or give me new slogan...anyway here is an outline...of what I want to write about

  1. Female Male Relationships (Korean)
  2. Female Male Relationships (Western / Korean)
  3. Females in Public
  4. Males in Public
  5. Prostitution
  6. Koreans intereacting with Americans
  7. Korean Marketing
  8. Korean Polution
  9. Korean Traffic
  10. Korean Food
  11. Korean Children
  12. Korean Architecture
  13. Future of Korea that's a start...I may write one tonight...if there is anything you would like to see just throw it in the guestbook...good day!

Bret's weekend!

Well I had to work for about 2 hours on saturday so that sort of thwarted any intentions to do anything solid with my day...and after recovering from my tequila adventure on Friday...I basically decided to lay low...well that was the initial suggestion to my inward self...then the two little Japanese girls from across the building called...they work in a Japanese Hagwan and are about 22 and 23...they aren't the cutest things in the world but they are more fun than most of the korean girls that are they heard about this new club in Hyundai and called to see if I wanted to go...I agreed, went, drank, wrote a blog while there, danced...went home...nothing really special...I guess the only thing that was special...was that I was in Seoul...that was the specialness...I think for the first time in a while..I sort of slipped out of me and realized that I was in a strange country that I would never see again with strange people...I remember being on the dance floor and looking around and noticing that I was the only non-asian and that no-one cared...and I didn't care...I was natural in it...I was sleeping comfortably beneath the blanket that this place had provided me with...I started to think that this place might be a place I want to spend my life...I have never felt more at peace then while I have been here...I 've never been this much of a rock-star...I have never seen or done so many things that are of value...But, that was the moment...reality always comes back to rip that cover off and explain that you can't eat double chocolate mousse'll get sick...

On Sunday I went shopping with Su Yun...I bought a whole bunch of stuff for me...some kick ass shoes and my first ever pair of jeans...which still don't fit by the way..and now I remember why I never bought jeans in the first place... my thighs are like kegs and I don't like tight clothing around my legs......I got some hot hats and took some photos...I also started making a list of things I want to buy for other people...there are so many people that I want to buy things for...but am worried that the more stuff I buy the less personal it will really be and the more waste of a time it will be for me...because I only have one day off per week...and it would take like 3 days to get all this crap I want to take home to people and some of it is by chance baseballs from a korean baseball I don't know...people will get stuff...then I went home...and Su Yun...the love of my last two months here...God she rules...if she only spoke English or had breasts...but she took me to her her parents were out on the town and she cooked me chinese food...GOOD CHINESE FOOD! not that crap I used to eat at Ming Ming's which I thought was good...the chinese food I have had here is..holy hell...good...then she ripped The Matrix: Reloaded off the Interent and loaded it up on her computer/tv combo and we watched it while she gave me a massage...Korean women...dear God! you ask me what I will miss the most...the freedom, the children, the money (lol), the urban life, my favorite bar NOPE!...the women......BTW did anybody else think that that movie was was atrocious...I hated the pretentiousness (sp?) of the story line...I mean come on...the beauty lay in the simplicity not in some psycho interpretation of what isn't real...I despised it for it's arrogance...and that stupid dance scene which was some rediculous attempt to take urbanites from every culture and show us some sort of eutopian human that our eutopia...dry humping on a dirty floor with magma coming up around us....and tha t fight scene in the hallway..what the hell was and ten bowling pins could have shot that crap...this blog got long..i'm gonna write another

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Well here I am in a club on a computer because...well it's cool to write in the moment when the evening is dying down at 4 was an intresting night...sweaty as always...I had to ring out my shirt in the bathrrom...there are no air conditioners anywhere....why why why...well...wait someone wants to write in hangul real quick...솓 홓 어 배�래...모 죠 졋 뵤...that's hello...she's cute you should see her...this culture is so weird to have computers in clubs...I mean these are the big lcd screens with touch screens and's taking too long to write cutting it short...i gotta find a cab in this madness....

I know
I just read a whole bunch of stuff written by other people that I that the true that what makes it so easy to relate to...the "I know" factor...I don't know whether it was good or not...what I just read...I just liked it...I liked all of it...because I know...I know them and what their face looked like while they were writing...whether or not they were smoking a cigarette and how many pauses they took in between sentences...I love reading other people's stuff that I know...there is something beautiful in it...I love reading my stuff because I know the moment that it was written and what I was doing or smelling or kissing...I love the "I knows" the best!

So yeah..I figured two months left...I might want to start looking for a profession when I get back...since programming is never something I want to do fpr an extended period of time...and teaching is hardly my cup of tea...I was thinking of maybe just being a laborer for a while...I don't think there are enough hard core guys out there multi-tasking you know like carrying dry-wall during the day and making music at night or building houses with Mexicans down in Columbia at day and hacking computers at night...that seems real appealing to me right now...because well...shit I dont really have anything that I'm good at that I wouldn't have to lie to get into in the first that I think about it...I have told at least one little lie on every job interview I have ever been on...all the way from "sure I can do that" to "yeah...I've done that..pssh..please that's easy" and you know what I've never really done shit...I think that's why I have a like a 1 year to 6 month cap on every job I've ever done...I mean i've learned some stuff and done some interesting things but if someone came to me with a real problem the only tool I've really acquired is problem solving using excuses and as much procastation allowed by ignorant bosses...I know that sounds sad...but I'm looking back and seeing a very strange empty void...where my career began and knowing that makes me want to really focus on something...I love the idea of changing education...maybe because that's what my father has always talked about...I did develop one thing in the realm of education once that was pretty cool...but it never got birthed...i've been thinking about it more and more lately and I have an algorithm to it that actually's based on the median axis always progressing at a constant rate...blah blah the hell would you know you cant even see the graph...maybe ill post it later...but yeah...that's what I's the only time I feel alive is when I talk about the actual way people learn and how to improve's so raw's busting and everyone is trying to get their hands on it...but they are doing it the wrong way...all these things like data mining, CRM and 360 communication are useless to those antiquted masses...I mean honestly can you say Miriam in HR really using the new data mining search engine efficiently...well you know what... I can teach her!...and I know how to teach her to do other things...maybe in a different sector of the company...maybe there won't be sectors anymore...that's the dream isn't it...everyone able to do almost any non-specified task...that's the beauty of technology and education...that's the gleam that drips down into my head and makes me excited...that's everything it's supposed to be...and that's my mission...that's my's the only thing that gets me odd love of technology and learning...i'm gonna fix my stupid website now!

So yeah...i'm scooping around here on the Internet and feeling rather loathsome (sp?) simply because...well simply because I write and no one seems to really give a crap except for my moms...ok thats enough of that talk...but yeah i went to Tim's website blog and found a link to this guy I used to know that apparently has fallen off the earth...but why does that happen...I have IM'd him emailed him and even wrote him a personal I that much of a fucking sucker to allow too many people in because I have some weird "I never had a sibling" void in my stomach...why would I be forgotten in the shuffle of someone else whom I respected and shared actual thoughts with...have I become that expendable in the realm of personal relationships....then I wrote this on AIM and it sort of sounded good...well it confused everyone but me...but I liked it

some people convince themselves of happiness in different arenas that are as of yet unexplored and scary simply because the arena they were in before has crumbled and left them with nothing but doubt...the new arena seems all shiney and new for a while and then all the old manifestation that brought about the frst crumbling return and set the new road a blaze

...hmm it's hard to explain....I guess what I'm trying to say is that...when you need people around I do...or at least the idea of people anyway...then their value goes way up way fast...and maybe I just put too much stock into some of the people I have met as of late...I've been very quick to assign friendship and love...I always I've been here for a year...and I send out big mass emails and personal emails...and I get few if any responses any more...I think when I go back I'm going to reevaluate everyone around me and shake most of them loose..I'm pretty sure I'll see them maybe once when i get back...but if you are reading this and we have a - what you would call- accidental run-in don't be surprised if I spit on you...I'm not too thrilled with the people I know today!

I'm in a writing I'll just tell you about my night last night for a hot second...oh by the way...if you haven't heard the little woowoo song or seen the whistle thing on the's friggin funny check it here I went downtown last night to a club solo (because Keith went to Busan and flying solo in Korea will help you more than hurt you simply because you are much more approachable and less threatening without other you don't take sand to the beach)...on my way down...catching the train at 10:30 I was approached by a bunch of drunk college kids who decided to tell me how much they don't like me because I am American...I explained to them that every whore hates it's pimp and that if they came to my country I wouldn't bother them or even acknowledge that they existed...I know I should be bigger about most of these things but they were such easy targets...5 little 50kg guys in michigan wolverines jerseys and yankee hats talking about how they hate America approaching me alone, may not only be cynical and insolent towards them in this situation you may even want to take it to the next level...but I didn't.. I let them laugh as I laughed back...when I got to the club I noticed that it was semi-empty...the Hyatt club is sometimes rough to get into and it can turn people costs like 40 bucks to get in but it's worth I went in and had a pretty interesting evening...I was sweating way too much and was somewhat apprehensive about it until a little cute Korean girl with silver hair and just pure hotness and cuteness dripping from her...came over and asked me to join her and her friends at another table...I went over sat down and noticed that a television camera was sitting on the seat next to one of the men opposite us and then I turned around and saw that the stage at the Hyatt was being turned into a real stage and not just an elevated dance floor...and that I was like HOLY SHIT! this is that girl from MTV Korea...she spoke perfect English...but the rub is...she thought I was somebody else...she called me Dan and I was I'm not Dan...and she seemed miffed but was gracious and aristocratic about her time spent and insisted that I stay and have some drinks while she went to find the real "Dan" there I a little awe struck and even more conscious of my sweating as it seemed to be 40o degrees in I decided to focus on the only real thing I do well with other Korean men and women I don't know...drink...and drink we did...we bought a bottle of tequila and all the make up girls and some of the production staff and even the camera man...who still had work to do that night were gettin hammered...and then I got pumped because they said that Loveholic was playing there that night and they were broadcasting her on a delay for the midnight show in Japan...(loveholic is actually a real band here and they sort of rock..they play guitars and everything) so the silver haired VJ had found Dan the sound man...or thats what I was calling him...I have no idea what he was...and before I knew it loveholic was out on the stage in front of about 100 people doing a 4 song set....even funnier the people who were running the show...were semi-toasted...but I think they did a good job producing and stuff...I dont know I didnt get to see the final result...they never came back to the table so I skipped after the set and walked down to the river and threw some stones...that crap happens all the time's like...Seoul is's like combining hollywood, new york, dc, and seattle into one city...every famous person, radio and tv station, diplomat or anybody who is anybody in Korea lives in Seoul and they only live in like three places in it's not rare to see famous people all the time...well Korean famous can go to a club and like 3 national soccer players will be in a just happens that way...and being a westerner you can do pretty much what you like as long as you look presentable...they dont like it when you show up in a t-shirt...yeah the down sometimes is that you have to sort of act and dress and speak korean to be accepted in the upper eschelon areas but after a little can rock it out your own way and they feed off of it....i think I'm finished with that kind of stuff though...because I went down to the river and felt all empty...I mean I wasnt Dan and I got no love after the know I spent my night investing in that table and not hittin anybody else I felt empty...but when I go to the bars around my house and I go home I feel happy and somewhat I shared I shared nothing...I only experienced a semi-empty hot thing...yeah yeah...I gotta go teach now...oh yeah I teach on Saturday...that's right for two hours...what a show...!

Oh you don't know the smell range that goes on here...when I first got here I gagged for the frist week or so when I woke up in the morning...then I thought I just got used to it...but...unfortunately that was just the backend of the smell season...the front end is hitting me see Korea has above ground sewage...all of it...the streets...the little ditches...the toillets pump right into it...this is an advacning metropolis right?...luckily it rains everyday now for about 6 hours so the smell gets sort of dampered down but in the literally get into the shower or poke your head out of doors and feel like you might puke...but then your body adjusts a little and you realize that...hey, it's all good...I'm just breathing the range of smells is the best...from turds to kimchi (for those who dont know...kimchi is pickled cabbage, red pepper, and some form of death that grows out of the earth) to fish...this is what I live in people...that smell...cringe...

Saturday morning...but obviously...blogger is on GW time...well we all know the rest of the world adheres to only our time schedule...did you know that half of Korea has to get up in the middle of the night to go to work because they want to keep up with America...what a show...I'm gonna write blogger about that now...but yeah a post is coming...

I don't know what happened there...I'm gonna start writing here in a second...let me switch computers...umm I hope it doesn't light it up with 50 posts again...blogger...ain't impressing me with it's user love...i mean it's clean and all but it posted that stuff 20 times...hmm

OK so this will be the second time I write this simply because the Internet connection here is sooooooo's like 8 trillion people sharing a DSL...I don't normally get agitated but it crawls and then I lose stuff all the time...especially when I'm trying to feed my spades habit...oh yeah I just realized that no one reads long I'm gonna break it sucker you in...because pieces of pizza are much more attractive than a whole pie...especially when you aren't hungry (literate)...

Friday, June 20, 2003

So yeah I just got finished my "p.e." class...basically it's me and a bunch of kids running around playing games with stuffed animals and cones...sounds kinda kinky right...well no not's more like me trying to play doctor, daddy, and dear abby all in one 45 minute debauchle of sweat and tears...just for an example of the tears I'll tell you about the time I almost killed a child in one of these "gym" yeah I wanted to play super teeter totter...basically two kids of the same weight and my foot propelling one of them high into the air where they would land on the seemed like a good idea at the there I was ready to thrust my size ten down on the back side of the see saw with a big venemous snake bite look...and so I did...and little Paul went-a-flying...he shot up into the air like 3 feet and landed on little Rickie's head (it's funny how we give all these kids English names sometimes) with his head...they looked at each other...then at me...then at each other...and then at the rest of the class...with everyone, includind myself, having their hands over the mouths they instinctively knew to cry at that moment...and cry they there I was...trying to figure out how I was going to explain the slight skull fracture caused within each child to my boss, the police, and to the parents...but alas they are children and as resiliant as rubber balls being run over by a car...they both had nasty little lumps which I thoroughly denied having caused when it was brought to my attention later that that's one of my tales of "almost having killed a child"...oh I have more...but now I'm sweaty...and want a nice bowl of fried rice and coke out of a bottle...semi-tthird world countries actually recycle everything so there is so much stuff in a bottle here...getting off topic...I'll start a new blog for that one...

Thursday, June 19, 2003 this is my first real post and I'm sort of excited about the whole future process. It will give me something to do in the nail biting moments that are teaching breaks. Well let's start by describing where I sit to write these. It's a small table where my fat little knees can't fit under the desk. There is a sad little tower computer on the right and after checking, it's a celeron 266 with 64 mb and a 4gb harddrive. A piece of work to say the least. On the monitor there is a sign that reads "Use of Interent is forbidden from pm 1:30 to pm 7:30!" Koreans love to keep a tight ship. Needless to say it's 3:30 when I'm writing this. There is a little laserjet 5L on the right next to the mouse pad and it doesn't work. I want to throw it on the ground every time my elbow hits it. There are 6 broken little stereos collecting dust on a long fold out table flanked by a half sucked down bottle of water and a lamenating machine made of the most vibrant oranges and reds. There is always a strange smell in here from being surrounded by 13 middle aged women and only 4 men. All the women are always saying th emost horrible things about the westerners, and for some odd reason none of them but myself has wanted to learn the I get to hear all these crazy things and giggle...I don't fully understand them but I know when they are talking about one of us and I know whether it is good or bad and basically what the subject is...sneaky Koreans...that's allright we talk about them way more then they talk about us...hahaha....Anyway...wanted to get the ball rolling...this will be fun to play with...! yep

Favorites List
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Brian Jones

Things Making Me Smile
The City
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8

Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep

Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
Benjy Ferree
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
The Eels
Kimya Dawson
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Ted Leo
Two if By Sea

Places I Rock in the Flesh
9:30 Club
Black Cat
Electric Factory
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Recher Theatre

Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Bishop's Collar
Cross Street Market
Hull Street
Joun Gak
Mick O'Shea's
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel

My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)

The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Tech Language
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
Dream Ranch
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Google Bio
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Death Peddle
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets
Stupid Secrets the Return

Contact Me

Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time

Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Important Records
Oasis News
Pitch Fork Media
Reptilian Records
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore

Shotgun Apparel
Warrior Clothing

Angry Little Girls
Atom Films
Eye Envision
Homestar Runner
Kill Frog
Junior Varsity Meat Market

Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Calvert Hall
Degroen's Brewers
ESL Cafe
Fantasy Sports
Korean Herald
Villa Julie College Baseball
W3 Schools

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