I Kan't Spell

 
Busy Dizzy

Ok so today I decided to stop smoking. I did the traditional wake up and hack and then, as all us smokers do, took my pack of cigarettes and then crumpled them up. I was going to write , "Oh it won't last", but I don't want to give up that easy and give myself a way out just yet. I need to quit. I've been smoking for about 10 years now and I'm 24. I mean it's only been a pack a day for about 5 years but shit man that's a long time. And now I get up in the morning and I'm all sick. Prediction* Bret has some sort of terminal disease...I have never been this sick day in and day out in my life. I have no energy and just look bad. Ok well I'm off to my busy day of setting up accounts, closing houses, finding apartments, visiting my father, and I have a date on top of that. I'll be back tomorrow.


Link posted by JVMM : 2:03 PM

 
On the Job Road

Looking for jobs is so much fun. I have sent out 40 resumes in the last 8 hours and already have...wait a second...24 responses...6 want interviews by the week out. 4 of those are headhunters...so they will be nixed in favor of other things. I haven't heard anything back from anything really appealing as of yet...I.E> designing LMS stuff...but it looks like things are going to be okey dokey...oohh and my most interesting offer came from the LG corporation based out of Korea. They want to talk to me more about "you English teaching in Korea maybe". That would so rock...
Link posted by JVMM : 4:10 PM

 
Randoms

I am still way to free to tell myself when to go to bed. As if the sun coming up tomorrow really has something to do with my agenda of thinking, learning, and talking electronically to people. So bed yous a gonna have ta hold on...

It feels so incredibly lonely to be in this house that is now void of all furniture and other life...if anyone wants to like come over and party or whatever *so I says with a face that I used when I was 8 and wanted a new GI Joe*

Musical Observation brought to you by launch.com---well since I hit my 400 song limit for the month...I am forced to listen to what they have chosen via my other selections...hi and lo lites for ya...

1. Are You The One? - Miranda Sex Garden (This is just horse farts. They sound like a really bad girl band trying to cover the Smiths but not wanting to break free from their love for bananarama
   
2. Natural Blues - Moby (I could stand this if I knew it was someone other than Moby...and I think somewhere deep down I like Moby but feel I would get beat up if I said that too loud...or else I may be recruited for that 5 queers and a straight guy show...but this is ok if I imagine like Ike Turner at the knobs with ho's and drugs splashed about cutting this track)
   
3. I don't know who Tony Rich is but he tells me has risen again...I immediately never want to hear him...
   
4. I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones (This song never did it for me after I first heard it in my early teens on :My So Called Life" That girl was really hot though...Not Claire Danes...the messed up one...
   
5. The Last Laugh Of The Laughter - Travis (For those who still don't hang out with Travis...I suggest you change your tune...but probably not to this tune...blue lights flashing is friggin solid
   
6. The Long Run - Eagles (You know where the "Glen Fry and Joe Walsh finally died in a plane crash" party will be...at my house baby!...Mr. Parsons is turning somewhere)
   
7. Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac (I used to have this crazy recurring dream about partying with Fleetwood Mac...and at the end, sleeping with Stevie Nicks...this band should have been smaller and less liked so that way other people could still hang out and not feel all cheesy)
   
8. Silent Sigh- Badly Drawn Boy (Easily the most underrated artist in America...Why are we so stupid about our Pop..he is in town next month..ill be seeing some shows...I recommend going out and getting some BDB tunes...and that movie he did the soundtrack for, "About a Boy", was well underrated...it was at least as good as other cheesy ass kid cuteness movies...with a touch of that wonderful dry brit humor...and I have some weird appreciation for Hugh Grant...that and seeing English people makes me feel really healthy)
   
9. Almost Fucked A Midget - Eddie Murphy (Do your day a favor and download Eddie Murphy...everything you can get your hands on...he was a genius before the...well...whatever he got into...)
   
10. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World (Do people still get away with the songs where they have no lyrics...so they just go "Whoaaaaaooaaa")
    
11. Just Like Heaven - The Cure (You know I think groups of people can totally hinder a young person from liking certain music...because this is ok to listen to and all...but come on did you wanna be that kid with patches on their bookbags and lots of eye makeup and doc martens...nope...not I...so I just peed all over bands like "the cure")
    
12. Oxford Town - Bob Dylan (One of the greatest lyrical Dylan tunes...seriously)
    
13. You're Pretty Good Looking - The White Stripes (This song is just atrocious...when they played this in concert I just stood there with my middle finger up for the entire thing...Jack totally saw me...me and my flag of "Hey your song sucks ass!")
    Other Side - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Horrible...by now you know my hatred for the chili peppers...horrible generic music industry made rock...)
    
14. Gimme Shelter - The Rolling Stones (Just a great song to start off the day...i used to not dig it because it was in Goodfellas and I think scorsese just gets ridiculous with his use of the the Stones...but after a while this just grew on me so much)
    
15. Can't Get You Out Of My Head - The Flaming Lips (Just an unstoppable remake of a fun bad pop song...just so flaming lips...shouldn't they be in public office by now)
    
16. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls (I'm not concerned with my image here...I like this song...and for all the right reasons)
    
17. Round Are Way - Oasis (I actually wrote a Rosedale version of this song one night in a drunken haze while listening to my old oasis b-sides..."Yeah round our way the bums drink with ya...hey you sittin at Lee's you wanna be me...")
    
18. Trailer Trash - Modest Mouse (It's a love hate relationship between us)
    

Aight im tired and going to bed...

Link posted by JVMM : 4:43 AM

 
Travelin....

Somebody please let all of this walking, planes, more walking, more crappy ass saturns, an occasional bus, and too many cigarette roller coaster stop. I literally get up every morning in a haze of pain having to make excuses for the night before as I simply use myself as some sort of rag doll for the masses. Not wanting to stop or not go out I implore and force myself to hit the beaten street night after night in hope of some sort of f'd up assimilation. Well NYC changes everything so you can imagine. But, I warn you, come Monday...I go on a diet of goodness. Goodness I tell you...I don't think my body can take anymore...
Link posted by JVMM : 5:26 PM

 
Finally...

Written Saturday Morning - I’m sitting here writing all of this on a shitty ass computer without Internet access. I’m currently in Vegas and have been on a nasty 3-day bender, which concludes this evening after the much anticipated White Stripes show. I somehow managed to get tickets for it via my youthful charm and wonderful wit.

Let’s see…stories from the road thus far. Well the drive out here was uneventful. The only excitement sort of came when we had to sneak the dog into the room everywhere we went. My mother and I didn’t really speak about anything, despite her efforts to be upbeat and positive. I was more interested in reading and keeping to myself. We must have looked at each and spoken and then said, “Huh?” or “What?” about 200 times. It was ridiculous. The end of the trip there left nothing but the end. The scenery of the Rockies is breathtaking though. I have never scene such beauty in nature. It is really awe-inspiring. Those formations humble you. The oranges, yellows, greens, and burnt browns that have the tendency to change , just as a fanned out rainbow has hues running into one another, are etched into my brain.

Wirtten this morning - Well today is my mother's birthday. She has a new life and essentially a new lease, that for now seems to be an upgrade. Though never underestimate the power of intelligent feeling people as opposed to those who are merely living in a world of interest rates and generic cola and then scream porfanity at ball games. I don't know. I don't like vegas. It's really plastic but the casino's are like cathedrals and well I'm up 1800 bucks on the weekend and ...well...had some fun with the opposite sex. These are all good things in my current traveling social consumerism stage...Anywho...I'm looking forward to my jaunt into NYC...hopefully people will find the time to meet up and chat a tad...and then...and then my friends...it's back to...(well wouldn't you like to know...mwwhahahahaha)
Link posted by JVMM : 3:39 PM

 
I'm sorry. How much is this?

Ok so I went across country in 2 and half days. Boo me for not taking the time to delve down into the deep but I had to get out and see a friend and get out of Kansas. Kansas may be the worst place to drive through in the world. You know what's beautiful, Colorado and Utah. I wrote a couple of poems and met my new step-dad. Wow that's freakin weird to say. I'm in NYC on wednseday and I'm up pretty big on the tables, so life here is ok. The lights are that bright and the people are that fat. Holy shit...this is costing me 1$ per minute to be on here. Hopefully I can get my mother's comp. up and running tomorrow and fill in all of the gaps. It's been a good few weeks but after NYC I think I'm ready to sort of calm down for a little while.
Link posted by JVMM : 11:53 PM

 
Leavin Again

In about 4 hours I am going to embark on my frist ever quest west of the Mississippi (m-i-ss-i...). I'm going to try and take some pictures and not sleep too much. We aren't really stopping anywhere, and I'm sure I'll be making this trip on a more regular basis considering my mother now resides in Las Vegas. I want to not speak for 3 days and just take in, that which in some tangential way, is mine and yours (well if you are a citizen of the USA). It should be good to see the Rockies and the desert. I'm also looking forward to sunsets and shady characters a plenty. I'll try to pop in from time to time to check in on this thing and blog anything of serious interest. My phone number is in this blog and I'll be back in NYC on the 23rd. I'll be putzin around the city while my host family (the Peregoy Institution of Housing Desolate Square Headed Young Men...or as I like to call it the PIHDSHYM...or phonetically PID SHIM)...hopefully I'll bump into you northern cats...YEAH!
Link posted by JVMM : 12:22 PM

 
I Just Spilled My Fucking Apple Juice and other Randoms

Thanks to Doug I just laughed and spilled my apple juice all over the floor --

mr. oppenheim, if you could give me a description, even a technical one, of "how the internet works" i am prepared to treat you to a night of a thousand blow jobs in the five-star hotel penthouse of your choosing, you dumb fuck.

God people are so creatively smart some days that I just fill up with this weird pride and envy of knowing them. Laughing kicks hard nipples.

I swear I can never get enough of Eddie Murphy stand up.

Do you ever converse with your friends in borrowed dialogue that doesn't necessarily capture anything other than the moment. And you laugh harder and feel better. What does that really say about the way we interact?

I'm fucking tired of our apologies. Next on the list it will say something like, "The United States would like to apologize for using the people of Zaire as slave labor and raping their natural resources to support our own consumer blob economy. We would also like to extend an "Our bad" for the dictators we have set up and than had to assasinate. We are still working out the kinks in our world domination self-interest plan. Thank you for your patience. We would also like to extend our deepest regrets to the people of San Salvador. Know that your children's face melting from toxic gas will one day help us rid the world of terror. And remember that 'Saving Nemo 2' is coming out next week directly to DVD. Have a nice day!"

"Your wife is a big foot isn't she Gus? You shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak."

These are the Democratic hopefuls.

Howard Dean, former governor of Vermont
Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts
Senator John Edwards of North Carolina
Senator Bob Graham of Florida
Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut
Representative Dick Gephardt of Missouri
Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio
Carol Moseley Braun, former Illinois senator
Al Sharpton,Civil rights advocate

One word "fucked"....Have you seen any of these guys on Meet the Press or Hardball. I have never seen a bigger bunch of goofs in my life. Freakin John Kerry was made to look like the biggest piece of cardboard in history when he tried to take on the "working man's Stalin" Donald Rumsfeld. Oh man I hope Nader or somebody runs and they have riots in the fucking street over not letting him on National debates.

"It's quite possible that I'm you third man girl. BUt it's a fact that I'm the seventh son...let's have a ball and a biscuit sugar" How can you not love that song?

Link posted by JVMM : 12:19 PM

 
Oh Well Hell It's in the South

I just saw this and was almost kind of worried. It's kinda cool that I get to worry about another country now and the people that inhabit it, and not in some weird tangential "good for humanity" bull turds way. Oh and a side note to that. I called Su Yun twice yesterday. Both rip roaring inebriated. I think we talked about chicken. Not sure...And yet another side note. Old Kelly Teacher (one of the Korean teachers that I had a slight attraction to and used to dance with every other weekend) has dropped me 4 emails since I have been home. She maybe said 4 words to me in 8 months. Kookie kid...
Link posted by JVMM : 11:51 AM

 
In Search of...

Ok so for the last 5 days the Korean in this country has just been jumping out at me. I want to grab Asian people on the street and just speak Hangul to them. Why? I guess to be cool or whatever, and somewhere deep down inside I always hope that they have a really hot friend or niece or something. Today I went into a liquor store that said "Yong Ju Ee Soy Oe", which means "We have western liquor". So I went in and asked for some Korean booze and jumped at the chance to speak Korean. The dude wasn't too impressed but he perked up when I did say "hello". So that was kind of cool. I like the fact that I know a different culture and their customs. I think it's damn neat.
Link posted by JVMM : 6:14 PM

 
Bowling for Brains

So damnit! I just watched "Bowling for Columbine" (I've been wanting to see it for a while but couldn't find the "second tier" flick in the "most viewed" section of Korean video stores.) Man I feel informed and swayed, but at the same time I feel extremely ignorant and self-centered. I should have known all that shit, and I think I did a little. I should have seen that they use fear to deter us from other realities. They strike fear to keep us seperate from one another so that we can't form any sort of attack against things that are really wrong. Like if I think about it I am much more afraid of my new ethnic neighbors potentially robbing me than I am of the carsonogenic materials in the air or water. How so fucked up is that!? Anyway, bravo to Mr. Moore. ANd that Charleton Heston interview kicked ass. I too am a member of the NRA and believe that Americans have a strong right to arm themselves as it once was a direct deterent from tyranny. Them banning guns though doesn't really scare me, it's their use of information and the limiting of free thought that now bothers me more than anything. So I say, "You can have the AK 47's" you just lay off my T1."
Link posted by JVMM : 8:28 PM

 
Hackin

Well since I have some free time I decided to hack into all my appliances that have any sort of display feature. It's actually quite easy and you can do all kinds of cool stuff. Like get your telephone to talk to you in Chinese or make your TV turn and off 40 times in a row. I have an alterior motive for the hacking fruit in that I have Korean movies that I want to watch but since they are region 3 I can't. Fuck that region shit! I got it to work anyway...nah nah nah...here's some stuff on hacking your dvd player...
Link posted by JVMM : 4:51 PM

 
Randoms

I decided to call this "randoms" because well, that's sort of what they are. I haven’t' been able to put together much in my return accept emotion, reaction, and now, hesitant yet oddly hurried contemplation. In light of my lack of wholeness or closure with any one continuing theory that I thought would resonate by this time I decided to just blurt out what's on my mind, and consequently the things that have been most important have been on my mind and they now thrust themselves into the wonderful arena of being written about. Here we go -

• Things are more alive here. We have trees and grass and smells that other counties would pay billions of dollars to inherit. The suburbs are a breeding ground for the world's best smells. Such wonderments like mown grass, cheesesteaks, a gas station next to a pizza hut, black top after the rain, moldy woods where your foot gets stuck in the mud and you have to drag your heel all the way home. These all have smells and they are wonderful.
  
• I feel afraid talking to people. I feel like I am not myself. I am absolutely terrified to make that initial eye contact with people. I think they are afraid of me as well. I realize that I now shake when I hold a fork, and I find myself insecurely constantly looking into mirrors and car windows to see if my hair line has receded more in the last 20 minutes. I am having serious issues dealing with people. I turned down two interviews with companies because I don't think I'm really ready to talk to anybody about something serious. Or even worse try to convince that I myself am someone to be taken seriously. I'm sure this fear will subside but thus far it has taken many libations and my wildest stories to put people at ease.
  
• I miss Korea. I miss it more everyday. Not an hour goes by where I don't miss the life that I just left. Shitty enough is that not an hour went by there where I didn't miss here. Given my druthers I choose here, given my absolute druthers I choose to move on again, maybe soon.
  
• My mother and I aren't getting along due to all the stress hanging around. I want everything to be nice and tidy so I don't have to deal with anything. She is waiting for us to leave so she can start a new nice and tidy life. Things here are going to be very messy for me. I may just chicken out and split. I will look for something inspiring though.
  
• Most of my friends are making me sad. I don't envy anything anymore. There is no more want other than my own ease, and my own ease will come at the hand of my freedom. That tide comes close and closer to the beams holding up my house everyday. My oldest friend in the world didn't even have the time to sit down and have a real conversation with me, and on top of that he treated me with indifference and spoke in a slightly condescending tone. It seems as though everyone is slowly waiting to die and could care less if that action resounds a mute kick of a pillow by which their legacy will be captured.
  
• I'm still pretty damn good at Golden Tee.
  
• All I heard about for 2 days, at my grandfather's house was death, hospitals, money, injuries, and sadness. It might have been the saddest two days of my life. I love my grandfather and grandmother very much but found it very difficult to hold it together. My GF and I did have a solid talk about saving money and my father. That was the highlight of my weekend. My cousins are cooler now that they are more grown up. They didn't seem too impressed by my presents.
  
• My father being in a mental ward may be the single most worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. The repercussions of his actions may result severe destitution for not only himself but others as well. I can never forgive but it is impossible to hate or shun.
  
• I am now much better with women and flirting. I feel grown up. I feel matured but at what cost. My energy level and my wild unbridled self seems to have disappeared. Some weak little humble man has replaced them. Was I wrong to try and change the only part of myself that brought me any sort of notoriety.
  
• I love my friends. I love them more and more everyday. I want them to want the way I want. I want them to see and grow with me. I want our paths to intertwine into something great. The more I see, read, or talk to my friend the more I am filled with hope about the future. Something great will come out of us. Someone great must first tame the power that exists.
  
• I have put on 5 pounds of pure mush and all the working out and health pursuits of the last year have been shot by 1 week of intense cheese and meat. It was worth it.
  
• America is beautiful. It has drawn awe out of me in the past few days. If I could write a symphony about it or a book in the vain of Thomas Wolfe I would. The rolling mountains of Pennsylvania stream themselves out like arms holding something dear. They appear to be these beating mounds of earth that give life to us. The cornfields, strolling cattle that flank barns, slowly grazing, while the farmers meddle with a tractor or an old Chevy engine in a carefree manner brings about a weight to my soul that I have never felt. It's a pool of water after a 4 day journey through the deserts of Africa. It has changed me somewhere.
  
• The city seems to be open and easy now. It appears like a child wanting to play a simple game of gin or cribbage. It waits for me to pounce on it and join in the festivities. It lay dormant for those who can't hold it's true heart beat. There are things that now pop around me in a new way.
  
• American's are more friendly than I remember. I have no problem with saying "thank you", "hello", or "How are you?". My ability to interact has put a new color on the place that was once painted with a large stroke of gray.
  
• While our culture lacks so much of what Korea has it has the one thing that no other culture has. It has the ability to be reborn everyday into something new. It wants to breathe again everyday. There is change here. There is rebirth and stability. There is genius and prosperity to be had amongst those who are willing to band together. This could be a wonderful land if we could only recognize that our strength lay in the fabric we could make and not in the strings of yarn that we are.
  
• Every hour goes by and I try to find another way out. Unfortunately, I know that this is not currently an option. This chain pulls at the back of my scalp as though I had an unwanted child or a prison sentence to serve.
  
  

I'll have more for you later....
Link posted by JVMM : 1:45 PM

 
I'm still around

You guys are gonna have to bare with me here while I be tryin to get some stuff sorted. I'm still here and have amounted notes on my first impressions of coming home. I want them to boil a little bit so I knows that I won't be rushin into stuff...you know...anyway...sorry for the delay...oh and Tim...I'm on it...give me a hot minute...


Link posted by JVMM : 6:16 PM

 
Busy Like a Bee

Home...lots of stuff...more later... promise...umm phone number...(hotmail sucks)...4435623599...all for now...will have observations and notes transcribed soon...hit me up when you get a chance...
Link posted by JVMM : 3:20 PM

 
Bret's Playlist For His Journey Home

I chose a mixture of sad, reflective, and upbeat tunes to carry me on home...

1. Bob Dylan - The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan (His best album next to Highway 61...much more range anyway...masters of war, don't think twice, oxford town, corina corina)
   
2. Coldplay - Parachutes (Just an unstoppable CD that sadly got too big too fast...this band needed time...they didn't get it...bummer...spies, yellow)
   
3. Rolling Stones - Exile on Main Street (My favorite stones album...virginia...other tunes basically 4-8 that are just unstoppable)
   
4. The Beatles - Abbey Road (come together, golden slumbers, carry that weight, here comes the sun)
   
5. Ryan Adams - Heartbreker (The whole damn thing is good...except the last two tracks..."No it's not it's bona drag...I'll bet you 5 bucks...I'll take that bet...)
   
6. Van Morrison - Moon Dance (Is there a better overall CD that I own...I don't know...Even "brand new day" is friggin unstoppable)
   
7. The Flying Burrito Brothers - The Gilded Palace of Sin (This band should have been more and if they could have been than the Eagles would have never been...and that would have made the world a wonderful place...Sin City, Do Right Woman , Dark End of the Street)
   
8. Oasis - Standing On the Shoulder of Giant (gas panis, where did it all go wrong, roll it over...the rest of it is a wash...but those songs, especially gas panic...just jiggle something loose everytime)
   
9. Radiohead - The Bends (Well ok computer is sorta scratched plus after careful consideration I think this album is better...less angry anyway..."fake plastic trees" is just too good)
   
10. Black Crowes - Seeing thing for the first time (This song is just the saddest damn song in the world and then it comes back to pat you on the back and say, "Get up you sissy...things are good where you are"..damnit I'll be listening to this on take-off and landing)
    

I know it's not the most eclectic list in the world...but this is what I chose out of all of them to capture the range I was actually going to experience...I think it's tragically sad and wonderful that I need musc to get perspective on moments and get me through...

This is my last Blog from Korea...Good luck to all whom I have loved...I'll see you again...real people keep promises...All my best...mwhaaa
Link posted by JVMM : 2:21 AM