- Bret Holmes Baltimore Md

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I Kan't Spell

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Crooked Finger Lyrics

I forgot about my Crooked Fingers Album until I found on Large Hearted Boy that they have some mp3's available for download. Thanks Doug for the Crooked Finger turn that few years ago

New Drink for The Old Drunk

Would you try--
could you buy a new drink for the old drunk
It's no crime to resign misery with a bottle
You walked into town without making a sound
And you slipped and you slammed your face into the crowd
As you tried to forget all the words that were said
To deny all the things that you keep in your head

When you came you were new but today you're much older
You were spent so you went to get used in the corner
Where they kicked you around like a rodeo clown
And it echoed through town they were beating you down
And as they spread the word that you liked how it hurt
All at once you were cause for a pitiful cure

Hours pass by half forgotten
Night turns black cause it's rotten
And we slide right to the bottom
Our tongues made out of cotton
Eyes seal shut in a slumber
Til we hear someone mumble
Could you spare from the tumbler
A new drink for the old drunk

Now you waste all your days in the dark in the corner
Without light without grace where you wait for the slaughter
Where they spit in your face as the hours grow late
And they laugh as they lie and then seal up your fate
And you cringe as you binge to forget how you hate
All the doom in this pitiful room you create

Hours pass by half forgotten
Night turns black cause it's rotten
And we slide right to the bottom
Our tongues made out of cotton
Eyes seal shut in a slumber
Til we hear someone mumble
Could you spare from the tumbler
A new drink for the old drunk

Monday, November 22, 2004


Jas and I decided to take a break for a while. Why am I writing this on here? Well there are two reasons I guess. One, I know she'll read it and I know she'll believe what she reads more than what comes out of my mouth. Two, since I don't ever answer phones or make an attempt to really talk to anyone anymore I guess this is my only means of giving people updates.

Jas and I started real strong with our relationship. I immediately fell in love with everything that was in front of me. I saw this beautiful, energetic, vivacious, strong woman pulling at my heartstrings. She fascinated me and fueled me in every way. My days had bounce in them and my nights had dreams. Unfortunately, there was a good deal of baggage accompanying our budding relationship.

She was just coming out of a relationship she felt very strongly about and I couldn't stop talking about the only one I had ever really had. These two variables lead to feelings of mistrust, anger, and doubt. I can't speak for what they felt like for her but for me I felt like number two trying to sadly stand next to so many of her number ones. This was not her fault. She never lied to me about anything and she had full disclosure about her prior/current relationship. It was my own greed and insecurity that manifested those facts into such horrible feelings.

I didn't treat Jas as well as I could have. I was rather rude sometimes with her and didn't really give her the respect that you give someone you love. Just because you buy them things and take them out doesn't mean that you hold their heart in your hands. She would have rather had me laugh at one of her jokes or paid attention during a whole conversation rather than going out to eat or having me buy her a tiny bauble. But, alas I am an asshole and asshole's only care about one thing; themselves. She deserved more from me. She deserved my entire self to be involved and infatuated with her entire self. I couldn't do that. I saw things in her that I didn't enjoy seeing and that compiled with her prior relationship and my own desire to be comforted before comforting caused us to argue.

For the past few weeks we have argued and argued to the point where it doesn't make sense to say "I love you". It doesn't make sense to see each other because we don't make each other feel good. I have issues and she has issues. We aren't easygoing people; at least I'm not. She's a drama queen that likes being loud and I'm a cynic that is very judgmental and pessimistic. She and I are wonderful in so many ways; just not in the same ways.

From Jasika I got a great gift. I got a gift that I needed to have again. I found that I could love someone. I found that even for a brief time I could look at someone and be totally enammered by their presence and want to do everything in my power to make them smile or ease their pain. I learned that it's ok to be vulnerable around women again. It's ok to tell people things and it's nice to actually lay next to a woman and watch her sleep and dream. Jasika tried to make this work. I failed her. I failed me and in doing so lost a little piece of me. (Jesus I'm starting to get really sad). I lost faith in myself to be a good person. I thought, "If I could only find the right woman then I will be a good person." Well, I found the right woman and I wasn't any better of a person because I'm pretty sure I'm just permanently rotten at this point.

She's a wonderful woman. I will miss her. I hope that in a little while things may work themselves out to us possibly having another opportunity to be around each other, but I think that would be giving myself false hope. If she were writing this, she would be writing maybe the same thing but in her own tone. She knows this is the way it has to be because she said "Goodbye" just as amicably as I did.

Goodbye baby. I wish you nothing but happiness and love in your life.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Chat With the Lord

Me:Sup God
Lord:Sup Bret
Me:Not much dude. Hey Let me ask you a question?
Lord:Sure, I always got time for my people. Oh wait, hold up, there's a flood in India and a child about to die in a car crash. OK there we go.
Me:How'd that come out for us?
Lord:Saved the kid, lost the town. You know how it goes. So what's up?
Me:Ahh nothin....just wondered what you though about old GW getting reelected.
Lord:I have to admit I'm pretty pumped.
Me:Really? How come?
Lord:Are you kidding? Man there's gonna be all kinds of people fighting in my name. You know how hot that is? It's like being a girl and watching two guys fight for your love.
Me:So whose side are you on anyway? The Christians, The Muslims, The Jews, Buddhist, Shintoist, umm mine.
Lord:Wouldn't you like to know.
Me:Hell yeah. Oh, sorry for the cursing. So I mean tell me something. You are God.
Lord:Do you pressure all your friends for this much advice. I wish once someone would give me answers.
Me:OK. You suck for allowing the greatest idea in the history of mankind to go down the shitter. The United States of America was beautiful at one time, at least the idea sort of was, well the document anyway.
Lord:Hey you have free will, and so did all your ancestors. I'm going to go play with the sheep. They never bitch.


I play a lot of poker. I'd say during the week I play between 40 and 50 hours of poker. I play everything from Omaha to 7 card to 5/10 to Texas (bring all your college frat buddies) Hold 'em. I'm not saying I am a good poker player but I have figured out a consistant way to make money. I don't make a ton of money but over the last 3 weeks I have made close to 40 dollars a day. Before that...before I laid out rules for myself and posted them on my monitor I was losing and winning at unpredictable rates. I was worried too much about the cards and my instincts.

First rules first - - - Don't play tournaments! Tournament are nice enterntainment. If you want to have a good time playing poker then play in as many horse shit 200$ buy in's as you can find. Sit there and play with your stupid rebuys. (a rebuy is when you lose all your chips you pay half your entry fee to get them back - - - all this money goes to the house). Why don't you play tournament? Tournaments are for college kids who like to play like cowboys or who think they are good at poker and throw their dicks out on the table to see whose is bigger. It's boring and you can get burned. My method for winning at poker takes the "getting burned" philospohy 90% out of the picture.

Second rule (all other rules) - - - Have rules that are supported by numbers. I play by the following rules:
  • Never bet a weak hand on the river.
  • Never call two raisers in front of you unless you are 90% certain that you hold the best hand.
  • Never call an all-in bet when it is their last chips and you don't have the best hand
  • Always remember positioning on the board. There are almost 3 times as many pots to bluff at as there are to call. Betting is your friend. Trapping is your friend.
  • Create a breakdown of your percentages. Example: I play 40% of all hands. You should win 40% of those 40% in order to be in the black. Playing 40% of your hands doesn't allow you to be labeled.
  • Learn how to show your cards in the right place to make people know you aren't bluffing or that you are.
  • Understand pot odds, pot investments, and sunken costs.
  • Always try to play heads up against the weaker players.
  • Don't be afraid to change seats at the table to sit in a better position next to the weaker players. Imagine being first position in black jack.
  • Never gamble what you aren't willing to lose
  • When you are up in chips, start to lean on the other players. Poker is a game of mental strategy where you can actually force other players to do things against their will. In chess you can do this but you may just lose. In poker you can do this but you may just lose a thousand dollars. Also in poker by havign more chips you have the equivalent of having an extra Queen. The stakes are a tad different.
  • Always check the nuts.
  • Never check top pair.
  • Learn to read strong and weak players.
  • Don't call with nothing or what you know to be nothing. Part of my philosphy on how to win at poker is to mostly bet when you have the winning hand. Understanding pot odds and sunken costs are great but they can get you in trouble when you go to waste another 50 dollars because you already have 200 invested.
  • Pray on small limit tables with tourist players. Don't be afraid to slum it with the hillbillies. Taking 200 dollars from hicks is better than losing 3000 dollars to professionals. Just because you don't look cool doesn't mean you aren't learning.
  • Play as much as possible. Never stop playing. If you want to win at poker you should be putting in almost 30 to 40 hours a week and playing almost 7 - 8 thousand hands per week. The more you play the better you get.
  • Don't mix up price levels. If you are going to play 5/10 then play 5/10. Don't play 5/10 and 9/12 and 30 dollar 7 card stud. Pick one game at a time and learn to win 5 out of 6 days at it.
  • Set a goal to hit with your winnings. If you plan on doubling your winnings, then if you double them leave. Also set a low water mark and if you hit that leave. Poker is about discipline not about being a fucking cowboy. Even those guys you see on TV playing bad hands...they do it because they are in good position against weak players and they have confidence.
  • Always play against college kids. College kids play a lot of poker and most of them think they are really good. If you are patient. You'll beat the shit out of them. Don't be agressive with college kids...they are easy to read because they think they aren't easy to
  • Be humble. Never let them see you coming at first. Then when you have a good chip lead. Crush them like a freight train.
  • Don't be afraid to talk at the table. People talk about tells...there are only maybe 100 people in the world that actually bet on tells. Everyone else second guesses and wonders and gets nervous over anything so tells are irrelevant. Talking puts people one edge or makes people feel comfortable. If you are playing against weak players...and you should always be playing against weak will know by their bet exactly what they have.
  • If you are reading this list and nodding your head. Stop playing poker. Because I'm full of shit and you can't tell the difference.

  • Wednesday, November 17, 2004

    Longhorn Cometh

    The more I play withi XML at work the more fucking awesome you start to realize it is. I just downloaded the google desktop app and can see the future of desktop apps. :Longhorn, Microsofts new OS will be based on these lines. It will also have packs that come out. For those of you who have fallen out of the tech industry, packs and plugs are what's hot. Packs are like customizable upgrades that actually make sense. For example they are going to make windows have about 4 faces. One that looks like friendstar, one that sort of mimicks blogging, and another mimicks poweruser shit with word processing/internet usage. And they'll have a generic that incorporates all these things but without huge add-ons. should be hot. As new cool shit that people adapt to starts to come about you will see being adapted into OS's and the backbone of that is going to be XML, RSS, and SOAP.

    For a while there, people assumed thin clients would always be thin due to space and processor speed. With XML every client can become fat and sleek. I am actually going to say that I am excited about the next 3 years of computing. It's going to be fucking wild to see the amount of data that is going to crush the world. You thought the Internet was nuts when HTML was able to be spidered and indexed via search engines. Wait until your home PC becomes the search engine and it's remainder processing power is used in a grid computing fashion and the only thing you need to have is RSS feeds coming out of your ass.

    Allright i'm done being a dork.

    Tuesday, November 16, 2004

    The Hatred that is RUNTS!

    What's your least favorite candy? Mine would have to be Tootsie rolls. Tootsie rolls just seem like a cheap Three Musketeers bar. They always looked like the runoff fudge that happened to be scraped off the floor at the Hershey plant. But even worse than that debauchery of a candy comes the reckless imagination candy makers have taken with fruity candies.

    Grape and Banana I would say have to be the worst tasting of the fruit candy flavors. Oh and apple is a distant fucked up cousin. Now my palette may be different then yours as I enjoy more lemon lime citruses tastes to my candy but above all there is no denying the hatred for banana-flavored runts.

    You remember Runts. Candy shapes like fruit only minature sizes that makes it easier for you to be a candy snob. You remember kids digging through the box handing out all the apples and bananas because they sucked so much ass.

    "Hey can I have some runts."
    "You can have some of the bananas."
    "Fuck you! Nevermind!"

    Banana flavored Runts are the last bastion of bad candy. When the segregation of flavors and the ability to choose your favorite fruit product taste came onto the scene with life-savers, Gummy-bears, Jolly Ranchers, and even...yes even the hated and much needed to die Jelly bean, you never saw any of these archaic outdated candies reach into the rat turd basket to stretch for the taste of banana. Well runts took care of that for us.

    RUNTS! The lovely candy that decided to place a phallic jagged miniature banana inside of it's boxes so that we might one day not only know the feeling of choking on what could be a baby robins penis but in addition to our choking we have to ingest the putrid aroma that is banana flavored candy.

    No where on earth are there more boxes half-filled with a certain candy after a child proclaims that they are finished then with the boomerang looking yellow darts of pain that adorn movie theatre walkways and day care bathrooms across America and belong to this most hated bitterly sweet candy known as RUNTS!

    Not since sour patch kids and whistle pops have I grown so detested at a food. Not since seaweed flavored potato chips and rice cakes filled with sugar have a seen a more pointless expression of culinary efforts. Down with runts!

    Hope that made you smile baby.

      Ya know what I want to know?????? I want to know who actually, truly and honestly enjoys eating banana runts! They are awful...they're the absolute worst! ugh! I'm spitting right now! Wiping my tongue off...yuck.

    Chat with the Devil

    Me: Sup Dev?
    Devil: Not much. How would you like to die for speaking to me?
    Me: Not very much I guess. Hey, can I ask you a question?
    Devil: No
    Me: Oh come on. Be reasonable. I'm a big fan of your work. Hell, I live by most of your credos. Oh schnapps I just said, "Hell"
    (The devil sort of chuckles because I am in a lucid non-scared mode.)
    Devil: How dare you speak to me in this way. I will kill you.
    Me: If you wanted to kill me you probably would have already. I mean shit you're the devil. So anyway, devil, what's up with reelecting Bush. Do you have any sort of stake in that?
    (The devil still looks at me with awe as if I were some sort of imaginary moron)
    Devil: I was actually quite dissatisfied by that outcome.
    Me: Oh, so you watched it. That's hot. Wait, you were upset? How come?
    Devil: When the poor eventually unite to overthrow the rich, a idealistic state will come out of its bi-product. Through history I have seen the greed of the powerful become overthrown by the ideals of the masses. And when the dust settles there are always new ideals and a resurgence of, *cough* faith.
    Me: Ahh so you're saying that Bush winning was actually a nice way of saying that it will piss most people off enough to rid the world of scum and create an uprising in the name of justice and brotherhood towards fellow man.
    Devil: No, of course not. I was just fucking with you. You're screwed. HAHAHAHAHA!

    Monday, November 15, 2004


    I am in Detroit for the next couple days - - - then Canada - - - then Detroit. I'll try to post later.

    Friday, November 12, 2004

    My Racist Experience of the Day

    So I work in downtown Baltimore. Baltimore as a city, is very ethnic. It is about 65% African-American and the rest of the city, despite the middle-class college kid sections, are arrayed with blocks of ethno-centric circles. You can walk down streets in Baltimore and pick out Jewish blocks, Greek blocks, Italian blocks etc... The city is not as racist as some southern cities I have visited but it still is raised in a rather foggy southern backdrop. Growing up white and having your parents be lower middle class means that there is always blame of some sort. And since most people blame what they don't understand or that which is different from themselves, you become accustomed to all kinds of racial slurs. Because for some reason when I grew up I could have sworn it was all the black people in the world that made my father drink and gamble too much. At least that's what he said it was in one way or another.

    As you grow older you sort of grow out of all the racist mumbo jumbo and just hate everyone. Despite the occasional racial joke still heard, you start to realize that all that crap you grew up around is pretty much bull shit. As you become more acclimated to the world you realize that everyone is to blame for your father's drinking and gambling, and not just the one's with the accents or the different colored skin.

    Actually you come to realize that there are only two races; the rich and the poor. The poor, assuming the poor I'm talking about care, cling to things such as art, music, literature and friendship. These things are easily obtained and only take self-perseverance and dedication of the soul to allow into the life. The rich, while also attaining these things do it on a higher level and also involve leisure and power into the mix. It's the power and money that allow independence. It's the independence that allows the breaking of the chains of answering to someone else's beckon call. And their lies the difference; the poor answer to the call of the rich. So if you ever need to ask yourself which class you belong to, just think about whom it is you answer to. When you think of it that way it doesn't really have much to do with money does it?

    Today I was standing in line at Song's chicken next to a strange sight. There was a white man next to me in a suit and tie. Song's chicken is located on the "Block" in Baltimore. "The Block" is the part of the city where people in ties don't go until it's after dark and they want to see some naked women. So he's standing next to me, and since he's wearing a tie and is of my same ethnic background I feel more comfortable in engaging him. Usually I just go in there, say "hello" and "thank you" in Korean and take my two thighs and a breast and scoot on back to work. But today I thought I would share an observation with this man:
      Me: "Oh man it's 12:00. We are going to get last night's chicken"
      Whitey: "Yeah."
      Me: "I hate that. You see how the wings are golden brown and my breast there is just turd brown?"
      Cracker: "I hate when they do that. Hey you look like a smart guy. Where do you work?"
      Me: "Umm around the corner."
      Casper: "Fucking Ni***rs can't get anything right can they."
      - - - My eyes lifted: Not only in confusion/anger about what he said but in fear that I may get smoked because this was a predominantly black establishment. As a matter of fact I had never seen another white patron in here besides myself. And secondly it was all Koreans that worked here. - - -
      Me: "Dude, these are all Asian people working here. Koreans actually. "
      Peckerwood: "Oh yeah. I bet they got a couple jigs in the back though."
      Me: "Hey guy (in a rather exasperated tone), man...are you from around here?"
      Honkey: "Nope I'm from PA (actually said the letters P - A)."
      Me: "Yeah well, good luck out there man. I’d probably keep that tongue inside your mouth until it gets a tad more cipher out."
      Dead Honkey: "Hey, take care buddy."
      Me: "Uh huh."

    It wasn't the racial slur reference that really got to me. It was this comment
      "I hate when they do that. Hey you look like a smart guy."
    You see far too often white people, when placed in an awkward situation that involves them as the minority will search out for another white face to find comfort in. All races do this. But, I find that more oft then not, my piss poor race will often use strange code language such as illustrated above. When attempting to build that bridge of solidarity and comfort between another person of his assumed ilk you will often catch these pseudonyms.
    "I hate when they do that" = "I hate anyone not like you or I"
    "Hey you look like a smart guy" = "Hey you are white so that means we can equally share our deep seeded prejudices without feeling awkward and at the same time we can find comfort in each other because we seem to be out numbered by the darkies."

    Anyway, it made me think about some stuff. I don't consider myself a racist person. I grew up in an environment laced with hate and unfortunately as a child one of the reasons for that hate was apparently people of other races. Now, while I don't believe it now, you are still filled with all the stereotypes and analogies that accompany racism. Those things are hard to erase or change. Fortunately, I have people like Whitey, which today reminded me just how different I really am sometimes.

    Wednesday, November 10, 2004

    Hell if I know

    The first time I just didn't care about giving an opinion was last night. Old "fest" was talking to me about shipping or industry or whatever the fuck he was talking about, and I just sat there and finally said,

    "Hey Mike, I'm not going to give an opinion because it's absolutely pointless. I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground. You can now officially huddle me into that large pot of boiling shit known as our friends. Because I am slowly losing my ability to be opinionated and loud. And although this seems like a lousy trait, I always kind of revered it and found that it gave me some sort of separation."

    In the past I would have just snatched something out of the air and something along the lines of, "Oh yeah the trucking industry will surpass the coming recession because of the markets ability to push consumer goods through sagging time via lack of inflation..." LOL blah blah blah...I kind of liked that this happened though.

    26 seconds

    Let's shake hands. Come on now let's shake hands. Give me your palm and baby let's shake hands. There you go. Feel that? That electricity is mine. Come on now let's twist tongues. Don't play with me. Let's be friends. Oh come on let's be friends. I can come up with a better plan but for right now let's be friends. Girl let's get wed. Say my name. Say my name! You can do what you want to do just as long as you say my name. Let's shake hands. Come on let's shake hands.

    Tuesday, November 09, 2004

    Online Poker

    You know what else I love about online poker? I love that you can watch $10K games. You can just zing right into the virtual room and watch these guys chuck up 100$ antis on every hand. It's so much fun to watch people play a different kind of game, because I'm going to tell you right now that these guys play nothing like I play.

    My asshole would fall out of my body if someone through a $10K bet at me and I was holding AA and the flop came out 4, 5, 8 rainbowed. I don't care, I mean you know you have AA but still you got trips and a straight draw. Uhhh...the nerves...else that or it's nice to be rich and not have to sit here and grind all day for 100$.

    Two CD's You Should Listen To

    Ted Leo and The Pharmacists - - Shake the Sheets - - It sounds like John Vanderslice but with a band, and without the pretentious ideologies of a producer trying to make music. This is not pop but hell if it isn't far off. They remind me of Super Grass, and a little of the Doves is they were both covering Franz Ferdinand songs. Enough analogies for you?

    The Black Keys - - Rubber Factory - - This brings me back to the Eels and Badly Drawn boy. They have an awesome slow song called "The Lengths" which you can find online. But the album, oh the album is just fucking awesome. It may be in the running for my favorite album of 04'.

    Monday, November 08, 2004

    Walking to Work
    Every morning on my way to work I want to kick a pigeon. I walk that sweet morning walk from the 1400 block of light down to the Alex Brown building. It's the most wonderful part of the day. It's the sweetest time I have. I walk past the harbor. I walk past the homeless people still sleeping in abandoned small sub shops doorways and on wooden benches outside of retail restaurants. I walk past the pigeons and I want to kick them. I walk past the seagulls who remind me of happy anger.

    A seagull's eyes are blue and black. The eyes of silver death that aren't afraid to stare at you. While the pigeon clucks along as a chicken looking for it's next kernel, the seagull's head is erect into the air smelling and feeling the breeze. It looks up and when it wants the pigeon's food it merely takes it. The white mad eyed bird swoops in and takes the chicken bone or the napkins with crumbs. It then flies back to a perch where it can keep feeling the harbor and the environment.

    A pigeon will walk next to you as if it has a right to share the pavement. These are God's creatures of disease. Rats of the air thinking that I won't kick the wind out of their body. They waddle in front of me thinking I won't smash the light bones of the mindless, food searching, and peasant bird.

    The seagull is much more careful in it's approach. Although it has been semi-engulfed by our bread tossing people to believe it is not in danger. The gull has a rogue look to it. It has the ability to fly out to the sea and sit in the water as its warm jellied underbelly protects it from the frigid water.

    Friday, November 05, 2004


    They say AIDS started because someone fucked a monkey. No one fucks monkies and people.
    Either you fuck monkies or you fuck people. If you cross the line and fuck a mopnkey there's no coming back from that. You can't go get some monkey pussy on Tuesday and then call Cheryl on Thursday. Either you fuck monkies or you fuck people.

    You know how hard it is to catch a monkey. Let alone catch a monkey and fuck it. What monkey is going to hold still for that? Even as dumb as a monkey is, he's going to look back and be like "You ain't supposed to be fuckin me man." You know how strong a monkey is, that shit would rip your dick off like it was celery.

    Wednesday, November 03, 2004

    Online Poker and Cheating

    I was just thinking about how easy it would be to cheat in online poker. I mean if you have a table of 10 guys playing 5 and 10, and you know 4 guys at the table then you four guys can run the entire game. Let's see if I can give an example:

    Player 1 1st position (small blind)- K of D and 9 of C
    Player 2 2nd position (big blind) - A of H and J of H
    Player 3 5th position - 9 of S and 10 of S
    Player 4 10th position - 2 od D and 8 of C

    Players 1,2,3,4 all know what each other has and player 4 because he is last to act is designated the bitch i.e. the sacrificial lamb (he is last to act - unless he carries a very strong hand) and Player 2 (because he has a strong hand) is the caller i.e. he tells the others what to do.

    Now the unknown player in the 3rd position starts off the wager with a call of the big blind - 5$.
    Player in 4th position folds.
    Player 3 in 5th position (with a flush, straight hand, a good 5/10 call hand) is told to call by the caller. (The only money they steal at this point is the guy who put in a dollar. So they don't push around the table just yet.
    Player in 6th position calls as does the players in position 8 and 9. While the player in position 7 folds.

    This may seem like a lot of callers, but in a 5/10 game you often see 6-8 callers to the flop.

    So that brings us to the bump. The caller, and the other 3, know that player 2 (the caller) has the best starting hand out of all of them and on top of that a very good starting hand regardless. So the key is to play the odds. What they want now, at the very least is to steal the 4 calls on the table from players in positions 4, 6, 8, and 9. That's 20$. So here's the plan -

    Player in position 10 bumps the bet to 10$ even though he has a weak hand. Player in position 1 already has 3$ committed to the pot (the small blind), but the play here is to steal the 20$ not sucker anyone in. So he bumps the pot to 15$, and the man in second position ( the caller ) then bumps it to 20$ and now he has capped the pot at 20$. (capping means that he can't bet anymore). The obvious point of this is to make everyone fold and steal their bets. This is what good poker plays do by themselves : but 4 combined - ugly. So here's what we look like:

    The first go around the table
    Position - Money Invested
    Position 1 - K of D and 9 of C 15$
    Position 2 - A of H and J of H 20$
    Position 3 - XXX Fold
    Position 4 - XXX 5$
    Position 5 - 9 of S and 10 of S 5$
    Position 6 - XXX 5$
    Position 7 - XXX Fold
    Position 8 - XXX 5$
    Position 9 - XXX 5$
    Position 10 2 of D and 8 of C 10$

    money invested - 55$
    money able to win - 20$ 4players * 5$.
    Odds 1:1

    Now - 5/10 is usually a callers game, meaning that it is not that much of an investment to continue your play. But, when the bet you made of 5$ is now 20$ to call or let's say 100$ into 400$ you tend to pucker your asshole a little; unless - you have a monster hand. So, out of the remaining players, all we want is the 20$ of the guys we don't know. And whoever doesn't fold out of those guys, we know they have a decent hand. So let's continue:

    The play is now on Position 4 and he folds. We all split the money anyway, and since position 5/player 3 has a decent hand we make the call. Position 6 and 9 call while position 8 folds.

    So we lost 2 players.

    This brings us to player 4 in the 10th position who had the initial raise. First off, 4 players combined, no matter how shitty your hand, is always better than 3. Secondly, if he folds eye brows may raise because he was the first better. So he is in for 20$. And of course position 1 / player 1 calls as well.

    Close of opening bets:

    Position - Money Invested
    Position 1 - K of D and 9 of C 20$
    Position 2 - A of H and J of H 20$
    Position 5 - 9 of S and 10 of S 20$
    Position 6 - XXX 20$
    Position 9 - XXX 20$
    Position 10 2 of D and 8 of C 20$

    Money invested - 80$
    Money able to win - 50$ position 6 + position 9 + two folded position at 5$ each.
    Odds: 2:1

    Now the cards come out - - whew !

    A of S --- J of S --- 8 of H

    Now what we know is that 2 players stayed in. So we assume that to have quadrupled their bets without seeing a card that they have 1 of 3 things. Either they have a pair in hand such as 8,8 or 2,2 or that they have two face cards such as K,J or A,Q or they could have the worst (for us) scenario which is A,A or K,K, or Q,Q.

    So after the flop our "caller" is sitting really nice with two pair and we also have a spade draw in position 5.

    Position 1 opens the betting as a check. - He has a loser hand and if at all possible we don't want him to invest anything.
    Position 2 "caller" also checks. - We don't want him to scare anyone right now.
    Position 5 betting 5$. - We do however want the two players who we don't know to have to fork over some money to stay around so we bet. No matter how good your hand is (unless you flop a straight or a flush or trips) you don't want anyone to see extra cards. A bird in the hand...
    Position 6 calls - you see, even if he doesn't have anything most players will call because they have so much money invested in the pot. So since he doesn't raise and drive an already large pot higher we assume that this is just him seeing his investment through.
    Position 9 also calls
    Position 10, our lamb will call as well. He hit the board with an 8 of hearts and we always want to keep anyone who hit the board playing because it improves our chances.
    The betting is back to position 1 and he folds. Even though he has a King, we know he would need runner kings to win and beat the aces. We only want hands in the game at this point that can compete with each other. Position 1 can no longer compete so it's a waste of money. And it also puts more money in the pot for our competition to want to call. So position 1 is gone.
    Position 2 calls the original 5 dollar bet. Even though he is in the lead, he can only raise to 10$ here and in back of him position 2 can only raise to 15$ and those raises won't scare anyone away at this point.

    Close of betting after the flop:
    Position - Money Invested
    Position 2 - A of H and J of H 25$
    Position 5 - 9 of S and 10 of S 25$
    Position 6 - XXX 25$
    Position 9 - XXX 25$
    Position 10 2 of D and 8 of C 25$

    Money invested - 95$
    Money able to win - 60$
    Straight up blind Odds: 3:2

    So it's time to take stock - we have a pair of 8's in one hand. We have two pair, Aces and Jacks (top two pair at that) in another hand. We have a spade draw in yet another hand.

    What we can assume thus far from our opponents.
    None of them have monster hands. Not raising after that much initial betting is a sign on weakness on both their parts. You don't necessarily raise when you have a monster but with a flush draw on the board and a high straight draw if they would have had trips (the worst case scenario for us) they would have bet.
    I personally put them, at best on an inside straight draw or maybe trips if they are real shrewd. Trips being the worst case scenario. But 4th street is the tale of the tape.

    Here is comes:
    A of S --- J of S --- 8 of H --- 2 of C

    The 2 of clubs comes out on 4th street and here is how the betting goes as the limits have been raised to 10$.

    Player 2 checks - never lead into others unless you are bluffing or have the nuts.
    Player 3 checks - we want to see our opponents play now.
    Position 6 - when a 2 of nothing comes out players who get to act after others will sometimes show strength to make the checkers think they didn't need that card. Position 6 bets 10$. This scares position 9.
    Position 9 folds. At this point you have forgotten about your big anti's and your small pair or straight draw, with one card remaining, and now a 10$ a bet in front of you your hand doesn't look all the appeasing. So you see most of your folds on 4th.
    Position 10 - Player 4 plays a very import role as the raiser. He was the original raiser and up to this point has been the only strength player at the table. He will raise and continue. More importantly he allows the rest to raise 2 more times before it gets back to our position 6.
    Player 4 raises to 20$
    Player 2 now shows some teeth and raises to 30$.
    Player 5 raises to 40$.

    It is now 40 $ to position 6 with his original 10$ bet. Position 6, unless he has a monster hand and we sort of know he doesn't will fold.
    Position 6 folds.

    Our winnings are 70$. It doesn't matter who wins the hand because we are all that is left.

    Do you see how that could work? I mean i could sit here on IM and talk to people about their bets and what I have and we could make tons of money. Just the odds alone. I mean this is only 1 scenario but you see how you can lean on people even if you dont have anything and more impotantly you are really playing 4 hands against 1 or at worst 4 against 2. You have to like your odds there.

    The key to it all is to never let 5th street happen. If a player calls that 40$ bet we made last with player 3 down to 5th street then you take your shot with your best hand. Actually both player 2 and player 3 would have saw the last card. But you don't invest anymore money with player 4. But, the odds of that are slim. The odds of having just about everyone play 4 cards per game against your 4 hands and skyrocket raising is too oppressing for poker. This could work.

    Anyway - that was fun to write.

    Not Gonna Do It

    Sure I woke up this morning and put my head in my hands as I watched CNN but I'm not going to talk about that. I'm just posting to inform you that the site may go back up this weekend with changes. It all depends on when I have time to do it. I'll let the smart people talk about the election.

    Monday, November 01, 2004

    My namesake website will cease to be. I never used it for anything so I shut it down. I forgot to move the .css and other photos etc. But I will do that shortly.

    Sorry if this is an issue.

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